Danielle: Heavy On My Mind, #1

Danielle

(Heavy On My Mind)

By

Candace Mumford

DANIELLE

What a completely shitty day, I thought as I burst through the front door of my home. My shoulders sagged and ached under the weight of my purse hanging heavily on my right shoulder. Attaché’ in my left hand, all while balancing a piping hot, extra-large meat-lovers pizza with a large coke slushy on top between my hands. Kicking the door shut with my designer clad heel, I quickly reached over and managed to enter the code to my security system before leaning against the door closing my eyes with a loud sigh.

I was exhausted. Physically and mentally a sista was worn out. Thankfully it was due to high demand and my salon being busy. Lord knows it could be the opposite. I didn’t want to complain too much. I tried to always count my blessing, but it didn’t take away from the fact I was running on empty right now. This weekend I definitely aimed to recharge myself mentally and physically.

All afternoon I’d methodically plotted my entire weekend starting with this exact moment. The second I entered my home. I was locking myself in, while locking the world out. I’d already let the ladies. And men working at my salon The Cutting Edge know that short of the place burning to the ground, do not call me! I wasn’t answering my phone and I dared anyone to show up on my doorstep unannounced.

Home sweet home. I slowly murmured to myself looking around my place. It was truly my haven. Everything in my home was a piece that made me feel good. It made me smile. From the tufted navy-blue sofa and love-seat, down to the cream colored Flokati rugs. Accented gold framed abstract artwork stylishly adorned the walls. I prided myself on having painstakingly decorated every inch of my four bedroom, three and a half bath home myself. My Mother thought I was crazy buying a place like this all on my own at 27. Why should I wait? I asked. The first thing out of her mouth was for a husband. I was too independent in her eyes. What man was going to want me if I already had everything? She asked. A man wants to feel needed. My Mama constantly chided.

Well too damn bad.

Any man with an ego so egg-shell fragile, that he couldn’t handle me being a homeowner, wasn’t man enough for me already. Shit if it made you feel less than a man, upgrade me! Get me a 10-bedroom mansion if you needed too. I wasn’t going to complain. I was a lot of woman in more ways than one.

I kicked off my heels and made my way to the kitchen. The smell of lemon scented cleaner brought a quick smile to my face. I could tell Magdalena my twice weekly cleaning lady had been in today. I need to get Magdalena a gift certificate. Her birthday is coming up, I thought to myself. I’d barely laid my pizza on the counter when my cell phone went off. Even though I had no intention on answering, out of habit I glanced to see who it was. Lord this fool. My week had been so hectic, I’d ducked and dodged my favorite cousin’s phone calls for the last three days. I was shocked she hadn’t just come to the shop to see me. La’Toria’s work schedule at the moment was very, very flexible. Which of course was my nice way of saying she didn’t have a job.

Hey Pooh! I said with a sudden burst of energy.  Her name was La’Toria but everyone in the family had called her Pooh since the day she’d entered the world. Or so I’d been told.

Don’t Pooh me! I’ve been trying to reach your ass all damn week!

I know girl, but this week was miserable for me at the shop. I’ve been there until damn near ten every night this week. I don’t know what’s going on around town, but it seemed like everyone had money to spend on their hair this week. I guess they’re cutting these tax refund checks and everyone has money to get bad and bougie all of a sudden! You know it’s already in my business plan, but I’m seriously considering opening up a second shop sooner than I’d anticipated. Hell, I was so happy to see Friday I didn’t know what to do. Matter of fact, instead of being mad at me, be glad I picked up now. Because as soon as we get off this phone I’m officially off the grid for the rest of the weekend. No phone-calls, nada! Don’t even text me. The only person who is going to lay eyes on me are the delivery men knocking on my door. I don’t even plan to cook for myself this weekend. I’m strictly sipping and sleeping.

Oh, hell no Danielle! You better get in the kitchen and drink you a Red-Bull, Monster, coffee... shit smoke some crack! You’re coming out with me tonight, you promised!

Crack! Really bitch? I think you called the wrong cousin.

We both burst into a fit of giggles. Our cousin Terica was the known crack head of the family.

You damn right! You know I told you last week Mark’s cousin was coming into town and we were going on a double date. I asked you about this already.

I held the phone away from my face staring quizzically at it for a few seconds before snapping back to my senses.

Wait a minute now. I remember you asking me and I distinctly recall telling your ass I wasn’t interested. For one, I can barely stand your man. Facts. So, I can only imagine myself feeling the same about anyone sharing a gene pool with his donkey-brain ass. Two- You know damn well I don’t do blind dates and the reasons why. So please stop with the bullshit right now.

Pooh was holding me up with this irrelevant ass conversation and my damn pizza was getting cold! I made my way over to the fridge and pulled out an ice-cold bottle of my favorite sweet, red wine. I loved it with a nice hot slice of pizza. I popped my slushy in the freezer for later.

Dani please!

I could practically see Pooh’s lip stuck out through the phone she was so predictable.

I flipped open my box of pizza as I nestled my wide hips on a comfortable bar stool and took a hearty bite. This is heaven on earth right here, I thought to myself. Pooh was saying something but I zoned her out as I relished the taste of tomato sauce, pepperoni and sausage in my mouth. My eyes literally rolled back in my head. I barely contained the moan that escaped my lips.

