Unconditionally

118

Introduction

1 Month After

Cassandra

I have fierce protective instincts for him. I always have. I guess that’s what happens when you lose half your family by the time you’re seventeen. Evelyn, my older sister, died in a car accident that put my littlest brother into a coma. My parents basically abandoned me because 1) I was dating someone they didn't like and 2) they dropped the giant bombshell that not only was I adopted, but I was the daughter of an unwedded mom. Completely taboo in our small town.

Most people know about it, but I didn’t until I was seventeen. I don’t know how I didn’t see it. Maybe they lied to me enough that I believed another version of the truth. Maybe I honestly thought despite all our differences, I actually was their daughter. Both my parents were blond and brown eyed. My hair is dark, dark brown and I have sharp green eyes. No one else in my family has green eyes, not my grandparents or any of my siblings.

But my aunt does. My aunt, who is also my mom. What kind of screwed world is it where a sister adopts her niece just to mess with her sister’s head? She knew the only way she could get back at Rebecca, my birth mom, was screwing with me, so that’s exactly what my adopted mom did. And she did it pretty well, well enough that half the time my sister spent with me was spent trying to protect me. It was nothing like what my boyfriend went through on a daily basis, though. Nothing close to that.

His dad beat him, doing it in front of me once. I had no idea until I was eighteen. He was the pastor of our small town, and like another dad to me. I grew up over at their house and called my boyfriend’s mom my mom. I adored them. All of them. His little sister was like a mini-me. Once Melanie died of cancer, though, everything changed. Pastor Asriel no longer smiled; he just barked out orders and openly disapproved of my attachment to Danny.

I saw the bruises. I should’ve known. We never lied to each other, though. Ever. He knew the minute I was scared or when my mom decked me. I knew what he was thinking once Melanie was diagnosed and how close he was to breaking. I trusted him, though, when he told me he was falling or getting into fights with his brother. He’s always been gentler than me; I’m stupid for believing he would actually get into fights with Lewis. Nonetheless, I believed him, and for three years, I was totally oblivious to the abuse.

And then I saw. I went over there and confronted his mom. And God, I wish I hadn’t. His dad threatened him in front of me, beat him in front of me. If I had a gun or a knife, I would’ve killed his dad there right on the spot.

Instead, I shot him the day before my little brother’s birthday.

I don’t regret it one bit.

Chapter 1

Danny

Tell me the story of my name again.

Cass smiles at her little sister as she tucks the blanket around her chin. You know that story, baby.

I want to hear it again!

Okay. Your name is…

Hebrew! Ava grins up triumphantly at Cass.

And it means…

Living and breathing!

Mom named you Ava Hope, so…

So it’s living and breathing hope!

See, you know the story, Cass leans down to kiss her little sister on the forehead. Now go to sleep. I love you.

Goodnight, Sissy.

As Ava speaks, Cass pauses in the doorway, looking down at Ava. Right now, both of them are a mirror image of Evelyn, Cass’ older sister, especially Ava.

You’re a good sister, I take her hand and start leading her out, past the memories of Evelyn.

Evelyn would’ve been better.

Evelyn wouldn’t have loved Ava like you love her.

Yes she would’ve, her voice turns soft. She would’ve loved her like she loved me.

Loves, I correct.

Loved, she rolls her eyes at me.

She still loves you.

She’s dead, Cass says dryly. She died protecting me.

She died loving you more than anyone else in the world.

Ava looks like her, she says softly, curling up next to me on the couch. Sometimes, when I look at her….it’s like seeing Evelyn all over again. And then sometimes, when I’m playing with her or putting her in bed, it’s like Evelyn’s the little sister and I’m her, tucking myself in, telling her stories….

Like you did with Mel.

Like with Mel. You know….in a week, she’d be fifteen.

I tighten my hold on Cass but don’t reply to her.

My sister died when I was fifteen. For three months, Cass and I watched her die of cancer, watched her lose every sense of herself and fade away from the vibrant, happy little ten year old she once was. Cass was over at our house every day, trying to cheer Mel up, make her laugh, do anything to make her smile. Sometimes she succeeded, and sometimes she didn’t. The week before my sister died, Cass didn’t leave our house, singing to Mel, watching over her while she slept. She was there the night before Mel passed.

Then, three years later, Cass lost her own sister in a car accident, and it broke her every bit as much as losing Melanie, if not more. Cass and Evelyn were inseparable, completing each other’s sentences and always teasing each other.

