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    Bully Wound: A Guide to Recovery from Workplace Bullying and Harassment
    Bully Wound: A Guide to Recovery from Workplace Bullying and Harassment
    Bully Wound: A Guide to Recovery from Workplace Bullying and Harassment
    Ebook93 pages1 hour

    Bully Wound: A Guide to Recovery from Workplace Bullying and Harassment

    By Leesa Morris

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    About this ebook

    This book will step you through the impact of workplace bullying and help you to understand your reaction. You will be given exercises and processes to recover from the ‘wound’ a bully creates in your physical, emotional and psychological life. There are even some tips to bully-proof your future.

    Any of the steps in this book can be adapted to recovering from any type of bullying and can be applied to children and teens.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherBookBaby
    Release dateOct 20, 2017
    ISBN9781925590937
    Bully Wound: A Guide to Recovery from Workplace Bullying and Harassment

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      Book preview

      Bully Wound - Leesa Morris

      References

      The Hit

      You literally wake up one day and realise you just can’t do it anymore. ‘It’ being facing ‘them’. Not only does the thought of seeing your bully make you want to roll over and pretend the world isn’t happening, you start to feel nauseated and wonder if you need to make a run for the bathroom. While you’re searching for the will to get up, a voice in your head screams ‘Noooooo!!!’

      You, my friend, have a ‘bully wound’.

      This can be a confusing and frustrating time. After all, you’re a strong and capable adult and it’s not like you’re being violently assaulted every day, so what’s the problem? There’s a competing urge to give yourself a strong talking to and to ‘suck it up’, and you can—for a couple of seconds, and then you deflate again. The feeling of exhaustion is coming from the inside, so you make yourself a coffee, putting the milk away in the dishwasher. Then you sit and realise you’re not going in today and there’s a fleeting sense of relief that you desperately try to hold onto. While you can catch this space of not thinking or feeling for a second, it doesn’t last long before the worry and the fear and the shame and the guilt come back. ‘Just a day off,’ you say to yourself, and you can imagine the headache you’re going to use as an excuse when you call in sick.

      Now you’ve decided to stay home, you don’t quite know what to do with yourself. You need something to make you feel miles better so you can get back to work tomorrow, but you can’t think what to do. To be fair, it’s a big ask to magically feel back to your old self in 24 hours, but surely it can’t be that hard. What normally makes you feel rested and energetic? Watching some television or reading seems too complicated, and deciding what to watch or read is a bit like hard work. Having a shower feels like such an effort … Maybe just back to bed for a nap?

      A couple of hours later you wake up and realise you need to call in to work. Immediately your throat dries up, a knot forms in your stomach and that headache has become a reality. You think about how you can do it without having to speak to anyone. Text message? Email? Call and pray you hit voicemail?

      You head for the bathroom; that coffee you almost drank isn’t sitting so well. You’re surprised to notice tears come to your eyes at the thought of pressing any buttons on the phone. You feel small, and that image of Alice falling down the rabbit hole to Wonderland comes into your head. You run through your to-do list and try to think whether there are any meetings or tasks you need to hand over to anyone. Phew … there aren’t. A text message will do it. Character limited … perfect!

      You start typing the text message to say you won’t be in because you have a headache and that you have nothing urgent on today. On the sixth draft you press send and then dive into the shower so you have an excuse that you can’t hear your phone in case they call you or send back a reply that they don’t believe you. Twenty minutes later, after you’ve scrubbed, shaved, cleaned and loofahed every square centimetre of skin you could find, you check your phone and see no messages. Now the panic sets in:

      ‘Did they get the message? Are they angry? Are they talking to HR about how they can fire me for lying and being unreliable? Have they told anyone else I’m not coming in? What did they say to them? Are they all relieved that I’m not there? How am I going to face them all tomorrow? Am I going to need a medical certificate? How can I convince the doctor to give me a certificate for a headache? I should have just gone in. This is so stupid. It wasn’t worth all this. I’m so stupid.’

      It’s hard to draw breath, your hands are shaking and you make another trip to the bathroom. You feel caught between a rock and a hard place: the thought of going in to work was bad this morning, but it was nothing compared to this. This is strangling, and chest-tightening, and nauseating—not knowing who to turn to or how to get out of this situation, trapped by anxiety and feeling sick no matter which option you imagine. The shame of telling anyone this is happening to you washes over you and you feel very alone. You don’t understand how you got here, so how would anyone else? Running through the list of people you know, you imagine judgement and criticism coming from them about whether you brought this on yourself or why you aren’t stronger than this.

      Hang on! Maybe it’s not you! Maybe you have a virus or something that’s making you feel this sick. You’ve read about things like this on the internet: people start acting strangely and it’s because they were bitten by some rare insect everyone thought was extinct, or they have a brain tumour. Perfect! You can go to the doctor and get a prescription and it won’t be your fault! Maybe the boss will be more understanding then and they’ll realise there’s a reason you haven’t been able to do anything right.

      Bugger! The doctor said it’s stress. Stress?!!! Just because you started sobbing the second she asked how you were and used up half a box of tissues trying to answer her questions? No way, a simple word like ‘stress’ can’t make you feel all these crazy things in your body, surely. Who cares what the blood pressure monitor said. Wait a minute! Oh no! How are you going to tell work that the doctor has given you a medical certificate for another week? Your face gets hot, your stomach clenches, you can’t seem to take a full breath, and here come the tears again. Double bugger! It’s all you needed to realise that the doctor was right: the thought of having anything to do with work makes all your symptoms appear.

      * * *

      Once acknowledged, the bully wound will turn you into a red-faced, empty, emotional puddle. This is just the start of it. Someone will ask you if you’re OK, and you’re going to feel like crying. You’ll need to make eye contact with someone, and you’re going to feel like crying. You’ll see a cute cat picture, and you’re going to feel like crying. This isn’t just an elegant moment with a tear or two sliding silently down your face. It’s going to be red and snotty and difficult to pull back. The only way to stop it will be

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