You're Going to Survive: True stories about adversity, rejection, defeat, terrible bosses, online trolls, 1-star Yelp reviews, and other soul-crushing experiences—and how to get through it (Adversity Book, Job Loss)

Copyright © 2017 Alexandra Franzen.

Published by Mango Publishing Group, a division of Mango Media Inc.

Cover Design: Joanna Price - www.joannapricedesign.com

Layout & Design: Roberto Núñez

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You’re Going to Survive: True stories from people who’ve endured soul-crushing moments in their careers—failure, rejection, disappointment, public humiliation—and how they got through it, and how you will too.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication number: 2017915546.

ISBN: (paperback) 978-1-63353-679-1, (ebook) 978-1-63353-680-7

BISAC category code SEL027000 SELF-HELP / Personal Growth / Success

Printed in the United States of America

Praise

This book is your new best friend on a bad day. Keep it by your bedside table, in your dashboard, in your purse, or in your freezer next to a big pint of ice cream. Alexandra will always be there to tell you that you can do it, you must keep going, and you are meant for greatness.

—Vanessa Van Edwards, Entrepreneur columnist and bestselling author of Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People

No matter what you’re going through, you’re not alone! This collection of stories will help you find the courage, focus, and traction to take the next steps toward brilliance in your life and career.

—Todd Henry, author of The Accidental Creative and Die Empty

"You’re Going to Survive is a must-read book for anyone with an ambitious career dream. Alexandra’s writing is encouraging, comforting, and uplifting, with just the right amount of get-up-and-do-it motivation."

—Liz Dennery Sanders, Brand Consultant, Creative Director, founder of SheBrand

"Making art is my thing. Putting it out into the world is not. Even after showing my work hundreds of times, I still have moments when I feel uneasy, discouraged, and defeated. In those moments, this book is like a shot of caffeine to the soul. The stories in You’re Going to Survive make me stand up straight and feel braver, energized, and ready to run strong and steady to the next challenge."

—Kent Youngstrom, Painter

"You’re Going to Survive will strengthen your spirit when things aren’t going ‘exactly as planned’ in your career. Everyone goes through tough times, and sometimes the ‘small stuff’ feels like ‘big stuff,’ but you don’t have to feel alone. Enjoy this witty and insightful read!"

—Kristine Carlson, coauthor of the Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff book series

"Alexandra sets the standard for how I hope to show up in the world as a writer, a creative, a teacher, and a human. Everything she shares oozes with conscientiousness and intimate care. You’re Going to Survive stands out as a paradigm-shifting work that you’ll hold in your heart, as I do, with a permanent sense of gratitude. This book is so fluid, uplifting, and earnest that you may find yourself reading it ten times over—especially in a dark, unkind, or sticky stretch."

—Dave Ursillo, author of Big Apple, Black Sand and the Midnight Sun and Lead Without Followers

When life challenges us—and it will—we need support, balm for the weary disappointment. Alex is here to offer us that. Hearing how others have overcome reminds us that we aren’t alone and that yes, we are going to survive.

—Carrie-Anne Moss, Actress (The Matrix trilogy, Memento, Chocolat, Jessica Jones) and founder of Annapurna Living

"Alexandra has a true gift for making the hardest things in life feel infinitely easier. You’re Going to Survive isn’t just a playbook for getting through tough situations—it’s ray after inspiring ray of sunshine for anyone going through a dark time. As a writer, an entrepreneur, and a human, I’ll turn to this book for encouragement again and again."

—Adrian Granzella Larssen, Editor-at-Large, The Muse

Alexandra Franzen is like a cool big sister who’s got your back, with the kind of humor and honesty that will make you feel less alone and more motivated to keep going when chasing your dream gets tough (we’re talking client-from-hell, one-star-review, oh-my-God-what-am-I-even-doing tough). Every creative needs this book on their nightstand for those inevitable bad days.

—Kathleen Shannon, host of the Being Boss Podcast, cofounder of Braid Creative

"If you want to follow your dreams, at some point you are going to have to step up, put yourself out there, try new things, and take risks. And when you do that, you can be pretty sure that some things won’t work out. When that happens, instead of giving up on your dreams, open this book. You’re Going to Survive will get you back on track, find the gold in what just happened, and help you focus on what really matters. Alexandra’s laser-sharp insight and comforting humor will convince you that not only will you survive, you will thrive."

—Beth Kempton, author of Freedom Seeker and founder of Do What You Love

"It’s one thing to say ‘Never give up!’ but it’s another thing to actually live through the pain of rejection and disappointment that makes you question your work and your worth. When that happens, read this book. It will get you through."

—Nicole Antoinette, host of Real Talk Radio

"Seriously—I couldn’t put this book down! Every story in You’re Going to Survive is filled with ‘aha!’ moments, honest reflections, and raw stories from people who faced defeat, but mustered through to survive. If you find yourself having an existential crisis every few months and often wonder ‘WTF am I doing with my life?’ then this book is just the pick-me-up you need. It takes you from down in the dumps to ‘I am going to survive and I can do this’ after just one story.