Hey, Cass scoots away from me, sitting so she’s directly in front of me. She’s safe, now, with Evelyn. Both of them are. Tears fill her eyes as she looks at me. And as much as I miss them….as much as I want them here with us….Mel’s not in pain, and Eve’s…Eve’s not… her words get caught in her throat as he tears fall.

Eve’s safe, I finish for her, pulling her back to me.

Chapter 2

Cassandra

A prison is the last place I want to be on a beautiful Saturday morning, but as usual, Rebecca convinces me to get my ass out of bed and paste a smile on my face. In five years, the woman who was my teacher evolved into my mother; never in a million years would I’ve known she actually was my mother. Then, low and behold, my world exploded, and the people who were my parents weren’t. The people I’d trusted and loved had lied to me my whole life.

You sure you want to do this? My boyfriend looks at me, eyebrows raised, protective of me, as always. You don’t have to.

I need to.

I want to see her, Uriah announces from the back seat.

Of course you do, I mutter under my breath. You just want cheezits and a soda.

Hey! My fifteen year old brother pegs his pencil at me. Like me, he always has a sketchbook and pencil in hand. You taught me well!

Okay, I square my shoulders and open the car door. Let’s go.

Since it’s the middle of Tennessee, we don’t have to wait long to be processed inside and our paperwork looked over. I’ve been here twice before, so some of the guards know me, make comments to me. The entire time, I feel Danny’s eyes on me, watching me, trying to read me for any trace of emotion. He despises Kate almost as much as I do, but he’s here, solely for me. If this were his father, I really don’t know if he’d be here, even if I asked him to.

His dad was a monster. At first, I had no idea; I was blind and stupid. His parents were like my own. I grew up at his house. When Mel was diagnosed, though, I saw the change in his father, heard the harshness of his voice. Eventually, I saw the bruises. And I did everything in my power to get him the hell away from my boyfriend. Including shooting his own father.

Here, baby, I hand my little brother a couple bucks. Go get a snack.

When he’s gone, I lean my head back against my boyfriend, closing my eyes. His voice is gentle when he speaks. Cass, are you sure you want to do this?

Not really.

We don’t have to do this. I can talk to Rebecca for you.

Is it wrong every time I see her, I wish I’d shot her, ?

He tightens his hold on me. After what she did to you, I’d shoot her, too.

I pull away from him and glare at him. What she did to me was nothing compared to what he did to you.

Cassandra, my adopted mother draws out my name, walking up to us. You decided to grace me with your presence.

Snotty, as usual. Hi.

Where’s your brother?

Getting a snack.

She looks disapprovingly at my boyfriend. You brought that boy.

Damnit, I did, and there’s not a thing you can do about it, so back the hell off him.

For my own personal benefit, I smile at her. Explosion in three…two….one… "Yes, I brought my boyfriend".

He gives me a look that says back down, but I don’t, I just continue smiling at my mom.

Not my mom.

She was my mom, but not anymore.

Just like your sister, my mom—Kate—shakes her head disapprovingly at me.

At the mention of Evelyn, I tense. He puts his hand on my back, steadying me, and thankfully, Uriah walks up as a diversion.

Mom, he looks at her cooly.

Uriah, she croons, reaching out for him. It'd be natural if that’s what she did when he was little; I raised him. In every way, shape, and form, I was his mother figure. I taught him to read, to write, to walk, while my mom was away. Not once did she comfort him when he fell or hurt himself. Uriah was practically my own child, like Evelyn was almost my own mother.

He pulls back from her. You look good.

Better now that you’re here.

Uriah shoots a look at me that screams oh please but just smiles at Kate. Good.

So, Kate focuses all her attention on my boyfriend. Daniel, are you still throwing your temper tantrum?

Mom, I bristle beside him, reaching for his hand. Somehow, his face remains impassive.

Neither of my parents forgave him for what he did at his sister’s funeral. I knew him perfectly; I knew him better than I knew my older sister, but I never saw what was coming that day. I knew he was angry. I knew he was two seconds away from blowing a gasket. But when he stood up, told his dad off and marched out of the church, I was stunned. I’d always been the loud, rash one; he pulled me back down to earth. He marched out the sanctuary door and swore he’d never come back into the church again, told me he was done with his faith. For almost three years, he kept that promise, up until I was diagnosed with cancer.

