Only Ever You: The Mountain Siege Series

Prologue

Four Years Ago

Greensboro, North Carolina

A nd what did he say ? Emma giggled as she listened to the story continue.

Cooper looked over and took her hand. He kissed her palm and put their hands on his leg as he steered his prized possession down the road.

He said.... ‘It must have been someone else.’ Cooper shook his head.

You’re kidding!

He shook his head again, clearly as astonished as she was. I wish I were, Emmy.

Cooper, I know he’s your friend, but if you ever get any ideas from that rat bastard Owen, I’ll burn your leather jacket. And put you out on your ass.

Woman! Them’s fighting words! he joked. She knew he didn’t believe her. And he was right, too. She’d never touch his beloved jacket. Or kick him out, for that matter.

Why would I ever go to another woman when all I will ever need is right here. He kissed her hand again and then placed his hand on her rounded stomach. She smiled and covered his hand with hers.

She looked out the window as the scenery passed. Tonight had been a good night. The best. Cooper had graduated from the academy and was now on the Greensboro force. It was all he had ever wanted to do. Even back when they first met in the sixth grade he’d wanted to be a police officer. She smiled out into the night. Her Cooper had gotten his wish. She was so proud of him.

I was thinking... Copper began, interrupting her thoughts. 

She looked over at him. God, he was gorgeous. Black hair that touched his forehead just a tad. It meant he was in need of a cut. She would badger him for a few days and then he’d come home with a fresh ‘do.  His eyes were an incredible light blue, almost the shade of an Alaskan Husky. Stunning.

His lips were full, his nose perfectly shaped. Though, it had been broken once when they were juniors in high school. Stupid macho male stuff. He had certainly liked to get into fights when they were younger. She smiled to herself. He had a single scar that ran down the left side of his face. Emma had been away in the Bahamas with friends on Spring Break. She came back to a stitched up boyfriend. ‘Bar fight’ was all he’d said with a shrug.

She’d never admitted it to him, but the scar was sexy. At the time he would have taken that comment and run with it. So, feeling it best, she kept it to herself. She’d liked that she had herself a rebel. She still did. But now, he was a different kind of dark and sexy.

Her man had honed his badassery into being a cop. And he would be a great one. She loved to think about him in his uniform. His ass was perfect and demanded the attention of her hands. But then, that meant it could catch the wandering eyes of lusty ladies. Maybe she’d sew For Emma’s Hands Only onto his back pocket. It could serve as both a disclaimer and defense, should it be necessary to lay down the law with any ravenous broads.

What were you thinking? She brought herself back to the conversation.  

Now that I am out of the academy we’ll be able to afford a bigger place.

Our place is just fine, she reassured him. Part of his badassery was being an alpha male. And part of being an alpha male was providing.

Soon it won’t be, he reminded her.

We’re fine for now.

Emmy...

She knew that tone. He was going to get his way. And she was going to let him. She was by no means a woman who lived in the fifties, but when it came to Cooper and things like cars and their home he was relentless.

Baby, he got her attention. "We had a small wedding when I know, I know you wanted a big one. We live in a one-bedroom apartment, and soon we’ll need at least two. The way I have it planned we will need at least four."

Four? He looked over and smiled.

Four! She repeated. Would they just walk on out at that point?

Focus, Emmy.  

She sighed.

I’ve been in love with you since the day I laid eyes on you in the sixth grade. I knew you were mine the day I finally mustered up the courage to make it so in the ninth grade, and I knew you were my only when you went to college and I stayed here but you came home every weekend to me. He paused. I want to give you this. I want to give him this. He nodded to her stomach.

She smiled at him and put her hand on the side of his face. He was so good to her. He was irreplaceable.

Okay, baby.

He looked over at her and gave her his best smile. Okay.

Then they both turned back the front to see an eighteen wheeler sliding sideways out of control across the highway straight toward them. Emma heard and felt Cooper slam on the brakes and watched as he threw his arm out in front of her. She heard the sounds of metal crunching and then nothing at all.

