Salad Days: Moderation Online, #2

Chapter 1

EARTH, North America, 2067

Guys, when you said you were writing a patch, I didn’t think you were going to go this far.

Dr. Peter Overton stood in a terraced control room with his hands in white lab coat, shaking his head as he looked at 3D character models rotating on a giant screen.

The room was filled with game designers and programmers, who were all stewing in their own sweat. There were no windows in the room, and they’d been locked in here for over a year. Dr. Overton wished there was a window so he could air the place out. All of these people either needed to get laid, drunk, or fired.

You can’t seriously expect me to take this report back to my board, Dr. Overton said. They’ll laugh me out of the room and then ask for my resignation.

The patch manager, a woman with green hair and a nose ring with a blue tank top and khakis, shrugged.

You asked for the best software programmers in the world, Kira Banks said. And you got ‘em, doctor.

Dr. Overton laughed derisively. He pointed to the television screen, where a 3D model of Brocc floated on screen. He wore a white t-shirt and jeans. Daggers hovered next to his face.

I wanted solutions! he cried. Do you call this a solution? Do you call this the face of restoration?

Kira frowned. Step number one when it comes to viruses: be smarter than the virus.

Step number zero: develop common-sense solutions.

He stepped toward the screen, and the room grew quiet. The rapid typing from keyboards ceased.

Need I remind all of you why you’re here? he asked. If only this room had windows, maybe you’d be able to see the panic and frustration outside. There are protesters on the grounds of this hospital, and they’re calling for my head. They’re calling for your heads. Why? Because we’ve got thousands of people in this goddamn hospital hooked up to a virtual reality in which they’re now prisoners, and we’ve been powerless to do anything about it.

He flashed a nasty glance at Kira.

I told you when we first met that I wanted a solution that protected my patients, he said. You nodded your heads, you smiled, you repeated my directions to me, and I thought we were on the same page. The first month you struggled—okay—the second month, I remained patient. And throughout all your failures these last year, I have been your most ardent supporter and believer. But my god, this is ridiculous!

He grabbed a computer and threw it to the ground. The screens changed and displayed test models of Geoffrey Foster. The milk shake had a serious look on his face, and he rotated, and peanut butter cup-shaped drones hovered near his head.

My patients could die because of this virus! he shouted.

All around the room, the programmers and designers looked like children being reprimanded. They didn’t move; their eyes were widened.

You’re disengaging my team, Kira said. And I won’t have it.

"You’re disengaging me," Dr. Overton said.

Kira gestured to her team. My programmers have flown in from all over the world, so before you start attacking us, how about you sit down and listen for a change?

Dr. Overton puffed condescendingly. "There’s nothing you can explain to me that can’t be explained by looking at your models."

Gustave, bring up a world map, Kira said.

A programmer with pomaded hair typed a command. The screen in the front of the room flashed, revealing a large wireframe world map. It was a singular continent, an expansive continent with many terrains.

What happens when a virus takes control of a body, Dr. Overton? Kira asked.

Viruses don’t take control of bodies, Dr. Overton said flippantly. They control systems.

Semantics, Kira said, rolling her eyes. Okay. Sure. So let’s say a rabid dog bites you.

Good god, Kira.

You experience a myriad symptoms, one of which is a foaming mouth and hydrophobia. The disease tricks your brain into thinking that water is bad for you. You can’t get a rabies patient to drink it no matter how hard you try, and if you do, their bodies will reject it, right?

It rarely comes to that due to modern medicine, but yes, I’m with you so far.

That, Mr. Overton, is what this virus has done to Moderation Online. Keep in mind that this was originally a very simple immersive game about the relationships between humans and healthy foods. There really aren't many game mechanics. But the virus has seized the world, broken the rules, and invented rules of its own.

Dr. Overton sighed.

Humans now have an adverse relationship with healthy foods, and a strong relationship with processed foods, which was completely invented by this virus. These processed foods are like an invasive species of animal. They’re destroying the game world.

I get it, Dr. Overton said.

So the only way to fight the virus is to do the same thing that the virus did to the game world, but be smarter.

Dr. Overton looked at the screen. King Carrodias rotated on the screen. The carrot was smiling. Something about a smiling carrot made Dr. Overton nervous.

The vegetables in this world are AI-driven, Kira said. What’s fascinating about them is that they don’t know they’re AIs. They have histories, memories, and experiences in this rich world. Due to the virus placing constraints on the code, we can’t introduce any new characters. But we can influence the AIs. And enhance them. We picked a handful of vegetables we felt were promising, and we altered their lives, giving them reasons to fight. Additionally, we identified some vulnerabilities in the virus code, and we are also attempting to subvert those weaknesses. We've inserted our own backdoor code into a few vulnerable processed foods, trying to sway them to switch sides, but we don't ultimately know how successful that will be.

So you’re going to control them? Dr. Overton asked.

Kira shook her head. Like I said, they’re AIs. We can only influence so much. Beyond that, it’s all completely random…

So help me understand this, Dr. Overton said, Basically, you’re not doing anything? It’s all passive. Why not just arm the damn vegetables and let them go to war?

