The Chronic Pain Manual: The Really, Real Manual on Pain
By Nikki Albert
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About this ebook
Do you have pain? Have you had pain so long that you don't even remember what not pain feels like? I mean is that even a thing? Not feeling pain? Pain level 0? We at the pain manual are not even sure anymore. And this is the Manual for you, my friend. We will go over such topics as how to know you are actually in pain to what not to do on Good Pain days.
The manual was lost to us for years but was recently recovered by me. Unfortunately, only pages of it were and can be released. This is a hypothetical quote from the potentially really real author of the really, real manual: "People like me with illness just need to know what to do. We flounder with random advice. I was told yesterday to drain the black bile from my body! Black bile! I need my black bile to live! Someone needs to write something to guide us in the right direction. So we had step by step instructions on how to do this coping business." To which the reported response was, "Suck it up, buttercup."
Well, we did suck it up, Buttercup. And the manual shows us ways to think about pain in Book 1.
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The Chronic Pain Manual - Nikki Albert
The Chronic Pain Manual
The Really, Real Manual on Pain
By Nikki Albert
Copyright 2018 by Nikki Albert
All rights reserved
All characters and events in this book are fictitious
All resemblance to people living or dead is coincidental.
Table of contents
Introduction
Chapter 1: How to know you have chronic pain
Chapter 2: How to talk about pain
Chapter 3: To those that doubt your pain
Chapter 4: Things to consider for lifestyle
Chapter 5: What not to do on a Good Pain Day
Chapter 6: Negative thoughts
Chapter 7: Mood
Exercise
What I Really wanted for Valentine's Day
Ways not to respond to someone’s chronic illness
The gift that keeps on giving (and I didn’t order it)
How to meditate with pain
Stigma
Things to do at the Doctor’s office
Fatigue
Brain Fog
That’s a Flare
Sleep?
Closing
Bonus Material
Introduction
THIS IS THE CHRONIC illness manual recovered pages I have managed to collect through deep and thorough research. It is believed the manual was written by one Joseph J. Pickleworth the III somewhere between 1200-1934ish. He wasn’t a very well known chronic illness advocate but was a prolific writer who was never published in his time. The Manual was found mysteriously after his death and tells explicitly how to live with chronic illnesses through concise research, observation, and deep, inspiring reflection. However, only pages have survived.
Mr. Pickleworth reportedly said to his cousin’s brother’s mother’s brother that People like me with illness just need to know what to do. We flounder with random advice. I was told yesterday to drain the black bile from my body! Black bile! I need my black bile to live! Someone needs to write something to guide us in the right direction. So we had step by step instructions on how to do this coping business.
To which the reported response was, Suck it up, buttercup.
I asked his mother who died some time ago what she thought and she stated, You have to understand my son was alive at a time before science, facts, and truth. One might say it was a time of alternative facts. So that is the language he wrote in. It is brilliant how you can alternatively heal yourself with his words and alternatively find a cure for them.
Of course, all the cure pages were long lost, sadly, so we will never know how to alternatively cure ourselves. Some said, she burned them because they were too brilliant for the eyes of others. We will just never know.
Some pages were not salvageable at all and I have interpreted them the best that I can. I have also added some commentary to facilitate the reading.
Warning
Chapter 1: How to know you have chronic pain
CHRONIC PAIN IS A LOT like pain but it lasts forever and ever to infinity and beyond. Well, not beyond death. We haven’t researched that far. We assume without a body it stops. So, yes, indefinite pain. But not for a day, or two. Not for a month, or two. For six months or longer, yes. The