Kids Are Like Jell-O^®

Kids Are Like

JELL-O®

Dr. Lynn Edwards

iUniverse, Inc.

New York Lincoln Shanghai

Kids Are Like JELL-O®

All Rights Reserved

© 2003 by Dr. Lynn Edwards

No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping, or by any information storage retrieval system, without the written permission of the publisher.

iUniverse, Inc.

For information address:

iUniverse, Inc.

2021 Pine Lake Road, Suite 100

Lincoln, NE 68512

www.iuniverse.com

JELL-O® is a registered trademark of Kraft Foods, Inc.

ISBN: 0-595-28350-0

ISBN: 978-1-4697-3997-7 (ebook)

Contents

They Don’t Come With

Instructions, Do They?

Kidspeak, Understanding Kids

and Teens

Teaching Kids How to Listen to

You

Developing Responsible (Future)

Adults

Controlling Children, Herding

Cats

Helping Them to Achieve Their

Human Potential

Juggling the Demands of

Parenthood

Are We There Yet?

We R Family

Keeping Children Safe and

Secure…

…in an Anxious World

What About the Hard^er Stuff

Kids Are Like JELL-O

Kids Are Like JELL-O is a book dedicated to those who are

entrusted with the care of our future generations. It is dedicated to

families and caregivers who are looking for the right recipe for gelling

empowered children into responsible future adults. It is dedicated to all

who accept the challenge of becoming the best parent they can be!

It is dedicated to you.

This book is also dedicated to all my JELL-O makers.

Thank you for your empowerment, support, and unconditional love!

They Don’t Come With

Instructions, Do They?

I just bought a new hand mixer, and it came with 25 pages of instructions. For those who don’t know me, the 25 pages of instructions do not measure up to my lack of competency in cooking. This hand mixer cost under $20 but I did get a hand mixer instruction guide that was 25 pages and multi-lingual. Just in case I didn’t understand it the first time. As far as I have been able to determine, you still affix the beaters, preferably with the appliance unplugged. Then, you plug it in, select the speed (my $20 mixer has three, of course all I need is one), and voila! I am mixing a cake (mix) in no time. I guess if this had been the first time I used such an appliance, I might have needed 25 pages to explain this. Don’t even get me started on the VCR.

So, after nine months of waiting and wondering, you are a parent. Congratulations. As you hold your little one for the first time, don’t bother looking for the 25 page instruction manual, because there isn’t one. There isn’t even a tag that says ‘do not remove’ and pillows even have that. There isn’t even a label that says not to dry clean or tumble dry. Nothing. Nada. Nit. You are on your own. Welcome to the Parent Zone.

For the millions who have joined the ranks of parenthood for the first time, I offer my congratulations. To those who are here again for the second or third time, welcome. For those who are reading this in support of those who are parents, super. The secret handshake will be explained later, for now let’s look at the membership requirements. Of course, caring for children is the only prerequisite.

This book is dedicated to all who accept the challenge of becoming the best parent they can be! It is dedicated to you. Your quest to become the best parent is the greatest gift you can give your child and children. As you take on the task to learn parenting skills, keep in mind that the optimal gift is not found in the actual skill acquired but in the quest itself. It demonstrates a willingness to explore and discover the best person (parent) possible, while learning from mistakes and risks in the process. It demonstrates a desire to give and receive love freely and unconditionally, including a love and acceptance we have for ourselves.

It demonstrates a willingness to be human. These are incredible lessons that truly are gifts we offer our children. As gifts, they are priceless.

We are not gods, although our children certainly think so as we perform godlike tasks. We are not gods, sorry to say. We are real people who will focus on positive parenting skills that support our quest to raise responsible, empowered children. We ARE real people, and our focus is not an expectation for parenting perfection, rather it is the desire to demonstrate positive parenting skills consistently.

This guide will offer several ideas on how to enhance your parenting skills and your relationship with your children. It will also offer encouragement to you as a parent, to explore what this role means to you. There are no absolutes in parenting, but there are things to consider when deciding how your style complements your commitment. Let’s focus on you as a person giving you options for new parental behaviors. Just like with children, the focus for enhancement is on behavior. We fundamentally accept the child for who they are and love them, the person, unconditionally. So, too, must we start our quest for enhanced parenting with the acceptance of ourselves as good people and good parents. The fact that you are reading materials such as this book, suggest you desire to enhance certain parenting behaviors. Congratulations, what a bold and courageous step. Now, let’s start with providing you the support you need for your quest….

Providing constructive influence in the life of your child does not mean telling them what to do. (After all, we DO know better.) But what we know is that it is much more empowering for children to establish their own beliefs, guiding their own destiny. The best way to influence another person is to model consistently, your own values and beliefs. Be who you are. Do what you are. Be a resource not a manipulator. By teaching your children to think through life’s issues and then creating the atmosphere that encourages them to do so, you have developed the empowered and responsible individual! What could be better than that?