—Lindsey Smith, public speaker and author of Eat Your Feelings: The Food Mood Girl’s Guide to Transforming Your Emotional Eating

"Whether you’re a social worker (my previous career) or an artist (my current career) every profession includes beauty—and plenty of challenges, too. You’re Going to Survive is a book that reminds readers: not only are you strong enough to navigate the ups and downs of your career path, but your mistakes, disappointments, and setbacks can be a wide-open canvas where beauty and possibility emerge."

—Kelly Rae Roberts, artist and author of Taking Flight: Inspiration and Techniques to Give Your Creative Spirit Wings

"This book is a gem. I have no idea how Alexandra convinced so many incredible, accomplished people to reveal their most cringeworthy examples of career failure, but I’m incredibly grateful that she did. You’re Going to Survive feels like the best friend who listens patiently to the story of your worst ever day at work and then tells you exactly what you needed to hear to bust out of your funk, reclaim your mojo, and get back to kicking butt. This book is perfect for those disastrous days at work when you really, really need to be reminded that you’re not alone, and that you don’t suck. You will get through this and you will bounce back."

—Jo Miller, Founding Editor of Be Leaderly

"If you ever think to yourself, ‘Why am I even bothering to keep trying to do what I care about?’ then this book is for you. And me. And all of us. We need reminders from people who have been there that ebb and flow is the nature of life and work, not a sign that there is something uniquely wrong with us when things don’t go as planned. This book is that reminder."

—Anna Guest-Jelley, founder of Curvy Yoga, as seen in The New York Times, The Washington Post, and xoJane

A writer, a teacher, a guide, a muse: whatever Alexandra Franzen does, she does it with a mission of kindness, love, and acceptance. I don’t think anyone could better navigate the lowest lows with such wisdom, humor and strength. There’s nobody else I’d want as my survival skills guide.

—Michelle Ward, Career Coach, as seen in New York Magazine, The Huffington Post, and Newsweek

Foreword

By Sarah Von Bargen.

Founder of Yes & Yes.

It’s fall of 2010 and, between sips of lukewarm coffee, I discover that I’ve inadvertently achieved the Holy Grail Of Blogging: something I’ve written has gone viral.

And what’s more, something I’ve written has gone viral via Reddit, that usually-cantankerous-quick-to-criticize online forum.

I watch with wonder as new comments and readers pour into my site. I refresh Reddit and see my article—31 Things I’ve Learned in 31 Years—work its way up the page.

And then the first snarky comment lands in my inbox.

This isn’t wise. Anybody with half a brain has learned these things before they leave high school.

My inbox pings again. As the day progresses, I’m told that I write like a teenager and that I look ten years older than I am. Commenters tell me I should keep my day job (I wasn’t planning on leaving it) and that I used the wrong form of ‘compliment’ (I didn’t).

A day that started with rose-colored glasses and visions of a book deal ends in tears. I eat my feelings and consider deleting my entire blog.

Instead I called Alexandra.

Alex Franzen, the author of the book you’re holding right this second, is my IRL friend and perhaps the world’s best pep-talk giver. You see, she doesn’t just give pep talks via books. She also gives them to her friends, in real life, after trolls say that said friend is collectively lowering the IQ of the Internet.

Good friend that she is, Alex was able to raise my spirits and give me a loving reality check. She assured me that, regardless of the trolls and the traffic spike of meanies, I’d survive. I’d live to blog another day! She reminded me that I could choose to gather myself up, brush myself off, and keep writing, blogging, and publishing.

She was right, of course. In the years since that post went viral, I’ve encountered other setbacks, trolls, and snark—online and off. And you know what? I’ve survived all of those as well.

Maybe you’ve never been trolled online, but I’m sure you’ve encountered your own version of this. You’ve been passed over for a promotion, dumped, or fired. Maybe your application wasn’t accepted. Perhaps you showed up for picture day with a stain on your shirt, a giant zit, and greasy hair.

Whatever the setback, this book (and Alex) will help.

Dedication

This book is dedicated to Suzanna. You are a survivor, in

a million different ways, and one of the strongest people

I’ve ever met. I can’t wait to watch you rise into the next

chapter of your life—and career.

Having a Rough Day at Work? Worried About Your Career? Feeling Frustrated? Overwhelmed? Embarrassed? Discouraged?

You are definitely not alone.

Right this second, somewhere in the world, I can guarantee:

—There’s a graphic designer who’s wondering how he’s going to find enough clients to pay his rent this month.

—There’s a restaurant owner who just peeked at Yelp and noticed yet another one-star review—and it’s four paragraphs long and filled with angry exclamation points. Yikes.

