Nostalgically Yours, Shirley

Nostalgically Yours, Shirley

All Rights Reserved © 2001 by Shirley Bragg Farley

No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping, or by any information storage retrieval system, without the permission in writing from the publisher.

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ISBN: 0-595-18880-X

ISBN: 978-1-4917-4555-7 (eBook)

CONTENTS

Chapter One

Dad And Mom-The Stage Of Life

Chapter Two

Billy-Our First Loss; The Silver Star

Chapter Three

Moving South

Chapter Four

Trading Families

Chapter Five

Disappointments And Desires

Chapter Six

Communicating

Chapter Seven

Bobby-Our Second Loss

Chapter Eight

Lives Of Their Own

Chapter Nine

Janey-Devastation

Chapter 10

Marriage And Success

Chapter Eleven

A Satisfying Life

Chapter Twelve

Mom And Dad

To Bobby for his inspiration, if he would have lived, he could have written this book much better than I.

PREFACE

This book is written from personal letters, diaries and newspaper articles. Also important family documents. I have listed dates and events as accurately as these sources will allow. It is a family history, written for my family, to learn of our struggles and happy times. A period that started in Dad’s early life and going into the sixties. I then relate past births and subsequent deaths.

I have used fictitious names for some, to prevent embarrassment to them or their families, especially those who are no longer a member of our family.

Trying to give a complete story was a difficult task, for there are incidents which I would rather not have written about, but this would not be fair in the telling of our struggles as a family, the bad with the good, something that all families experience.

I want this book to be well received by everyone, including my immediate family of children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. It is just as important to be accepted by my brothers and my sister, plus their families of my many nieces and nephews. If it helps them to understand where their parents came from, it may shed light upon their own families. I am sure my siblings could add their own versions to some of these occurrences, and maybe this can also help them to remember things that they had in all probability forgotten about.

Personally, I can see things a little clearer now than before I wrote the book, and while writing had quite a few laughs and shed many tears in the undertaking of this great task. I have done my absolute best with my resources. It is my version and I realize my siblings may have been experiencing incidents in a very different way, but this is my story. Read, and hopefully enjoy! Shirley Bragg Farley

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

The late Don Swyers, a dear friend for forty-six years. Don was the first person to read my story and encourage me to go forward.

A special thanks to Laura Guilliams, Honey, for her time, patience, ability to edit, and her guidance in the structuring of this book. Also Jackie Middlemus and Kevin Krieder, for their knowledge and patience in teaching me the secrets of the computer.

Thanks to Anna Mae Shoup, my aunt, and Ruthie Brinkdoppe, my cousin, for filling in some of the events that I did not have access to.

To my daughters, Cia Farley and Kim O’Brien; an acquaintance, Ginger Gute; my sister, Charlotte Gross, and my brothers, Virgil and Grant Bragg, for their enthusiasm in my ability to write my story, after reading some of my first rough drafts.

To my daughter, Vanessa King, for her assistance with the Internet, and my son and his wife, David and Karen Farley, (and granddaughter Kammie), for the equipment they provided to get me started.

Especially to my niece, Cheryl Briggs, the bravest, whose love and friendship engulf so many in need, and for her endurance and love for me.

I would also like to thank my husband, Allen, who believes in my ability to conquer everything I try to do, also for his love, and patience.

CHRONOLOGY OF BIRTH-DATES AND DEATHS

CHAPTER ONE

DAD AND MOM-THE STAGE OF LIFE

It had been a joyful week for Harold and his brothers, going to the circus each day, and meeting people, especially those that worked in the circus. When they arrived the last day, tents were being torn down and it was almost too sad for Harold to bear. The week had been so eventful. He had helped a couple that worked with the elephants, and suddenly an idea formed in his head. He loved feeding and washing the elephants, watching them spray water on people standing near them. He asked the couple if he could go with them. They said yes, and that they would look after him and assure his parents he would be all right with them. Harold told them it wouldn’t matter to his parents, knowing it would to his mother. He found his brother Edwin and told him of his plans, asking him not to tell their parents until the next day.

His first days on the road were hot, boring and disappointing. The wagons and trucks would break down, and the workers and performers would have to sit alongside the road waiting until the men repaired them. After the first four days traveling with the circus they reached their next destination and his days as a circus hand began. Fourteen years old was a young age to go off on your own. Even so, a lot of young boys were attracted to this lifestyle in that period, and Harold was an old fourteen.