Tried it, Kira said. The processed foods are OP.

OP?

Overpowered, Kira said. We’ve decided to resort to something more…surgical.

Like specialized military?

No. Terrorism.

Jesus.

Dr. Overton steadied himself in his chair. The screen showed models of Brocc, Frank, and Celerity.

You’re telling me you’ve created terrorist vegetables?

Kira nodded.

A group of terrorist vegetables trying to bring down an empire of processed foods, Dr. Overton said. Wow. Just wow.

The goal is to restore the original relationship between humans and healthy foods, Kira said. We’ve studied the psychological and social constructs that the processed foods have created. We believe we can subvert them with a couple of precise attacks.

At least attacking is in your strategy.

We’re the best programmers in the world, Kira said. If this doesn’t work, then all your patients are probably screwed. If it does—well, you owe my entire team a seven course meal.

Dr. Overton ran his hands through his hair and studied the models.

Didn’t make sense to him. That was for sure.

But he sure as hell didn’t have any better ideas.

Let’s have a cheer for our freedom fighters, then, he said, throwing his hands up.

Chapter 2

VEGETABLE KINGDOM

Brocc leaned against the railing of the blimp, staring at the giant cauliflower spider stomping over the colored houses of the vegetable kingdom. Every step from the spider shook the ground eight-fold, and Brocc felt the vibrations even though he was two thousand feet in the air.

The spider’s eyes glowed red and it skittered over the kingdom, crushing rooftops. Leaves jutted from its legs, and green energy pulsated from its lumpy, purple-cauliflower body like a force field.

Cheesus, sis, Brocc said, sighing. Six extra legs don’t look good on you.

Frank motioned to him from the wheel.

Hang on. We’re going closer.

Brocc gripped the metal railing as the blimp listed to one side and steered toward the spider. The kingdom was still far away, but he began to smell the acrid smoke from the hundreds of fires, conjuring memories of screams that rushed through him like internal wind. He tasted burning flesh licked by smoke and char, saw ghosts of vegetable children chased by flames.

He blinked and they disappeared, and so did the intensity of the fire. He didn’t know whether the sweat he felt across his face was from real or imagined burning. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, inhaling a cloud of smoke.

He coughed and cursed.

Fighting the anger that was building up inside him, he balled his fists and resisted the urge to reach for the daggers on his belt.

So what do we do? Brocc asked.

Geoffrey, standing at the railing next to him, wiped sweat off his lid with a handkerchief.

I haven’t the slightest idea, the milk shake said.

Brocc grabbed Geoffrey and pushed him against the side of the blimp.

You created that monster! Don’t tell me you don’t know how to fix this!

Geoffrey yelled and beat Brocc’s arms.

Stop. You don’t know what you’re doing—

Brocc nodded at the spider. I have an idea. How about we feed you to her, instead?

Geoffrey shook his head and uttered something unintelligible.

Brocc’s gaze hardened, and he stepped closer to Geoffrey.

Do you have any idea what it’s like to lose a sister? To see her die in front of you and not be able to do anything? What it’s like to stand here and listen to her murderer babble nonsense when all I want is my sister back?

King Carrodias grabbed Brocc and pushed him away. Geoffrey fell to his knees, breathing heavily, and the king helped him up.

Brocc stumbled back and bumped into Celerity, who folded her arms and scolded him.

Calm down, she said quietly. I’m pissed, too, but anger isn’t going to solve this problem. Not this time.

Brocc paced around the deck and tried to do as she said. But he couldn’t ease the anger and anxiety that coursed through him.

Kendall, who stood next to Frank at the wheel, fidgeted nervously. He had been staring at the cauliflower the whole time.

Will somebody explain what the hash brown heck is going on?

I didn’t create her, Geoffrey said finally. It just … happened.

How? Brocc asked.

Your sister—I don’t know why, but she tolerated Nutrizeen better than any vegetable we’ve ever seen before. She became a superfood. We kept her secret in case the war turned against our favor. There are several other superfoods along with her.

Is she still … alive? Brocc asked.

Not ‘alive’ as we would define it, Geoffrey said. She’s truly a monster, Brocc. Nutrizeen mutates the brain. Makes one revert to primal impulses. There’s no restoring her previous self. The Caulette as you know her is dead.

Then we’ve got to put her out of her misery, Brocc said. He snapped his fingers, and purple energy engulfed his body. This was a different kind of heat—cool, controlled, ready for action. He willed himself to lift a few feet into the air, and fireballs formed in his hands.

Now you’re talkin’! Frank said. He gestured for Kendall to take the wheel. He pumped his fists, and energy engulfed him as well.

Get us in close, Kendall, and we’ll take care of the rest, Frank said.

Celerity slapped her whip and she glowed, spinning out several kinetic versions of her body that flickered around her.

No! Geoffrey cried, pulling Brocc out of the air. That’ll just piss her off.

It, Celerity corrected. You have no right to defend her. You took her life away.

