Limbo Babies: A Poetic Memoir
By JJ Goss
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Limbo Babies - JJ Goss
Aftermath
Delivering the Babies
I have a feeling
in the place
where once babies rocked
secured in the car seat
of my womb
again, they wake me
at night
wet and hungry for attention
it’s been a long time since I was
the unloved child
a misbehaving mommy
bad wife
your life
is too good now
the editor said
I’m losing it
my sharp edge
broken glass
left on the floor
nothing more
than a shattered mess
waiting for a broom
I let them go
I didn’t follow
no longer wanting to collect
shards of shame
and defiance
but I couldn’t ignore it
the kicking
that woke me up at night
checking the watch
between contractions
legs spread
baring down
in preparation
and ready now
once again
time to push hard
and deliver my babies
Nesting
They were nestled together
inside each other
one brightly painted body
designed to contain another
all but the tiniest one
This one is not empty
You cannot take her apart
She has not been hollowed out
She is solid
She is whole
but so very tiny
she’s easily lost
Mom Wore Glasses Like Jackie O
Mom Wore glasses like Jackie O
She had a camera face
She had pedal-pusher legs
She served drinks
in metal tumblers
of silver, gold and green
Her door was open
just enough
for a tiny crack of light
to fall
on the blankets
rising and falling in time
with the clock on the dresser
by the phone
Mom said her hands
didn’t work in the morning
She said her head ached
for the dark
Her veins were clogged
with blood and tonic
but there were sequined dresses
in the closet
a tiara wrapped in paper
inside a chest of hope
a box filled with strings of beads
and memories
tangled
broken
In the shadows of her room
a cast of bottles performed
this time the Queen of Chanel
and the King of Old Spice
are giving it one more chance
They had called off the attorneys
and were now holding
their tiny Bird of Paradise
She will be different
they said
as they walked her over the cracked mirror
She will fix our world
My mother had flamingo lips
She had a say cheese smile
the kind that always left behind
tiny specks of brilliant color
on her straight white teeth
Disobedience
No one knew she was expecting
even at the end
she said smiling
and proud never to allow
anything to show
My sister pulled on her face
trying to turn her attention
in another direction
but she was made of Play-Doh
and small fingers barely made a dent
that couldn’t be smoothed away later
or molded into something
we would never recognize
The words in books
moved through her lips
as she read aloud
in a stranger’s voice
We’d never understand
the cryptic messages
and could only search for her
on every page
The high heeled shoes outside the window
on a rainy day
The disobedient mother
running off to the places
she was not allowed to go.
In the middle of the night
in the room thick with menthol
and my head as big as the moon
She told me of heaven
and I told her I wanted to go there
right now
An Unexpected Savior
After the argument
she covered the walls
in melancholy colors
papered them with glue
and fields of flowers