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    Uncle John's Facts to Go Bathroom Lore
    Uncle John's Facts to Go Bathroom Lore
    Uncle John's Facts to Go Bathroom Lore
    Ebook81 pages55 minutes

    Uncle John's Facts to Go Bathroom Lore

    By Bathroom Readers' Institute

    ()

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    About this ebook

    Uncle John’s favorite room finally gets its own book!

    Some of the best bathroom reading we’ve ever squeezed out has been about the bathroom itself. And in this e-book, the hallowed throne gets its moment in the spotlight! Starting from prehistoric times, you’ll learn the vital role that pee and poo have played in the course of human events. You’ll also visit Uncle John’s “Stall of Shame” and look at some of the cool (and bizarre) gadgets so you can spruce up your own throne room! Plus you’ll get a hefty helping of bathroom quotes, graffiti, tips, and jokes! So flush away your troubles as you read about…

     

    • That ’70s Bathroom
    • How to “go” abroad, on the Moon, and in ancient Rome
    • World leaders who perfected the fine art of “toilet diplomacy”
    • Mahatma Gandhi—saving the world, one bathroom at a time
    • Bathroom games (for when you don’t feel like reading)
    • 11 movies that Tom Hanks peed in
    • Lucky Finds—the privy edition
    • One story—more than 20 bathroom puns. Can Uncle John do it?
     

    Pick up a copy of Bathroom Lore to find out!
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherPortable Press
    Release dateJun 1, 2014
    ISBN9781626862401
    Uncle John's Facts to Go Bathroom Lore
    Author

    Bathroom Readers' Institute

    The Bathroom Readers' Institute is a tight-knit group of loyal and skilled writers, researchers, and editors who have been working as a team for years. The BRI understands the habits of a very special market—Throne Sitters—and devotes itself to providing amazing facts and conversation pieces.

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      Book preview

      Uncle John's Facts to Go Bathroom Lore - Bathroom Readers' Institute

      THE DAWN OF

      FERTILIZATION

      We proudly start this e-book with a story that highlights the important role the bathroom has played in the most pivotal moment of human evolution.

      ON THE GO

      In prehistoric times, all humans were nomadic hunter-gatherers. That meant they never stayed in one place for very long. And when they had eaten all the food available in one place, they moved to a new place where they could find more food. This went on for hundreds of thousands of years.

      But very recently—about 11,000 years ago—something happened in the area known as the Fertile Crescent, in what is now the Middle East. The nomads stopped moving. Instead, they found a way to replenish the land after they used up its resources: they learned how to cultivate wild plants, including wheat, peas, and olives.

      Exactly how our ancestors discovered farming is one of the great mysteries of archaeology. One of the most compelling theories (from the BRI’s perspective) comes from Pulitzer Prize–winning biologist Jared Diamond, who speculates that the agricultural revolution began in the bathroom. And it makes sense when you consider the life cycle of a plant.

      THE BIRDS, THE BEES, AND THE BATHROOM

      In order to successfully reproduce, a plant must be able to spread its seeds. Ever found burrs on your socks (or on your dog) after walking through a field? That’s a plant using you to disperse its seeds. Or those fuzzy white things floating in the wind? Another method of seed dispersal. But those two methods are hit or miss—there’s no telling where those seeds will end up.

      One of the best ways that nature has devised to sow wild seeds is to grow them inside an edible fruit. That way, when birds and other animals (including humans) eat the fruit in one place, they digest everything except the seeds, and then…deposit the seeds somewhere else. It’s a great system—the seeds are even planted inside a nice batch of fresh fertilizer.

      SETTLING DOWN

      Back to 11,000 years ago in the Fertile Crescent. When our ancestors moved into a new area, they gathered and ate the best examples of their favorite food crops and then moved on. When their descendants (or other groups) came back year after year, generation after generation, they found the descendants of those choice plants growing in and around their old campsites—particularly in the latrine areas.

      In his book Guns, Germs, and Steel, Diamond theorizes that these sites may have been a testing ground of the first unconscious crop breeders. It was this discovery, Diamond says, that gave the wanderers a reason to stop wandering and start experimenting with farming. Over subsequent generations, the people who inhabited these places became aware of their power to alter the evolution of wild plants, and, with practice, learned how to plant and harvest food on their own schedule.

      That changed everything. Farming led to a food surplus, which meant that people could stay put for a while. That led to more permanent settlements, which became the first towns and cities. That led to culture, government, music, theater, writing, and finally to the pinnacle of human innovation—Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader. All because of…poop.

      Fun fact: November 19 is World Toilet Day.

      BIDET TO YOU, SIR!

      We’d be flushed with embarrassment if we didn’t drop in at least a few bathroom quotes from TV land.

      Charles: You serve our food and build latrines?

      Igor: Don’t worry, sir, I washed my hands before I built the latrine.

      —M*A*S*H

      Elizabeth: That’s it, Mark. I’m not staying here anymore. Every faucet leaks. Your toilet actually rocks.

      Mark: I kind of like that.

      —ER

      This toilet comes with a lifetime guarantee! So we’ll never have to worry about buying another one. And when I die, Kyle will inherit the throne. It’ll be just like Shakespeare!

      —Jim, According to Jim

      How many of you kids want to wake up in a public bathroom lying in a pool of what you hope is your own filth?

      —Jerri, Strangers with Candy

      Liz: You have two choices here. You can stay in your [dressing] room like a child, or you can get out there and do your job. [Tracy stands up.] Thank you.

      Tracy: Oh, I’m sorry, that was misleading. I’m not going to rehearse. I’m going to get a sandwich and then eat it on the toilet.

      —30 Rock

      Janitor: You’ve been stealing pudding cups and toilet paper?

      J.D.: No! I hate pudding and I don’t use toilet paper. I have one of those French things that shoots

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