But I know its characteristics, Geoffrey said.

"Characteristics? Celerity asked angrily. She slapped the ground near Geoffrey’s feet with her whip and he jumped back. She had a life. She had qualities, not characteristics, you sonofa—"

I’m atoning for my sins, but you’re going to die in vain if you attack her like that, Geoffrey said.

Brocc looked back at the spider, and then he stopped burning.

Celerity sighed and Frank’s eyes widened, and they reluctantly stopped glowing, too.

So what do we do? Frank asked. Sit back and watch the kingdom get destroyed?

You haven’t been paying attention, Geoffrey said. He pointed to the hotdog-shaped blimp easing through the sky. It was headed for the castle, an ornate, sprawling orange building with carrot spires.

Monte Cristo is behind this. He’s using Caulette to cloud you with anger, Brocc, Geoffrey said.

Brocc remembered the evil hotdog.

Damn it, he exhaled.

That’s what Monte Cristo does best—he manipulates, Geoffrey said. He’s only in the vegetable kingdom for one reason, and once he’s finished, he’ll make Caulette disappear. That will be the only way to stop this attack.

What is he after? Brocc asked.

The Cube, King Carrodias said, wincing.

What’s the Cube? Kendall asked.

It’s the kingdom’s source of power, King Carrodias said. Without it, our vegetable fields would wither and the kingdom would lose its splendor.

Sodius plans to use the Cube to destroy vegetables, Geoffrey said. The signs were there in our conversation in the Nutrizeen Labs. When Sodius asks for something, he already has a plan to take it. Monte Cristo is following orders. He won’t stop until he has the Cube. And trust me when I say that Monte Cristo follows orders very well. He’ll spare no one.

We have to get to the castle, the king said. I only hope that Lady Duxelle can protect it.

Something is happening there now, Kendall said. Look!

The castle began to glow as the spider approached it.

Yes! King Carrodias cried.

What’s going on? Kendall asked.

They activated the Cube, the king said. The castle is safe.

The castle grew brighter, and a force field of energy flashed around the building, sending a shockwave in all directions. The wave glowed white and billowed as it washed over the vegetable houses. But it didn’t damage them. Instead, it let off a verdurous smell as it ripped through the sky. The smell overpowered the burning and ushered a calm across the area.

The wave continued rolling outwards, tearing through the Gourman blimps and sending them flying, until finally it crashed into the spider. A brilliant nova exploded from the spider’s body, and it let out a bone-shaking cry.

Brocc heard the torment in the spider’s cries.

He shivered. The feminine pitch, the beastly terror—Caulette’s suffering.

I can’t watch this, he said, turning away.

Another shockwave hit the spider, and the beast crashed to the ground and disappeared in a column of bubbling green light.

Wait a second, Kendall said, scratching his head. Did you guys notice how that shockwave only touched Gourman ships?

Yeah, just as it should! Frank said, smirking.

Kendall pointed at the shockwave as it traveled toward the blimp. His voice was frantic.

Then hold onto something! Kendall cried.

The shockwave ripped through the blimp, sending everyone flying across the deck.

Frank crawled toward the wheel as the blimp spiraled through the air.

I can’t control it!

Brocc leapt at the wheel and struggled for control, but the blimp was spinning too fast. The wheel was wrenched from his hands and he slammed into the floor, grabbing onto the railing as the blimp flipped upside down.

Geoffrey lost his balance and fell toward Brocc. In a flash, Brocc reached out and grabbed him. Geoffrey dangled overboard, screaming as the earth wheeled under them.

I’m only saving you because you’ve still got explaining to do! Brocc cried.

Sky became ground and ground, sky. The light from the shockwave mingled with the flames.

Everyone screamed as the blimp tumbled.

Brocc closed his eyes and waited for the blimp to crash.

Another shockwave hit the blimp. And another. Each one knocked them further away from the kingdom.

Whish!

Crack!

Whish!

BOOM!

An explosion forced Brocc’s eyes open.

The deck was on fire.

The sky spun like a furious kaleidoscope—purple, white, orange, and gray.

Everyone hung from the railings of the blimp, trailing like streamers.

They were falling.

Fast.

Brocc felt his stomach in his mouth.

Geoffrey gripped Brocc tighter; the milkshake was uttering a prayer.

Shut up! Brocc shouted. You don’t get to pray for forgiveness!

Geoffrey looked up at him and opened his mouth to say something, but dark ground rushed up to meet them before he could speak.

The blimp crashed, and Brocc felt something spraying all over his body.

Soft. Abrasive. A million daggers against his skin. His mouth filled with it, soft against his teeth like a rugged pillow.

Is this sand?

He couldn’t see. He lost his grip, flew away from the railing and hit a rock.

One Year Earlier…

Chapter 3

VEGETABLE KINGDOM, Eastern District

Brocc balanced himself on a stone wall, carrying a wooden basket of tools—hammers, screwdrivers, nails.

The stone wall zigzagged around the vegetable kingdom, rising over leafy roofs and separating the city from the shimmering cornfields to his right.

The