Eww! What are you over there doing? Better not be what it sounds like! I know your ass ain’t had a man in a minute...you need to be jumping to meet Mark’s cousin tonight. Ol’ lonely ass.

Pooh what the hell are you so worried about a double date for? I’m sure Mark’s cousin is not excited to be set up either. What made you feel like this was a good idea? Plus, if he is that eager to be hooked up with a date, that’s a red flag for me. He must be ugly as hell. Just as broke, busted and disgusted as your man is. So, I don’t want his ass either. Done came to town broke as hell and is laid up on a relative’s couch. As for his potential looks, shit your man over there looking like a yellow Harambe the gorilla. I’m sure primate runs all through their damn family. I said frowning my face up.

Whatever bitch! My man is fine, and you know it. Not to mention I already told you Mark lays the pipe like no man ever has on me! I wish y’all would get over all this old animosity between you two. We’re all grown now. I know he’s cracked a few big girl jokes but don’t act like he’s saying something you never heard before. So get dressed Danielle. Come on now I need you. Don’t make me look stupid in front of my man and his favorite cousin. I’m kind of trying to impress Mark’s family. I think he’s ready to propose.

My eyes rolled, I moved the phone away from my mouth while I sucked my teeth. Why did she always require me to be the bigger person? I’d bet money she’d never told her man to just leave me the hell alone. Yes, I’d heard more fat jokes than I cared to hear over the years, that didn’t mean they were acceptable coming from her man.Especially since I went out of my way not to say a single, solitary word to him. I’d even stopped with the fake hellos. I didn’t feel it was necessary. La’ Toria was my favorite cousin but sometimes she had me all the way fucked up. If Pooh thought getting me to go out on a date with his cousin would win her points with Mark’s family, those were some easy to please muthafuckas! Simple as hell. How about get a job? A place? Some credit. Far as I knew, Pooh didn’t even have a bank account anymore she’d ran so many hot checks through it. My Auntie paid a grip of money just to make sure her ass wasn’t sitting in Bexar County Jail. Pooh and I had always been close, so much so in fact that our mothers were twins and our birthdays were only a week apart. I was younger by exactly one week and one day.

That’s where our similarities ended.

I had the rich chocolate complexion of our mothers and La’Toria was the light butterscotch skin-tone of her Father. La’Toria was short and with a slightly boyish build...she thought she had more of a banging body than she actually did if you asked me. I was 5’8 and stacked. Stacked may have been pushing it a little in some people’s eyes but I think the term fits my body perfectly. Yes, I could stand to shed a few pounds off my size 22 body (on a good day 20!) but I’d long ago shed the cycle of obsessive yo-yo dieting that used to rule my world during my teen years and early twenties. After a short stint with modeling during that time, I’d finally stood up to my mother and let her know that walking the cat-walk was her dream not mine. If it wasn’t plus-sized modeling, I wasn’t interested. Of course, my Mama took that to mean I wanted to be fat and sloppy for the rest of my life. Which of course was a sad stereotype my Mama and the public in general chose to believe just because I was at peace with the extra pounds I carried on my body. Anyone who knew me knows I’m far from sloppy. You could call me fat if you wanted too. I was past taking offense to that word. But sloppy? Use that in reference to me and we have a problem.

My attitude these days was fuck anyone who had a problem with my body. It was mine to love or hate and believe me when I say, it had taken a little time to get myself into this head-space, but I was completely in love with myself. For the most part. I mean what woman was completely at peace with her looks? The most beautiful woman in the world could still find fault with herself.

As long as my doctor gave me a clean bill of health the rest of the world could kiss my fat ass. Literally.

Look Danielle, it’s not like his cousin is pressed for a woman...,

Then why are you bothering me about it? Shoot how do you know? I cut in sharply. Shit this was not how I’d planned to spend my evening, arguing on the phone.

Because Danielle! Look I was supposed to plan a little welcome home get together for Mark’s cousin. But damn when I checked my bank account last week uh-uh! That’s when I came up with us going on a little inexpensive double date! Come on, I think it will be fun. Mark’s even springing for dinner. Pooh coaxed.

Mark? We must be double-dating at McDonalds if he’s paying! I laughed to myself. I just kept my mouth closed. Here Pooh was begging me to tag along, how come her man didn’t give her the money to throw a little get-together for HIS cousin? I guess that sounded too much like right and was totally escaping my cousin.

Welcome home? Did the Negro just get out of the penitentiary or what? Nope! I can’t do it. I said adamantly. Surely my own cousin didn’t think just because I was a big girl I’d be happy to have any Black man leaving the penal system? I sure hated to flex my pedigree on folks but if I had to I surely would. Please believe I had some standards. Not that a man who had been to jail was off limits, anyone had the ability to change their life for the better but damn, a man fresh out of jail wasn’t never going to be my first choice!

No! He’s just been living in Virginia for a really long time. I think his Dad was in the Navy or something and they moved there when he was like ten. So the whole family is just really excited to have him back here. La’Toria said huffing like a fire breathing dragon into the phone. I didn’t care. I was on my second slice of pizza at this point and now that my hunger had subsided a bit and the wine had me feeling a bit more mellow I was feeling a bit more amiable.

"I still don’t get why his family can’t just deal with him. Why is your broke ass is offering to throw a