Everand Logo

Welcome to Everand!

  • Discover millions of ebooks, audiobooks, and so much more with a free trial

    Only $11.99/month after trial. Cancel anytime.

    Never Too Late
    Never Too Late
    Never Too Late
    Ebook518 pages5 hours

    Never Too Late

    By Debbie McGowan, Caraway Carter, Ofelia Gränd and

    ()

    Read preview

    About this ebook

    Never Too Late is a collection of nine stories featuring characters over the age of fifty – stories of travel, finding your purpose, of friendships past and present, and of love. Never Too Late brings you to a world where gender sees no borders, where the only way you’re identified is by the goodness of your heart.

    STORIES:
    Trapped by Ofelia Gränd
    Ashes and Alms by A.M. Leibowitz
    The Palette – A Lifetime by Caraway Carter
    Clara by Hans M Hirschi
    To Be Sure by Debbie McGowan
    Nectar by Laura Susan Johnson
    Moving by J P Walker
    Cue The Music by Alexis Woods
    Ocean of Tears by Phetra H. Novak

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherBeaten Track Publishing
    Release dateDec 7, 2017
    ISBN9781786451934
    Never Too Late
    Author

    Debbie McGowan

    Debbie McGowan is an award-winning author of contemporary fiction that celebrates life, love and relationships in all their diversity. Since the publication in 2004 of her debut novel, Champagne—based on a stage show co-written and co-produced with her husband—she has published many further works—novels, short stories and novellas—including two ongoing series: Hiding Behind The Couch (a literary ‘soap opera’ centring on the lives of nine long-term friends) and Checking Him Out (LGBTQ romance). Debbie has been a finalist in both the Rainbow Awards and the Bisexual Book Awards, and in 2016, she won the Lambda Literary Award (Lammy) for her novel, When Skies Have Fallen: a British historical romance spanning twenty-three years, from the end of WWII to the decriminalisation of homosexuality in 1967. Through her independent publishing company, Debbie gives voices to other authors whose work would be deemed unprofitable by mainstream publishing houses.

    Read more from Debbie Mc Gowan

    Related to Never Too Late

    Related ebooks

    Anthologies For You

    View More
    View More

    Related podcast episodes

    Related articles

    • Article

      Left To Lose

      Jul 10, 2022

      Around the time she gives up her name, it starts to feel like this entire revolution isn’t worth it anymore. The world is probably lucky that Kelian—she still remembers Kelian, in spite of everything—is there to pick up the pieces, the way he always

      11 min read

    • Article

      ¡hola Papi!

      Jul 23, 2019

      ¡hola Papi!
      2 min read

    • Article

      Most Eligible Bachelors

      Jun 20, 2023

      Out’s editors pen love letters to the single queer men in Hollywood changing the world with their brains, beauty, and hearts It has been several years since Out released its once-annual roundup of Most Eligible Bachelors. As a list of the “most datea

      11 min read

    • Article

      Culture Club

      Jul 31, 2022

      Culture Club
      9 min read

    • Article

      The Dividual

      Aug 10, 2021

      The first dividual I saw I was six, holding my uncle’s hand in immigrations. Ahead of us was a group of seven men and women, blue masks covering their heads and shoulders. They carried between them a pale violet tree trunk, its roots bundled in a bur

      22 min read

    • Article

      Trending

      Apr 25, 2021

      “I have so many super badass, bad bitch, trans women friends that I’m just like, ‘I bet people think this shit is a walk in the fucking park because of how you get up and get out the house every day and be this badass bitch.’ But I know it’s fucking

