Ed Dean Is Queer: a novel

one

1

Benita Ryan knew something was terribly wrong when she turned onto Orange Blossom Court and saw the house ablaze with light. The gate was already open and three police cars were parked in her driveway. She got out of her car, hurried across the front lawn and rushed up the front steps toward the man in blue uniform standing by one of the pink columns that flanked the entrance of her home.

What happened?

Now don’t you worry, Miss Ryan. It’s nothing serious.

What do you mean, nothing serious?

Looks like someone broke into the house while you were away.

Broke into my house?

Well, I don’t think they had enough time to take anything of value. Probably some kids by the looks of it. Out for kicks. The usual vandalism.

How long ago did it happen?

I’d say about an hour ago. We got here right after the alarm went off. Whoever it was left before we got here. Must have had ten minutes or fifteen at the most.

Have you looked for them?

We’ve searched the whole house and the grounds. Now if you have any more trouble tonight, just call this number and we’ll send someone out right away.

She walked through each room to reassure herself that they had really gone and to take inventory of any damage. On the first floor everything seemed to be in its place except for the broken window through which the intruder entered the house. On her way up to the second floor she bent down to pick up a child’s crayon on the stairs.

All her cosmetics and toiletries had been dumped into the bathtub in her dressing room. The dresses had been pulled from their hangers in her closet and lay in a heap on the floor. And the rest of her clothes had been pulled out from all her drawers. She wanted to scream then and there but restrained herself.

Her husband’s study was a shambles. The desk and files ransacked. Papers and books scattered everywhere. And on the wall in bright red crayon someone had written, ED DEAN IS QUEER.

How vile, how utterly filthy and depraved! she cried out as she began to scrub the wall. Oh, God, what have I done to deserve this?

The sponge in her hand and the bucket of water were soon the color of blood.

Oh Jesus, Blood of the Lamb, she cried, save me from this terribly sinful world!

From time to time she paused to brush back loose strands of hair from her damp face and to wipe her eyes with the back of her left hand.

Help me, sweet Jesus, she prayed as she dumped the dirty water and the sponge into the toilet and flushed everything down.

She was physically and emotionally drained when she got up from her knees and dragged herself into bed.

Benita Ryan tossed and turned in her sleep through half the night. Moaned and groaned more than once as devils pursued her. But as morning approached she saw herself dressed in white, leading a parade of children along a sunlit road. And she woke up smiling.

2

Benita had breakfast alone because her husband was still in Dallas on business and the children were away at a Christian boarding school. She found a vase of fresh-cut yellow roses on the dining room table when she sat down.

Are those from the bush in back near the garage?

Yes, Miss Ryan.

They are beautiful and smell so nice too.

The maid had already begun straightening things up in the bedroom.

Isn’t it a shame, Miss Ryan. All those pretty things just torn off their hangers. I can’t imagine who would do a thing like that.

I want you to sort these clothes for me, Gloria. Wash whatever can be washed and send the rest to the cleaners. And when you’re through here I want you to clean out the bathtub and put things back in order in my husband’s study.

Yes, Miss Ryan.

Benita drank her fruit juice and thought about what she had to do that afternoon.

Yes, shop for cosmetics and call someone to replace the broken window glass.

The phone rang as she was taking her first bite of scrambled eggs and toast

Perhaps it’s Ed calling to tell me what flight he’s taking.

She heard Gloria call her name from the top of the stairs.

All right. I hear you.

It was one of the women from the church calling.

Have you seen this morning’s paper, Benita?

Not yet, Marjorie.

It’s scandalous, just scandalous!

What is?

What the Metro Commission did. Why they went and passed a homosexual rights ordinance right under our noses. I’m calling up all the ladies in the church and asking them to make their voices heard.

I will certainly speak up about this.

You do that.

Thank you for letting me know.

I felt was the least I could do for the Lord was to inform the righteous about the work of the devil.

You have a good day now.

I’ll try. You too. Bye.

Benita Ryan tried to call her husband but was unable to reach him. She then called her minister to tell him about her plans.

I am prepared to lead a holy crusade against them, she said. I know we will win with the help of the Lord.

I will pray for the success of this mission, Sister Benita.

I think we should have a press conference as soon as possible to announce the formation of the Children’s Crusade Against Homosexuality. Can we hold it in the church hall tomorrow morning at ten, Reverend Bob?

That will be fine. Praise the Lord and God bless you, sister.

3

A large tapestry of Jesus knocking at a door hung on the wall and there was a vase of yellow roses at each end of the table where the microphones had been placed. The lights were set up and the cameras ready to roll long before she made her entrance.

Benita arrived dressed in a white suit and wearing a white broad-brimmed straw hat smiling as the lights flashed and camera shutters clicked.

After she read her prepared statement about the Children’s Crusade, the dozen reporters who were in the press conference began to ask questions.

Miss Ryan, why are you urging the repeal of the new Metro ordinance protecting homosexuals from job and housing discrimination?

Because it’s wrong. God doesn’t approve of their behavior.

On what basis do you consider it wrong?

God spoke to me and told me it was wrong.

Someone laughed. Benita turned red with anger.

What do you hope to accomplish with the crusade, Miss Ryan?

Stop them from flaunting themselves in public where children can see them. They should stay with their own kind like the nig…

Would you clarify your answer to the last question?

They’re sick people and they don’t deserve the same rights as other people.

Isn’t that what the Nazis claimed when they first began rounding people up?

I only know that the voice of God called me to this work.

Again there was laughter from the back of the room.

That’s enough. I will not stand by while the name of the Lord is taken in vain.

Miss Ryan, what are your plans now?

No more questions! No more questions!

4

Brandon Harthway always fought hard for what he thought was rightfully his and was used to getting his way most of the time. Now in his sixties he was no longer satisfied with merely accumulating money but was looking for ways to increase his political power as well.

This is it, he told Judge Heinz at dinner as he pulled a newspaper clipping from his pocket to show his guest. This is the issue that will get them. We can’t lose with this one.

Former Hollywood Actress In New Role As Christian Crusader. But do you really want to get involved with that show business woman?

This won’t be the first time, if you know what I mean. And he began to laugh obscenely, knocking a dinner knife off the table with his elbow.

He sat in his office in the black leather chair behind the great mahogany desk while she sat rigidly in a brown leather chair facing him.

Even though I’m not a Baptist myself, Miss Ryan, I am a devout man in my way.

What these people are doing is an abomination to the Lord, Mister Harthway.

And a disgrace to the country too.

If we don’t strike against sin, the Lord will cut us down along with the sinners.

We must stop this moral degeneracy now. People are sick and tired of the permissiveness that prevails over this wonderful land of ours.

We must establish a new order in America.

And stricter laws. People have it too easy these days.

To set a good example for our children.

Absolutely!

I said give her whatever she wants. Whatever she needs for the campaign. But keep my name out of it for now, understand?

Yes, Mister Harthway.

If we can kill the ERA in Florida, we can kill this Dade Country ordinance too. I’ll show those bastards!

5

I got a call from the office one morning near the end of my two-week vacation in Puerto Rico. Julie pulled the sheet over her head when the telephone started ringing. I reached out for