The Naked Truth

Table of Contents

Acknowledgements

Leaving a Legacy

How to Use This Book

Identity Reversibly Changed

A Father’s Love

Agree to Disagree

The Source of My Significance

Listening and Responding

Footprints in the Sand

Risky Reliance

The Birth of a Princess

Wanting the Wheel

Sin Stains

Quick to Listen and Slow to Speak

Sensibly Speaking

Choice Not Chance

The Edge of Expectation

A Priceless Purchase

Our One True Friend

Prepared to Give an Answer

The Superman Ride of Steel

A Storm is Coming

The Presence of Pain

No Matter What

Peer Pressure

A First Time for Everything

The Harvest is Plenty- The Workers are Few

His Size Fits All

The Naked Truth

Masterpiece or Mistake

The Power of One

Groaning to Gratitude

The Gift that Keeps on Giving

Life in the Balance

Creative Courage

Second Chances

On the Heels of Hatred

Dare…Laugh…Dream

Epilogue

You Were Called Here; Not to Stay Here

Hello, My Name is Claire

There’s a Time and a Season for Everything

The Pain of the Promise

What Is Your Story?

Resources

Mill City Press, Inc.

2301 Lucien Way #415

Maitland, FL 32751

407.339.4217

www.millcitypress.net

© 2017 by Kim Waltmire

All rights reserved solely by the author. The author guarantees all contents are original and do not infringe upon the legal rights of any other person or work. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without the permission of the author. The views expressed in this book are not necessarily those of the publisher.

Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation (NLT). Copyright ©1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.

Scripture quotations taken from the Amplified Bible (AMP). Copyright © 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations taken from the New King James Version (NKJV). Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations taken from the King James Version (KJV) – public domain.

Printed in the United States of America.

ISBN-13: 9781545606971

A special thanks to my family

for hearing my heart, encouraging me over the years, and keeping me in prayer.

May you always live to give one life lesson at a time. You have spoken into my life, more than you know, and I am truly blessed and grateful.

Jacquelyn, you are my greatest legacy…

I love you with ALL my Heart <3

This book was finally published due to prayers answered over many years.

We didn’t have the money to self-publish due to various circumstances you will learn more about in this book. Over the course of several years, I have prayed to the Lord about these stories, whether they should be published, and when, or how we could afford this investment. After several years of tears, patience, and prayers, I found this envelope on my door on 1/23/17; less than 24 hours after I gave the book back to the Lord in prayer and His perfect timing. My heart burst with joy and amazement that I would receive such an extravagant and anonymous gift.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us. Ephesians 3:20

God knew my heart’s desire and in His timing, He revealed himself in a miraculous way and I am so grateful. What a confirmation when I read my name and the note at the bottom of the money order checks: Book Publishing. This had to be confirmation from God to show up at my door in an envelope with my name on it. He knows me by name; and He knows you by name too!

"What God can and will do through your book will bless many.

Be that blessing!" Anonymous

Dear Lord,

Thank you for loving me and thinking enough of me to use an anonymous giver

(you know by name) to bless me and the publication of this book.

May these stories bless many women and bring them closer to you.

I pray I can be that blessing.

Amen!

With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.

Matthew 19:26 (NIV)

Acknowledgements

First and foremost, I thank God for the strength He has given me when I was weak, the guidance He has given me when I felt alone, for the forgiveness He has given me when I felt unforgivable, and for the love He has given me when His arms were opened wide on the cross that precious day he died with me on His mind.

I love you Lord.

The Lord gave me an amazing husband who has encouraged me to get this book done. It was my husband who reminded me that I can achieve my dreams and writing this book was one of them. I am amazed by all the walks and excursions we could retreat and reflect on while he was committed to completing his Masters of Divinity. He still took time away from his studies and job when I was crying and needed someone to talk with. He is my best friend.

I love you Hank.

My daughter, Jacquelyn, is one of the sweetest and kindest young ladies any parent could ever hope for in life. When I began writing this book, God used my daughter to comfort me in moments of need. She was the one who gave me the hugs when I needed them most or rubbed my back reassuring me that everything would be okay. She listened to me express my inner- thoughts and without her I would never have written my personal stories.