COOPER HEARD SOMETHING dripping. His head was heavy, and he felt an incredibly uncomfortable pressure behind his eyes. He opened them and began to blink rapidly. As his vision cleared he saw he was looking out of a shattered windshield. And through the broken glass was concrete.

He was upside down.

The eighteen wheeler.

An accident.

Emmy. His voice was hoarse and loud. Blindly he reached out to his right feeling for her. Nothing. He slowly turned his head.

Emma lay on the roof of the flipped car. Cooper’s peripheral vision took in her seat.

Her seatbelt had snapped.

As his brain started to reengage he realized she wasn’t moving.

In a painful rush everything came back. His eyes cleared as the sounds of the dying engine filled his ears, people yelling, footsteps pounding nearby.

But all he saw was Emma.

Emma! Cooper scrambled for his seatbelt as fast as his hands would work and clicked down. Panicked, he didn’t brace to cushion his fall. He slammed down onto the roof with a harsh thud. But that didn’t matter, nothing mattered. Not the shooting pain in his leg or the ache in his shoulder.

Emma was all that mattered.

He crawled over to her.

She was so still. He checked for her pulse.

He felt one.

Thank God.

Cooper leaned in close to her face and cupped his hands on either side, careful not to move her neck.

Emmy, baby, c’mon, open your eyes for me. Nothing.

He heard his car door wrench open with an awful crunch.

Call 911!  He screamed without looking back.

They’re on their way, a voice behind him reassured.

Lightly, he ran his hands over Emma, checking for visible signs of injury. It was night and nearly impossible to see.

He wanted to pick her up and run to the hospital. The minutes ticked by so slowly. He heard people on the ground with him, their tones full of reassurance. They didn’t know shit. They didn’t know if it was going to be okay, if she was going to be okay. So he ignored them.

And he lay there on the roof of his car completely fucking helpless. Completely fucking worthless.  A feeling that was so ugly, so foreign. He held her face and kissed her lips trying to coax her back to him.

C’mon, baby. C’mon.

He felt panic begin to set in. His heartbeat thundering in his ears told him that he was on the verge of not only being useless, but needing to be subdued. Remembering his training he took several breaths to try to bring himself back down to an acceptable place. He saw Emma’s door swing open from his periphery and then hands followed.

Don’t touch her!

A face popped in. A man who was the picture of calm.  Sir, I’m a paramedic. We’re not going to move her. I need to assess her.

Cooper inhaled deeply, let it out, and then nodded.

Can you move?

Cooper nodded again.

The paramedic lightly ran his hand over Emma’s stomach. Oh god, the baby.

The baby.

Why hadn’t he checked her stomach?

How far along is she?  the paramedic asked as another one knelt down and leaned in as well.

Six months.

The paramedic nodded and then froze. Cooper watched as he quickly covered up the reaction turning to his partner. Grab me... He droned on and on as Cooper’s eyes darted down to where the paramedic had been looking just a moment ago.

His gaze stopped at the bottom half of Emma’s dress. The material at the center, between her legs, was soaked in blood. 

He felt his heart stop, just completely stop at the sight of the blood stain rapidly growing. No, Cooper whispered to the car.

Sir, stay calm. The paramedic turned his head and yelled back to what must have been the others.

But Cooper couldn’t hear. His ears stopped working. A peeling keen began and it pushed all sound out as it forced its way in. He was left in a tunnel.  A soundless tunnel, because even as he started to yell he couldn’t hear his own voice. He could see the paramedic yelling at him and more feet rushing to Emma’s window but all he did was yell.

He only stopped when he felt a hand on his leg. The blinding pain stopped his scream right in its tracks, mid breath. The paramedic behind assessed him as Cooper kept a hand gently on Emma’s stomach. And when he was able, Cooper climbed out of the window and limped around to her side, much to the dismay of the emergency personnel. He was next to her as she was pulled from the car. 

He remembered very little of the next chunk of time. Very little of getting to the hospital or when he was separated from Emma or when he was able to be with her again. It all passed in a flash of soundless images.

