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    Uncle John's Plunges into Canada: Illustrated Edition
    Uncle John's Plunges into Canada: Illustrated Edition
    Uncle John's Plunges into Canada: Illustrated Edition
    Ebook445 pages3 hours

    Uncle John's Plunges into Canada: Illustrated Edition

    By Bathroom Readers' Institute

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    About this ebook

    Uncle John Plunges into Canada . . . in color!

    Uncle John and the folks at the Bathroom Readers’ Institute love all things Canadian and figure that just because we weren’t lucky enough to be born in the Great White North doesn’t mean we can’t devote an entire Bathroom Reader to the cause . . . and this time we’re doing it in Technicolor!

     

    Uncle John’s Plunges into Canada (Illustrated Edition) is full of cool trivia and fascinating facts about the greatest country in the world, but now it’s jam-packed with photographs and illustrations too! So put away the hockey gear, grab a plate of Kraft dinner, and join us. Whether you’re a true Canuck or just always wanted to be one, this book is for you!
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherPortable Press
    Release dateJun 1, 2014
    ISBN9781626861121
    Uncle John's Plunges into Canada: Illustrated Edition
    Author

    Bathroom Readers' Institute

    The Bathroom Readers' Institute is a tight-knit group of loyal and skilled writers, researchers, and editors who have been working as a team for years. The BRI understands the habits of a very special market—Throne Sitters—and devotes itself to providing amazing facts and conversation pieces.

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    • 5/5
      Great book to have in the car when you have to commute & might be caught in traffic jams.

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    Uncle John's Plunges into Canada - Bathroom Readers' Institute

    They Love Us…

    They really love us!

    Classic Canada: A glacier-fed river winds below the high mountain peaks of the Canadian Rockies.

    When I’m in Canada, I feel this is what the world should be like.

    —Jane Fonda, actor

    I love America…whilst performing in Canada.

    —Charlotte Church, British singer

    I had no idea Canada could be so much fun.

    —Bruce Willis, actor

    Jim Carrey gives the thumbs up.

    Canada made me the person I am. I will always be proud to be a Canadian.

    —Jim Carrey, actor and comedian

    Canada is a place of infinite promise. We like the people, and if one ever had to emigrate, this would be the destination…The hills, lakes, and forests make it a place of peace and repose of the mind, such as one never finds in the U.S.A.

    —John Maynard Keynes, British economist

    Samantha Bee

    A lot of funny stuff happens in Canada.

    —Samantha Bee, actress and comedian

    Canada is a very nice place. And we intend to keep it that way.

    —J. P. Morgan, American financier

    Canada is a good country to be from. It has a gentler, slower pace—it lends perspective.

    —Paul Anka, singer and songwriter

    I am much more receptive to Canada than to the United States. There is more balance, a calm rhythm of life…Canada has created harmony and co-operation among ethnic groups, and it must take this experience to the world.

    —Valentyn Moroz, historian

    I’m from Canada, so [American] Thanksgiving to me is just Thursday with more food…and I’m thankful for that.

    —Howie Mandel, comedian and actor

    World Capitals

    Have you ever wanted to visit the world’s blueberry, kissing, or root cellar capital? Well, you don’t have to travel overseas for that. Many of them are right here in Canada!

    • Houseboat Capital of the World: Sicamous, BC

    • Blueberry Capital of the World: Oxford, NS

    • Norseman Capital of the World: Red Lake, ON

    • Moose Capital of the World: Hudson Bay, SK

    • Bathtub Racing Capital of the World: Nanaimo, BC

    • Scallop Capital of the World: Digby, NS

    • Balsam Fir Christmas Tree Capital of the World: Lunenburg County, NS

    • Kissing Capital of the World: Sarnia, ON

    • Lily Capital of the World: Neepawa, MB

    • Fruit Stand Capital of the World: Keremeos, BC

    Canada boasts the Chainsaw Carving Capital of the World.

    • Chainsaw Carving Capital of the World: Hope, BC

    • Dinosaur Capital of the World: Drumheller, AB

    • Chicken Capital of the World: Wynyard, SK

    • Maple Capital of the World: Plessisville, QC

    • Tuna Capital of the World: North Lake, PEI

    • Potash Capital of the World: Saskatoon, SK

    • Waterfall Capital of the World: Hamilton, ON

    • Iceberg Capital of the World: Qikiqtarjuaq, NU

    • Root Cellar Capital of the World: Elliston, NL

    • Swan Capital of the World: Fraser Lake, BC

    A polar bear rests in the snow.