I love you Jacquelyn.

A special thank you is given to my friends and family who prayed and encouraged me along this journey. I thank them all for their support and belief in me, and for all the times I shared my heart and stories along the way. Thank you for listening.

I love you friends and family.

Finally, I want to thank all of you who are reading this book. Thank you for your support and I pray that these stories inspire you to tell yours one day.

God Bless all of you.

Leaving a Legacy

Dear Friend,

It wasn’t long ago when I realized the importance of leaving a legacy for my daughter. Twenty-three years ago, I began a journal of my daughter’s life experiences. When she turned sixteen, I gave her all the journals and was thrilled to know that she can read them at any time and quickly be brought back to various memories and learn about them from her mother’s perspective. Then I thought how important it would be for me to write about my life lessons, highlighting major events in seasonal order. These personal stories would include my family; more importantly, become a legacy for Jacquelyn to know her mother more intimately. Jacquelyn is my greatest legacy and I want her to know the ‘real me.’

Are you ready to reveal the naked truth? Are you ready to learn through your life lessons and share your story before someone else does? These were questions I pondered for quite awhile. I have read various books, listened to many sermons, and spoke to friends and strangers throughout my life and I have come to the same conclusion; we all have a story. Unfortunately, many of us are uncomfortable with sharing our story due to our personal pain, hidden secrets, or uncertainty; for fear that others won’t believe us, gossip about us, or not even care. If you are like me, perhaps it has crossed your mind that you don’t have a story worth sharing. Everybody we meet or see in a life-time has their own unique story and we will never truly know it unless we take the time to ask, listen carefully, and encourage one another to share it. So, what’s holding you back from sharing your story for others to know who you really are?

Who am I, you might ask? I was given away at birth, adopted out of admiration, feared failure, aimed to please people, acquired acceptance from others, perfectly imperfect, and had a low self-esteem. I lived internally insecure and eternally concerned. I always second guessed myself, feared change and taking risks. I was afraid of making mistakes, never felt intelligent, concerned about making friends, obsessed with physical fitness, and often felt lonely in a room full of people. I was an over-achiever, overcame cervical cancer, and experienced loss from death to relationships along the way. I am now a loving mother, very creative, more outgoing, enjoy public speaking and blessed to be a teacher. I love children, have an amazing daughter and I am happily married to the most wonderful, godly husband. I’m inspired by creativity, finding inspiration in community service and enjoy inspiring women. More importantly, I am a Christian woman, transformed by God, seeking His power in my purpose, holding onto His hope and plan for my life, and desiring to make a difference one day at a time.

Okay... These are just a few phrases to sum-up who I am, before and after I accepted the Lord in my heart, but I guess you must read the rest of this book to learn the details. How we choose to live through our life lessons makes all the difference. I want my daughter and other women to know about some of the joys and hardships I experienced and how I lived through them. I want my daughter to remember how I overcame adversity, and found my purpose through faith, hope, and love only God can give. I decided to reveal the naked truth and write my personal stories in the attempt to leave a legacy and I pray that you would desire to be more transparent and honest with yourself and share your story someday too.

Are you going to keep your story hidden, or will you leave a lasting impression on people’s lives and live beyond yourself? When I asked myself this question, I knew how I wanted to be remembered. If my life were asked of me today, I’d like to know that I lived the most meaningful life I could; well beyond myself. I’d like to know that my teaching, creativity and community projects made a difference in the lives of my students. I want to be remembered for being a sensitive and caring daughter to my adoptive parents. I pray my birth parents remember that there are no hard feelings about my adoption and I love them for choosing life and not abortion. I hope my friends were touched, encouraged, and supported along our journey together. I want my husband to remember me as a loving and caring wife, as well as how proud I was of him for following his heart into the ministry and how excited I have been working alongside him for the Lord. I want my husband to remember how honored I was to be our daughter’s mother and to be remembered for loving her with all my heart. I’d like to know that our daughter, Jacquelyn, will have my life stories so she can know the real me and pass this legacy onto her children some day. I’d like her to know that if my life were asked of me today; she is my greatest legacy. I pray God would be pleased with me and say, Kim, you did well with what I gave you. I pray that if at least one of my stories could touch someone’s heart or inspire another to give their heart to the Lord, the Author of our lives, then my life was well worth it all.

