The Art of Raising Significant Children

THE ART OF

RAISING

SIGNIFICANT

CHILDREN

PARENTING 101-606

PHYSICALLY, MENTALLY, SPIRITUALLY, EMOTIONALLY AN SOCIALLY

BY DAN CLARK, CSP, CPAE

NEW YORK TIMES BEST SELLING AUTHOR

2012 UTAH FATHER OF THE YEAR

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

—Proverbs 22:6

Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.

—Albert Einstein

When we treat a man as he is, we make him worse than he is; but when we treat him as if he is already what he potentially could be, he becomes what he should be.

—Goethe

The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.

—Mark Twain

No other success can compensate for failure in the home.

—David McKay

OTHER BOOKS AVAILABLE BY DAN CLARK

The Art of Significance-Achieving The Level Beyond Success

(Audio Book Also Available)

The Art of Significance Study Guide Training Manual

The Art of Significant Relationships

The Art of Significant Coaching and Building A Winning Team

The Art of Significant Leadership and Talent Development

The Art of Significant Speaking and Storytelling – What I Learned From Zig Ziglar That You Should Know

The Art of Significant Selling, Marketing and Closing More Deals

The Art of Significant Network Marketing

(Audio Book and Study Guide)

Chicken Soup for the College Soul

The Most Popular Stories By Dan Clark In Chicken Soup For The Soul

Puppies for Sale (Illustrated Children’s Storybook)

Clark’s Children’s Classics

Soul Food (The Complete Dan Clark Collection)

Puppies for Sale and Other Inspirational Tales

Dan Clark’s Humor File – A Repository of Jokes and B.S. Tales

A Treasury of Dan Clark Quotes, Lyrics and Poems

The Art Of Raising Significant Children

©Copyright 2017 Dan Clark.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or utilized, in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, without prior permission in writing from the publisher.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Other Books Available By Dan Clark

Acknowledgements

Must-Read Introduction

1. Learn To Look For Laughter

2. Do We Become Our Parents?

3. Understanding Love

4. The Spiritual ‘Play’

5. The Thirteen Foundational Beliefs Of A Significant Parent

6. Sixteen Responsibilities Of Every Parent

7. Why And How To Set High Expectations

8. Why And How To Demonstrate Mutual Respect Through Honest Communication

9. Compassionately Show ‘What Matters Most’

10. Why And How To Help Our Children

11. Rewards And Consequences Of Obedience To Universal Law

12. Bad News, Good, Better, Best, Significant News

13. How To Find Your Personal ‘Why’ So You Can Teach Your Children To Do The Same

14. Example Is Always The Best Form Of Communication

15. Why And How To Express And Receive ‘Love In The Law’

16. ‘I Love You’ Verses ‘I Need You’

17. Eleven Accountabilities Of Every Parent

18. The Art Of Grandparenting

19. The Responsibility And Accountability Of Every Man (Father Turned ‘Dad’)

20. When Television Is Harmful

21. The Perils Of Pornography

22. The Responsibility And Accountability Of Every Country

23. The Responsibility And Accountability Of Every Community

24. The Final Suggestion

25. Teaching Deep Truths Through Bedtime Stories

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

To my dad,

S. Wayne Clark, who inspired me to write my hit song Special Man with the lyrical chorus hook, Any male can be a father, but it takes a special man to be a dad.

To my angel mom, Ruby Maughan Clark, youngest of nine children, raised by a single mom on a farm in southern Idaho (widowed when Ruby was only seven years old), who clearly kept me out of jail, alive, and the inspirational reason I am striving everyday to be physically strong, mentally awake and ethically straight.

To ‘My Sweet KC,’ wife, lover, equal parenting partner for over 37 years, who sets the high bar for every woman, wife, mother, and grandmother to also be a skin care expert, makeup artist, fitness guru, nutrition/exercise counselor, interior decorator, stage/set designer, parade float creator/builder, dance choreographer, sought after event coordinator, and female superstar who has superseded work/life balance to create ‘harmony.’

