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    4 U 2 Enjoy…
    4 U 2 Enjoy…
    4 U 2 Enjoy…
    Ebook115 pages48 minutes

    4 U 2 Enjoy…

    By R B Lambiris

    ()

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    About this ebook

    The quirky poems in this book are easy to read and aim to cheer you up, so necessary in these days of doom and gloom. They even appeal to those who don’t usually like poetry (the author included)! They cover a wide range of topics such as corruption, depravity, plastic surgery, espionage, infertility etc.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherWords by Design
    Release dateNov 10, 2013
    ISBN9781909075191
    4 U 2 Enjoy…

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      Book preview

      4 U 2 Enjoy… - R B Lambiris

      After the wedding there was a dance

      Where everyone could jig and prance.

      The bridal couple took the floor

      But as he twirled her more and more,

      A perky nipple tangoed out

      Amidst a chorus of ribald shouts.

      Then Auntie Aggie did the twist

      And caused her skin-tight skirt to split.

      Poor old Monty jumped too high

      And his catheter dribbled down his thigh.

      Just then snacks and drinks were served

      So people gobbled without a word.

      But suddenly sirens pierced the air

      And policeman rushed in everywhere.

      Behind them waddled Sir Jeremy Twat

      The minister of I don’t know what.

      His belly shivered like jel in a dish

      And his monocled eye protruded like fish.

      His obvious toupee slid over his brow

      A whiff of musk hinted at masculine power.

      This vision of virtue strode into the hall

      Holding the attention of one and all.

      He frowned at the buffet with concave eye

      Then Faisal the caterer started to sigh.

      Wife Fatimah soon began to quake

      And clutched down low with a terrible ache.

      Sir Twat cried out with tremendous boom

      To remove all suspicious food from the room

      And take it via the quickest way

      To check it all for DNA.

      Did it contain horsemeat or cat?

      Or crunchy roach or stir-fried rat?

      The guests turned yellow the colour of bile

      And rang up their doctors on their mobile.

      All this time Fatimah heaved in pain

      And on the floor was a large wet stain.

      "Our child is coming, Faisal my dear,

      So don’t dilly dally and come over here!"

      And there in the midst of the bridal crowd

      A tiny baby shouted aloud.

      ’Tis a boy! cried Faisal with tears in his eyes

      After ten girls, what a surprise!

      All guests and policemen were deeply moved

      And had quite forgotten the problem food,

      For Fatimah’s daughters had whisked it away

      And didn’t hang round to hear what they’d say.

      Then Faisal rose to his full five feet

      And regarded the room without missing a beat.

      "Jeremy Twat is the name of my son:

      I hope you’ll forgive me for what I have done!"

      Old Sir Twat with a flush of delight

      Kissed his godson and held him tight!

      Once again Sir Jeremy Twat

      (Minister of I don’t know what)

      Was called to investigate certain facts

      And look into other heinous acts.

      We all know the tale of Faisal’s food

      And Sir Twat of course is terribly shrewd,

      But how did the horsemeat get past the vets?

      And who was keeping cockroaches as pets?

      Was the cat meat fresh or canned?

      Did the rats come from a rabid land?

      So he called on Faisal to tell him straight,

      Who sold the food the wedding guests ate.

      Terror seized him but in due course

      He had to reveal his illegal source.

      "The Fratelli brothers in Soho –

      They belong to the Mafia, but that you know.

      I’ve no idea where they get their fare…

      Frankly it could be anywhere!"

      This enigma taxed Sir Jeremy’s mind

      And he’d need all the help he could possibly find.

      So as usual he called in his P.A.

      Whom he could trust to find a way.

      Sir Twat’s P.A. was Prudence Pratt

      Whose virtue no one wondered at.

      But what she lacked in charm and curve

      She compensated with cerebral verve.

      She herself went to visit Fratelli

      Whose superb store was far more than a deli.

      She explained she wanted to sample it all

      For her sister was going to give a huge ball.

      She also made clear it needed to be

      Reasonably priced and completely tax-free!

      No problem at all! said the man with a grin,

      "It’s not as if evasion’s a sin!

      The transport method is so refined

      That Customs and Excise let it pass blind!"

      She chose not to probe any more at that time

      And called a meeting for agents at nine.

      A stakeout programme was soon installed

      And it wasn’t long before she was called

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