Kenzie's Rules for Life: How to Be Happy, Healthy, and Dance to Your Own Beat

RULE 1

CONFIDENCE IS KEY

YOU GOT THIS!

If I had to pick my number one accessory it wouldn’t be a cute baseball cap, a cool mini backpack, or even my most comfy pair of Vans sneakers. It would be confidence; it’s the one thing you can wear every single day, no matter the occasion or place, and it looks good on everyone. I wasn’t always so sure of myself. When I started dancing, I was the youngest one on the team, and I always felt like my sister and her friends were so much better than I was—they had been doing it longer and knew the drill, and I was the baby.

To be totally honest, I didn’t even really like dance at first, and I didn’t feel like I was good enough—at least, not compared to everyone else. They were all so polished and perfect; I felt like a hot mess! I was also really nervous about people watching me on TV—would they laugh at me? Would I look really stupid up there? I knew the cameras would be following us around and catching everything I did and said. It certainly didn’t help that for my very first solo, they dressed me in a mouse costume and the tail kept getting stuck when I tried to do my tricks. I was embarrassed and really insecure. Maddie helped me a lot with that. She told me not to worry about what people think, just do you. So that’s what I did; I let the real Kenzie come through and suddenly all the nerves and doubts melted away. Which isn’t to say they never pop up from time to time today—whenever I try something brand-new, I get nervous and I can feel my confidence dipping. But it’s okay; if I was super sure of everything, my head would get so big, it wouldn’t fit through the door! I think of confidence as a muscle you have to build and flex like you would if you were training in dance class. The more you work at being confident, the more easily it comes.

BELIEVE IN YOURSELF

I have had so many people knock me, insult me, criticize me, tell me I’m not good enough—from people in my own studio, to haters online, to kids I thought were my friends. I guess that makes me kind of an expert on this subject: You can’t let anyone crush your confidence. I’ve also noticed that the more confident you get, the more people who are insecure will try and chip away at your self-esteem—making you feel small makes them feel bigger. Block these people out of your life and just do what you love—you can choose not to listen! I used to think I needed to be a pleaser and make everyone happy, but that’s just not necessary—and it’s also pretty exhausting. When I did something only because I was trying to impress someone or make them like me more, I realized it didn’t feel very good. I wasn’t being true to myself. So yeah, maybe they were happier about it, but I wasn’t!

It took me almost the entire time I was on Dance Moms to get to a place where I was comfortable and confident enough to say, I know what I want and this isn’t it. I was over it. I felt like the constant competition life was getting to be too much. It wasn’t fun for me anymore; I was ready to move on and do something else, and I knew my heart wasn’t 100 percent in it. That can happen sometimes—it’s part of growing up and discovering who you are as a person. Sometimes the things that you once loved and thought were so much a part of you just lose their fun factor. Hey, I used to be obsessed with playing with my dolls, and now I’m pretty sure they’re all in a box somewhere in the closet collecting dust. Who would have thought that I’d get tired of something that meant so much to me? For me, leaving the show and the whole dance-team life was a similar feeling: One day, the old things that I always did seemed just that—old—and new things appealed a lot more. Here’s the thing: You know you better than anyone else. You know what makes you happy or, as my stepdad, Greg, will say, whatever floats your boat. I guess it was kind of a shocker to my family and definitely my teammates when I said I was done with spending hours a day focusing on dance. It had been my life for so, so long! At first, my sister was like, Kenzie, you can’t quit competing! You’re too good now and you’re improving every day. But then she realized I was changing and growing, and she supported my decision. She saw it wasn’t just me getting bored or tired and lazy (’cause sometimes I get a little cranky and fed up when I am!). It was me knowing I was capable of doing so much more in my life and feeling ambitious and a little itchy to branch out. She had been there before, so she got it: I was ready to move on.