Eventually the shock began to leave his system, after Emma woke up for the first time. She was groggy and disoriented and he said nothing of the accident.

And then when the doctor pulled him from the room to speak with him his senses came back fully. The look on the doctor’s face told him everything he needed to know. And he focused in on the doctor’s words as he explained what needed to happen now. He was so focused, so aware that he felt every single piece of his heartbreak.

Every single piece.

When the doctor finished Cooper walked over to the cheap plastic waiting room chairs, sat, and put his face in his hands. He felt the doctor come over after only a few moments. Sir, this can’t wait.

He swallowed heavily and nodded. After taking a breath he stood and went back into his wife's recovery room. He tried not to look at her for fear that she would see it on his face. Instead he limped over to her bed, his leg now outfitted with a cast, and maneuvered himself up next to her.

He leaned in, wrapped his arm around her shoulders and tucked her under his. And he looked down at his wife while the doctor told her what had happened and what they had to do now.

Cooper held her as her screams rang out in the room and carried down the hall to people waiting to hear about their own loved ones. He pulled her face into his neck as her screams became wails and then wails over time became sobs. He rocked her gently as she clutched her stomach, where their son had died.

Chapter One

Present

Asheville, North Carolina

Emma stared across the space into the eyes of the drowsy, contented baby. The baby had great cherub cheeks and a small cap of raven black hair. She was beautiful. Emma had been watching for some time as the baby was fed and then burped, all the while babbling away pleasantly to the guests at her table. And she’d had all their attention. Babies did that to people. Took away their desire to have grown up, logical conversations and reduced them to cooing and babbling almost as incoherently as the baby they were entertaining.

She wondered if the people at the table, most likely family, knew what a blessing the baby was. Probably.

The mother took the child from her shoulder, burping done apparently, and Emma watched as the baby smiled at her one last time. Emma felt her lips curve up in a tiny smile and then the baby disappeared from her view.

She sighed quietly, and looked around the restaurant in search of her friends. Emma was prompt and for her, prompt typically meant early so she wasn’t surprised when she’d discovered that she was the first one at their bar table. Looking down she fiddled with the stem of her wineglass and thought back, not for the first time, to the news she’d learned this earlier this week.

Cooper was now a resident of Asheville.

Emma picked up the glass and took a sip. Her reaction to her brother’s phone call had been instantaneous and visceral. Panic, dread, terror—all warred to come out the top dog. But, hope had emerged victorious. Hope that this meant something. Hope that she could get him to talk to her. Finally. After nearly four years. Hope that maybe, just maybe he’d forgiven her.

Not that she could blame him. She wasn’t entirely sure that she’d forgive herself if the roles were reversed.

Yo!

Emma looked up to see her friend and colleague, Callie, moving through the bar, her long auburn hair flying behind her.

Emma took her hand from her chin and smiled. Hey.

Callie collapsed in the high barstool and put her clutch down on the table as if it had been a long day. When really, it was a Saturday, and Emma knew for a fact that Callie slept ‘til noon on Saturdays.

Where’re the girls? Emma asked.

Callie nodded to the bartender, who was making his way  over to their table as she turned her dark brown eyes on Emma. Accident two blocks away from Willa’s. They just got ahead of it.

Emma nodded, but didn’t reply as the bartender flashed an obviously flirtatious smile at Callie. And Callie, being who she was, either didn’t notice or didn’t want to. What kind of sangria do you have? Red or white?

We have both.

Callie smiled up at him. Does the white have peaches?

Emma interjected, Is the fruit more of a deal breaker than the wine?

Callie glanced over to Emma. "Wine is fruit."

Emma smiled and shook her head.

The white has peaches, the hot bartender confirmed.

Perfect! Callie put the full force of her smile and big eyes on him. Emma watched as the bartender blinked at Callie’s beauty but pulled himself together enough to nod and smile before quickly turning away.

Emma reached out and plucked an olive from the dish and popped it in her mouth as Callie turned her attention back to her.

He’s cute, Emma smiled and raised an eyebrow at her friend.

