How to Avoid a Chicken Head

How to Avoid a Chicken

Head

Willam A Delaney

Contributions by J Nicole Delaney

iUniverse, Inc.

New York Lincoln Shanghai

How to Avoid a Chicken Head

Copyright © 2005 by William Delaney

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording,

taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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Contents

Discussions

CHAPTER 1

CHAPTER 2

CHAPTER 3

CHAPTER 4

CHAPTER 5

CHAPTER 6

CHAPTER 7

CHAPTER 8

CHAPTER 9

CHAPTER 10

CHAPTER 11

CHAPTER 12

CHAPTER 13

CHAPTER 14

CHAPTER 15

CHAPTER 16

CHAPTER 17

CHAPTER 18

CHAPTER 19

CHAPTER 20

CHAPTER 21

CHAPTER 22

CHAPTER 23

CHAPTER 24

CHAPTER 25

CHAPTER 26

CHAPTER 27

CHAPTER 28

CHAPTER 29

CHAPTER 30

About the Author

Discussions

Who is a Chicken Head

High Maintenance/Low Profile (A guide to understanding friends and lovers)

The Water Nymph (A Short Story)

Aten (Male Counterpart)

Chicken head to Queen B

Divorce American Style

Grandma’s Lead

Candy Lady

The Fine Art of Discrimination

Politics and Religion

In Search of Sanctuary

One who has nothing which she cares about more than herself, or her personal safety, is a miserable creature who has no chance of ever being free, unless made, and kept so by the existence of those better than herself.

Modified (male to female)

statement by John Stuart Mill

The Contest in America

Dissertations And Discussions

Chicken Head

If you’re needy, or you’re greedy,

get an education sweety.

Be diverse, and go to school,

use your mind as a tool.

You’re employed, you’re sexy, sassy,

clothes, and cars don’t make you classy.

Class is bout your attitude

you look good, but dress so lewd

Such a hotty, got the body

you’re not classy, just real snotty

How you wear, what others see,

take responsibility.

Classy women strut their stuff

quality, but little fluff

They don’t offer lame excuses

hidden agendas, mind abuses

Naughty acts assault your temple.

causing wrinkles, not a dimple

Love is good, misuse is bad.

You’re not learning, and that’s sad!

If you think your game is cool,

go ahead, and play the fool.

Party on, do as you please,

hang with fools, get brain disease.

Low esteem, and oft misled,

candidate for chicken head.

If you’re thinking I don’t care,

baby girl you’re almost there.

Pass your thinking to another,

son, or daughter, sister brother.

Damn yourself, and screw the world,

fuel the furnace, you go girl!

1

I asked my daughter, Nicole, for her example of a Chicken head, and she wrote:

A chicken head is a half-fast chick who is superficial, worries about looks, material, or how others see her, but never takes time to elevate her thought processes, to make sure that her mind, body, and spirit are healthy. She does not care that she is a negative influence on those around her, and uses her shell to get what she wants, including drinks at bars, jewelry, cars, clothes, or her rent paid. I see nothing wrong with seeking help when it is needed, but your intent should be honest, above board, and you should be willing to give as much as you receive. If you get extras, that’s great, but willingness to share separates you from a parasite, and agreement to participate, fairly, in a relationship will be rewarded, only if you set standards and follow Rules of conduct. Some females tell you what they want, spend too much time with their hands out, but never consider what they have to offer, and maybe the answer is nothing!

Let me explain, so my point is clearly understood. We teach others how to treat us, and people will treat you as you allow yourself to be treated. Good, and bad behavior are learned, and the current vibe is that a woman is valued based on looks. This can be positive, if combined with such necessities as being a good person. Recognize negative images that are put before you, and your offspring. Some men say: If she wasn’t so fine, I would leave her, or she is dumb, but check how good she looks, and that body! Others say: If I am going to change, the other chick has to look better than what I have! Too many men react without regard for the total package!

Such examples teach a woman that she is valued based on her looks, and not what, makes her a complete person. Media also reflects a particular type of beauty. I recently tuned in to a show titled: Video Honeys, on one of the music channels, where it was stated how important it was that women are professional, and intelligent. Does it really matter when all they are showing is that women look good in tiny bits of clothing, while shaking their butts? How often do we see a video where a woman is given quality attention? Men are taught to seek the finest chick, and women to compete based on looks.

Chicken heads are created in homes, churches, and colleges where women are taught to marry doctors. lawyers, or preachers, rather than aspire to become professionals. Some are taught to mount the back of an idealistic, struggling male, rather than strive to become an idealistic female who sacrifices to become whatever she is capable of being.

