Flight of the Intrepid Monkey II: The Search for the Constellation

Flight of the Intrepid Monkey II -

The Search for the Constellation

By

Mac Zazski

Smashwords Edition

Copyright 2017 Mac Zazski

Discover other titles by Mac Zazski at Smashwords.com

This e-book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This e-book may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you are reading this book and did not purchase it or it was purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Dedication

This book is dedicated to my brother, Mark, who for some unknown reason, enjoys reading what I write. I can’t believe it either, but he is always giving me wonderful compliments and encouragement. Honestly, he does, he tells me things like, This one wasn’t so bad or I doubt they even know you’re alive, so why would they sue you? or even, Mental health problems are something you should not ignore….

He also thinks that many of the things I write about are about him, which is ridiculous, since he has never been Amish, a space pirate, President of the Interplanetary Government or a Cardinal in the Roman Catholic Church, but I digress. Actually, not to beat a dead horse as it were, but no one in the book is named Mark, nor is anyone in any of the stories I’ve written named Mark, nor are any of the physical descriptions of ANYONE even remotely suggestive of my brother. I don’t think so anyway, I have to admit that I did not check, but I’m at least 97 percent sure, which is a pretty good percentage.

Anyway, my dear brother, this book is dedicated to you, partially because you encourage me (and even pay full retail for these literary masterpieces) but mostly because you know where all the bodies are buried and you’re not above telling Mom. Enjoy and remember, not a word to Mom…

Table of Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

Introduction

Zooks, the home planet of the interplanetary pirate horde and many Amish people, is a lovely planet filled with green fields, blue skies and free parking. While the planet has many lovely spots, the one we are visiting is a man-made structure, unimposing, small and neat. It is a little shop with quaint wood trim painted in white in contrast to modest yellow painted exterior. A large window displays a beautiful wedding gown and a tasteful sign announces that you have arrived at Martha’s Bridal Shop.

Inside two women wait for a third to reveal herself in her wedding gown. It is a time of excitement, a time of dreaming of the future and a moment that good friends will share and then remember for a lifetime.

The bride to be, Nicole Stanwich, soon to be Mrs. Skip Tardy, the daughter of Captain Jerod Stanwich, captain of the good ship Intrepid Monkey, steps out from behind the curtain that separates the dressing room from the rest of the small dress shop. With a nervous smile, she looks up at her best girlfriends, Julie and Bethusda.

What do you think? she asked breathlessly, looking down at the delicate lace of her gown and then up at her best friends.

Julie stood up as her eyes filled with tears, Oh my God, Nicole, you look like a princess!

That’s the most beautiful wedding gown I’ve ever seen, sighed Bethusda, and you are the most beautiful bride…

The women hugged, each gently touching the lacy gown, all talking excitedly at once.

I’m so glad you like it, laughed Nicole, brushing away a tear. I was so nervous it wouldn’t fit!

The first fitting is always nerve wracking, laughed Julie, but you look like an angel. Skip is going to die when he sees you in this dress!

I hope not, smiled Bethusda, Panther’s girlfriend whom her friends called Anne because she hated the name Bethusda. That would ruin the honeymoon…

They all laughed and began talking all at once again.

The lady who owned the dress shop, a pretty Amish lady wearing a starched white bonnet, glided in and spoke quietly to them, addressing herself to Nicole.

I’m still trying to get the rest of the matching lace for the veil, she said, her soft voice reassuring. I’m sorry, but with the current shortages, it has taken me longer to find it than it usually would, but don’t worry. My supplier found a store on the other side of the planet with some and it should be here within the week.

These shortages are getting annoying, stated Anne. I was looking for some shoes the other day and the clerk told me that they were almost out of them. How can you run out of shoes? What does that even mean? Trust me; you do NOT want to be around a black woman when someone tells her they’ve run out of shoes!

I’ve heard that the pirate ships might be re-activated soon, stated Julie. I hope so, I don’t think it is wise to let pirates sit around unattended too long, they find a way of getting into mischief.

Did you hear that Gertrude is thinking of getting her own pirate ship? asked Anne.

Gertrude had been Julie’s husband Gil’s secretary back on earth. It was due to her daring truck driving that Julie and Gil and their pirate friends had been able to escape the clutches of the Interplanetary troops and return safely back to the planet Zooks with their furniture.

