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    Nonsense and No Sense
    Nonsense and No Sense
    Nonsense and No Sense
    Ebook49 pages34 minutes

    Nonsense and No Sense

    By Jonathan Antony Strickland

    ()

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    About this ebook

    A few light-hearted pieces I have written and decided to compile together here. This includes poems, riddles, quotes, short stories and a silly story-like-thing called “The Egg”.

    If anyone reads this, then I would much appreciate a review (be it good or bad) as any feedback I consider most helpful.

    Enjoy! Or don't enjoy!

    Download it. Print it out. Then turn it into toilet paper.

    Totally your choice!

    P.S_ Are you bored. Then do what I do. Take off all your clothes and paint your face and arse bright blue. Then run outside and shout abuse at passers-by... Passes the time if nothing else!

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherJonathan Antony Strickland
    Release dateAug 20, 2017
    ISBN9781370231072
    Nonsense and No Sense
    Author

    Jonathan Antony Strickland

    You really want me to reveal personal information here?O.K then... here's some stuff you might (or might not) like to know about me!Well for starters you can contact me on milthyswinebuckle@gmail.comMy Hobbies:1_Are you bored. Then do what I do. Take off all your clothes and paint your face and arse bright blue. Then run outside and shout abuse at passers-by... passes the time if nothing else!2_Managed 18 keepy ups with ye old pigs bladder once....What's that you say? Not that impressive! Well... what I failed to tell you was that the pigs bladder that I did the 18 keepy ups with, was still inside the pig!3_Not pissing on the evil that is Milthy Swinebuckle, if he were ever to catch fire4_Scratching my arse!5_Watching Milthy get his arse kicked by a three legged tortoise...HA !!!6_Scratching my arse and..oh wait I've already said that! Ah, what the hell. It's a good one so I'll say it again.7_???? **** ???? with **** then ?*?*!8_Wondering what I'm doing during hobby seven?MY most prized possession: Hitler's missing left testicle (NOT FOR SALE).My most famous quotes:1_A step in the right direction can still mean the death of an ant!2_I look down on almost everybody...although come to think about it, it's probably because I do climb a lot of trees!3_You know that poem "if", what a load of crap. Kipling got it all wrong. What he should have said was "If you can portray the ideas you get to a sober man (no matter how shite though's ideas may be), and keep a straight face. Then you'll be a man MA SON!4_HMMMMMM........I think I'll eat my socks!5_MMMMM.......cheese and onion flavour .........NNNNIIIICCCCEEE!!!!6_Ignore the above quote's and instead just read and live your life by number 7.7 As far as I'm concerned you should not judge a fellow person on their looks, sex, race or beliefs. There are only two types of people: 1_Everyday ordinary people who just want to get on with their lives and not bother anybody else...2_The preachers, the arseholes and the gobshites, who want to tell you what to do, what you should be doing and how you should be doing it.My favourite words:...knickers, bra's, boobs, bums, knockers, shit, shite, bollicks, twat, boobs (such a good word it needed to be said twice), gussets, stains, ugabalooga, randy, stodgeflaps, fgkgkujhghrewh, and TURD!!! That's TURD... Got it? No? Then I'll say it again, just in case you missed it...T.U.R.DMy Arch Enemies:1_Milthy Swinebuckle....Beware he who sneaks, creeps, squawks and chortles. He who goes by many names. Names such as... Archibald Stott, Feagus the mostly squidgy, Terrance the quite nasty tormentor etc... but to me he will always be Milthy Swinebuckle (or if I meet him face to face... ARSEWIPE!)2_Mr.Hairy Monkfish... Swinebuckle's main henchman (and suspected bumchum)3_Randy Stodgeflaps... not much to say about this guy except he is one of Swinebuckle's best mates and a bit of a ballbag!Charity work.....Milthy Swinebuckle has been infected with writers tourettes. Only I can help him. I really hope I don't catch it though, as every few words he writes he can't stop himself writing words like..."KNICKERS" or "ARSE" or some other filth! It takes him a good twenty minutes to write and edit a single sentence. I really "NADS" feel sorry "BOOBS" for the "GUSSETS" poor guy......"B...BB...BBB BOTOMSSS, ARSEHOLES, PANTS,......Oh bugger!"PS: Does anyone actually read any of this personal information shit?

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      Book preview

      Nonsense and No Sense - Jonathan Antony Strickland

      Smashwords License Statement

      This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each reader. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

      Nonsense and No Sense

      A bit of light/heavyhearted stuff by: Jonathan Antony Strickland

      INTRO

      Just a quick introduction for a few light/heavy-hearted pieces I have written and decided to compile together here. This includes poems, riddles and a short silly story-like-thing called The Egg. A longer (though still fairly short) story called Doobie Of Death, and a short story entitled Fucked (well and truly)

      POEMS

      The poems need little explanation, though the poem entitled Dragon is perhaps the oldest thing I have found to place here. It was composed many many moons ago. I believe I was about twelve when I wrote it, and although it is but a mere three lines I still have a soft spot for it. Other poems are more current and can best be described as a bit of daftness to hopefully amuse the odd dreamer like myself.

      RIDDLES

      Riddle 1 and riddle 2 where written when I was around fifteen (though I have added a little bit more to riddle 1 to make it a bit easier to solve). As for the others, I wrote these on nights when I was accompanied by large tasty bottles of cheap (though potent) red and white wines, beer, cider or strange smelling cigarettes.

      Below each of the riddles is the answer, though I have purposely hidden it in the simplest of ways. To get the answer all you have to do is to alphabetically minus one from the letter from the jumble of nonsense described as the answer to the riddle. Thus B would become A, C would become B, and so on and so forth.

      So if the answer to a riddle was FROG then the answer described below the riddle would be GSPH. The F becoming a G, the R an S, O a P, and the G a H.

      ……………………….

      Intro to The Egg

      When reading The Egg you might come to the conclusion that this is the biggest pile bollicks you have ever had the misfortune of reading. And indeed you

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