Everand Logo

Welcome to Everand!

  • Discover millions of ebooks, audiobooks, and so much more with a free trial

    Only $11.99/month after trial. Cancel anytime.

    Attack of the Ninja Jihadi Russian Gangster Zombies (Also, What I did in my Summer Holidays): I Hate Zombies
    Attack of the Ninja Jihadi Russian Gangster Zombies (Also, What I did in my Summer Holidays): I Hate Zombies
    Attack of the Ninja Jihadi Russian Gangster Zombies (Also, What I did in my Summer Holidays): I Hate Zombies
    Ebook52 pages39 minutes

    Attack of the Ninja Jihadi Russian Gangster Zombies (Also, What I did in my Summer Holidays): I Hate Zombies

    By Shantnu Tiwari

    ()

    Read preview

    About this ebook

    The book does what it says on the tin.

    Russian Gangsters decide to become Jihadis; and while visiting Japan they train to become Ninjas as well.

    And then they are bitten by a zombie…

    And now this Russian Gangster Jihadi Ninja Zombies are coming to invade Britain!

    Oh no!

    Play scary music here: Dum dum dummmmmm!

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherShantnu Tiwari
    Release dateFeb 4, 2018
    ISBN9781386211020
    Attack of the Ninja Jihadi Russian Gangster Zombies (Also, What I did in my Summer Holidays): I Hate Zombies

    Read more from Shantnu Tiwari

    Related to Attack of the Ninja Jihadi Russian Gangster Zombies (Also, What I did in my Summer Holidays)

    Titles in the series (10)

    View More
    View More

    Related ebooks

    Humor & Satire For You

    View More
    View More

    Related podcast episodes

    Related articles

    • Article

      Take a Writer Like Him: My Complicated Love Affair with Kingsley Amis

      Aug 24, 2018

      1. As much as I may rack my brain, there are 15 minutes or so in the dark that I can’t account for and that I’ll never get back—15 minutes during which, I have to think, that creep’s hands were touching my body. It’s a weird thing to think about all

      12 min read

    • Article

      Strike A Pose

      Oct 7, 2021

      Strike A Pose
      8 min read

    • Article

      My Dog Is My Life

      Sep 1, 2023

      My Dog Is My Life
      9 min read

    • Article

      The joy of Gina

      Jul 30, 2021

      The joy of Gina
      9 min read

    • Article

      Notes From The Struggle

      Nov 10, 2022

      “That’s the thing,” my friend Tomas said. “They always get it wrong. Every time, they get it wrong. They always get the wrong people. Once we get out of this,” he spread his arms and shook his head, as if to say—This colossal fuck-fest of a mess we’v

      15 min read

    • Article

      Inside People

      Jan 18, 2022

      Inside People
      10 min read

    • Article

      The Spirit Of Surfing

      Feb 11, 2019

      The Spirit Of Surfing
      4 min read

    • Article

      ‘Trump Ruined Bad Taste’

      Jun 10, 2022

      ‘Trump Ruined Bad Taste’
      7 min read

    • Article

      A Year in Reading: Brontez Purnell

      Dec 7, 2020

      Don’t read this shit unless you like being really really really triggered. The post A Year in Reading: Brontez Purnell appeared first on The Millions.

      6 min read

    • Article

      Tc Boyle Profile

      May 15, 2019

      BECAUSE WE’RE ANIMALS: Seven conversations from an afternoon with T. C. Boyle By Peter Nowogrodzki T.C. Boyle is standing at the front gate entrance to his Montecito home—an imposing Frank Lloyd Wright structure clad in long horizontal slats of redwo

      26 min read

    • Article

      100 Years Of Time

      Mar 3, 2023

      100 Years Of Time
      13 min read

    • Article

      Paranormal Cold Case

      Oct 28, 2021

      It’s the 1970s, inside a terraced house in Walthamstow, East London, and Tyronne’s sister is saying odd things: “She started talking about the Blitz, Hitler, rationing. It disturbed my mum, because it was coming out of a two-year-old!” Then, one day,

      2 min read

    • Article

      A Year in Reading Subtitles: Rabeah Ghaffari

      Dec 20, 2021

      By the end of 2020, it was clear that I would be living in Mexico. And thus began my odyssey of binge watching mostly Spanish language telenovelas to accelerate my language skills. The post A Year in Reading Subtitles: Rabeah Ghaffari appeared first

      5 min read

    • Article

      You Talkin’ To Me?