I want to honor God with my whole life. I learned through my life lessons that I will please God when I am completely devoted to living a life for Him and willing to tell others about my transformation. My personal stories will reveal the results when I centered my thoughts and life on Him, as well as the consequences when I didn’t live a life for the Lord or rely on Him. These stories you are about to read are not meant to impress you, but to influence you. They are my personal stories and it took many hours and years of healing and digging deep into my heart to write with such transparency. There were many months I felt as if I was walking the loneliest desert walk of my life. Sometimes not a friend was in sight, but it wasn’t until I walked through these lonely times that I realized I had no place to look but up and not necessarily lean on those around me. I learned that if I could just give all my fears, concerns, pain and bitterness to the Lord, He would see me through all my circumstances. Some lessons were easy to remember and others were painful and draining, I just wanted to quit. I cried through some of my writing and laughed through others. I smiled and frowned on so many occasions as I decided to emotionally and spiritually connect with the truth. I decided to share the details and be as transparent as possible and after writing with such integrity, I feel as though a huge burden has been lifted. Each story became another chapter of my life told and put to rest. God’s truth will set you free, right? Well I did just that. As the pages of this book unfold, you will read the naked truth. You will read about the life-transforming news that Jesus loves, saves, forgives, cleanses and eliminates all the junk we have collected over the years.

God loves you and me just the way we are, but He loves us too much to let us stay there. Kerry Shook

Maybe there will be a story that will influence you. Just maybe one of these stories will persuade you to make a change, press on, and even encourage you to write your own life story so others will know the real you. Wherever you may be in your life’s journey, I invite you to turn the pages and experience the reality that we have been given a limited amount of time to influence others and truly make a difference. When we place God in the center of our lives and choose to live to influence others for Him, His story can be told through your life lessons and His legacy can be passed on from generation to generation.

Say what you want to say when you have the feeling and the chance. My deepest regrets are the things I did not do, the opportunities missed and the things unsaid. Jim Keller

Lovingly,

Kim Waltmire

How to Use This Book

My Inspiration

Often, I would read devotionals and feel the pressure of having to keep up with my reading based on the daily structure of the book. Life would get in the way and the next thing I knew, I wasn’t on schedule and fell days behind in my devotional readings. As much as I desired to keep up with my devotional commitment and journaling, when I did fall behind, I felt like I failed again. I am not saying that everyone feels this way, but when I decided to write this book, I asked several women how they felt when this same scenario happened in their lives and they agreed; it truly frustrated them that they couldn’t keep up, especially if it was a daily, year-long d evotional.

Another commonality was the pressure of journaling. Fifty percent of the women I spoke with wanted to journal and reflect on their reading and fifty percent would rather read the story and move on. Recently, I found myself being inspired by devotionals that focused on events within a month’s time. This allowed me to feel like the end was in sight, but the study guide emphasized a commitment to completion within the 30 days. Again, with busy schedules and other obstacles, I have failed at this attempt on occasions and felt frustrated all over again.

Given my personal experiences, one day my husband arrived with a small book tucked under his arm. Kim, I bought this book from a new author. I talked with him at his booth after the seminar and decided to support his endeavor and invest into his ministry, he eagerly remarked. I read this book in a few days and what inspired me was one chapter after another that detailed how the author came to know the Lord based on his life experiences, in chronological order. It fascinated me to read his personal stories with such transparency. I wanted to reflect on a few chapters, but unfortunately there was no room on the pages for journaling. Immediately I thought how wonderful it could be to journal my own personal stories for my daughter and structure the book so that it could be used in multiple ways. Coupled with my current experiences reading devotionals and my need to leave a legacy for my daughter, I decided to write my own personal life lessons and give women the option to journal and reflect on a weekly or daily basis, and perhaps use the book as a women’s bible study, depending on their preference.

Ways to Use this Book

The following chronological stories are separated into chapters.

* You can leisurely read the stories, perhaps several in a sitting, without following a calendar or journaling.

* Try reading one chapter and journaling your reflections daily.

* Read one story, journal your feelings, and focus on the life lesson for a week at a time.

