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    Apryl's Fools
    Apryl's Fools
    Apryl's Fools
    Ebook95 pages1 hour

    Apryl's Fools

    By Erin Lee

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    About this ebook

    One woman and the five men who loved her.

    It didn’t sound so unusual.

    The only problem?

    They were all, and currently, married to her.

    Meet the fools:

    Our wife is a lot of things. I’d waste the day and even more time if I attempted to list them. But the one thing she isn’t is a quitter. To her, divorce is failure. It’s taken more than a year and a shit ton of therapy with Dr. Nora Cunningham to figure out that Apryl is a love addict and, frankly, so am I. In the end, it’s neither here nor there. I just need Apryl to sign those papers so I can move on with my freaking life. It doesn’t make it easy that I just can’t seem to shake her. – Ethan

    Someone ought to erect a warning sign. I’d do it myself, but it’s not like anyone from three states away would even listen to me. I’m the fool who fell for it first. And Apryl? Well, she’s just plain tricky. – Ray

    I wasn’t exactly in a great state of mind when I met her. I was convinced I’d spend my life alone. I’ve never been lucky in love. That saying about the nice guy finishing last should have had my name on it. – Bobby

    Those huge black eyes, which sucked me right in. Like black holes, I lost myself in them every time she looked at me with the stupid pouty lips. – John

    Why is she even talking to me? I could never get a woman like this. - Kevin

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherErin Lee
    Release dateApr 5, 2018
    ISBN9781386567196
    Apryl's Fools
    Author

    Erin Lee

    Erin Lee lives in Queensland, Australia and has been working with children for over 25 years. She has worked in both long day care and primary school settings and has a passion for inclusive education and helping all children find joy in learning. Erin has three children of her own and says they have helped contribute ideas and themes towards her quirky writing style. Her experience working in the classroom has motivated her to write books that bring joy to little readers, but also resource educators to help teach fundamental skills to children, such as being safe, respectful learners.

    Read more from Erin Lee

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      Book preview

      Apryl's Fools - Erin Lee

      Book Layout ERIN LEE

      "The wise are wise only because they love.

      The fool are fools only because they think they can understand love."

      Paulo Coelho

      Dedications

      For the girl who taught me that there really are people like Apryl in the world.

      I pity you.

      Thank you for teaching us what to look out for.

      ––––––––

      For all who have the unfortunate experience of meeting people like Apryl, hang in there. There are a few good ones left.

      Let them find you.

      ––––––––

      For the young man who dodged a bullet.

      That took guts.

      Chapter One

      Apryl

      Present day

      There was a time when I stood for truth and even true love. In spite of what everyone says about me now, I did, and do, have a conscience. Still, I can’t really say what changed or brought me to this place where I must keep myself locked up in this tiny studio apartment to avoid another charge of bigamy or risk setting the alert off. And, frankly, it doesn’t really matter. What matters now is that I keep to myself and don’t get tempted to leave the house. I’ll be just fine, I tell myself. I have five cats and enough food to last until the ankle bracelet comes off.

      Everything will be different now. It has to be. I’m not sure what I’ll even do with myself. From here on out, there will be no more something blue’s. No more baby’s breath. No more I do’s.  Period. It’s a vow I’ve made to myself and myself alone. It’s the only way I’ll have any sort of freedom and a pledge I should have made, for myself, long ago. Keep to yourself: This is the promise I repeat over and over in my head no matter how tempted I often get.  I plan to keep this oath just like I did my commitment to my marriages. I believe in these things. I’m anything but a quitter. Unless, of course, a judge is forcing me. Like now.

      Don’t be mistaken, none of this undying loyalty is to protect the fools who loved, or would love, me. This pledge is merely to keep myself out of trouble. I’ll be entirely honest with you. The truth is, even I don’t trust myself not to repeat the same mistakes I’ve made over and over and over again. Like it or not, I’m simply out of chances. If I don’t stay locked up here, in this tiny apartment with the five cats named after the men I’ve concurrently, and currently, committed forever to, I’ll be locked up alone on consecutive sentences. All at once, I’ll lose everything if I even dare make the wrong move. The worst part is that, if I do, I’ll have to get rid of the cats. It’s not happening. They are all I have left, at least, once I sign the papers. I simply refuse.

      Sadly, I’ve wasted a decade of my life chasing love with an inability to admit failure. Now, finally on Lithium with a fear of small spaces just large enough, I need to learn to love myself – whatever that is. The shrinks all say the same thing. They tell me it all starts with being alone. But they don’t get it. Not the shrinks. Not the guy on the five o’clock news. None of them. Not even the men I married. The problem, you see, is alone. Alone is probably the only thing I’ve never tried. And, of course, I’m petrified. Still, I can’t bring myself to change my status to single. Instead, I’ve entirely given up on the websites I once used to find my next adventures on. Well, sometimes, I guess I check in on them. But you can’t count it with the mute button on. And, of course, if I bothered to sign on to social media, I wouldn’t be able to look away. So, for now, I avoid it for the most part. I’m well aware that people hate me. I’m a joke. Or, maybe the punch line. I get that. Thank God I’m not well known enough to have made it to Saturday Night Live. I can only imagine the skits they’d make about me: Washed up blonde with at least five secret lives. Just what I need.

      Still, I’m not a woman without a sense of humor. I get it. I understand how it all looks to people who haven’t danced in my stilettos. It’s comical, when you think about it. After all, I’m the five-time bride—not ever divorced—who never once experienced a batch of pre-wedding jitters. Now, knowing that I can’t commit to a relationship again or I risk being committed, I finally know exactly what cold feet feel like. Cold feet, for me, is living alone with a stack of paperwork on my marred kitchen table that I can’t look at without feeling sick at but must: Divorce. Divorce. Divorce. Divorce. Divorce. Just sign it. Blue ink. You made a promise. Keep to yourself. It’s the only chance you’ve got. You can’t go back to jail. You don’t have another stint in you. Sign them. ...Tomorrow.

      ***

      Ray Gerard

      Present day

      Someone ought to erect a warning sign. I’d do it myself, but it’s not like anyone from three states away would even listen to me. I’m the fool who fell for it first. And Apryl? Well, she’s just plain tricky. Her name is Apryl Nadya McAllister-Gerard or Smith or Brown or even Jenson or Pezley, if you are up to speed. She is the other woman. She’s probably your woman too, or so you think. It’s what the paperwork says anyway. She could be your neighbor, sister, or best friend. You never know. But she’s not an ordinary woman by any means. Still, she likes to tell herself that. And if you met her, you’d believe it too. No one argues with Apryl Gerard. Even now, and for our children, I still find myself with the words I memorized long ago when talking to her. Yes, dear. Okay, hon. You’re right. I’m wrong. These words, to this day, are the first to my tongue when I’m dealing with Apryl. And I hate myself for it. I can’t even imagine what I’m teaching my son. I worry what he thinks of all this, of his mother and I. Can you picture what it’s like going to school when everyone knows your mother just got out of jail on another charge of secret lives? I can’t. But I try. Figuring that out for Robbie starts with understanding his mother.

      Apryl is the kind of woman who shamelessly steals your husband and the life you’ve built together. She screws you in your marriage bed and never gives a second thought to the tears you’ve shed on the pillows, secrets you’ve shared at dawn, or even the smell of your

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