I see life as a vote, and your actions are your vote. If you don’t like a particular behavior, and step away, showing that behavior is un acceptable, you have cast your vote. Many will not change(cast a vote), because they have no standards, and others accept bad behavior as normal, based on past experiences. I prefer that I am told about my actions, so I can decide whether it is in my best interest, to either change, or stay as I am, allowing you the option(vote) to leave, or stay with me.

Many lack substance, because same has never been a part of their lives. For those of us who are close to good examples in parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents, other mentors, and guides, life offers grand opportunities. Some families are far apart, because life experiences are from babies who had babies, and parents from similar backgrounds, were unwilling to unlearn bad habits to benefit future generations. Historically, grandparents were an integral part of the growth process, and passed on ideals which allowed us to overcome hardships that were of their past, but some vacated their posts. My grandparents were a part of my life, even as I did not, personally, know them. Parents and other family members passed on bits of their wisdom.

My grandfather, on my dad’s side said: Use your head for something besides a hat rack, and while I never heard those words from his mouth, my father talks about his cliches’. My grandfather, on my mother’s side lives in Texas, and when I ask how he stay so young, and he advises that the way to perpetual youth is to stay active. He is near 80 years, still works on other people’s cars, doesn’t waste time on people who talk nonsense, is one of the kindest individuals I have known, and I am blessed to have him as a grandfather. I learned a lot about life from him, but one of the most important lessons was when my mother, and an aunt talked so mean, to me, that I sat crying. He told me that I should not allow anyone to cause me that much pain, and he didn’t care who they were.

You’re a chicken head, if

a. You believe that you are so beautiful, and a self proclaimed dime, so men are supposed to buy you things.

b. You find yourself saying, and believing, if he is going to offer it, why not take it?

c. You believe that wearing name brands make you a better person.

d. You get into trouble, by your own actions, then lie, play stupid, or blame someone else to get yourself out.

e. You continuously spend money on frivolous things like shoes, hand bags, or jewelry, rather than necessities like rent, mortgage, or loans that you owe family, and friends.

f. You use someone else’s money, or things, before you use your own.

g. You put little effort into getting what you want, but expect others to get it for you, because you are so beautiful.

h. You try to con people into doing things for you by lying, pouting, or crying.

i. You ask people to do things for you that you wouldn’t do for them.

Who deserves a chicken head!

Chicken head is to dog, as prostitute is to john, so what men deserve is based on actions. I was taught: For every action there is an equal, and opposite reaction! Some adults don’t take responsibility, for their acts, but reality is, you pay now, or pay later. If you lie to get what you want, represent yourself as worthy, when you are really a jack-ass, and refer to women as bitches, and whores, you deserve either a chicken head, or a 12-step program. You must learn that you can be friends with females, surround yourself with decent, honest women, and not be surprised when some, whom you have disrespected, want revenge, because what goes around, comes around!

The real surprise was when we talked about the Oprah Winfrey Show, and she suggested that women who visit with Oprah are well-dressed chicken-heads. She explained that the mostly female audience is predominantly White, and go on the show, because Oprah gives gifts to all who are in attendance. I questioned whether she would consider joining the audience, and she said no explaining: Oprah is like a female Michael Jackson; a young girl in a woman’s body, but not subject to the kind of abuse Michael has subjected himself to as a male child, who refuses to grow up!

She feels that Oprah should have learned a lesson when she interviewed Whitney Houston about her relationship with Bobby Brown, but attempted to question Beyonce about her tie with J.Z. She was insightful enough to realize that she had made a mistake, and say Beyonce made the correct decision in not responding to a very personal question. My daughter is convinced that she will remain single, because she sets high standards, will not tolerate media driven nonsense, and challenges people of her age group to think about consequences of their acts, conversations, and appearance when in public.

Bone Head

He shows you a stash of money,

so you let him steal your honey

He’s so fine, he’s such a cutey

go ahead, give him some boody

He gets you, what you get back

maybe just a heart Attack

Definitely, some lame excuses,

swollen stomach, soul abuses.

Even later, welfare checks.

Housing in some old projects.

And you find that he is dealing

lives of children he is stealing.

You were blinded by his fame,

found out it was all a game.

Daddy’s warnings, mama’s dread,

daughter’s love, a real bone head.

Good men never had a chance,

only fools with you could dance.

No time spent with his offspring

but you know one god damn thing.

While in jail he was a lover.

Not of sister, but of brother.

Even when he ran the streets,

with a man he shared his sheets.

Now you’re wasted, mom and child

and your man is in exile.

All I wanted was a hug,

you preferred a Homo-thug.