To my four amazing, talented, extraordinary and ‘significant’ children Danny, Nikola, McCall, and Alexandrea for finding wisdom, comfort, laughter, learning and solace in my speeches, stories, anecdotes, systems and words. I love you and need each of you in my life forever. Proving God’s plan to be the perfect plan of happiness: Families are forever – if not, then what’s forever for?

To H. Stephen Glenn PhD (Developing Capable Young People), and Jane Nelson PhD (Positive Discipline), and world renown marriage counselor/family therapist Dr. Lynn Scoresby PhD for their mentorship and the opportunity to share the platform with them on numerous occasions as they shared their unique insights, research, understanding and wisdom about parenting. I have raised four amazing children because of what they taught me.

MUST-READ INTRODUCTION

AMERICAN CRISIS – URGENT PARENT ALERT!

We live in

a cold, cruel, disgusting, dysfunctional, evil world, that is continually going downhill as you read this. The startling, sad, negative, discouraging, and brutal facts are devastating, especially when you are contemplating getting married and bringing children into this world. Read ‘em and weep:

Based on the fact that the things we hate to hear the most are usually the things we need to hear the most, I need to share a glimpse into the 21st century attitude towards parenting (or lack thereof), and what we should do about it.

The scariest reality-check regarding these eye-opening, heartbreaking statistics is the fact that the educated, well-trained, employed, articulate and committed married couples are having on average two children. The uneducated, untrained, unemployed and on welfare, inarticulate, and non-married couples are having on average five children. It won’t be too long before the uneducated, unemployed, and dysfunctional families on the welfare rolls will out number the educated functional families, which changes our political leadership as they vote, destroys our schools because of the high drop out rate, and pretty much destroys the opportunity for these children to see a two parent team as roll models for what their relationship and family should be.

When our children are in front of a television set or a movie screen, we are permitting them to be educated (indoctrinated) by the most effective and persuasive educational tool in America today. Many of the most widely viewed TV programs have conditioned us to believe that premarital, even extra-marital, sexual relationships are perfectly all right provided they are meaningful relationships. Seventy-four percent of all sexual relationships on television are between unmarried people. This clearly teaches that sex outside of marriage is not only okay, but is exciting and beautiful.

Furthermore, a report in Christianity Today involving 38,000 victims of rape revealed that 41 percent of the victims were sexually molested immediately after the rapist had read a pornographic magazine or had seen a pornographic video. This is not being prudish, but to highlight the brutal facts of reality that the trouble with this wide-open use of pornography is not that it corrupts but that it desensitizes; not that it unleashes the passions but that it cripples the emotions; not that it encourages a mature attitude but that it is a reversion to infantile obsessions; not that it removes blinders but that it distorts the view. Pornography denies true love, and turns a perceived ‘liberation’ into blatant dehumanization!

We have also been desensitized and conditioned to believe that drinking alcohol is the preferred way of life, as every seven minutes on TV we see drinks being offered.

For the record, I am not saying that the primary danger in watching television lies in the behavior it produces, but in the behavior it prevents and the freewill agency it affects in regards to choosing the higher ‘road less traveled.’ Every hour of staring at the television is one less hour invested in personal development, mental creativity, physical exercise and actual interaction with family members – especially between parents and our kids.

Movies are still making smoking to appear as a glamorous, macho-man, sophisticated lady habit, without teaching our children that every cigarette you smoke means that you have chosen to die fourteen minutes earlier than you would have had you not chosen to smoke that cigarette.

WHERE ARE THE PARENTS? A PATHETIC PATH OF LEAST RESISTANCE

According to national statistics and an ongoing Josh McDowell publication, in the next twelve months 500,000 children will attempt suicide; more than 1 million kids will run away from home; 275,000 teenage girls will give birth to illegitimate babies; 418,000 girls under nineteen will have an abortion; 12 million teenagers will take some form of narcotics and regularly use hard drugs; 3.3 million young people will end up with a serious drinking problem; 5 million children will become the victims of a devastating divorce; and 4 million children will be beaten, molested, or otherwise abused by their parents.