The days flew by with the group traveling all over the States. Later, as they traveled by train he realized the trips were easier to endure. In the winter they stayed in the southern states, taking time off for Christmas and very severe weather. Once in awhile he would write his mother just to let her know he was okay. It generally took months for her mail to be forwarded to him.

As the days passed, Harold began noticing a member of the trapeze family. Her name was Viola and one day he had the opportunity to attract her attention. Younger workers were swimming, trying to cool off in a river located close to the circus. Viola appeared suddenly beside a giant oak tree, not daring to join the group. She would back away shyly when he would look her way. She was a beauty with long, black hair and a slim figure.

She was often seen watching him as he went about his duties. He had developed into a good-looking, sixteen-year-old youth. People warned him that her father was very particular with whom she could associate.

Gradually, Harold and Viola began making small comments to each other. Harold, infatuated with her, knew she was definitely interested in him. Even her father’s attitude could not deter the young teenagers, who began taking chances. As young lovers, they managed to spend stolen moments together. Among wagons, tents, cages or watering holes, anywhere they could see each other they would. She was his first love, and he was hers. They were soon meeting every spare moment they had. Others constantly warned Harold he was taking far too many chances.

Viola’s father had her life planned, and a common circus hand was not on his agenda. She had come from a long line of trapeze artists, and he planned on her continuing with the troupe, someday marrying one of her own nationality.

Harold had come to love the elephants he helped train and care for. He performed a stunt, which was very unique. The man he lived with had taught him, and Harold was proud to be a part of the act. Harold’s boss would put his head in the elephant’s mouth. The elephant would then close its mouth just tight enough to lift him off the ground, letting the elephant support his full weight. When he would tap his baton on the side of the elephant’s head, the elephant would release him. Harold later said the mouth of the elephant felt like two giant soggy cushions, and never hurt at all. He had full confidence in the elephant that performed this trick. He had his picture taken doing this act. Both men were attached to the elephants and trusted them to do several tricks in the show.

Harold’s main reason for staying with the circus now was Viola, even though the future would hold trouble and heartaches. Their feelings for each other were mutual, and the passion of the two teenagers was building until the inevitable happened. Sneaking out of her parent’s tent one night, she and Harold made love for the first time. After that night they found even more ways to spend time together.

A few months passed and Viola found she was pregnant. Going to the couple Harold stayed with for advice, the two of them were in a panic. The older couple agreed to go with them to talk to her parents. They thought maybe they could convince the parents to let Harold and Viola marry. But nothing could have prepared them for the reception her parents displayed.

Viola’s parents informed them they were sending her away and Harold would never see her again. He pleaded, explaining to them he wanted to marry her and take care of her and the baby, but to no avail. They threatened him with jail, but with him being only sixteen, soon to turn seventeen, they could do nothing but rave in anger. The decision to send her away, and keep them apart forever sent Harold running and crying from their presence.

Later, Harold returned to plead with them again, only to find they had taken Viola and her mother to the train station, to catch a train bound for another part of the country.

Harold’s life felt meaningless now and all he could remember was Viola’s last crying words to her dad not to separate the two of them. Harold was physically ill for a couple of weeks and wasn’t able to be of much help to anyone. Eventually he would snap out of it, thinking about the day when she would return. Almost a year went by before he realized he would never see her again. Through the grapevine he heard she had refused to give up the baby. Her dad had arranged a marriage for her, not uncommon for their nationality. Harold also heard the baby had been named Gigi. His hopes now faded of ever seeing Viola again or getting to know his daughter.

Upon learning of her destiny, Harold decided it was time to go back to his family in Ohio. He felt he needed to get on with his life. When he returned he found the old cliché you can never go home again was true. Everything had changed. His parents had problems and his siblings were getting married and starting families of their own.

He stayed around Columbus for a few years, which were uneventful, and in his twenties, joined the Army. He later married, but after being stationed away for a long time, came home to find his wife pregnant with a child that could not possibly have been his. He arranged for her care and after the baby was stillborn, they divorced.

Harold worked at various jobs in his younger years. One was at the Neil House on High Street in Columbus, and another was for Hagee’s Pet Shop. While working there, he met someone that he fell immediately in love with.

