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    Managing My Anger: Weekly Meditations for Anger Management and Domestic Violence Groups
    Managing My Anger: Weekly Meditations for Anger Management and Domestic Violence Groups
    Managing My Anger: Weekly Meditations for Anger Management and Domestic Violence Groups
    Ebook107 pages1 hour

    Managing My Anger: Weekly Meditations for Anger Management and Domestic Violence Groups

    By Mary C.

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    About this ebook

    Do you suffer from anger outbursts? Do loved ones and friends comment about your being angry when you feel you are not? Do you struggle with road rage or desires to hit in an altercation? Have you been court-ordered to an Anger Management or Domestic Violence group or counselor for your anger? This book will help you empower your healing with weekly medications and journal exercises to help you incorporate healthy tools to control your anger, and even help you realize there are many cases getting angry isn't necessary or your job.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisheriUniverse
    Release dateApr 16, 2007
    ISBN9780595884780
    Managing My Anger: Weekly Meditations for Anger Management and Domestic Violence Groups
    Author

    Mary C.

    Having facilitated Anger Management/Domestic Violence groups for years in private practice, I found members learned more through meditations with a journaling component. Writing this book filled that need. I have also been on both sides of the anger fence: abused and abuser. I have shared some of my personal learning from my own recovery. I live in Michigan with my husband. I have two grown children and three grandchildren, and have a private practice in Mental Health and Substance Abuse therapy.

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      Book preview

      Managing My Anger - Mary C.

      CHOICES

      Some of us end up in a therapy office because we are court-ordered. That, alone, enrages us. We feel powerless. Whatever got us here was about control—either we tried to gain control, or someone took control of us. Either way, now a judge has total control of us. We feel our choices have been taken away. Or have they?

      Regardless why you were arrested, whether fair or unfair, whether you feel you have anger issues or not, you have choices in a court-ordered situation.

      You can resist going to therapy. No one can force you to go. This choice will be a choice to go to jail. Even then, some courts will send you to therapy again.

      You can go to therapy and cop an attitude. You’ll spend a lot of money and not gain anything. Possibly, you will be discharged due to being resistant to therapy. You will probably receive a consequence for probation violation, and be sent to therapy again somewhere else.

      You can use therapy as a tool for change. In any violent altercation, you are either part of the problem or part of the solution. Therapy can teach you to avoid altercations in the future.

      Oh, and you can leave the country… but the therapy would probably be cheaper!

      I have choices today. Today I can choose to make full use of all learning opportunities, no m.atter what got me there in the first place.

      Journal Suggestion: Start your journal entry each night this week with the statement: "I am not perfect. One area I could use help changing would be

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      " Share your list of areas with group/therapy. Share whether or not you thing you could use your therapy to change these areas. If not, why not?

      TIME OUTS

      It is a fearful thing, to fight with someone you love. It takes a lot of energy to back down, right or not, and say, We need to stop. I don’t want to hurt you and I don’t want to get hurt. Let’s take some time apart. It takes courage for both parties to immediately stop and agree it’s too heated, decide when to come back, and part for awhile amicably.

      So why don’t we do this more? False pride. False pride is the kind of pride that tells me I am entitled to be right, to be heard and to be agreed with. It is the kind of pride that says I have a right to always be on top. It is the self-centered belief that what is going on at a given moment is all about me. The other party has no figuring in my false pride. In fact, how they feel at that given moment is not important to me. What IS important to me is that I AM RIGHT!! So, in a fight, I have two courses with my false pride: to force you to agree with me, or to remain silent toward you with the cold shoulder and periods of acting out my anger with you as the victim. These are both abusive behaviors. The first is aggression, the second passive. Both are sick, dysfunctional ways to communicate, and neither leaves room for me to be incorrect with humility, or self-assured of what is right for me without comment or defense. Both leave no room for my loved one—or me—to be treated with respect and caring.

      Pride goeth before the fall… I prefer standing up. Perhaps I can concede I am not perfect today. Perhaps I can accept that I do not have to be believed by others as right to know I am alright without a fight.

      Journal Suggestion: This week, talk with your significant others (and children) about the above verbal message to use when a fight is brewing. Commit to using this as well as responding respectfully if another uses it. If you use this Time Out method, set a half hour to go cool off and agree to reunite (instills trust, dispels abandonment), even if it is to agree to take another halfhour. Document in your journal about your initial talk, as well as times during the week you and yours use this method. Detail how it worked as well as what your feel didn’t work. Share with group/therapist, and ask for

      ACCEPTANCE

      The first step to dealing with my anger is to accept it. Anger is a natural emotion. It is what I DO with it that can lead to trouble. Once I accept my own anger, then I need to accept it in others.

      Before recovery, another person’s anger spiked my own. Within moments, I was saying and doing things that were out of line, rude and hurtful. When I defended my behavior to a therapist, blaming the other person whose behavior was, I felt, equally inappropriate, I was confronted. She told me that I was responsible for my own behavior regardless what someone else was saying or doing.

      This doesn’t mean that when someone is angry around me, the old behavior doesn’t want to come forward. What it means is that today, I control it, and make a choice to stay calm. I try to stay focused on a solution—even if the solution is to listen to the other person’s anger and hurt. I may need to take a time out later on to cool off the old messages, but over time, this time out takes less and less time as I realize I like myself so much better when I stay in control of my behavior and emotions. Then I talk it out with another person who is supportive of my not stepping into rage and harmful behavior. By the time I’m done, I feel good about myself and the end result. Often, I will discover after the fact that the other person’s anger had nothing to do with me—I just happened to be the sounding board of the moment.

      This week, I will remember that all anger I encounter in others is not always about me. I will know I can step back from it and stay in control of my emotions.

      Journal Suggestion: This week, I will place a note on my bathroom mirror which says: Remember today, (your name), it’s not all about you! Notice when you mentally remind yourself of this in a tense situation, and allow yourself

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