    • Polar Bear Capital of the World: Churchill, MB

    Geese is the Word…

    Look up! Graceful birds, displaying black heads and white chinstraps, flying in an elegant V …and accompanied by all that honking.

    Name Game

    It’s not Canadian goose. It’s Canada goose.

    Big Birds

    Canada geese usually look the same to an untrained eye, but scientists say there are seven different subspecies. The smallest? The Aleutian Canada goose, which weighs just 1.8 kilograms (4 pounds) and was once among the most endangered birds in the world. The largest? The giant Canada goose, spreading its wings 2 meters (6.5 feet) and weighing 8 kilograms (17.6 pounds).

    Air Canada

    During migration, Canada geese fly 3,000 to 5,000 kilometers (1,800 to 3,100 miles) each way, but it doesn’t work the same in both directions. Going south, they move fast, as far as 1,000 kilometers (620 miles) per day. When they head north in the spring, though, they take their time, generally spending a few weeks on the trek and making frequent stops along the way.

    Honk!

    The geese are highly vocal and don’t even wait until they have hatched—goslings can be heard talking from inside their eggs. Scientists have picked out at least 13 separate goose calls, each representing something different: for example, a call can mean Hello, Danger, Come over and join us here, or even, Hey baby, looking for a good mate?

    A Canada goose looks out from its island perch.

    Love Birds

    Most birds seem to have trouble with long-term relationships, but Canada geese mate for life. If one of the partners dies, though, the survivor often finds a new mate before the next mating season.

    Water Birth

    Goslings are led to water almost immediately after they hatch. This is why Canada geese often nest near shorelines, municipal parks, and golf course water hazards. In a pinch, even a city fountain or a backyard swimming pool will do.

    Bombs Away

    One Canada goose can produce 57 kilograms (125 pounds) of poop annually…meaning a flock of 50 geese can bless an area with more than three tons every year.

    A Canada goose takes off.

    You Know You’re Canadian If…

    • You can eat more than one maple sugar candy without getting sick.

    • You cried when you thought Gus had died on Road to Avonlea.

    • You can recite the entire Molson’s I Am Canadian rant.

    • You eat buns and chocolate bars.

    • You aren’t embarrassed by the phrase Tickle Trunk.

    Champion ice skater Elvis Stojko dazzles at the Golden Skate Awards in Turin, Italy, October 20th, 2012.

    • You think Elvis Stojko looked better with hockey hair.

    • You don’t understand what all the fuss is about Cuba.

    • You’ve ordered poutine at McDonald’s.

    • You use hockey tape to fix…everything.

    • You wear a toque.

    • You consider beers under 6 percent to be for children and the elderly.

    • You’ve never ridden on a moose, built an igloo, or said sore-y.

    • You know what a sweeper does in curling.

    • You know that This Hour Has 22 Minutes.

    • You’ve ever told a Newfie joke…like this one:

    A Newfie was having a hard time attracting women at the beach, so he asked a friend for advice.

    It’s dem big baggy swimming trunks, said the friend. Dey’re years outta style. Yer best bet is to grab yeself a pair of Speedos and drop a fist-sized potato down inside ’em. Ye’ll have all de babes ye wants!

    The next day, the Newfie sauntered onto the beachwith his new Speedos and his potato. Everybody he walked past immediately started pointing at him and laughing.

    So the Newfie went back to his friend and said, I did what ye said, but it’s still not working.

    Lard-Tunderin’ Jeezus b’y! said the friend. The potato goes in the front!

    The Greatest Outdoor Show on Earth

    Calgary hosted the Winter Olympics in 1988, and it led Canada’s oil boom in the early 1900s. But what the city is really famous for is its over-the-top homage to the Wild West.

    Party Like It’s 1912

    Called the Greatest Outdoor Show on Earth, the annual Calgary Stampede lasts for 10 days every July. The city’s stores and businesses decorate with Western themes. The put your head in a hat campaign awards valuable prizes to cowpokes wearing their Stetsons.

    Hungry visitors line up for a free all-you-can-eat flapjack, sausage, and bacon breakfast served from the back of a chuck wagon. Horse-drawn rigs give free city tours. One visitor even reported looking up at a skyscraper and seeing a horse riding in its glass elevator.