Her name was Esther Peavers and she was from Marion, Ohio. Harold was already acquainted with her older sister Hazel who she had come to stay with, temporarily. Esther was escaping from an abusive husband.

Esther was only four feet, ten inches tall and weighed about 88 pounds. Harold began teasing her about being so small, and that she couldn’t possibly be the mother of the child she had with her. He said she seemed so frail and alone. He asked her if she would go out with him and she accepted.

Esther was not the meek little girl that Harold thought her to be. Having the will to leave Marion and her husband, then fleeing to Columbus took courage. Even though she found help, she had to worry about her husband’s actions and the possibility of his following her. Harold told her he would take care of her. He helped her get a divorce and they married on October 13, 1934.

Harold was already twenty-seven years old, much older then most men when they start a family. He also vowed to take care of Billy, Esther’s young son, which he did. All of Billy’s short life he was treated by Harold as if he were his own son. He never treated him as a stepson.

This is the way my parents found each other. Both had a marriage behind them. Dad did not have steady work for the first few years they were married, but did a variety of jobs. He said bootlegging with his brothers was one of them. He was never out of work for long; it just wasn’t always steady.

Dad’s family was pleased to know that he had finally found someone to settle down with, even though there was a difference of eight years in their ages. For a few years they lived with Dad’s brothers and their wives, dividing off rooms to call their own. When their first baby was stillborn, in October of 1935, they lived upstairs with Uncle Edwin and Aunt Alice.

When Mom was pregnant for their second child, Dad got a job at The Armstrong Boltworks in Columbus, and things started looking better for them. They had a large steady paycheck. Bobby was born on October 4,1936.

They moved to Grove City on a farm before I was born. It was located just south of Columbus, Ohio. I was born in the kitchen, with Aunt Sadie assisting the doctor. I was that doctor’s one-hundredth baby.

My first memory is of a farmhouse in Delaware, Ohio, a town north of Columbus. I remember a set of beautiful French glass doors, which we were not allowed to slam together. I can still picture shiny oak woodwork which Mom and Dad were proud of. The living room extended across the entire front of the house with the French doors to the right, and a stairway just beyond. But most of all I remember the pantry with a luscious looking chocolate birthday cake sitting on a shelf. My two older brothers, Billy and Bobby, and I stuck our fingers into the icing, and then licked them. I recall Dad’s big booming voice saying the birthday party was off. Later I remember sitting at the table eating a piece of cake. I saw my brothers sitting in a corner with long sad faces. They were not eating anything. I must have felt very guilty. Could that be the significance of this memory? Dates and information from Mom and Dad pointed to it being my third birthday. I know it made a great impression on my little mind.

Dad wanted a little girl he could name after Shirley Temple. When I was born, he doted on me. Everyone said I looked like Dad and his family, yet as I have gotten older, people who knew Mom when she was younger, say I look like her. Grandpa Spano, Mom’s father, liked to tell me he thought I looked like Grandma when he married her. I have also been told I look like my cousin Pearl, Dad’s niece.

Dad might have wanted a little girl, but Mom never felt as close to me as the boys. When I was very young, Dad spoiled me, as Mom often liked to remind me. An incident on my first birthday may have been the beginning of her behavior towards me. Dad brought me home a pink dress and a pair of new shoes. Mom said they barely had food on the table. I’m not sure if this happened, but it was evident as she told me this story that she resented those gifts. Another important factor could have been, Mom was pregnant for Glenn who was born a week after my birthday. She was probably feeling as neglected and unglamorous as a woman nine months pregnant could feel. Not to mention there were already three of us to take care of. Because of the way Mom must have felt, I know that we did not bond as mother and daughter should have. With so many other babies, it may have been more then she could cope with. I wish it could have been different and I have done my best over the years to change things, but I don’t feel that I succeeded.

After me, Mom had Glenn, then Janey before they bought a house of their own. This house was in a little village called Harlam, also north of Columbus. We all loved it there. I can remember a large field full of daisies. Mom was often the recipient of pretty bouquets from us kids. I still believe that is why I like daisies so well to this day. I always loved picking them for her.

I remember playing in the field, while living there, and Billy ran over me with the kind of wheel with spokes, leaving little holes in my legs, later scars which I still have.