More than fifty percent of the 21 million teens between the ages of fifteen and nineteen are sexually active and another 2 million thirteen to fourteen year olds are having sex once a week. The annual number of teenage pregnancies keeps doubling, as one in ten teenage girls becomes pregnant each year. Apparently the sex education courses taught by Planned Parenthood aren’t working, suggesting that it’s okay to have sex if you use a condom or another form of contraceptive birth control. And the human sexuality classes taught in schools are also failing.

Does it baffle you as much as it confuses me why so many are crying out that teaching abstinence is old fashion, and yet this high expectation would truly solve the national teenage pregnancy/abortion crisis.

BOTTOM LINE

One of the things I love doing in my seminars around the world is ask the participants to think of a person whom they believe is totally successful and striving to be significant.. I then solicit their help in making a list of the unique qualities this person possesses that makes him/her successful and significant. Interesting is the fact that regardless of the age or geographic, socioeconomic demographic of the audience their responses are always the same:

Optimistic, Caring, Compassionate, Energetic, Friendly, Hard Worker, Knowledgeable, Loyal, Responsible, Personable, Empathetic, Honest, Ambitious, Committed, Dependable, Enthusiastic, Faith Based, Loving, Persistent, Organized, Good Listener, Imaginative, Creative, Wise, and a Sense of Humor.

I now ask the participants to categorize the characteristics by identifying each one as an A for Attitude or an S for Skill. Most are labeled as Attitudes, both ‘Organized’ and ‘Good Listener’ are labeled Skill, and one always points out that the qualities of Imagination and Wisdom are ‘gifts.’

So I ask you, do you now see that Attitude is important in life regardless of what you are doing or plan to do? And because the answer is a resounding ‘yes,’ why is it that we can count on one hand how many courses on attitude and character development are being taught to teenagers in our schools to help them develop these success qualities and significant attributes?

THE TIME IS NOW

Every child/student attends 6 hours of school each day and 180 days each year, so our kids are in school 1,080 hours each year. Since there are 8,760 hours in a year, this means our children are in school 1,080 hours and at home 7,680 hours. So let us come to an agreement before you continue reading:

Do you believe parents should accept a small portion of the responsibility for inspiring and teaching character development, physical fitness, health and wellness, sex education/abstinence and the social graces and qualities? If you agree, do you believe that if these characteristics were first taught at home and then reinforced at school, that this would give our children the best possible chance to become a responsible, happy, well-adjusted citizen? If so… read on and join me in improving the chances for America’s young people to fulfill their ultimate capacity and reach their full potential, one parent at a time.

It is my desire and fervent prayer that each of us parents and school teachers, neighbors and parents of our children’s friends will become every child’s ‘Quiet Hero:’

QUIET HEROES

The world is full of quiet heroes who never seek the praise,

They’re always back off in the shadows,

They let us have the limelight days.

For this you’re the one that I look up to,

Because of you I’m free,

You set an example I could follow,

You helped me see my destiny.

So even though my thanks don’t show,

Unnoticed you will never go,

I need to say I love you so,

You’re my hero.

I’ve had my share of broken dreams,

But you said I could win.

You gave me the chance I always needed to start my dreams again.

You took the time to teach and tutor and show me rules to rise,

You changed my fears to glory tears,

You’re an angel in disguise.

I wouldn’t be where I am today, I’ve won my share of times,

Unless you coached me through the maze and pushed me on the hardest climbs.

It’s just your style, the extra mile, no glory must be tough,

You let me have the accolades,

A smile, you said, was just enough

So even though my thanks don’t show,

Unnoticed you will never go,

I need to say I love you so,

You’re my hero.

(Copyright Dan Clark 2000)

CHAPTER ONE

LEARN TO LOOK FOR LAUGHTER

TRUTH IN ALL HUMOR

He’s teaching her arithmetic, he said it was his mission.

He kissed her once, he kissed her twice, and said, Now that’s addition.