Her OWN pirate ship? asked Julie. That would be fantastic! She’d be the first female pirate with her own ship!

She was talking about putting together an all-female crew, smiled Nicole. Unfortunately, she isn’t going to be able to make it to the wedding. She has some issues she had to settle back on earth and is going to be away for the next few months.

That would be amazing, laughed Anne. I know some angry women who would love to be part of that crew…

Once you’re married for a few years, Nicole, you’ll probably want to join them, giggled Julie.

I don’t know which way we’ll be going as pirates, smiled Nicole. I know Cardinal Benny wants Skip to stay with Captain Galbard and the crew of the Constellation, but I sort of like the idea of him going with my Dad and the crew on the Intrepid Monkey. I know Daddy is an excellent captain, but I don’t know what type of pirate he’s going to make.

I understand why Cardinal Benny wants Skip to stay with Captain Galbard, stated Julie. He’s a nice man, but he needs watching.

So, does Daddy, said Nicole softly.

They all do, honey, stated Anne. You can’t leave men running around on their own, you’re just asking for trouble and they’re worse when they get in groups. Panther is the sweetest, smartest, sexiest man I know, but when he gets together with the rest of your father’s crew, his I.Q. drops about eighty percent.

Gil doesn’t do well in groups, stated Julie. Of course, he’s got problems being on his own as well…

Skip is so smart and he’s great in emergencies, gushed Nicole. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with him.

The women all smiled and then hugged Nicole. She was going to make a beautiful bride.

Chapter 1

Peace, n.- In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting. – Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary

It had been almost a year since the great Intergalactic Armada had stormed across the cosmos and destroyed the moon over the planet Zooks. They had not, as they had assumed, destroyed the home of the intergalactic pirates they were seeking, but instead had wiped out a colony of fashion designers, but their actions had interrupted the pirate planet’s routine almost despite themselves.

Since all of the main decisions regarding the pirates and their activities were decided by the Roman Catholic Church, and the destruction of the moon had been considered, as indeed it was, a very narrow escape, it had been decided at the highest levels of the Vatican that the pirates should take a break for six months before resuming operations. The directive had come down from the Pope himself - the pirates were to take a hiatus until the interplanetary government forces had found something else to bother themselves about, so for six months the pirate horde had lain in dock, repairing their ships, buying supplies and generally getting themselves into trouble at home in one way or another. After six months, the Pope had allowed them to restart limited operations in order to support and maintain the multiple hidden planets that their pirating supplied.

The Vatican’s man on the scene, Cardinal Benito Rugatelli, Papal Prefect of Pirates, was beginning to worry, however. A strongly built man with a large nose and a gravelly voice, Cardinal Benny, as he was known, had his hands filled keeping a large group of easily distracted, mentally negligible adults from getting into trouble. Additionally, the pirate fleet was small and was struggling to supply the most basic necessities to all of the planets using limited operations. As the planetary shortages became worse and the pirates began acting like children stuck inside on a snow day, the Cardinal decided to approach his Holiness with the request to release his pirates back to their full and active previous lives.

On a viewing screen in his apartment, Cardinal Benito respectfully sat and stared at his boss, the Pope, who seemed unsure of how to respond to his request.

Things are not quiet here yet, Benito, said the Pope softly. The intergalactic government is in an uproar; Scotland has threatened to unleash their weapons of mass destruction if they don’t receive the repayment they were promised on the loans they extended to the government to carry on the war against your pirates. It has made the international situation very unstable.

Scotland? asked Cardinal Benito. I’m sorry Holy Father, but what weapons of mass destruction does Scotland have? Besides, I thought the international community had gotten together and signed a treaty banning all weapons of mass destruction and most reality television shows…

So much has changed since you were last here, Benito, replied the Pope, shaking his head sadly. Scotland is the most powerful nation on planet Earth right now. They loaned the intergalactic government trillions to fund the armada that threatened you and the government does not have the money to pay them back. On top of that, no one thought to have them sign the treaty banning weapons of mass destruction and they said nothing until all of the other countries had disarmed. Now, they’ve sent out an ultimatum to the intergalactic government; if they don’t receive the money they’re owed, they are going to unleash their weapons on an unprotected world.