—There’s a Senator who’s panicking that she might disappoint her constituents, that she won’t get re-elected, or that an unflattering photo will get posted online and the Internet goblins will mock her clothes, her hair, and her beliefs.

Everywhere, in every corner of every city, and in every industry and profession, everyone’s going through…something.

Everyone’s grappling with some kind of challenge. It might be a huge challenge, or a comparatively small one. It might be happening privately, or publicly, or even on live TV. But everyone’s dealing with something, and everyone has moments where they wonder, Am I going to make it? Why are people so cruel? Do I have what it takes to excel in my industry? Am I stupid for even attempting this project/path/semi-crazy idea? Why does it feel like my career is a flaming dumpster fire? Will it ever get easier? Maybe I should quit and begin a new life in a nunnery?

I’ve felt that way many times. The person sitting in the cubicle or coffee shop seat next to yours—they’ve felt that way, too.

I wrote this book because I wanted to remind people (including myself) that feeling frustrated, discouraged, criticized, and rejected in the course of your career is actually…very normal.

Every career has its ups and downs. Everyone goes through dry spells, difficulties, and setbacks at some point or another—even A-list celebrities and presidential nominees. We’re all striving and struggling together.

Whatever you’re going through right now, or whatever you’re worrying might happen next, I want you to know: You’re going to survive.

Yeah, you might cry. Sure, you might feel compelled to eat an entire family-sized pizza all by yourself. Of course, you might want to crawl under a blanket and self-medicate with Netflix for the entire weekend because you’re a human being with human feelings and sometimes things hurt.

But no matter what happens, you’re going to survive. The silver lining is that you’ll become a smarter, wiser, funnier, more compassionate person because of whatever you’ve endured in your life and career. Like they say, pressure creates diamonds. It may not always feel like it, but sometimes, the worst moment of your entire career can be the catalyst for a new chapter, a new project, a brilliant new invention or system—maybe the best work you’ve ever done.

* * *

HI. HAVE WE MET?

It’s probably a good idea for me to introduce myself, in case we’ve never met…

Hello! My name is Alexandra Franzen, but most people call me Alex. I also respond to Ali, Al, Franz, and Hey, you with the blue hair.

For most of my grown-up life, I’ve worked as a writer, editor, and communication consultant. I’ve also worked in the public broadcasting industry, which you’ll read about later in this book. And one time, I helped my sweetheart Brandon open a brunch restaurant. You’ll read a few stories about that, too.

But for the last eight years or so, writing has been my main gig. I’ve been blessed with truly incredible clients over the years, exciting publishing and teaching opportunities, and a few projects that have literally caused me to erupt into tears of gratitude and joy. (Spoiler alert: I’m a crier and a hugger. I cry a lot. Sometimes while hugging people.)

Throughout my career, there have been beautiful I can’t believe this is really my job, somebody pinch me moments. And also…moments that were not so exuberant. Difficult moments. Embarrassing moments. Bewildering moments—like having my identity stolen and seeing a fake website that someone created, pretending to be me, passing my work—and my personal stories—off as their own. There’s been rejection, criticism, and just about every flavor of discouragement that you can imagine.

After my first book came out, here’s one of the reviews that got posted on Amazon:

Awful. I thought these would be cute, preprinted notes that I could send to friends. But each one uses the word ‘Awesome’ in some over-the-top, silly way. I am a grown woman who enjoys sending encouraging notes to my friends, but these are very juvenile (think pre-teen). I wish I could return them. Unless you are 8–12, don’t buy these.

Ouch.

After my next book came out—this time, a self-published novel that was very, very loosely based on my real life—here’s what one reader had to say:

Did not finish due to the main character being so unlikeable [. . .] The writing is mediocre with nothing but excessive commas, especially where they’re redundant and never should have been considered [. . .] I guess I shouldn’t have expected much from the writing.

Yikes.

And then there’s another book project I worked on—a journal with daily questions for couples to answer together. I loved this project and I was so proud of how it turned out. It ended up being a number one bestseller, multiple years running. But, uh, not everyone loved it. Here’s one review:

Questions are boring. I expected this to have some depth to it.

Ouch again.

When I see negative reviews about my work, it stings. I wish I could say, It doesn’t bother me at all—not even for one single second—because my confidence is unshakable and I am sooo brave! but that just isn’t true. The truth is that…it hurts.

If you’re a chef and someone spits out your food, that’s not fun to witness.

If you’re a writer and someone posts a one-star review about your latest art project, that’s not much fun either.

And also, let’s be honest…it’s not fun when you’re job-hunting and you apply for ten different positions and don’t get a single response.

It’s not fun when you submit a completed project to a client, and they hate every single part of it, and you have to do the entire thing all over again from scratch.

It’s not fun when you watch your colleague get chosen for a promotion that you wanted (even though you’re more qualified and everyone knows it, so seriously, WTF?).

It’s not fun when your book proposal gets rejected by the thirty-seventh literary agent or publisher in a row.