A sensible young male that I often talk to is a welcome surprise, while physically fit enough to be featured on The Ebony Male Calendar for three years, is thoughtful, sensible, socially aware, and offers hope for females who want to expand their consciousness. We had conversations about:

A lady friend who called him on the phone, and discussed that she had lost a shoe the previous night. He asked, if she had been drinking, and she explained that she removed the shoe to be comfortable, while at a night club. She continued that the pair cost $100 dollars, and questioned whether he thought she had too many shoes. He suggested: If you have so many that you are not wearing them, you have too many!" She asked, if he would buy her a new pair, and he explained that he had her back, if she really needed something, but she should try to trace her steps back to find the shoe, if it is that important.

We talk about women who like to tell men how to spend their money, but want men to pay for every outing. He used one example of a female who, was on a date where the man was paying for everything, but when he discussed buying a car she decided that he should spend his money on something other than what he wanted.

One female associate, who went on a cruise, slept with someone than her boyfriend, felt guilty, and confessed. She was angered that her boyfriend dumped her to which he suggested: What did you expect? She explained that she had started going to church, and trying to do the right thing, but he wisely explained church should not become a crutch. He said he knew many church goers whose attitudes were worse than his non church going friends, and in many cases those who do not attend church are more honest, and kindly.

He read passages from my original text, made suggestions about needed changes, and says that life is more interesting, when you have a guide to understanding the differences in other humans. He surprises female, because he is a model, his judgment is sound, he works at doing the right things, is unlike young males who have player mentality, talks about respecting one’s temple, images that we project, and how too many humans judge based on what they see. He explains: "It is uncommon for most to look beyond the surface, or put effort into finding out who we really are.

In conversations that we have had over the past six years, I have been impressed that he, like many of my male friends, challenge female friends to look before they leap, but I explained that most, during my era, did not listen. Against good advice, most of my female friends moved on to disastrous situations, then blamed all men for conclusions that were in response to impaired judgment.

He is young, talented, well traveled, and we recently discussed a young lady who came to a table where he sat, bragged that she was over dressed for the occasion, and said: "I’m thirsty. He left the table and moved near a group of male friends to watch as she moved from bar to table, and guy to guy, until she got someone to pay for a drink.

Another group of women invited he, and three friend to sit with them, and started a conversation suggesting that they watch out for gold diggers. The girls offered the guys a ride to the airport the following day, but e-mailed them later that night, and said they would have to find their own ride, because they were too cheap to pay for drinks. The females were there hours before the guys arrived at the club, but expected them to pick up the tab for drinks they had before the men

arrived. They apparently thought their looks were enough to get whatever they wanted.

Who is a chicken head?

Foul mouthed, male bashing, pot smoking, bible toting, prophecy pimping, high maintenance, low profile hoochies who quote ideas of saints, live ideals of reptiles and only care about themselves are chicken heads. No one should have to compete with God, money, men, women, sex tools, or nonsense conversation for love of a woman, and to wait until you die to experience paradise is a crock.

I have never heard a women with class say: I know I have class! If you have it you don’t have to convince anyone, and if you don’t, you can’t convince anyone, but yourself, and other chicken heads. Class is attitude, manners, judgment, language; who you are, not who you wannabee! If you take advantage of others, use foul language in public, and can’t control yourself; you deserve men who are misinformed, misguided mis-educated, and mistaken for real men. Men who do what the rest of the male population knows is in bad taste, are stuck on stupid, and have the gall to say what all men do. There are males, and females who have no idea what a real man is, or does, because smart people steer clear, just as smart men stay away from chicken heads.

If you have a good for nothing man in your life, and don’t have the good judgment to, cast your vote, maybe he is what you deserve, but he can’t speak for me. I don’t like him, don’t wannabee like him, and hope the two of you find a rock to crawl under, but it may be difficult, finding a rock big enough to hide your trailer as you play loud music that refers to good women as bitches, and whores. If your women calls other women such words, or listens to your music, she is a chicken head, and males friends who recite, or play loud music promoting similar language, are bone heads. Why allow artist who have no respect for your sister, and mother to live high on your dollars, while you ruin your future by letting others know that you are brain dead enough, not to care that your choice of entertainment is shallow, anti-social, and repulsive to human ears.

2

High maintenance/low profile

Men talk to men, and women talk to women, but we talk at each other, when either party is interested in personal gain, or a sexual relationship. If you discuss your situation, it should be with others who are psychologically grounded, rather than those who are predisposed to bring you into a web of deceit. It is unlikely that spiritually impaired, immature, naive, emotionally handicapped individuals will bring substance, and brevity to your relationship with a significant other. Ebony Magazine’s Article Sister-speak for Brothers-only suggests ways to help us decide, if she’s for real, and a keeper!

She’s a keeper if:

1. She knows that there are four quarters in a fiscal year.

2. She knows that there are four quarters in a dollar.

3. She is just as eager to climb a wooden ladder, as she is a corporate ladder.

4. She doesn’t think that she know it all, nor does she