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    Dads Just Want to Have Pun!
    Dads Just Want to Have Pun!
    Dads Just Want to Have Pun!
    Ebook110 pages1 hour

    Dads Just Want to Have Pun!

    By Josh Kilen

    ()

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    About this ebook

    Do you love puns, bad jokes, and humor that only Dads, and Dads-in-Training, can appreciate? From terrible puns to tall tales that will have your audience groaning with laughter, this book has everything you need to tell awfully funny jokes. 
     
    If you’re a Dad, you will love it. If you’re a child, you will grow wiser and more wonderful in your father’s eyes with each terrible but hilarious joke you tell him.  
     
    Do yourself a favor, get this book and become the life of the party, an instant wit, and possibly your father’s favorite child.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherCantonfield Publishing
    Release dateAug 31, 2017
    ISBN9781386407232
    Dads Just Want to Have Pun!
    Author

    Josh Kilen

    Josh began writing books at age 8 and hasn't stopped telling stories. He has written more than 30 books across several genres, from children's books to business non-fiction.  

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      Book preview

      Dads Just Want to Have Pun! - Josh Kilen

      Introduction

      Dads love puns. As a man becomes a father, he is forced to accept that he loves cheesy wordplay. Dads also love that awkward moment after saying a truly awful pun, and before his child’s realization that he or she has been assaulted by a terrible joke. I know that’s what happened with me. 

      A Dad’s love of puns doesn’t happen all at once. It’s not like my son was born and suddenly I started shouting punny lines at the nurse and doctor. It’s not a virus. But it might be a slowly infecting disease, passed down from father to male child throughout history. One day I groaned at puns, and before I knew it I was laughing at them and making my own. 

      I’ve accepted it now.

      This book is a celebration of puns, jokes, and humor that only Dads can appreciate. If you’re a Dad, you will love it. If you’re a child, you will grow wiser and more wonderful in your father’s eyes with each terrible but hilarious joke you tell. I know they say they love you unconditionally, and all the kids equally... but jokes help. Trust me.

      So, do your Dad a solid. Give him this book that he’ll probably put in the bathroom and read while he poops. He’ll howl with laughter and torture you with Dad puns for the next year. But at least you’ll be his favorite.

      35 Amazing

      Jokes and Puns

      ––––––––

      - 1 - 

      Mario Pazzoli, a famous Italian chef, died recently of a terminal illness. Although he pastaway, he will be remembered fonduly. At his funeral, his brother gave a beautiful eulogy. He said, You Cannoli do so much to save your loved ones. Now Mario is just a pizza history.

      - 2 - 

      I had to quit my job as a personal trainer. I’m just too scrawny. I gave them my too weak notice.

      - 3 - 

      Cindy the Cow was so pleased to receive a very prestigious award that recognized her for being outstanding in her field.

      - 4 - 

      An elementary school teacher in Los Angeles asks her class who their favorite basketball team is. All the students say the Lakers, but one little girl says hers is the Warriors. 

      Why are you a Warriors fan? the teacher asks. 

      Because my Mom is a Warriors fan, and my Dad is a Warriors fan! the girl replies. 

      The teacher said, Well you shouldn’t just follow what your parents think. What if your mom was a moron and your dad was a moron? 

      The girl says, Then I’d be a Lakers fan!

      - 5 - 

      A bacterium stolls into a restaurant, and walks straight back into the kitchen, ignoring everyone’s inquisitive looks. 

      Once in the back, the head chef looks over and sees him. Hey, you can’t be back here! Employees only.

      The bacteria nods and says, It’s okay, I’m staph.

      - 6 - 

      A neutron walks into a bar and asks, How much for a drink? 

      To which the bartender replies, For you, no charge.

      - 7 - 

      A German man travels to Poland. Once he gets to the border, he is stopped by Polish Immigration. 

      Occupation? they ask him.

      No, just a holiday.

      - 8 - 

      A British man leaves on vacation to Australia. Once he arrives, the customs guard asks him, Do you have any criminal record?

      The British man looks a bit worried and responds, I’m sorry, I wasn’t aware that was still required.

      - 9 - 

      What did 8 say to 3?

      WE’RE GETTING YOU TO THE HOSPITAL! JUST HOLD ON!

      - 10- 

      What did the O say to the Q?

      Put that thing away!

      - 11 - 

      What did 0 say to 8?

      Nice belt

      - 12 - 

      A man walks into a Mexican restaurant and takes a seat. Before he orders a his food, a waiter comes by and places a bowl of tortilla chips in front of him. 

      Before the man can reach for a chip, they say, Hey, you’re a handsome fellow.

      The man is shocked, but tries to ignore the chips and orders a soda. The chips say, Ooooh that drink is delicious. Great choice. You’re a very smart man.

      Starting to freak out, the guy says to the waiter, "Hey what the heck, this bowl of chips keeps saying nice things to

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