* Read one story, journal your feelings and share at a women’s bible study weekly.

* Utilize your journaling to inspire writing your own personal story.

Enjoy your experience

with or without a friend during this time

and remember,

YOU

truly matter,

one life lesson at a time.

Identity Reversibly Changed

I was five years old when the neighborhood kids told me my parents were not my parents. You can only imagine how confused I felt. Kids are mean sometimes, aren’t they? Puzzled by their insensitive and persistent comments, I ran home to tell my mom immediately and her response was concerning. We need to talk about this Kim. Your father and I are your parents and we love you like any parents would love their child. But, what the kids were trying to tell you is that we are not your birth parents. You didn’t come from my tummy. You came from another woman’s tummy and she is your birth mother, or as the kids would say, she is your real mother. You were adopted and your father and I are considered your adoptive parents. Your real mother and father were young and unable to take care of you, so we decided to take you home with us and care for you as our own child and eventually we could adopt you and now, we have become a real family. Out of all the babies we saw, you were the one we chose. We chose you Kim because you were special. During these impressionable years, my identity crisis wa s birthed.

I appreciated my parents telling me the truth so early in my life, as I am convinced it took them by surprise the way I found out. Nonetheless, my self- esteem and identity became challenged as the years progressed. I spent 24 years struggling with my identity. In my earlier years, I questioned who I was and why I was adopted. How can my birth parents give me away? Can my adoptive parents truly love me? They aren’t my real parents. What if they change their minds and don’t want me anymore? I reflected on these thoughts day after day; circumstance after circumstance. I was beginning to think it would be better if I just didn’t exist. During these impressionable years, my fear of rejection was birthed.

Throughout my childhood, I found myself very envious of my younger adoptive brother. I felt as if he got away with more things, didn’t do as many chores, and received a lot of attention. I even remember thinking it was possible my parents loved him more than me. I also remember a time when I thought our family was the strange family because my brother and I were adopted. Surely every other family had to be great because they had their real parents. It amazes me today just how easy it was for me to think I was worthless and a bother, even possibly a waste of time. During these impressionable years, my insecurity was birthed.

I became consumed with fear and quite nervous as I grew older. I was resistant to change; I became more introverted and retreated to my room a lot. Sadly, I feared failure. I wanted to please my parents, but mostly my father. I thought if I could make him happy, he would be glad he adopted me. I found myself aiming to please my father and I did everything I could to gain his approval. Despondently, I didn’t always feel I had his approval, nor heard the words I love you. I unfortunately remember moments when my father made me feel that women were second class citizens. I watched my father look at other women and persistently comment about their appearances and body types as if that is why women were placed on earth. I was convinced there was no altering my identity at this stage of the game. During these impressionable years my lack of self-worth was birthed.

I began working out at the school gym, started biking and jogging. I joined the baseball team and even played Varsity Softball in High School. I would jog up the front yard hill with the push mower just so I would feel like I worked out. It was imperative that I was thin, beautiful, and looked like the women on the cover of those magazines; especially the ones my father bought. I remember the movies he rented and the shows we watched and the magazines he read. My father made it very clear that this is what a real woman was all about. During these impressionable years, my resentment was birthed.

I achieved more awards and honors than most people my age. I was inclined to do my best and be the best at whatever I put my mind to doing. I wanted my father to think I was special and that women are also intelligent. I had a longing to be accepted and recognized for being smart. During these impressionable years, my lack of intelligence was birthed.

All throughout high school and my college days, I continually struggled with where I came from. Who do I look like? Why was I rejected? Soon, I found a lot of my focus was on being successful. If I excel at everything, then my successes would outlast my failures and failure was never an option. During these impressionable years, a fear of failure was birthed.

As I lived out my college days, my appearance was the most important because I knew that’s what people noticed first. My father continued to make comments about my appearance which shattered my self-esteem. Some of his comments hurt so deeply over time and his actions were very telling. Sadly, the one I tried to please failed me. During these impressionable years, my identity crisis was revealed.

By the time I graduated college, I was a fractured and broken young woman. I continually feared rejection and failure and I naturally used my adoption to justify my emotions. My adoption became my excuse in life. During these impressionable years, blaming others was birthed.