I had no idea the Scots had nuclear weapons, replied Cardinal Benito.

Who said they had nuclear weapons? replied the Pope, a look of confusion upon his face.

If they don’t have nuclear weapons, then what weapons of mass destruction could they threaten the world with? asked Cardinal Benito.

They’re threatening to export haggis, replied the Pope.

Haggis? asked Benito.

With all the money the government spent on the armada they sent to destroy you, they cannot pay back the loan, continued the Pope sadly. Things are very tense here…

Haggis? repeated Benito.

So many troubles in this world, so many…

Your Holiness, replied Benito, trying to stay on track, the planets are running out of supplies faster than we can resupply them. I understand your hesitation, but you have to remember, even when we get back into full operation, we’re still going to be running short handed. The Constellation is still in dry dock and may never fly again, so we are at least one ship short…

The repairs aren’t going well? asked the Pope.

Holiness, there isn’t enough ship left to put back together, replied Benito. Captain Galbard is a wonderful captain, but he never quite learned how to duck. His ship suffered over eight hundred direct hits. We are basically rebuilding the whole ship and that is not possible to get even half of the parts we need unless you give us permission to resume full operations.

The Pope considered the argument. While the situation remained tense on earth, reactivating the pirates made sense; he could not allow innocent people to starve.

Very well, Benito, he stated. You may resume full operations, but please, tell your people to keep it as low key as possible. Avoid any unnecessary confrontations; avoid any problems where possible, do you understand?

Benito grimaced, I understand Holiness, but you know what I’m working with up here, right?

The Pope shook his head, Heaven help us all…

***

Captain Galbard leaned against the window of the jewelry shop roguishly, his long blonde hair blowing gently in the breeze, his well-formed figure on display in his skin tight white t-shirt and black pirate pants tucked into thigh high Cavalier boots.

Are you sure about this, Skip? he asked. You still have time to back out. I mean, yes, she has the ring and you’ve rented the hall and reserved the Church and all, but you’re still a pirate and running away would be almost expected.

Skip Tardy, Galbard’s best friend and first mate smiled pleasantly. Dressed in jeans, deck shoes and a polo shirt, Tardy adjusted the sunglasses on his boyish face, looking more like a young executive on vacation then a wanted pirate. With a raised eyebrow, he nodded to Galbard; the captain was a fantastic pirate, a wonderful leader in time of crisis and slightly insane, but his views on marriage and commitment were more appropriate to rabbits than humans.

Thank you, Captain, but I love Nicole and I want to marry her.

Galbard rolled his eyes briefly before admiring his reflection in the window of the shop.

Oh well, Skip, I’ve told you before, you’re a great guy, but a strange pirate. Now explain to me again why we’re here? She’s already got an engagement ring and you already picked up the wedding ring, so what are we doing here?

Nicole said she liked a pair of earrings that we saw here and I want to get them for her as a surprise.

Galbard shrugged as they entered the shop, Seems silly to me. If you keep doing things like this she’ll expect you to keep this up and then when you’re married, you’ll have to do all sorts of things to keep up the façade…

It’s not a façade, countered Tardy patiently, I love her and want to make her happy.

Galbard raised an eyebrow, Whatever. If it makes you both happy, fine, I’m not here to argue the impossibility of the situation. Actually, if you could forget about earrings for a moment, I’d like to discuss us replacing the Constellation.

Tardy looked surprised. The Constellation was the most feared pirate ship in the galaxy and Galbard’s pride and joy. The problem was that the Constellation had had more holes blown in it than the global warming theory. The Constellation had been under repair for months with no end in sight, but Galbard’s attachment to the ship had never wavered before. That was why the Captain’s announcement was such a bombshell to his first mate.

Replace the Constellation?

Of course, replied Galbard. "Let’s face facts, Skip, we’ve been in dry dock forever and every day is just more bad news. I spoke to the guy who is in charge of replacing the hull and he said that the damage is much more extensive then they originally thought. Now it looks like they won’t be able to save any of it…"

You can hardly be surprised, replied Tardy. The Constellation endured a lot of damage. It was a miracle it didn’t implode before the Intrepid Monkey captured us.

Can I help you gentlemen?

The voice that had interrupted them belonged to an extremely attractive redhead who gave Galbard a generous smile.