      2 min read

    • Article

      Heart Stopper

      Nov 30, 2022

      Heart Stopper
      1 min read

    • Article

      Educators

      Oct 17, 2023

      Educators
      15 min read

    • Article

      Less Labels, Please

      Jan 23, 2024

      Less Labels, Please
      1 min read

    • Article

      Super Power Couple

      Jun 15, 2022

      Super Power Couple
      6 min read

    • Article

      Cherry Bomb

      Aug 11, 2020

      Cherry Bomb
      3 min read

    • Article

      Finding Prints Charming

      Aug 16, 2022

      Finding Prints Charming
      2 min read

    • Article

      The Pride Of Ukraine

      Apr 14, 2022

      The Pride Of Ukraine
      11 min read

    • Article

      It Boy

      Nov 11, 2020

      It Boy
      3 min read

    • Article

      SPINOFFS & ADAPTATIONS

      Jan 13, 2022

      SPINOFFS & ADAPTATIONS
      4 min read

    • Article

      Christmas Carol

      Nov 26, 2021

      Christmas Carol
      3 min read

    • Article

      Cicada

      Jan 21, 2022

      Cicada
      8 min read

    • Article

      Healing

      Apr 15, 2020

      Healing
      9 min read

    • Article

      Healing

      Apr 8, 2020

      Healing
      9 min read

    • Article

      Now The Leaves Are Falling Fast

      Nov 10, 2023

      I watched my wife leave our neighbor’s house, her empty hands shoved deep in the pockets of her red anorak. She came inside through our carport. I met her in our kitchen. “Beverly was really happy for the soup,” she said. “Honestly, it was a little s

      8 min read

    • Article

      Now The Leaves Are Falling Fast

      Apr 10, 2021

      I watched my wife leave our neighbor’s house, her empty hands shoved deep in the pockets of her red anorak. She came inside through our carport. I met her in our kitchen. “Beverly was really happy for the soup,” she said. “Honestly, it was a little s

      8 min read

    • Article

      Ghoulies and Ghosties

      Oct 1, 2022

      Ghoulies and Ghosties
      7 min read

    Related categories

    Reviews for Never Too Late

    0 ratings

    0 ratings0 reviews

    What did you think?

    Tap to rate

    Review must be at least 10 words

      Book preview

      Never Too Late - Debbie McGowan

      Nectar

      Never Too Late

      Nine stories about friendship, family and love,

      featuring LGBTQIA characters aged 50+.

      Beaten Track Logo

      Beaten Track

      www.beatentrackpublishing.com

      Never Too Late

      SMASHWORDS EDITION

      Published 2017 by Beaten Track Publishing

      The Palette – A Lifetime © Caraway Carter

      Trapped © Ofelia Gränd

      Clara © Hans M Hirschi

      Nectar © Laura Susan Johnson

      Ashes & Alms © A.M. Leibowitz

      To Be Sure © Debbie McGowan

      Ocean of Tears © Phetra H. Novak

      Moving © J P Walker

      Cue The Music © Alexis Woods

      This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

      All rights reserved.

      The moral rights of the authors have been asserted.

      ISBN: 978 1 78645 193 4

      Cover Design: Roe Horvat

      Beaten Track Publishing,

      Burscough. Lancashire.

      www.beatentrackpublishing.com

      Never Too Late

      Never Too Late is a collection of nine stories featuring characters over the age of fifty – stories of travel, finding your purpose, of friendships past and present, and of love.

      Never Too Late brings you to a world where gender sees no borders, where the only way you’re identified is by the goodness of your heart.

      The Stories:

      Trapped by Ofelia Gränd

      Ashes & Alms by A.M. Leibowitz

      The Palette – A Lifetime by Caraway Carter

      Clara by Hans M Hirschi

      To Be Sure by Debbie McGowan

      Nectar by Laura Susan Johnson

      Moving by J P Walker

      Cue The Music by Alexis Woods

      Ocean of Tears by Phetra H. Novak

      Trapped

      by Ofelia Gränd

      Charlie Wilkins had everything he wanted—a husband, a daughter, a house that was his home. He still has his husband, but William has forgotten who he is. He still has his daughter, but the roles have switched, and she is now the one taking care of them.

      There is only one thing Charlie wants, and that is to spend the rest of his days with William by his side. But William is living in a nursing home, and Charlie is living…somewhere. Ann says she will fix it; she’ll make sure they’ll get to live together again. Charlie hopes she will before William either escapes or figures out Charlie has left him in someone else’s care.

      Acknowledgements

      Thank you, Al and Amy!

      Sunday

      I couldn’t stop rubbing my knuckles; the winter cold always made the burning ache worse. I should walk home before it goes dark outside. But I couldn’t bring myself to move.

      William was studiously ignoring us—he did every time Ann came to visit. It was like it got to be too much for him. It hurt her, of course, but there was nothing I could do about it.

      I understood why she didn’t see us very often anymore. She had a life of her own, and it was rough being ignored by your father. It didn’t matter that she was an adult; being forgotten was hard.

      Everything was hard nowadays.

      Dad. She reached out to stop my rubbing. Her almost-grey eyes were haunted, and the ever-present guilt crawled up my legs and into my core. If I could, I would’ve saved her from this, saved her from everything coming. I’d sworn the first time I’d held her in my arms nothing bad would ever touch her, but I had no power over this—had no power over anything anymore.

      Let me walk you to your room.

