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Quality Time for Dad: A Parenting Guide for the Single Father
Quality Time for Dad: A Parenting Guide for the Single Father
Quality Time for Dad: A Parenting Guide for the Single Father
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Quality Time for Dad: A Parenting Guide for the Single Father

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Quality Time for Dad is written
for the single father but can be appreciated by the single mother! In Quality
Time for Dad, most of the questions a single father may WANT to ask, but never
did, can be answered right here! In simple, to the point format.style='mso-spacerun:yes'> Everything from fevers to food, and more is
included in this simple to read book! Find out how to avoid becoming a Disneyland
Dad, find a babysitter, avoid angry exchanges, set up
your home for the various age groups and MORE!! If you plan on having your children
following a divorce for any length of time, Quality Time for Dad is a must!!



LanguageEnglish
PublisherAuthorHouse
Release dateJan 27, 2004
ISBN9781414032474
Quality Time for Dad: A Parenting Guide for the Single Father
Author

Janice M. Todd

In the mid 1980's Janice, along with her ex-husband, started Dads Against The Discriminating System. She has appeared on Television, Radio, and did public speaking as an advocate for Joint Custody. Janice had been divorced for approximately 13 years before remarrying and raised 3 children on her own during that time. Janice attended Porterville College in Porterville, California and College of the Sequoias in Visalia, California where she attained her degree. She has worked in the Mental Health field since 1972 as a Licensed Psychiatric Technician. Also on her career path, she has worked as a Crisis Worker For Tulare/ Kings Emergency Services and spent several years on the adolescent unit at Modesto Psychiatric Center dealing with troubled children. Janice continues to work in Mental Health as well as Real Estate. In 1995, Janice received her certification and registration as a Clinical Hypnotherapist with the American Board of Hypnotherapy. She is certified as a Metaphysical Counselor and as a Past Life Therapist. Janice is a member of the International Society of Poets and the Association for Research and Enlightenment. Also to her credit, she appeared in the National Reference Institute under "Who's Who of Women Executives" 1989-1990. Other books published by Janice is "Custodial/Non-Custodial Parent Record Keeper" which has sold Nationwide since 1987. Currently she is working towards a Doctorates in Hypnotherapy and maintains a private practice out of her home in Modesto, California.

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    Book preview

    Quality Time for Dad - Janice M. Todd

    © 2004 by Janice M. Todd. All rights reserved.

    No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without written permission from the author.

    ISBN: 978-1-4140-3247-4 (e-book)

    ISBN: 1-4140-3246-3 (Paperback)

    Library of Congress Control Number: 2003098541

    1stBooks-rev. 10/22/04

    Contents

    Acknowledgment

    Introduction

    Chapter 1

    Chapter 2

    Chapter 3

    Chapter 4

    Chapter 5

    Chapter 6

    Chapter 7

    Chapter 8

    Chapter 9

    Chapter 10

    In Loving Memory of

    Douglas H. Davis

    1949-2004

    Acknowledgment

    I wish to thank family and friends in both the medical and legal fields for all of their expert advice and support.

    Introduction

    As co-founder of a fathers right support group, I have come in contact with many fathers who desire to continue the raising of their children following a divorce. Frustration with the Family Law process brought these fathers in contact with me. I am a California resident therefore my reference is to the process in California.

    The State of California Family Code provides for Joint Physical (4600.5 (d)(3) and Legal (4600.5 (d)(5) Custody of minor children and assures minor children frequent and continuing contact with both Parents after the Parents have separated or dissolved their marriage.

    To encourage Parents to share the rights and responsibilities of the child rearing… (CFC4600(A). Camouflaged within the catch all phrase of what’s in the best interest of the children", California laws are often ignored, bent or twisted. By tradition, Family Law in general, seems to favor mothers nationwide, thus leaving many good fathers unhappily without their children.

    Fathers active in their parenting role prior to divorce and separation, become angry at the system for reducing the role to that of a visitor.

    The anger grows when:

    1.   The courts will not stand behind the very order they set down.

    2.   When you cannot get the Police to make a formal report when visitations or custody are denied by the mother.

    3.   District Attorneys cannot be bothered and utter the all too familiar line, Go back to Court, it’s a civil matter. One begins to wonder what the point was in going to court the first time!

    So back he goes to court. The Judges appear bored. The attorneys are getting richer and still, nothing changes. You cannot see your children. It is rare in the California Courts that a mother gets fined, jail time or looses her custody rights for denial of visitations or custody to the father. The problem does exist nation wide.

    The fathers who were not active with parenting for one reason or another, may suddenly want to take an active part in raising their children following a divorce. Usually the lack of parenting skills or a more nurturing nature are the traditional reasons offered for men not being able to confidently cope with caring for their child. Both are thought to be more or less set aside, or reserved, for Women Only. This presumed lack of skills may even scare a father away from having his children as often as he might want them.

    Quality Time For Dad is designed with a no frills, to the point approach to enlighten single fathers on how to care for their children during the times that they have them.

    If you currently share joint custody of your children or are planning to share more of your time with your children, Quality Time For Dads is a must. Discussing everything from fevers to food, baby-sitters to battles, and much more, Quality Time For Dad is a How To guide for the single father.

    (Which can also be appreciated by the mother.)

    Chapter 1

    Communication And Your Children

    When ever a crisis (argument, separation, or divorce) disrupts the family unit, we as parents, so often try to conceal it from the children or minimize it so as not to cause unnecessary fears. In our attempt to protect our children we fail to realize that they are little people with the capacity to see, think and especially feel out a situation. Children who are unable to understand the disruption occurring between parents, usually will feel that it is because of me that the parents are arguing. Sending them out of the room, or outside to play while you fight, puts them out of sight but not out of earshot. Even the youngest child is able to sense when something is wrong. To exclude children from sharing problems affecting the family on a level that they can understand usually leads to their own interpretation of the problem. In most instances can be totally wrong. Children are very quick to blame themselves for problems they do not understand.

    When one parent leaves the home, the children do not understand this. The parents have argued before and no one has left, why now? A sense of abandonment may creep in, especially when a parent is so caught up in his/her own anger.

    At times we as parents do what WE think is best for the child, unaware of the horrible emotional games we put our children through when there is a divorce. Our anger causes parents to be selfish and consumed by this anger.

    While the focus is on the children and protecting them, the anger may cause parents to use children to control or get even with the other parent without even realizing it.

    To adequately protect our children we must focus on our own emotional state and put these emotions into perspective. We need to leave the children out of the anger. With the large number of single parent families today, we truly need to start by being honest with ourselves and the children. We must include them in the family crisis and our decisions.

    They are members of the family and have a right to know what is going on so that they too can cope with the changes that are taking place. Otherwise they may make their own incorrect, possibly distorted and often self-destructive conclusions. After the material things are settled, the children are all that remain to control the absent partner.

    At the time when the decision has been made to divorce, it is vitally important for BOTH parents to sit down and reassure the children that the break-up is not their fault. The children need the reassurance that the parent leaving the home is not doing so because the children have been bad or are not loved anymore. It is suggested that when you talk to children, simplify it as

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