And as he added smack by smack in silent satisfaction,

She sweetly gave the kisses back, and said, Now that’s subtraction.

Then he kissed her, she kissed him, without an explanation.

Then both together smiled and said, That’s multiplication.

Then Dad appeared upon the scene and made a quick decision.

He kicked that kid three blocks away and said, That’s long division!

ARRANGED MARRIAGE

I told my son, You will marry who I choose. He said no.

I told him she is Bill Gates’ daughter. He said yes.

I called Bill Gates and said, I want your daughter to marry my son. He said no.

I told Bill Gates, My son is the CEO of the World Bank. He said, OK.

I called the president of the World Bank and asked him to make my son the CEO. He said, no.

I told him my son is Bill Gates’ son-in-law. He said, OK.

THROUGH A CHILD’S EYES

When our middle daughter was three years old she was always making me smile with the ‘face value’ she placed on everything.

I was walking with her through the airport when she looked at the sign above the airline counter and then looked at me and asked, "Twa airlines?

Who would ever want to fly on Twa airlines?" Ha!

TWA – Trans World Airlines was a popular airline at the time!

When I asked her where she wanted to eat, she would often say, Let’s get a hamburger at Aw. Ha!

She was obviously referring to the A&W root beer fast food drive-in.

When our youngest daughter was six years old she went with me to the University Book Store.

As we drove into the parking lot she suddenly went quiet for 30 seconds, and then asked, When are they going to pass a law so handicapped people can park wherever they want to? Ha!

TRUTH

If you love something, set it free.

If it comes back, it was and always will be yours.

If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with.

If it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and never behaves as if you actually set it free in the first place… you most likely gave birth to it.

GENEALOGY

A child asked his father, How were people born?

So his father said, Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.

The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now.

The child ran back to his father and said, You lied to me!

His father replied, No, your mom was talking about her side of the family.

PARENTING

Parents have taken communication to another level. How many times have we heard our dear mother say things like, Don’t climb up that tree. If you fall down and break both your legs, then don’t come running to me!

Or, when we’ve been in an accident, how many times have we heard our mother’s classic question, Do you have on clean underwear?

I have even observed parents spanking their sons and yelling, Don’t hit your sister! and other parents reprimanding their daughters, Why are you talking with your mouth full? Answer me!

PAPA BEAR DAD

Once when a young man pulled up in the driveway to take out my sister, my dad screamed, You can’t go out with him. He’s driving a van.

My mother asked, Why not dear? You used to drive a van.

Frantically my dad yelled back, That’s what I mean. You cannot go out with a guy who drives a van!

FATHER KNOWS BEST

Every time a young man knocked on our door to visit one of my three daughters I always answered the door, invited him in, and pulled him aside to share my expectations.

I would put my arm around him, look him in the eyes and explain, "We don’t have a lot of rules around here.

But the entire time you are with my daughter and out of my sight, I want you to whistle and clap.

Because if I know where your lips and hands are at all times, you can stay here until Thursday!"

INNOCENCE

A three-year-old found his dad’s military identification tag and asked his mother what it was.

His mother replied, It’s your father’s dog tag.

The child then asked, When was Daddy a dog?

NURSERY

The same three-year-old gained an interesting perspective on birth.

His mother was pregnant, and so was the family dog.

So the mother thought it would be a good time to explain where babies come from.

The boy stood wide-eyed and watched the birth of the puppies.

Months later, on the day of delivery, the same child went to the hospital to visit his mother.

As he looked at the row of babies through the nursery window, he asked, Are these all ours?

PERSPECTIVE

Another three-year-old put his shoes on by himself.

His mother noticed that the left shoe was on the right foot.

She said, Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet.

He looked up at her with a raised brow and said, "Don’t kid me, Mom.

They’re the only feet I got!"

AS A CHILD

We were eating one evening when my five-year-old daughter stood on her chair and reached for the bread.

Attempting to teach her some etiquette, I said, Why don’t you sit down and ask your brother to pass it?

She sweetly replied, Okay, Daddy.

Then she yelled across the