Everything changed, from the way he looked at me to how brutally his dad beat him, and all of it was because of me.

You could’ve done better, my mom says dryly to me.

I’m five seconds away from losing it with her. Oh could I? I’m the one who could’ve done better, coming from the woman who hit her kids, slept around with every guy, and defended the man who….

At least I had standards.

Like hell. Choosing a drunk, some standards.

At least he had potential.

I have to fight to keep my voice from raising. So much potential in stumbling around drunk all the time.

So, Mom… Uriah cuts in, looking between us. Orange is looking good on you.

My boyfriend coughs, trying to cover his laughter, and the second I look at him, I’m covering my own laughter. My mom just glares at us.

Uriah, she draws out his name, has your sister been taking good care of you?

If anyone’s as protective as Danny as me, it’s my little brother. Here we go…

Uriah frowns at her. "My sister has always taken care of me. She raised me. She did everything. You were there for none of it. She came to all my school parties and plays. She was the one who came to my Muffins with Mom every year. Cassandra’s always taken care of me".

He’s fifteen.

At ten, our mom was taken out of our lives. It was her own choice. Already, she was half removed from us; during my cancer, Evelyn spent more time with me than both my parents combined. I stepped between Uriah and my mom multiple times—practically every day—over the stupidest things, like Uriah crying about being alone upstairs. He’d get hit for it.

Not if I had anything to do for it. 99.9% of the time she aimed for him, she ended up hitting me. I knew I’d protect my little brother with my life; I just didn’t know that I’d go through with killing someone to protect him. To protect him and my boyfriend.

You will be just like your father, my mom says to Danny.

Game over.

Before I can jump in and defend him, he speaks, totally putting my mom in her place, and then some. Maybe, but handcuffs sure as hell don’t look as good on me as they do him and you.

Burn! Uriah mutters under his breath, grinning at me.

Instead of responding to him, my mom looks at me for a long, hard moment, before leaning forward and whispering to me, I wish your cancer’d killed you.

Chapter 3

Danny

She clenches her jaw as Kate speaks, more angry than I’ve seen her in a while. Just like my dad always got to me, this woman always has gotten under Cass’ skin, found ways to piss her off. But when she leans forward and speaks to Cass, we’re done. Absolutely done.

Cassandra, rarely, rarely do I use her first full name. When we were little and she had me mercilessly beaten at Go Fish, she made me promise to always call her Cass in exchange for not rubbing her victory in my face. Thirteen years later, I can’t imagine calling her anything over than my nickname for her.

But I know how to get her attention. The last time I used it with her, she was spiraling out about Evelyn’s death. When I speak, she glances up at me, a little worried, and her eyes are full of tears.

She can’t go back there. Not with so many memories.

Back off my sister, Uriah hisses.

We’re done, I announces, reaching for Cass.

What a pity, Kate fake-pouts at Cass.

Go to hell, Cass says to her before turning on her heel and walking out of the room.

It takes a while for Uriah and I to catch up to her. I send Uriah running up ahead, so I can talk to Cass on my own. When I reach her, she’s not crying, not like any other girl would. She just looks pissed as hell.

Every time, she turns to face me. Every time I come to see her, she does this. Isaiah doesn’t come. Rebecca doesn’t come. No one from church comes. I come, and she does this.

She’s just trying to get at you, Cass. She’s always been like this.

And that makes it alright?

Of course it’s not alright.

She knows damn well not to mess with you, her voice drops. Both of them knew that.

The car ride home, she’s completely silent, leaning against the window with her eyes closed. I let her be, and when we get back to Rebecca’s house, she goes outside for a run, staying out longer than normal, breathless when she comes back. I keep a close on eye her, that she’s eating enough and rests after dinner. It’s been five years, but she still gets exhausted from doing the smallest things; her chemo left her body more frail than I’d ever seen her.

She’s sitting outside on the porch swing, reading. I go out and sit beside her, my arm around her, and she leans back into me. For a while, we just sit in silence, until she breaks it, her voice low.

She knew. The whole time, she knew exactly what he was doing to you, and she didn’t care. She slept with him, and she knew what was happening. She talked to your mom, saw the marks on her, too. And she still slept with him.

It doesn’t matter anymore.

It matters to me, her voice raises a little bit. All of it matters.

"If it kept him away from you, Mel, and my mom, I don’t care what he