The other children in our family were born at that house, except Charlotte and Grant. They were born at Grant Hospital. Grant was named after that hospital. Once they brought Mom and the baby home in a lavender ambulance. I thought it was beautiful.

Dad was always building something. He built a chicken house and took care of his beloved chickens. He also remodeled some sections of our house. I can still picture him climbing those rickety wooden ladders.

We had a chow dog that kept having litters of puppies. They were like little balls of fur and we would each argue to keep one, but that was impossible. Mom and Dad realized they had to get rid of her.

Billy and Bobby were in school now and I, always being in competition with them, cried to go too. Mom assured me this day would come. When I did start to school, Dad insisted I have a permanent. I loved the idea until the first time Mom tried to comb my hair. I screamed bloody murder. Then Dad decided to take his turn at combing it. I never screamed again when Mom fixed my hair.

A bad moment for me in school was in the first grade when we had to get immunization shots. The teachers lined us all up in the gym, boys on one side and girls on the other, wearing nothing but our panties and underwear. I was very embarrassed because I felt my panties were not as pretty as the other girls, not to mention that there were boys across the room from us. Another time I caught my finger in the stall door of the bathroom and passed out. It was scary to awaken with people standing over me yelling.

Dad was a very good cook and we ate a lot of corncakes for breakfast. Once, I must not have been feeling well, and Dad forced me to eat them. I vomited and to this day cannot eat a corncake.

Dad was also a big tease. I remember one time he acted like he was throwing one of Mom’s breasts into the fire. He wanted to break one of the kids from breastfeeding. We all screamed! It was just a pad Mom used to absorb her milk.

I vaguely remember a time when Bobby was playing with matches and almost burned the house down. Dad was throwing us kids out the door into the front yard to get us all out in time. Some of the house was saved though and he rebuilt it.

Financially, Dad and Mom were better off then they had ever been in their married life. Dad’s job was good and they were secure in their own home. Dad got involved in activities at his plant so we attended picnics and other functions the company had planned. Once Bobby won the foot race and when they asked him how he could run so fast, he quoted the well-known commercial: I ate my Wheaties this morning!

We were a happy family it seemed, getting visits from uncles, aunts, and many cousins. Ironically, Dad got hurt and things began to change drastically in our lives.

In 1945, when Mom was pregnant for Grant, Dad was injured at work. He was pounding on some steel, as were other men who worked nearby. A piece of white hot metal flew into the air and through Dad’s stomach on the right and partially exited on his left side. It had gone through his left kidney, and half of the metal remained in him. He said his left side felt warm so he reached down and half of the metal broke off in his hand. He then passed out.

The doctors thought his prognosis was very poor, yet three months later he walked out of the hospital with only one kidney and one third of his stomach. He was told he would never eat solid foods again, and would have to live on baby food, yogurt and liquids.

Mom had always been a homemaker, but after Grant was born she had to go to work to put food on the table. She had lived under difficult conditions before, but nothing like she would endure now. The burden to provide was now on her shoulders.

Mom got a job at Bexley’s White Castle in Columbus, and hired a babysitter, named Jean, while Dad was recuperating. She never cared for her as a babysitter, and so accused Dad and Jean of having an affair. Mom was angry and taking Charlotte and Grant, went to stay with Dad’s youngest brother, John. He lived in Columbus in a two-room house with his wife, Marie, and four children.

There was an episode that happened before Mom left Dad, when Jean was babysitting us. She told me to watch the kids for her. I was leaning out the window, showing off Grant, when I dropped him onto the ground, which was about three feet below the window. He wasn’t hurt, but Jean couldn’t have been a very efficient sitter. Mom said she found cigarette burns on Charlotte when Jean was there, and believed Jean did it intentionally because Charlotte was a fussy baby. (Years later, when Dad and the boys lived in Columbus in an apartment, Jean stayed with Dad to take care of the boys while he drove a taxicab. My brother Harold recently told me she would get into bed with them, while Dad was gone, and molest them. When Dad was told of this he kicked her out.)

Later, Mom and Dad got back together in Harlam, but financially things got worse. Mom’s meager earnings bought groceries but it could not pay the mortgage. The bank was ready to foreclose on their loan. With nine children, and Dad disabled, they were going under.