Callie rolled her eyes. He’s a no.

Everyone’s ‘a no’, Emma commented.

Callie nodded eagerly. That’s about the size of it.

Emma chuckled and took a sip of her wine. Over the rim of her glass she saw Willa and Sophie come in the front door of the restaurant.

She gave them a wave as Willa stood on her tiptoes, craning her neck to see around the crowd. Willa spotted her and then nudged tall, willowy Sophie and nodded at Emma.

Her friends sat and got their drink orders when the bartender, now fully enamored with Callie, came to drop hers off.

You help Monica move her shit out of Brandon’s? Callie asked Willa.

Willa smiled devilishly. No, it was the opposite.

Emma tilted her head back and laughed that small, innocent Willa had helped a friend throw her boyfriend’s belongings out.

What’s left of her stuff if all of his degrees, cookbooks, and penis enhancement products are gone?  Callie asked innocently.  All three girls laughed as they waited for their drinks.

The last set was dropped off and as soon as the bartender sauntered away – the saunter for Callie’s sake – Sophie spoke up.  Okay, you told us that something was going down. That was two days ago. Tell. I’m dying. All three pairs of eyes swung Emma’s way. She looked down at her glass and then puffed her cheeks out as she filled them with air. Shit.

It’s about Cooper. She kept her eyes to the table. She heard the swift intake of air. They all knew her story. They all knew who he was to her.

Emma looked up and saw they were all still staring at her. He moved to Asheville a few weeks ago.

Callie’s eyes grew enormous as she stuck her neck out a little. What? Why?

Emma shrugged but answered, Grant didn’t say much. Just that he took a position as detective.

Her brother had maintained a relationship with Cooper even when she hadn’t. And she was thankful for that for a few reasons. Grant was an amazing source of support. She was relieved that Cooper had that in his life. He needed it. He deserved it.

Have you seen him? Sophie asked.

Emma shook her head.

Well, shit, Willa supplied.

They all nodded in agreement and sat in silence for a moment.

Do you... are you going to try to? Callie asked.

Emma had kept nothing a secret about what had happened. That they lost their baby, how she spiraled out of control down into a deep, dark depression, and how she’d left.

They also knew that as soon as she had begun to make her way out of that hole she’d tried to reconcile with him. She hadn’t. She hadn’t even been able to get him to talk to her.

What are you going to do? Sophie asked.

What can I do? Emma asked in return.

Are you going to ask for a divorce? Willa spoke up quietly.

Emma’s heart clenched at the idea. She had to physically stop herself from cringing at her friend’s words. It was a fair question.

Four years had gone by since the accident. Three and half since she’d woken up one morning and like a zombie just left their life behind. She’d never filed for divorce, and neither had he. So they were still married. The part of her that hurt so much she pushed it down, was secretly happy that they’d never divorced.  He was the only man she’d ever love. And would ever love. Being married... even after all this time, made her feel in some way still connected to him.

Emma shook her head. I don’t know.

Do you want to? Callie asked.

She gave a self deprecating smile. No.

Sophie gave a deep sigh and then spoke. Maybe you should call him.

Try to call him? Emma corrected.

Her friend looked chagrined and then nodded. Emma thought about it for a moment. I don’t know. Doesn’t it seem...stalker-ish?

Willa nodded. I’m not sure stalking a police detective is the brightest idea.

Emma giggled and smiled a  thanks to Willa’s levity.  

Sophie sat for a moment, her eyes thoughtful and then added, Did you ever tell Cooper about your diagnosis?

Emma’s smile faded from her face. She swallowed back the lump in her throat and then shook her head.

Either of them?

Emma shook her head again.

So he never knew you were suffering from depression and PTSD after the accident? Sophie pushed.

Emma blew out a breath. No.

He never gave her the opportunity, Callie defended her.

Sophie looked over at Callie, and then to Willa, and then finally back to Emma. That’s true, but isn’t her leaving the same as him not answering? They both weren’t in the right place.

How do you know he wasn’t in the right place? Willa asked.