      Jul 26, 2019

      IN THE CROSSHAIRS THIS MONTH JARED HARRIS Are you talking to me? Well, no one else is here. You must be talking to me, surely… I remember that poster really well. I already knew that I was fascinated just from that image, the loner walking through th

      3 min read

    • Article

      Breaking The Law

      Jan 7, 2020

      Breaking The Law
      7 min read

    • Article

      Bold Face

      Dec 9, 2022

      Bold Face
      7 min read

    • Article

      Ami Vitale

      Sep 20, 2019

      Ami Vitale
      7 min read

    • Article

      Tomorrow Is Yesterday

      Nov 30, 2022

      Tomorrow Is Yesterday
      3 min read

    • Article

      The French revolution

      Dec 28, 2023

      The French revolution
      11 min read

    • Article

      What We Love THIS MONTH

      Mar 23, 2020

      Yes, it’s another Ted Bundy documentary, but not really. I probably know more about Ted Bundy’s life than my husband’s, what with all the podcasts and biopics that came out last year on the serial killer. But Amazon Prime’s Ted Bundy: Falling for a K

      3 min read

    • Article

      Vanessa Williams.

      Feb 28, 2020

      Vanessa Williams.
      7 min read

    Related categories

    Reviews for Attack of the Ninja Jihadi Russian Gangster Zombies (Also, What I did in my Summer Holidays)

    0 ratings

    0 ratings0 reviews

    What did you think?

    Tap to rate

    Review must be at least 10 words

      Book preview

      Attack of the Ninja Jihadi Russian Gangster Zombies (Also, What I did in my Summer Holidays) - Shantnu Tiwari

      1

      My summer holidays were crap this year. Same as last year .

      Same as the time before that, and before that, and before that, all the way back to the time when the dinosaurs ruled the Earth and the Earth was flat and cavemen didn’t have computers or iPads, only tablets, which they scratched with their little rocks as they wrote poetry for their ugly cavewomen.

      Yes, my life has been ruined by zombies for millions of years.

      Wait, how old is the Earth? Millions or billions?

      I ask Shake. He says 6,000 years old. I ask him if he’s sure, he says, yup, that’s what his 1870 version of the Encyclopaedia of the World says.

      Let’s go with that. We know that encyclopaedias never lie. Have you ever heard Wikipedia lie? Me neither.

      So as far as I know, zombies have been destroying my life ever since history started.

      I keep thinking, every year, about how I’m going to get a girlfriend, marry her, settle down, do what married couples do, which I’ve heard is a lot of furniture shopping and washing dishes. Ah, the joys of married life.

      Of which I know fuck all about.

      ‘Cause every single year, and without fail, some motherfucking zombie attacks our shitty little town and ruins my love life.

      Every. Single. Year.

      These bastards are more dedicated than those religious missionaries trying to convert me, more ruthless than the tax man (or, in the interests of sexual equality, tax person), and more smart than any supercomputer.

      So what ruined my summer that year?

      I’ll get to that. Before that, a commercial message.

      Are you sick of low-quality CENSORED? Smoking CENSORED that doesn’t give you a high? Then come to CENSORED, where CENSORED and CENSORED will give you the best CENSORED you have ever smoked in your life.

      (Our lawyer censored a few things, as according to him, smoking CENSORED is illegal in our country. Who knew?)

      So where was I?

      Yes. How those zombies ruined my life again.

      Goddamn Ninja Jihadi Russian Gangster Zombies. If there is one thing I hate more than anything in the world, it’s Ninja Jihadi Russian Gangster Zombies. Ninjas I can deal with. Also Jihadis. Russian gangsters, maybe. Zombies, fuck yeah.

      But Ninja Jihadi Russian Gangster Zombies?

      My God (or your God, or his God, or her God, or Gods if there are more than one. As you can see, I’m trying to be politically correct in this book), these Ninja Jihadi Russian Gangster Zombies are hard to kill.

      Where did the Ninja Jihadi Russian Gangster Zombies come from? Glad you asked. Let me give you a little history lesson.

      2

      First, God made Ninjas. They were the first species on Earth that could kill you when they weren’t hungry .

      Next were these Russian gangsters. They lived in Russia, of all places. They did not speak accented English.

      Hey Comrade, we dee-stroy ze eveel Western peegs, ja?

      No, they spoke Russian, like normal Russian folk. Also, they liked to go running naked in the snow while wrestling reindeers, again, like normal Russian folk (I’m told).

      They killed enemies of the state, extorted money from rich businessmen, and generally lived a life of sin.

      Till they grew sick of it. They suffered an existential crisis.

      Enjoying the preview?
      Page 1 of 1