      No, it’s all right, love. I’ll stay a bit longer. I smiled; we both knew it was fake, but it was custom.

      He doesn’t even know you’re here. She let go of my hand and bit her lip. Her eyes turned glassy as she blinked a couple of times in rapid succession.

      "It doesn’t matter. I know I’m here." William did, too. He just didn’t know who I was.

      She nodded and started to get up. I waited; I wasn’t off the hook yet.

      It’ll be dark soon.

      I know.

      She still didn’t leave, and I waited some more, then she grabbed her purse, stopped in the middle of the small room. With a deep breath, she neared the armchair by the TV where William was sitting. Daddy?

      No reaction.

      Ann waited, as did I—not for William to respond but for her to give up. It was the same thing every time. She tried to get him to acknowledge her, and he refused to.

      Daddy, I’m leaving now. I’ll see you next week, okay?

      William continued to watch the TV—an interview with some famous football player. He hated sports, but he kept staring at the screen as if it was the most fascinating thing he’d ever seen. For some reason, I found it funny.

      Ann’s shoulders slumped, and she glanced at me where I sat grinning. Are you sure, Dad? I’d be happy to walk you home.

      I want to be with him. I willed her to understand. It was too much to ask, I knew it was, but I couldn’t leave him. What would I do in an empty flat? It wasn’t home. I only bought it to have somewhere close by to sleep after William had moved here.

      Ann and I had sold our house. She had taken care of most of it, but I’d helped out as much as I could. It was just a building, but it was where William and I had lived our lives, where we’d raised our family, where we’d loved, fought, laughed. It became more than a house; it became a home.

      The flat wasn’t my home. Nowhere without William would ever be my home.

      Even when he doesn’t know you’re you? She sighed.

      Maybe you’ll understand one day. I prayed she never would. For her to understand, she’d have to end up in a similar situation, and I hoped she wouldn’t.

      I understand, Dad. I do, but can’t you let me take you to your place? It’s one day, you’ll be home early, you can watch something on TV and rest. He’ll still be here tomorrow.

      I smiled, though a bit forced this time. TV on my own was tedious. I’d watch something and wait for William to comment, but when the comment didn’t come, the loneliness became more evident than ever—I’d rather pretend to watch sports with him.

      You can’t know for certain he’ll be here or that I’ll be. I want to spend as much time with him as I can. I’ll rest when it’s over. I swallowed around the lump starting to form in my throat. An urgency I’d never experienced before tore at me. I wanted to get as much as I possibly could out of the time we had left.

      Leaving this Earth before William wasn’t an option. I could never abandon him in this place—this place that wasn’t our home but where he had to stay. It didn’t matter that he had lost his anchor in this world.

      It didn’t matter.

      I’d fought long and hard to convince William I was the one for him; I’d promised we would stick together no matter what. I wouldn’t betray my promise for something as trivial as a glitch in memory.

      William hadn’t forgotten me; he just didn’t realise I was now an old man.

      Ann shook her head and bent down to kiss my cheek. I love you, Dad.

      And I you, Princess.

      She put on her jacket and walked towards the door. A few grey hairs mixed with the dark, her eyes were tired, and her motions had lost the fluidity of a young woman.

      She was still my little girl, though. Would always be.

      I got up and moved to sit in the empty armchair next to William.

      Did she leave?

      Yeah, she’ll be back next week.

      I don’t get why they let her in. I mean, what is this place where they let confused women walk around without anyone looking after them? William turned to look at me, his brown eyes sparkling, and I couldn’t stop the way my heart did a double beat. And what about you? Are you some old man who’s escaped from a nursing home, too?

      Yes. I grinned at him. Yes, I am.

      Cool, man. When I get old, I’m gonna run, too. Never let them trap you, I say. The moment you let them fetter you to a bed your life is over.

      Pain stabbed at my heart, but I kept my smile in place and nodded. William had always feared nursing homes. When the signs had started to show, I’d vowed to myself, and him, that I never would put him in one, but things spiralled out of my control.

      William would hate me if he realised what I’d done.

      Hey, do you want to get out of here? William nodded towards the door. I know a place where they make great burgers. My husband takes me there when he wants something. He thinks I never notice him buttering me up before asking. William laughed. Maybe we can ask him to come down if he isn’t too busy working. He could use a break, always trying too hard.

      I wet my lips and nodded. Maybe in a little while. Can we watch some TV first?

      He shrugged and started zapping through the channels.

