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    Needs And Expectation: Road Map To Overcoming Divorce
    Needs And Expectation: Road Map To Overcoming Divorce
    Needs And Expectation: Road Map To Overcoming Divorce
    Ebook116 pages1 hour

    Needs And Expectation: Road Map To Overcoming Divorce

    By Chris Chukwunyere

    ()

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    About this ebook

    Studies show that sex, finance and unmet needs and expectations are the three major causes of divorce. One of the causes of some of these irreconcilable differences is that these couples lack the knowledge of what their needs and those of their spouse are. You cannot manage expectations built on unrealistic assumptions. This book will help you understand how to rightly love your spouse by meeting their needs, make and keep them happy, as well as manage your expectations.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherChris Chukwunyere
    Release dateFeb 14, 2018
    ISBN9781370557394
    Needs And Expectation: Road Map To Overcoming Divorce
    Author

    Chris Chukwunyere

    Chris Chukwunyere is a relationship and leadership coach. He is the Principal Consultant of 24Karats Consulting Enterprise, a relationship and leadership mentoring outfit. He is an ordained minister of the gospel. He is a Public Health Practitioner who holds a BSc degree in Medical Laboratory Science. He is the founder of Inspire World International Foundation, a charity organisation committed to inspiring people and building communities through Economic Empowerment, Medical Interventions and Community Development. Chris is a highly sought after inspirational speaker and he is the author of, ‘Lead Your Way to His Heart’, ‘Lead Your Way to Her Heart’, 'Before You Lead Your Way to the Altar’ and ‘Receive Sense’. He co-authored, ‘Woman: An Endangered Species’, ‘Dear Single Man', 'Dear Single Lady at 30+' and 'Needs and Expectations' with his wife Sola. Together they run both online and offline mentoring courses, seminars and conferences for single and married people. Their mission is to help people build leading relationships that will influence cultures and transform societies. They are blessed with a son and currently live in Abuja, Nigeria.

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      Book preview

      Needs And Expectation - Chris Chukwunyere

      Needs and Expectations

      Road Map to Overcoming Divorce

      Sola & Chris Chukwunyere

      Needs and Expectations

      Road Map to Overcoming Divorce

      Sola & Chris Chukwunyere

      24Karatslife Media and Publishing

      24karatslife@gmail.com

      +234 (0) 909 863 0579

      Published and Printed in Nigeria by 24karatslife Media and Publishing

      60 Oba Adesoji Street, Works and Housing Estate, Gwarinpa, Abuja

      +234 (0) 909 863 0579

      www.24karatslife.com

      Copyright 2017 by Sola & Chris Chukwunyere

      chrischukwunyere@gmail.com

      Book Edited by:

      Praise Agbonighale, +234 (0) 7032771521

      Cover design, Typesetting and formatting by:

      Sangfroid, +234 (0) 7032688775

      All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means; electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the Publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

      DEDICATION

      To everyone who is committed to making their relationship work and overcome divorce. We are glad to know that you have chosen to walk the path of love and sacrifice.

      ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

      Before we had plans to publish this book, we shared the content on social media and taught them in our Fit for Marriage seminars and conferences. The feedback we got was amazing. This is what prompted us to make it into a book that will add value to many more relationships.

      We want to say thank you to our social media audience, protégés and everyone who attended our various events. Your feedback has helped us produce a masterpiece that will bless the world.

      No project can be a success without a great team. Thank you Francis Arihilam, CEO of Sangfroid. You are an excellent creative designer and we are glad that you are a part of our team. We couldn’t have done this without you.

      Praise Agbonighale, since you came into our lives, you have become a huge blessing to us. Thank you for working with us on this project. Your editing skills are top-notch. You are an amazing editor.