Sophie turned her blue gaze back to Willa. If Emma wasn’t in the right place, he couldn’t have been.

Willa said nothing in return. He never knew? About any of it?

Emma shook her head, I barely knew my own mind when it was all happening. She looked around the bar for a moment allowing herself to think back to the most horrific time in her life. After the accident most nights I barely slept. But when I did, I’d always have nightmares and those nights when I woke up I’d see Cooper sitting at the edge of our bed staring into space. Once I found him standing in the old nursery in the dark. I crept back to bed before he knew I’d been awake.

Did you guys try counseling... together? Sophie asked. This was something they had never discussed. Her friends knew to tread lightly whenever Cooper was brought up.

Emma shook her head. He wouldn’t talk about it at all. And honestly, I wouldn’t either. I wasn’t really myself anymore either.  I couldn’t function in my new reality, and I couldn’t go back to the way things were. I was...stuck. She picked up her glass, paused for a moment, and took a sip.

I feel like I’m telling this wrong. It sounds like he wasn’t doing a good job supporting me. He was. He just got lost somewhere along the line. Like putting me first meant putting himself last.

Willa nodded, as if that all made sense to her. 

We did the best we could. We loved each other. We’d loved each other for a long time before the accident. But after the days became weeks, and then months, and things never lifted, she thought back to those last few weeks as a couple, I got so lost, I just couldn’t see a way out of it. And then I just... couldn’t do it anymore. I just couldn’t. Not physically, not mentally, not emotionally. I had nothing left.

But every morning I would wake up and he would be wrapped around me.  Maybe that seems small. But it wasn’t. He needed me as much I needed him. I just don’t think he knew how to ask for what he needed. Emma looked around at her friends as she paused for a moment. She forced a smile.

I loved him more than my own life and I know it was the same for him.  But I woke up one day and we were just... Gone. We’d disappeared.

Her friends were silent for a moment. She picked up her glass and took a sip. In the end we were two people who were drifting through their grief in the same house, but in entirely different bubbles.

And then Callie spoke. And so you left.

Emma looked over to her. At the time I was struggling to make it through each day. Looking back on it all, I know that I shouldn’t have made such a life altering decision while I was dealing with what I was. She shook her head. But I did. She looked out at the mountains, And by the time I figured it out... I’d fucked up huge. I’d ruined the single most important thing ... She sighed.  ... by the time I began to realize it all he’d grown so angry.

Callie tilted her head and pushed her lips together in sympathy.

He wouldn’t speak to me, or return any calls. I’d just settled in here.

She took a breath. I deserved it though. Him not wanting to talk to me. I get it. And a double standard wouldn’t be fair. I could make decisions about our relationship without his input.... But he couldn’t? So I let him have his space and tried to contact him again a few months later. But nothing. Emma shrugged.  So...I stopped. She reached down and played with her wine stem. That had been the hardest part of all. Stepping back, giving him space. Realizing that it was more than space she had to give. It was everything. She had to let go of everything.

Callie sighed and nodded. So... you are just going to...what...pretend like he doesn’t live here?

I don’t know. That’s what I need to figure out, Emma admitted.

Do you think this means something? Willa asked, curiosity laced her voice.

Emma frowned. Like what?

Willa shrugged, her face almost embarrassed. I dunno, like destiny?

Callie snorted. Hardly.

Emma looked over at her most cynical friend and smiled. And then she looked back to Willa, who was–in some ways—the exact opposite. I don’t know what it means.  Willa’s green eyes grew large in thanks as her face tipped into a smile. Emma smiled back and took another sip of her wine. She was too scared to tell her friends that her chest hurt with the crushing hope it could mean something. That maybe she would get a second chance.

Chapter Two

Seventeen Years Ago

Greensboro, North Carolina

Emma sat nervously at her desk. To hide how she was feeling, she opened her favorite book, Anne of Green Gables and read so that when class got started she could pretend to be as brave as the redheaded, freckled Anne with an e.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw a boy walk through the door. She started to feel herself blush at the way he looked. He was cute, and she was sure she hadn’t gone to elementary school with her. He was tall for a boy her age, which was usually shorter than her. Though, her mom told her that things always seemed to even out in the end. He had dark black hair that was a bit scruffy.  The kind her dad would force her brother Grant to cut, if his looked like that.