      Tuesday

      I nodded to the nurse by the front desk. They were all very nice; most of them let me come and go as I wished without caring if I turned up before or after visiting hours—family was always welcome, they’d said. I’d only ever been asked to leave once, and it had been by a substitute nurse.

      He’s a little grumpy today.

      The sigh came before I could stop it. I hoped she didn’t hear. ‘Grumpy’ could be everything from sour to raving mad. They never said ‘he’s crazy mad today’, though he sometimes was.

      Those days, I questioned what I was doing here. My William would never be mean to anyone, never, but on those days, no one was safe.

      The corridor to William’s room was clean. There were paintings on the walls and a few plants to brighten the place up. It had a slight touch of medical institution, but it wasn’t too bad. The beige linoleum flooring was what gave it away, though.

      I forced my eyes to the soft-yellow walls and pretended I couldn’t smell death as it lurked around the next corner or the one after that. The ominous presence that had taken up residence in my chest since William had moved here cowered inside my ribs.

      With a calming breath, I stopped by the door to William’s room and listened. Sometimes when he was mad, he muttered, but no sounds came wafting through the door. I hated the way I hesitated before knocking. It was my husband in there, and yet I wasn’t sure how he would react when I entered the room.

      William was lying on the bed, his arms crossed over his chest and the bridge of his nose creasing from the glare he sent me. Who are you?

      Hi. I tried to smile. How are you today? I wanted to add something, an endearment to indicate familiarity—more for my sake than his, I think—but once when I’d called him honey, he’d told me to stop calling him that since he already had a husband, so I didn’t dare.

      Who. The fuck. Are. You?

      I’m… I breathed deeply. I’m Charles Wilkins. Your husband.

      No, you’re not. Don’t you people think I know my own husband? I’m so fucking tired of this shit. William tried to get up. He got halfway before glaring at me again. One of these days, he would look down and see his old-man hands or realise his legs weren’t as strong as he believed them to be. So far, it hadn’t happened—at least, not while I’d been around. I hoped it hadn’t happened.

      I had no idea how old William believed he was, but no matter the number, his body wouldn’t live up to his expectations.

      Earlier today, I was going for a walk, and this bitch came out of nowhere and brought me back to this room. This fucking room! Have you ever seen anything as boring?

      I tried to push away the guilt swamping my mind as I took in the light-green walls, the single bed, and the two armchairs we’d hidden away in our office back home that now were placed in front of the TV. My eyes landed on a small, wobbly, pottery bowl Ann had made in school. She’d given it to us as a Father’s Day gift many, many years ago.

      They’re worried about you.

      Worried about me? Worried about me! I can take care of myself.

      I’m sure you can, but they’re here to look out for you.

      William’s gaze stuck to the wall. He didn’t move, didn’t talk, didn’t give me any sign he was aware I was there. We’d been here before, several times, but it didn’t make it any easier.

      The silence stretched into minutes, and I couldn’t decide if I should take off my jacket and go inside or retreat to the corridor and come back a little later. Sometimes the moods swung quickly, and sometimes they’d cling to him for a day or two.

      So… I glanced at the clock on the wall. Would you like to go grab a cup of coffee?

      You’re asking me out for coffee? William raised an eyebrow, and the twinkle I had seen so many times crept into his eyes.

      Wings slammed around in my chest, and not of something beautiful—something graceful like a colourful canary fluttering around in tune with my emotions. It was far more awkward than that, like a heron trying to escape, wanting to stretch its legs and spread its wings instead of slowly being suffocated by its crumbling cage. It wanted to straighten its long neck, but instead, it was pushed down by my withering body. I was a coffin of fragile bones and wrinkling skin, a vessel too weak to let go of emotions the size of a heron.

      I rubbed my chest in an attempt to ease the sensation William still could cause inside with something as simple as a twinkle in his eye. I am.

      You pervy old man. I’m spoken for—just so you know.

      A chuckle built in my throat. Duly noted, but we could still have a cup of coffee.

      I guess. William got up, frowning a little when the action didn’t go fast enough. But don’t expect a blow job under the café table.

      Wouldn’t dream of it.

      William snorted. Of course you would.

      I grinned at him. There might have been a time when I would, but pervy old man or not, getting a blow job in the cafeteria in a nursing home wasn’t high on my list. I’m allowed to dream, am I not?

      When I get home, I’m gonna tell Charlie some old man was hitting on me today. He’ll get a kick out of it.

      I held the door open and waited for William to exit the room. Will he?