    Calgary has been Stampeding for nearly a century. Though the festival celebrates all things Western, it was a fast-talking guy from New York who started it all. Born in Rochester in 1885, Guy Weadick left home and headed west when he was a teenager. After working as a cowboy, he got a job as a stunt rider and a trick roper with various Wild West shows in the United States and Europe before he began performing in Alberta.

    But Weadick wanted more. So in 1912, he convinced Calgary cattle barons George Lane, Alfred Cross, Archie McLean, and Patrick Burns (known today as the Big Four) to invest in his big dream: a world-class rodeo that celebrated the Wild West. Weadick’s backers spared no expense.

    Rodeo riders compete in Calgary.

    The first Stampede started with a parade that featured English nobility (the Duke and Duchess of Connaught) as grand marshals and included 2,000 natives on horseback. Prizes for the rodeo events totaled $16,000, the richest purse ever seen at the time. Nearly 14,000 people showed up on foot, on horseback, or by train to see that first Stampede, and it was such a hit that by 1923 it was an annual event.

    Rope and Ride

    These days, the Calgary Stampede is still a huge success. The city’s merchants call the event Christmas in July, and millions turn out for it every year. Calgary still holds a Parade Day, just like it did in 1912. Only now, the parade includes marching bands, elaborate floats, and celebrities. Native communities also attend and perform at the Stampede. One of the most popular exhibits is the First Nations Village, in which five tribes—the Siksika, Stoney, Blood, T’suu Tina, and Piikani—sing, dance, pose for pictures, and answer questions. It’s the largest meeting of the First Nations peoples in all of Canada. With all that, it might seem that the rodeo itself is neglected. Not so. The Stampede consistently ranks among the world’s top rodeos and, since 2006, participation in the professional events comes by invitation only. The prize money is rich—in 2009 the Stampede awarded $2 million in prizes.

    A Stampede mural decorates a wall in Calgary.

    In 2006 Calgary introduced a tournament-style rodeo for its six major events: bareback bronc riding, saddled bronc riding, barrel racing, bull riding, tie-down roping, and steer wrestling. Cowboys compete during the week, and the top performers move on to Showdown Sunday, a.k.a. Rodeo’s Richest Afternoon, held on the rodeo’s last Sunday. In 2009 the top prize for each event winner on Showdown Sunday was $100,000. How much does that mean to a cowboy? Competitors in the bucking bronc competition, for example, must stay on for eight seconds…which means the winner makes $12,500 a second.

    Half Mile of Hell

    The biggest prize of all, though, is reserved for the centerpiece of the celebration, a chuck wagon race called the Rangeland Derby, another brainchild of Guy Weadick. In the early 1900s, chuck wagons were like mobile restaurants that traveled out to ranches to feed the cowboys. Few people thought of them as fit for speed, but Weadick wanted to race them. He came up with the idea for a chuck wagon event after watching some actual wagons race each other from a ranch to a saloon—with the losers buying the drinks.

    For the 1923 Stampede, Weadick persuaded a group of local ranchers to enter their chuck wagons and compete for a prize of $275. He called the race the Rangeland Derby, and the fast-moving, dust-throwing event immediately became a crowd pleaser. A stagecoach driver from the Yukon won the first race. Today, 36 crews race their chuck wagons to compete for a purse of more than $1 million. The crews consist of a driver, four horses, and four outriders, and the wagons are fully loaded with a stove and other cooking supplies to simulate the weight of real chucks on the range. The course is an 800-meter (half-mile) track with tight curves, obstacles, a figure-eight, and limited space. Although safety measures have been introduced over the years, five men and 22 horses have died since the Rangeland Derby began. And because the race is so dangerous, it’s known as the Half Mile of Hell.

    Calgary Controversies

    Despite the food, shows, and exciting races, not everyone loves the Calgary Stampede. The most vocal protesters are animal-rights activists who claim that the rodeo is cruel. Since 1986 the Humane Society of Canada has documented more than 40 animal deaths linked directly to Stampede events. In 2009 the organization filed a complaint to stop the government from sponsoring the Stampede’s television broadcast. It’s against Canada’s laws to glamorize cruelty to animals, and Humane Society CEO Michael O’Sullivan said, Our fascination with the Old West makes these animals pay a terrible price. Still, the event was broadcast on the CBC as planned in 2009.

    Cowgirls ride in a Stampede parade.