Kids are like JELL-O. We can mix up the proper ingredients, even toss in an extra bit of sugar, and still end up with a sticky mess. Why? Kids are like JELL-O. If we mix up the proper ingredients but don’t offer a container for them to gel, we get a sticky mess all over the floor. Everywhere we step, a bit of the sticky mess follows. And just when we think we have cleaned it all up, it surfaces in another area. A sticky mess.

If we mix the proper ingredients, and pour them in a form fitted mold, we end up with children who gel in most restrictive ways. They definitely take the form of the family, but are unable to act with confidence in the world. Every Thanksgiving my family requests I make a JELL-O mold of a turkey. I have no idea why or how this mold has entered into our Thanksgiving traditions, but it has. So every year I mix up the right ingredients and pour them in the turkey mold. After it gels, I turn it over on a plate revealing the imprint of a turkey to the ohhs and ahhs of my family. (As if they were expecting it to be a penguin.) The turkey mold has a bit of a jiggle, but rigidly maintains its holiday image of a turkey. When sliced for serving, it no longer is discernable as a turkey; it loses its image and likeness. It loses its identity.

However, when the proper ingredients are mixed and poured into a regular pan to gel, the right combination is had. When JELL-O has gelled in the pan, it becomes firm in its identity as JELL-O yet maintains the flexibility it needs to adapt in life. If you take a pan of JELL-O, you will notice how it pulls away from the pan but than retains its form when it returns to its original position. The sides and bottom of the pan offer it the limits and boundaries it needs to gel properly and to adapt to the changes in its world. Even after it is gelled, the limits of the pan give it the confidence it needs to move and experience life. When pieces are sliced away, the integrity of the JELL-O remains in tact.

So, Kids are like JELL-O. We can provide the most loving home, develop healthy life skills, empower them to take risks and experience life fully, and enhance their self esteem. We can mix up the right ingredients and pour them in the pan of limits and boundaries. We can let them gel in this pan of unconditional love, acceptance and belonging. As they venture out into the world, they can more fully experience life given these proper ingredients, the proper gelling, and the touchstone results of limits and boundaries.

Kids Are Like JELL-O is a book dedicated to those who are entrusted with the care of our future generations. It is dedicated to families and caregivers who are looking for the right recipe for gelling the responsible future adult. More tools in your toolbox will result because of your exploration of the skills and techniques offered in this book. It will provide you with the proper ingredients to become the best caregiver ever! It will help you to gel in a safe and fun environment, offering you the sides and bottom to try new things and consider new approaches to parenting. It will allow you to move away from the side of the pan only to return to the structure that gave you the confidence to be the best you can be.

Let me say how much I admire your desire to become the best parent figure! By the shear desire to become the best and to get some support along the way, you have just modeled for your children a tremendous lesson. You have shown them, not just told them, that they are part of an interdependent life, rich with experiences, richer when those experiences enhance our feelings about ourselves. What a tremendous gift!

Enjoy and discover the amazing world of parenting from the perspective of Kids Are Like JELL-O. It is hoped that the concepts discussed will give you a more enriching experience, one that is life changing and gratifying. I wish you a wonderful and fulfilling life in this role as parent. By far, the greatest thing I have ever done is to be a parent to my son.

Kidspeak, Understanding Kids

and Teens

Understanding Kids and Teens is fundamental to encouraging responsible behavior in age appropriate ways. To understand our children is to take time to consider how they see and respond to the world. When we understand what is developmentally appropriate, we can begin to modify behavior to better encourage these responsible ways.

Central to self esteem development and empowerment of all ages is Learning. Learning is the cornerstone to growth and development. When we have new experiences we open ourselves up to new thinking and discovery. Children need new experiences that stimulate their senses and their thinking in age appropriate manners. Having the freedom and encouragement to explore the world around them reinforces a healthy self esteem. So, as we enhance our understanding of our Kids and Teens, we will also explore ideas that encourage positive self esteem development. We will explore ways to empower these young people to reach their potential at every age.

The following are summaries of key social-emotional, physical and mental or thinking behaviors. These behaviors are not listed in chronological developmental order, as that creates the trap of diagnosing our children. Rather, they are part of a larger developmental timeframe to provide a perspective. Be encouraged to consult your child for the significance of any of these behaviors.

Babies

Babies are born with the inherit ability to respond to its world and to emit behaviors to its caregivers. As caregivers respond, babies continue the behaviors that provide a positive response. Crying means getting fed or changed. Smiling brings smiling from others. They learn rather quickly how to get the world, meaning us, to respond to them and their needs.

Babies spend most of their time sleeping and eating. A lifestyle I could readily