      Why ask? The heron tried to stretch again as I hid the way my throat was closing up behind a smile. I shouldn’t encourage William to talk about me. It was wrong. William didn’t know I was the one listening, and he was entitled to keep his opinions and feelings to himself. I was sure there were things he thought about me he’d never want me to hear.

      Yeah, he likes when people flirt with me. William shrugged, the motion looked wrong on an old man. I think he likes that his boyfriend is hot enough to turn a few heads.

      Not at all. I loved the way William looked, still did, but what I enjoyed was seeing him come back to me. He had always been the one people noticed when we walked into a room. I was more than fine to hang back and watch him. He’d talk, laugh, joke, and then after a little while, he’d come find me. I’d always loved that part.

      I’m sure he’d love you even if you didn’t turn any heads.

      You think?

      I know.

      William worried his bottom lip between his teeth the way he’d always done when he was thinking about something serious.

      I reached out and touched his elbow. Come on, this way. I nodded down the corridor—the opposite direction from where I’d come. It wasn’t far; I could already smell the coffee.

      William was frowning now, and a knot formed in my belly. We can go back to the room if you want.

      Nah, might as well have some coffee.

      A nurse rounded the corner—a young man who’d only worked there a couple of weeks but whom William liked. Well, if it isn’t the Wilkinses. How are you today, gentlemen?

      Can’t complain, can’t complain. I smiled while trying to read his name tag. I never could remember. Ah, Daniel, I knew it was something common.

      One could always complain. He winked. It’s your lucky day, Will. Daniel squeezed William’s arm on his way past. There’s apple pie today.

      William nodded but didn’t smile, and the knot in my gut wound itself tighter. If apple pie didn’t make him smile, nothing would.

      Why don’t you sit down here— I led him to a table by the window. The cafeteria was, to my relief, almost empty. If William got upset, the audience wouldn’t be large. —and I’ll get us some coffee and pie.

      I can get my own coffee.

      I know you can. I bit my tongue not to add a ‘dear’. But I like getting it for you.

      William didn’t say anything, so I hurried along. I grabbed coffee and put the cups on a tray, cut two pieces of pie and added them to the tray as well.

      When I got back to the table, William was staring out the window, his gaze a million miles away.

      Here you go, honey. I placed three sugar lumps next to his cup.

      William put one in his mouth and then took a swallow of the coffee. The seconds ticked by, and I was almost afraid to drink my own.

      It sucks, getting old, doesn’t it? William looked straight at me. I’m sorry, Charlie. I never meant to become old.

      I placed my hand on top of his, hating the way my voice threatened to break. We fought it for as long as we could.

      We did, and now look at us.

      I nodded. What else could I do?

      We should sneak out of here, go to the lake and wait out the time we have left…together.

      A part of me wanted to say yes. A part of me wanted to take him away from here and never come back, but this moment would be brief. Any second now, he’d slip back into the fog, a reality I couldn’t be a part of, and I didn’t think William wanted to sit next to an old, sentimental man looking out over the lake.

      The heron picked at my heart with its pointy beak. Let’s finish the coffee first. You wouldn’t want to miss out on the apple pie, would you?

      William grinned, winked, and grabbed the spoon.

      And for a short, short moment everything was right.

      Friday

      It was a beautiful day; the trees stood in red and yellow, and the air was crisp. If I’d felt brave enough, I would’ve taken William to the lake we used to visit. I didn’t dare drive anymore, but I was sure I could’ve talked Ann into taking us there. For a brief second, I allowed myself to plan it—a blanket, a basket with coffee and something sweet for William, maybe something to read… We could sit there watching the birds fly by, the leaves falling to the ground, and talk about memories.

      But William always became agitated when Ann came, and she tried to cope with being the forgotten daughter by telling us what to do and… No, it wouldn’t work. And what would we do if William tried to run away? He always talked about it.

      The door to the nursing home opened, and I almost ran into one of the nurses.

      Oh, there you are, Charlie. Relief flooded her eyes as the heron woke in my chest.

      What happened? If she was coming to get me, something must’ve happened to William.

      Nothing, everything is fine now. I just got a little worried when I couldn’t find you. She smiled and held the door open for me.

      I nodded. Am I late? I glanced at the clock—about the same time as always. Of course she wouldn’t find me if I hadn’t arrived yet. Is William all right?

      Yes, he’s fine, just fine. She smiled and started to walk back to the front desk. I hurried through the foyer towards the corridor leading to William’s room, wanting to make sure nothing had happened to him.