CAST A CONFIDENCE SPELL

Okay, maybe I’ve read a few too many of those Whatever After books or I’ve gone to Disneyland too many times (is such a thing possible?), but I think believing in yourself is a little magical. You have to have faith that you can—and will—make your dreams come true, because as soon as you do, everyone around you starts buying into it. Why? Because as soon as you start working really hard toward achieving something important to you—in my case, a career as a pop singer, author, actor, clothing designer, and so many other awesome things—people see that you’re serious, focused, and determined. You may not succeed at first, but you project a champion’s attitude, and eventually that will get you where you want to be. If you can convince yourself that something is possible, it’s that much easier to convince everyone else. I remember when I released my very first single a few years ago, I was pretty nervous. I didn’t want to put my music out there and have people hate on me for it. I actually tried to picture what the mean comments might be, writing them in my head: Stick to dancing! You stink! or Kenzie can’t sing. Then I realized how ridiculous that was: I was sabotaging myself before my album even hit! I told myself that my fans would love it because I was doing it for them as much as I was doing it for myself. I convinced myself that even if the album didn’t sell a single copy, I would have tried something new and that I’d be proud of myself for having gone for it. And then something really crazy happened: The single flew up the pop charts and wound up number one on iTunes. I couldn’t believe it! I was like, "Wait! Is that my name? Is that really me?" Like I said—magic! I know that everything I do won’t always be a huge success (’cause that’s kind of how life works), but I feel like you always have this superpower in your back pocket anytime you want to use it: your confidence.

5 WAYS TO SUPERCHARGE YOUR SELF-CONFIDENCE

If I forget to charge my phone at night, it dies on me the next day. Same goes for your confidence: Sometimes you just need to charge it up so it’s at 100 percent! Try these tricks and you’ll be ready to take on the world.

1 Walk like a winner. Hold your head up high, shoulders back, big grin on your face. Posture was always super important in the dance studio, but it’s equally important in life. Body language says so much! If you stand tall, you feel powerful and in control—and that’s how people will see you.

2 Make a list of all your awesomeness. Write down everything you’ve accomplished—even the little stuff that makes you feel happy and proud. For example, 98 percent on my pre-algebra quiz; solo in the school choir; taught my dog how to stay, roll over, and shake paws. Then, when you’re having a downer day, you can look at the list and remind yourself that you’re pretty amazing and that there’s a lot more of that to come.

3 Edit your self-image. Kind of like when you go on one of those photoshopping apps on your phone like Facetune and fix your red eyes or cover up a zit (not that I’ve ever done that, lol). You can just as easily adjust the way you think about yourself: See yourself as a winner, a leader, a go-getter, a doer. Erase all the other images in your mind that don’t belong in that picture, then project it out there!

4 Ask an expert. If you want to be the best at something, you have to learn as much as you can about it from people who are the best. I knew I wanted to write my own music so it felt real and relatable to my audience, but I’d never done it before. So my friend’s dad is a songwriter, and I asked him to work with me. I was really scared that first writing session; I stuttered and didn’t know what to do or say. But the more he explained and talked me through the process, the more confident I felt. Whatever it is that you want to do or be, ask the right people questions and find a mentor who is willing to teach you what you need to know. When it came to dance, the older kids at the dance studio were always my mentors; I looked up to them and asked their advice.

5 Give back. This is a big thing in our family, and my mom always encourages us to volunteer and work with charities in any way we can. At Christmas, we’ll load up carts of toys to donate to families who need them, and even when we were little, we were ambassadors for the Starlight Children’s Foundation. Just recently we did a campaign for Dancers Against Cancer, and I plan on volunteering at the Vanderpump Dog Foundation in L.A. I’m also a founding member of Positively Social. It’s about helping young people use social media in a positive way. It’s more than just anti-bullying. It’s also about presenting the best you online, so that you don’t feel that every like matters or that what you see on social media is the real world. No matter what cause you choose, volunteering is a kind and generous thing you can do for others that also makes you feel great about