She tried to look at him from behind her book. He was talking to some other boy she didn’t recognize either. They were talking animatedly and laughing. But in the middle of laughing his eyes flashed over to her. Blue. They were really, really blue.

Anne would have figured out some romantic, make-believe way to describe him, so as Emma hurriedly buried her face back in her book she decided that if she were Anne she would pretend the boy was a secret Prince of Russia. He had to escape country in a moments notice because another jealous royal wanted him never to become King. And so the Prince of Russia with aquamarine eyes was spirited away in the middle of the night. Never to be seen again. Until now.

Yes, she smiled. That was what his eyes told her.  

She was still smiling when her book was tipped down away from her face. She looked over at the culprit and it was the Prince! She felt her smile fade from her face. He was sitting next to her.

Nervously she tried to pull the book back up to her face.  But he held it in place with just his finger. He was strong.

And he was smiling at her.  Hi.

She looked at the pages of her book in front of her hoping that she would find some courage there. She did. Sort of.

Hi, she whispered.  She pulled on her book trying to escape the Prince with his eyes that made her think he could read her thoughts. Maybe that was the real reason the royal didn’t want the Prince to live. A King who could read minds would certainly be a dangerous thing.

She shook her head to clear it of her beloved Anne.

I’m Cooper. She heard from behind the pages.

She held the book still but shifted her eyes back to him and he smiled again.  She just stared at his mouth as if she had never seen teeth before.

You don’t have a name? he asked as she shifted her arms to put her book down on her desk.

When she looked up she saw he wasn’t smiling anymore, instead he was staring at her, openly curious. She wasn’t really sure what to say. The way his eyes were assessing her brought nervousness to her chest in a flutter.

Emma shifted her gaze down to the table and could feel herself start to blush. She sat, mortified, as the heat rose to her face.

The boy silently watched the whole thing and had let go of her book.

Sorry, he told her quietly. But he continued to look at her.

Emma glanced back over to him and forced another smile.

He opened his mouth to say something, but their new teacher walked in and class settled down.

When the teacher moved through the aisles calling roll Cooper leaned in and nodded down at her closed book. I’ve never heard of that one, he whispered.

Emma, had never gotten in trouble at school and she certainly didn’t want to on the first day of sixth grade so she gave him a tight smile but didn’t look at him.

Is it any good? he asked. He certainly didn’t care about getting in trouble.

Emma cast him a sideways glance and smiled. He looked down at her mouth and then back at her eyes and he smiled back.

You’ll have to tell me about it.

Okay, she whispered back.

PRESENT

Asheville, North Carolina

Shots! Callie yelled. Callie, was and always would be the one who tried to get the others to have as much fun as possible. But, she rarely succeeded in getting them to go all out.

No! Emma replied.

Em...

"Ain’t happening. More power to you, but none for me. I want to actually get out of bed tomorrow," Emma told her, smiling.

Fine. Party pooper. She fake sulked. Emma watched as Callie’s eyes grew wide and looked over her shoulder.

Hey, Emma. She heard from behind her. Emma turned to see Matthew, a fellow teacher, standing behind her. Because it was summer she hadn’t seen him since the last day of school.

Matthew!  She opened her arms to give him a hug. He immediately responded by engulfing her. And although she didn’t feel uncomfortable, she did notice he held a little too long.

She sat back and looked up at him.

How’s summer going?

Fast, he replied.

Don’t I know it. She smiled at him.

Can I get you a drink? She resisted the urge to look at her drink on the table. It was full.

I’m good, but thanks.

Matthew nodded at her and smiled. Ladies?

I’m in, Callie told him.

Okay. Sophie murmured as Willa nodded.  Matthew gave them a single nod, heaved away from the table, and sauntered to the bar.

"Girl, that was a hug," Callie said when he was out