      Sucking in a breath, I knocked on his door. The nurse had given me a scare, and my heart didn’t seem to want to slow down.

      Who are you? William glared at me when I opened the door, and I slowly let the air out of my lungs.

      I’m Charles.

      His eyes narrowed as he got out of the armchair. Charles?

      Yes, Charles. I searched his eyes for recognition, but it wasn’t there. I should stop hoping, but now and then, there was a flicker of awareness, a few minutes of presence. It was those moments I lived for—the short seconds when we were ‘we’ again.

      Charles, huh? He studied me. The ticks of the old wall clock that used to hang in our kitchen were far slower than my heartbeats, and the heron trapped in my chest tried to turn.

      William’s lips narrowed; fear grew stronger and stronger in his eyes. Charlie? The whisper broke my heart.

      Yes.

      Babe, what happened to you? He reached out but stopped short of touching me. There has to be something we can do. Is it an illness? Or… He rubbed his forehead. Were you exposed to radiation or something? Panic took hold of him as the heron crushed my insides.

      No, no radiation or illness. I grew old.

      But how? You were fine this morning.

      This morning? How I wished I could tell which morning he was in—I’d have given everything I had to be there with him. What did we do this morning?

      You don’t remember? His eyes widened, and I feared I’d only made the situation worse by asking.

      We had coffee.

      Of course we had coffee! What else do you remember?

      Yes, of course, we had coffee. What else could we have done? I searched his face for a clue. He wasn’t giving much away. We ate breakfast.

      I did! You didn’t. You were too busy trying to get that freaking cat down from the tree. That’s it, isn’t it? It had some disease, and now you’re ill.

      Cat? I winced. There was only one cat I’d ever rescued from a tree, and it had been a long, long time ago—before we were married, before we had Ann, before we lived together. No, it wasn’t the cat.

      I glanced at the clock. I needed him to start thinking about something else. Want to go grab some coffee?

      We just had coffee! I’m taking you to the hospital. Now. He started towards the door, throwing a confused look around the room as he went. I need to pee, real quick, and then we’ll go.

      I sank down on his bed as he slipped into the bathroom. My hands were shaking. I didn’t want him to get angry, but there was no way we could go anywhere. We could go to the cafeteria and David—no, Daniel was his name—had said we could sit on the balcony if we wanted. I hoped Daniel was here today. The few times William got angry enough to get violent I always feared for the young women trying to soothe him.

      I startled as the door banged against the wall. William hurried out of the bathroom. There’s an alien in the mirror.

      What? Oh, no…

      In the mirror. I always knew there was something strange with this place.

      I don’t think there is an alien in the mirror. I could see William getting ready to argue and took a deep breath. It was probably only the light or something.

      You’re in on it. He poked a finger in my chest. I knew it! You’re not my Charlie. Of course you aren’t. My Charlie isn’t old, and he would never lie to me.

      I’m not lying.

      Yoda is living in the bathroom mirror, and you’re saying there aren’t aliens here.

      Yoda? I looked at William. He didn’t look anything like Yoda…or maybe a little, but didn’t we all these days? How about that coffee?

      William curled his hands into fists. "You aren’t listening to me. We need to get out of here. They have us under surveillance. Yoda is living in my bathroom!"

      My bathroom. The heron picked at my intestines. He had never named anything in this room his. It was silly how a little word could hurt more than him thinking I was a stranger.

      Okay, let’s get out of here. I hoped he’d forget about the aliens before we got anywhere near the door.

      We need to be sneaky about it. I’ve tried to leave before, but they never let me.

      Yes, sneaky. I bit my cheek. Maybe we should go to the cafeteria and have a cup of coffee. William started to object, but I cut him off. Then on the way back, we’ll slip out. Fingers crossed he wouldn’t remember when we got there.

      Smart. My Charlie would have suggested the same thing.

      I had to hurry to keep up with him as we sprinted towards the heavenly scent of coffee.

      Friday

      A week had gone by since William last wanted to escape, and I had a hard time relaxing. Every time he opened his mouth, I feared it would be something about running away or breaking out, and I didn’t know how to divert him anymore. I could only drag him to the cafeteria so many times.

      What are you looking at?

      I jumped at his gruff voice. Oh, you’re awake. He’d been napping in the armchair by the TV for the last half hour.

      Of course I’m awake. You think I come to this place to sleep?

      Desperately, I searched for something to say, something to make him forget about this place. My heart banged in my ears. I didn’t have the energy for any breakout attempts today. My body ached, and the weariness in my bones grew more insistent for each minute passing.