    In addition to the debate over animals, some critics dislike the Stampede’s effect on humans. Karen Stewart, founder of a mediation group called Fairway Divorce Solutions, said she sees as much as a 40 percent jump in the number of people filing for divorce in the weeks after the Calgary Stampede. Stewart says that the party atmosphere leads some folks to stray from their vows. She claims too many people follow a Calgary saying that goes, It’s not cheatin’. It’s just Stampedin’. Yee-haw!

    Who’s that Band?

    The stories behind the names of some of Canada’s most beloved musical groups.

    Steppenwolf’s John Kay performs in Lillehammer, Norway.

    Steppenwolf

    The Born to Be Wild group started out as a Toronto blues band called Sparrow. Their producer—noting the popularity of Hermann Hesse novels at the time—suggested Steppenwolf after Hesse’s creepily surreal book of the same name.

    Chilliwack

    The Collectors found some minor success as a 1960s psychedelic group, but luckily, the 1970s weren’t that far away. Changing their name to Chilliwack—a Native North American term from the Salish language meaning going back up—expressed their optimism about making it big. After several Canadian hits in the 1970s, the band finally had its first success in the United States in 1981 with My Girl (Gone, Gone, Gone).

    Chris Murphy of Sloan performs at South by Southwest.

    Sloan

    This Halifax band got its name because of a friend’s problems at work. Jason Larsen’s French-speaking boss referred to him as Slow One, but it sounded like Sloan to his coworkers, and became his nickname. Larsen agreed to let his friends Chris Murphy and Andrew Scott use it for their band, as long as they put him on the front of their first album: that’s him on the cover of Peppermint.

    The Five Man Electrical Band released Good-byes and Butterflies in 1970 (Lionel Records).

    Five Man Electrical Band

    The Staccatos were a moderate success in the Ontario area in the early 1960s, but as the hippie era bloomed, that name proved to be out of touch. Bands like Big Brother and the Holding Company and the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band were popular, so why not adopt a similar-sounding name that literally told what they were? Their one hit, Signs, catapulted Five Man Electrical Band to success. The band still tours on the power of that hit, but today it has six members.

    The Poppy Family

    Which Way You Goin’ Billy? was the musical question posed in 1969 by this Vancouver psychedelic pop group. Headed by Terry and Susan Jacks and backed up by two unrelated musicians, the oh-so-sixties name mirrored the popular Partridge Family and referenced the flowery source of heroin and opium. The family broke up when Susan left the marriage. Terry had a string of hits, including Seasons in the Sun, before fading from the music scene; Susan still works in the biz as a consultant, songwriter, and recording artist.

    Heart’s Roger Fisher rocks out in 1978.

    Roger Fisher and Ann Wilson of Heart perform at the 28th Annual Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony in Los Angeles in 2013.

    Heart

    American draft dodger Mike Fisher formed this band with a group of his Seattle friends (including his brother Roger, and sisters Ann and Nancy Wilson) who had trickled up to Vancouver. First signed to the city’s Mushroom Records, the band had its first hit singles, Crazy on You and Magic Man, in 1976. Its name—originally White Heart—was inspired by Tales from the White Hart, a collection of sci-fi short stories by Arthur C. Clarke.

    April Wine

    According to the group’s Web site, April Wine was chosen in 1970 simply because they were two words that sounded good together. Born in Halifax but raised in Montreal, the group members celebrated their 40th anniversary in 2010 with honors from the Juno Awards and the Canadian Music Hall of Fame.

    Mahogany Rush

    The band’s leader, Frank Marino, thought up this name during an acid trip that put him in the hospital. He was trying to explain the nature of his LSD exhilaration—the rush—and figured that mahogany described it best.

    Rush

    When this Toronto band formed hastily in 1968, drummer John Rutsey’s older brother suggested Rush, both because of the psychedelic connotations (see Mahogany Rush) but also to reflect the band’s frenetic scrambling for a name before its first performance at a church-sponsored coffeehouse.

    Arcade Fire

    This Montreal indie band’s Win Butler explained that as a child he heard a story that haunted him: it was an account of an arcade burning down with kids trapped inside.

    It’s probably something that the kid [who told me the story] made up, but at the time I believed him.

    Randy Bachman of Bachman Turner Overdrive plays a set.

    Bachman Turner Overdrive

    Bachman and Turner, of course, were people in the group, but where did Overdrive

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