My friend here is looking for a pair of earrings for his fiancé, stated Galbard suavely, I, on the other hand, am available to be naked with anyone I please.

Those earrings, stated Tardy, pointing to them with a tight, embarrassed smile. I’d like to see those earrings.

Certainly, answered the woman, eyes glowing as she looked over the captain. Once I get his earrings, perhaps we could discuss your availability…

Oh, not again, exhaled Tardy.

***

Julie Johnson sat on her sun porch enjoying a glass of iced tea and waiting for her husband to return from the market. Her husband Gil was the Chief of All Pirate Accountants on the planet, responsible for maintaining stock and inventory of all planetary supplies and the man who explained vacation scheduling and pension plans to everyone in his union. She looked out over the fields that surrounded their small home that sat near the garden of the Cardinal’s residence and smiled.

They had both been terrified by the prospect of becoming pirates and wanted criminals, but she knew in her heart that they had made the right choice. She had never been more happy or excited and their new home was beautiful and comfortable. That was not to say that she did not miss certain things from Earth; to be honest the Amish were wonderful neighbors and ran wonderful markets but she could just kill for a good cannoli. Still, if that was the extent of her sacrifice, she could put up with it.

She watched as Gil came walking up, a bag of groceries in his arms. He smiled at her in the special way he smiled only at her and she almost laughed. Married all these years and still excited to see one another, it was an amazing feeling.

Did you get the peppers? she called out.

Yes, he smiled, opening the little gate and entering the front path. I got the peppers and I even picked up some of that squash you like.

Oh wonderful, she smiled as he walked up the stairs and planted a kiss on her lips. Dinner will be ready soon.

That’s wonderful, he replied, his face suddenly a bit nervous. I need to go to a meeting tonight…

A meeting? asked Julie, concern rising in her voice. A meeting with who?

The Cardinal called a meeting, replied Gil, lowering himself onto one of the rocking chairs that sat on the porch. I think he is going to inform that pirates that they are to begin full operations again.

You don’t seem pleased, she replied.

We’re running short on a lot of supplies, stated Gil, but I don’t know if the men are ready. I’ve heard some rumors… I mean, even if you include our flight to Earth to pick up our luggage, the men of the Intrepid Monkey have only been on a handful of raids and I’m not sure they were as successful as they could have been. With Captain Galbard and his crew stuck at home with no ship…

Frankly I worry about Captain Stanwich, replied Julie, concern causing her to frown. What if they got captured, so close to the wedding…just think of poor Nicole…

Nicole was Captain Stanwich’s daughter and had become a great friend to both Julie and Gil. The three of them and Nicole’s fiancé, Skip, often went out together. The idea that something might happen to Nicole’s father was disturbing to say the least.

Perhaps you should come to the meeting tonight, stated Gil anxiously.

Gil knew his shortcomings and that he was not the best spokesman and that there were times when his thoughts tended to wander. It was not that he did not pay attention exactly, he did, but occasionally a thought would cross his mind and he would examine it and then he would miss something important that was being said. If Julie came, there would be at least one rational person in the room. It was not that he was not rational, especially compared to many of their friends, but sometimes he to find himself being talked into things that he should probably have not gotten involved in.

Take for instance the entire decision to come to Zooks in the first place. Now he was firmly against it, but the others thought it would do no harm. Now as it turned out, things had worked out fine, but he had voted no and he would have never come here. Not initially that is, now he loved it here, you could not keep him away, and Julie, well Julie had really blossomed here. Well, no, that wasn’t completely true, his Julie had blossomed every day they were together, but here, their love had become even more intense, their love had blossomed, yes, that was what he meant, their love for one another had blossomed.

Yes, he stated seriously, I think you should come tonight…

I just said that I would, replied Julie. Didn’t you hear me Gil? I just said I would. Were you not paying attention?

I was thinking about how sometimes I don’t pay attention, he stated.

And that caused you not to pay attention, she replied.

Yes, he agreed.

Well stop thinking about how you don’t pay attention and pay attention, she cautioned. We’re going to need to listen and respond tonight. If the Cardinal is going to announce what you think he is going to announce, then we all had better be on our toes.

You’re right, of course, he replied sheepishly.

Where had that saying come from, on our toes?