      I honestly didn’t know how I’d find the energy to walk back to my flat. It wasn’t far, but I was finished. I’d had enough. Deep inside, my soul screamed at me; it said I couldn’t leave William, and I wouldn’t, but I’d had enough.

      No, I believe we come here for the apple pie. It was Friday; there was a strong possibility there would be apple pie in the cafeteria. I watched William, his blue eyes too alert for his age—too alert for someone as confused as he was.

      Stop looking at me!

      It took me a second too long to look away.

      I said, stop looking at me! You think it’s all right for perverted old men to come here and ogle me?

      No, of course not. I wasn’t ogling you.

      I know what I saw.

      I sighed. The sting of the heron picking at my heart made me sink even lower. I shouldn’t have come, but there hadn’t been one day when I hadn’t. I couldn’t leave William here, but something was off with me today. If it all were to end now, I wouldn’t be sorry.

      You’re a handsome man. I shrugged and hoped he’d drop the subject.

      I have a husband back home, and I do not intend to leave him. Ever.

      The words made me smile. I ignored the lump in my throat and tried to focus on the fact that he did love me. He’s a lucky man.

      He claims to be. Are you married?

      I met William’s gaze and nodded. I am, and I love him.

      William’s lips thinned. Then why are you here with me? You should be at home with him.

      I would be if he was at home.

      Where is he?

      Yeah, that’s the question, isn’t it? He’s on a trip.

      William gasped. He went on a trip without you? The bastard!

      Yeah, no. He didn’t have a choice.

      Oh, but still… It’s hard to be the one who’s left behind. When will he be back?

      I opened my mouth only to close it again. He drops in now and then.

      Yeah? Where is he now?

      I chuckled. Somewhere down memory lane, I think.

      William reached out and squeezed my shoulder. I’m sure he’ll be back soon, don’t worry about it.

      We sat in silence for a while. The morning show on the TV drew close to an end, and I started to long for a cup of coffee. I had no desire whatsoever to go to the cafeteria, though.

      Have you been married long?

      I glanced at William. He was watching me with a crease between his brows, clenching his jaws the way he did when he was thinking too hard.

      Forty-three years.

      He nodded, and the crease between his brows deepened. I held my breath, both fearing and hoping he would remember me.

      I’ve been married a long time, too…I think. He rubbed his forehead, looking lost.

      Yeah? He’s a lucky man. I patted his hand. It wasn’t often he allowed touch, but I figured since he’d squeezed my shoulder, a pat on the hand should be okay. He grabbed my hand and intertwined our fingers. My joints protested, but I didn’t care.

      I miss him. William blinked more rapidly. I miss him every second of every day.

      I swallowed to prevent my throat from closing up and cursed the way my eyes started to burn. And he misses you.

      He nodded. I think he does. With his free hand, he rubbed his chest. It feels like he does. It feels as if I should be somewhere else.

      I didn’t say anything. What was there to say?

      The silence grew. A soap opera started on the TV, and we sat there next to each other and held hands. Rain began to fall outside, drops fighting for room on the glass of the window.

      Do you want some coffee? I was sure I could call on a nurse and have them bring us a cup. We never asked for it, but today I didn’t want to be around the others living here. All I wanted was to sit next to William, sip on a cup of coffee, and forget we weren’t at home.

      He let go of my hand as if I’d burned him.

      Who are you?

      Sunday

      Ann sighed. William was watching sports on the TV again, and I was sitting on his bed, willing the visit not to turn out like it always did. There was nothing I could do about it, but I kept hoping anyway.

      Ann was already looking for a reason to leave, and William was ignoring both of us—like always.

      Did you have a good week, Dad? Ann sat down next to me and took my hand in hers.

      It was all right. Autumn was here, and my joints ached more for each day passing, but there was no use in complaining about it. I was broken and couldn’t be fixed; she didn’t need to be reminded of it.

      She glanced at William. Is he happy here?

      I shrugged. It’s a good place. He has everything he needs.

      He doesn’t have you.

      I’m here most of the time. I think sleeping next to me would upset him when he can’t remember who I am. William turned to look at me and guilt for talking about him like he wasn’t there washed over me. Maybe we should go to the cafeteria.

      Ann nodded and jumped to her feet. I raised an eyebrow at her as I slowly got up. She might not be a little girl anymore, but she was still forty years younger than me, and those years were weighing me down.

      William. I waited until he was looking at me again. Ann and I are going out for a moment. Will you be all right?