As I ended my college career, I was stricken with pre-cervical cancer and two venereal diseases with no medical history except a history of one bad relational experience after another. I was immediately hospitalized with no insurance, surgery pending and a reality check. I was all alone and very scared. As far as I was concerned, my identity was irreversibly changed and that would be the end for me. I decided I would await my consequences as I lay there in a very sterile, cold hospital room all alone. I had no one to hold my hand and reassure me that I would be okay. The walls felt as if they were closing in on me. I became more and more isolated in my thoughts of despair. My boy-friend arrived with concern on his face. He apologized for my situation and proceeded to tell me that he had two diseases and wanted me to know it was his fault. I was devastated. I knew my parents liked him, but it was my previous boy friend my father didn’t like. I knew I didn’t have the heart to tell them it was the guy they liked who had the diseases, for fear of what my father may do or say. I decided to lie and eventually told them it was my previous boy-friend at fault. I knew immediately in my heart that I failed myself and I most certainly failed my father. My parents arrived and I felt my mother’s concern right away. My father was immediately disgusted with me. He was extremely unsupportive, called me a whore and said he wished he never adopted me. As time passed, friends were disappearing, boyfriends dared not commit to me, and I felt utterly alone. During these impressionable years, I felt totally ostracized and abandoned.

My life as I knew it, hit rock bottom and there was no place to look but up. Why do we fall? I guess we fall so we can learn to pick ourselves back up. At that very moment, I had to get up, swallow my pride, and go home with my parents for the summer to recuperate and heal. I had to pay my consequences, physically and emotionally. During these impressionable years, I felt humiliated and unforgivable.

It took me two more years before I realized my true-identity. Perhaps I never would have realized the answer had I not experienced these trials and tribulations. When I fell I always looked up to see who was there to hold my hand and guide me. Sadly, I never saw anyone. It took time for me to realize my eyes were on those around me or my own circumstances, and they were never on the One who was there all along.

God knocked on my heart and whispered, Kim, your identity is in me. Your identity is reversibly changed through me. Just open your heart and let me in. I will change you for eternity.

It was an instant revelation. I was looking up towards God and never realized it. I remembered all the times I felt rejected, insecure, worthless, resentful, unintelligent, fearful, ostracized, abandoned, humiliated and unforgivable. Throughout these emotions and tragic times in my life, the One I should have been reaching towards was there reaching out His hands ready to pull me towards Him all along. It was the Lord and I never truly saw Him.

Revelation 3:20

Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with me. NKJV

I decided I didn’t want to be indifferent to God. His offer is of lasting satisfaction and we must constantly keep the door of our hearts open if we want to hear the knocking of our heavenly Father. Letting Him in our heart is our only hope for lasting fulfillment.

I remember being told early on in my Christian walk that once I asked Jesus into my heart and believed in Him as my Lord and Savior, I was adopted into the Kingdom of Heaven. What? Is that possible? God, the Creator of the Universe loves me that much that He would adopt me into the Kingdom of Heaven so I can live with Him forever? I was told He is preparing a place for me to be with Him for eternity. God created me in His image. I now have someone who I can identify with for the first time in my life. My identity crisis had come to an end. My identity has been reversibly changed because of what Jesus did for me on the cross. I have unmerited favor and unconditional love from the heart of the Father. He accepts me just as I am. I don’t have to measure up to someone’s standard of performance any more. Praise God!

Romans 8:14-17

For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God; For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, Abba, Father. The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs- heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together. NKJV

I learned that I can have a new relationship with God. Likewise, when you and I become a Christian, we gain all the privileges and responsibilities of a child in God’s family. We are led by His Spirit and even though there will be days you and I will feel like we don’t belong, God’s Holy Spirit will remind us who we are in Him. When we understand our identity is in Christ, we are changed. Our full identity, as his children, exists and now we must choose it. My identity wasn’t as an adoptee here on earth. On the contrary, my identity is reversible and I am an adoptee into the Kingdom of Heaven. As soon as I came to this realization, I felt a huge weight lift from me. Yes, I feel insecure, resentful and worthless at times, but when those moments pour in like a flood, I turn to my