We Live in Bodies
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"You will close this book exhilarated by its quirky, passionate poems and grateful for its huge heart fired and fed by a prodigious imagination. This is brilliant, urgent work."—Thomas Lux
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We Live in Bodies - Ellen Doré Watson
ONE
Wafer
Why on a perfectly crisp January day did you change
your month-old arrangement of cells and simply
dissolve into nothingness like a communion wafer
in one more sinner’s mouth? Finally, to have a seed
take root inside the part of me I never learned
to own, finally after so many graphs and new months’
blood, so many folded hands sprouting from white
sleeves over desktops, so many reverent moments after sex
with the bowl of me tipped up and waiting, a nest
of twenty minutes, as he tilted a water glass to my lips
how many times before sleep, and now—four slim weeks
after you became a matter of blessed fact, a euphoric
knot of nausea I sat hugging, grinning my goofy
we beat the odds grin—to have you dead in there,
a bit of the bit you are leaking down my thigh:
how could you leave us here, two people with every reason
to rage and no one to call cruel?
It Will Take How Long
1
My father’s sermons lasted twenty minutes. Finally
we get to sing the last hymn. Ten-thousand-sixty minutes
until the next possible funny story featuring me
or my brothers. Time is like money: grown-ups
control it. Worms and their bloody pulp
on wet asphalt, all because adults hurry so—
except when they’re locked in the long tube
their voices make. Think of the wait
before they notice a child can pour her own milk
—and the way they calibrate the shaky
white flow of confidence. Time is not kind
to children except when they sleep. Are we
there yet? Am I me yet? It will take
how long to build this mirror?
2
It takes as long to cook black beans as to drive to the shore. It takes as long to sweat as to blink. As long to weed the garden as you have. It takes as long to fall in love as to fall out. I can iron six shirts in four commercials. It takes as long for the sun to creep across the rug to my thigh as it does for me to decide not to tell one brother what the other has said. As long for the bud to open as she took dying. It takes me longer to wake than to fall asleep. Thoughts rise up and brush past cobwebs, too soft to set a rhythm. The beans are done.
3
I can part time like filmy curtains, or slap it aside—
any strategy so as not to get stuck. It’s taken a long
necklace of years to learn this. Everything but our pagan,
automatic breathing is a choice we make in time
or time makes for us. Are you facing yourself or a door?
I have complained away a lot of years, handed over