      Of course. He turned back to the TV, and I shook my head—football. William hated football.

      We made our way to the cafeteria. The walk became longer and longer for each day.

      It would be better if you lived together, Dad. Splitting you up was wrong. Ann fiddled with her coffee cup.

      There was nothing I’d wanted more, but when we’d decided I couldn’t look after William anymore, there wasn’t any room for a couple available anywhere in the city.

      I said nothing.

      Ann took a deep breath and put her hands on the tabletop. It would make me feel a lot better if I knew you were being looked after together.

      I’m too healthy; they don’t want me here. I tried not to let hopelessness get a hold of me.

      Ann studied me in silence for a few seconds. This has nothing to do with your health, Dad. Splitting up a married couple is insane. Daddy might not always remember who you are, but he hasn’t been alone in fifty years. It can’t be good for him to live like this.

      He’s…content. The word tasted bad on my tongue. William wanted to escape several times a week. Sadly, I didn’t think us living together would change that.

      He isn’t, and you’re not, either. Growing old doesn’t have to mean sacrifices.

      I stared. I wasn’t used to Ann raising her voice and I… Sacrifices? I…I don’t know if there’s anything we can do about it, Princess. I was too tired to fight the system. We’d been fighting all our lives. I was out of energy.

      I’ll fix this. Ann met my gaze, and I realised she meant it. The heron tried to flex its wings, but I couldn’t let it. Ann couldn’t change the world; she couldn’t change the way William’s brain had betrayed him or how my body was failing me. No one could be happier than I would be if I never had to go back to the empty flat again, but it wouldn’t change the destination of our journey.

      I don’t know if you can.

      Trust me, Dad. I will fix this. It’s crazy that you’re not living together, and everyone here knows it.

      They’re nice here. I didn’t want her to blame the staff; they did the best they could.

      I know they are, but the only reason you get to do what you want on this floor is that they know you should be living here, too.

      There are no available rooms. All the couple suites were taken.

      Ann took my hand. Do you want to live with him?

      Of course I do. How could she ask?

      That’s all I need to know. Don’t worry. I’ll take care of it. She downed her cup and got ready to stand.

      Are you leaving?

      She looked far more invigorated than when she’d arrived. Yes. I’ll say goodbye to Daddy, and then I’ll leave you to it.

      But… She’d only stayed a short while. I reached for her hand. Can’t you stay a little longer? I missed her—missed the days when we’d all been together.

      I’ll be back the day after tomorrow. I promise. She’d said that last time, too, but still a couple of weeks had passed between the visits. I will, Dad.

      I nodded, and she kissed my cheek before grabbing the tray with our cups.

      Wednesday

      I hurried down the corridor. The autumn chill had crawled into my joints, hindering my movements. It was quieter than normal, but I was also later than normal, so maybe that was why. Old men like me needed to get their hair cut now and then, too.

      Charles!

      The new nurse, the one William liked, came jogging towards me. My gut tightened, but I forced my brain to at least try to remember his name. I rubbed my neck and went through common names in my head. James, John, David—Daniel!

      Good morning, Daniel.

      Good morning. He smiled and slowed down. Will’s had a pretty rough morning. I called downstairs but you weren’t there.

      I nodded. Rough morning? The heron trapped in my ribcage hunched down. Is he okay?

      Yeah, he’s all right now, but he’s sleeping, so you might want to come back later.

      Later? No, it’s all right. I’ll wait until he wakes.

      Daniel smiled, and I wasn’t sure, but there might have been pity in his eyes. I frowned, I didn’t need pity; William didn’t need pity. What happened?

      He tried to escape. It wasn’t very dramatic, but he got angry, and it took a lot of energy out of him. Daniel grimaced, and my heart lurched. Guilt and worry clashed inside. I never should’ve put him here, but he couldn’t be out on his own. There was no knowing where he’d go or what he’d do.

      It’s all right. Daniel squeezed my arm, but nothing would make it all right. William didn’t want to be here. I had promised him we’d stay together till death did us part, and I’d meant it. I rubbed my face as I tried not to give in to the helplessness.

      I want to be with him. I’ll stay in his room till he wakes.

      Daniel nodded. It will be all right once we get everything sorted.

      Sorted? What was there to get sorted? William was here, he needed to be here because I wasn’t strong enough to look after him, but nothing about this situation was all right…it wasn’t even a little right.

      I like the hair. Daniel winked

      Enjoying the preview?
      Page 1 of 1