      CONTENTS

      DEDICATION

      ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

      PREFACE

      Introduction: Different, yet complimentary

      Chapter 1: The dynamics of purpose, design, nature and needs

      Chapter 2: A man has needs, met them

      Chapter 3: He needs respect

      Chapter 4: He needs sex

      Chapter 5: He needs friendship

      Chapter 6: He needs home support

      Chapter 7: He needs peace

      Chapter 8: He needs an attractive wife

      Chapter 9: A woman has needs, meet them

      Chapter 10: She needs leadership

      Chapter 11: She needs affection and romance

      Chapter 12: She needs communication

      Chapter 13: She needs security

      Chapter 14: She needs affirmation

      Chapter 15: She needs honesty

      Chapter 16: She needs family commitment

      Chapter 17: Marriage and expectations

      Chapter 18: When assumptions and very high expectations meet reality

      Chapter 19: The three levels of expectation

      Chapter 20: Managing your expectations

      Conclusion: Let love and sacrifice guide you

      Preface

      As professional counsellors, we have come in contact with couples from different backgrounds, countries and races. We have heard them talk about the peculiar problems they face in their relationships. Some are able to pull through them and become stronger. Others cannot, so they go their separate ways. One of the fundamental problems we have discovered that has led to separation and divorce among couples, are unmet needs and expectations.

      Everybody goes into a marriage relationship with inherent needs, which they can’t of themselves meet. It takes a loving and sacrificial spouse to meet them. These needs among other factors consequently contribute to establishing expectations that would need to be met as well. Unfortunately, the needs and expectations of many couples are not met.

      This stirs up frustration, resentment, anger, hurt feelings, and emotional distress and so on. The disappointed spouse complains, begs, quarrels, fights, talks and uses any means possible to communicate these feelings of frustration but in most cases, no progress is made. The other person instead of trying to understand their partner, conclude that they nag and complain about everything. So both parties can’t seem to find a common ground.

      One of the root causes of some of these irreconcilable differences is that these couples lack the knowledge of what their needs and that of their spouse are. They cannot manage expectations they built on assumptions that are not realistic. That’s not all, most of them refuse to seek the required knowledge needed to help them solve their marital problems. And because they refuse to allow love and sacrifice guide their hearts, they walk on the path of selfishness and crash their relationships.

      Marital problems could come in form of sex, finance, spirituality, growth, lack of attention or affection, lack of peace, domestic issues, respect, insecurities, etc. These problems are usually connected to unmet needs and expectations. Studies have shown that sex, finance and unmet needs and expectations are the three major causes of divorce in marriage.

      We thought we should make simple our thoughts on needs and expectations because we want to help save as many troubled relationships as possible, as well as keep healthy the already thriving ones.

      We hope that through this book, you will be equipped with the right knowledge and principles to build a happy, healthy and model marriage. It is a good resource for dating, engaged and married couples. We are honored to serve you in this capacity. We hope that this book inspires you to build a long lasting relationship and fight for it when crisis comes.

      Sola and Chris Chukwunyere

      Abuja,Nigeria

      Introduction

      Different, yet complementary

      Unfortunately, the problems that arise in most relationships is not the absence of love, but the lack of understanding of what our needs are, what to expect and how to meet them.

      It is no longer news that the way a man thinks is different from the way a woman thinks. Men see women as species from a strange world; sometimes irrational, illogical, and always wearing their feelings on their sleeves. The women folk also think that men have an innate inability to understand how they feel. The result of this is the seemingly unavoidable conflicts that arise in relationships.

      Just as we go into an employer-employee relationship or a business relationship to meet our needs to solve problems, be relevant in the society, live fulfilled, meet our financial needs and live well, we also go into love relationships to meet our various emotional and psychological needs. Every relationship we establish has beneath it, needs that both parties involved should meet.

      This is where expectations come in. A woman in a marriage relationship expects her husband to love her unconditionally. His unconditional love in expression is supposed to meet the needs of his wife. In the same way, the man expects his wife to love him in a way that meets his needs. There is therefore the love factor that meets people’s needs and expectations when rightly applied.

      Nobody goes into a relationship of whatever nature without having certain expectations of what needs are to be met within the context of that defined relationship. This is what gives the individuals the right to make demands if those needs and expectations are not met.

      We have come to discover that one of the reasons people divorce and go their separate ways is because needs and expectations are not met. Unfortunately, the problems that arise in most relationships is not the absence of love, but the lack of understanding of what our needs are, what to expect and how to meet them.

      Because we are humans, we will always have needs and expectations. At every phase in our lifetime these needs and expectations will vary and change in degrees and order of priorities. However, they have to be met to keep us in a state of constant happiness. This is where constant communication of what these needs and expectations are helps your partner know what to do at every point in time. Where there is no verbal communication in some cases, sensitivity to and observation of non-verbal communication such as body language

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