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    You Can’T Afford to Break Up: How an Empty Wallet and a Dirty Mind Can Save Your Relationship
    You Can’T Afford to Break Up: How an Empty Wallet and a Dirty Mind Can Save Your Relationship
    You Can’T Afford to Break Up: How an Empty Wallet and a Dirty Mind Can Save Your Relationship
    Ebook113 pages1 hour

    You Can’T Afford to Break Up: How an Empty Wallet and a Dirty Mind Can Save Your Relationship

    By Paul Schienberg Ph.D. and Stacey Nelkin

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    About this ebook

    The tough economic times can affect even the most stable relationships. Breaking up isnt the only answer; it can be rough both emotionally and financially. But by taking stock of your relationship with your partner and a little work, you can stay together and be happy. In this self-help book, actress Stacey Nelkin and therapist Paul Schienberg collaborate and offer ideas to help you jump-start your love life.

    Filled with relevant real-life illustrations and stories, You Cant Afford to Break Up offers insightful and thought-provoking tips for saving relationships. It teaches you how to: Achieve open, honest communication to invigorate your relationship Use fantasy, acting, and the power of imagination to inject your relationship with variety and excitement Spice up your relationship while staying within your personal boundaries Focus on the emotional connections between romance and finance Geared toward couples in all stages of a relationship, You Cant Afford to Break Up encourages you to be proactive and use your imagination to be sexy and have fun. You cant afford to break up; save your relationship and save money. All you need is an empty wallet and a dirty mind.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisheriUniverse
    Release dateNov 18, 2009
    ISBN9781440181283
    You Can’T Afford to Break Up: How an Empty Wallet and a Dirty Mind Can Save Your Relationship
    Author

    Paul Schienberg Ph.D.

    Stacey Nelkin is a celebrated actress who began her career in Woody Allen’s Annie Hall when she was a teenager. Paul Schienberg is a prominent psychologist with a multidisciplinary practice in the fields of forensic, clinical, and organizational psychology. Visit them online at www.YouCantAffordToBreakup.com.

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      Book preview

      You Can’T Afford to Break Up - Paul Schienberg Ph.D.

      Copyright © 2009 by Stacey Nelkin and Paul Schienberg, Ph.D.

      All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

      The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

      iUniverse books may be ordered through booksellers or by contacting:

      iUniverse

      1663 Liberty Drive

      Bloomington, IN 47403

      www.iuniverse.com

      1-800-Authors (1-800-288-4677)

      Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any Web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid.

      ISBN: 978-1-4401-8129-0 (sc)

      ISBN: 978-1-4401-8128-3 (ebk)

      Library of Congress Control Number: 2009910870

      iUniverse rev. date: 10/29/2009

      Contents

      ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

      YOU CAN’T AFFORD TO IGNORE THIS BOOK

      Five Romantic Things to Do Under $5

      Introduction

      Chapter One—Talk Is Cheap

      Chapter Two—All the World’s A Stage

      Chapter Three—Shiny, Happy People

      Chapter Four—Can’t Buy

      Me Love

      Epilogue

      Bibliography

      For Marco, my best friend and husband, whose inspiration and encouragement made this all happen—and to Antonia, Noah, and Stella. —Stacey Nelkin

      To the memory of my father, whose energy, trust, and honesty gives me courage to execute my dreams; to my mother, who gave me life and saved it many times; and to my brother, whose constant love is an anchor. —Paul Schienberg

      ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

      Stacey Nelkin:

      This book simply would not exist without the incredible talent and intelligence of Liel Leibovitz. Thank you!

      Robert Astle, thank you for your belief in us.

      And thank you to Marco Greenberg—for not only your love and support, but because you were the one to introduce us all to each other!

      Paul Schienberg:

      I want to thank my patients over the past thirty-five years who have given me the opportunity to travel down the yellow brick road with them and rediscover the essence of their unique natures and apply them to their lives. 

      Great appreciation goes to the members of my Men’s Support Group (Fred, Bob, David, Gil, Bud, and Edward). We have met once a month for more than fourteen years. They have shared with me the complex wonders of being a man and given me the psychological space and caring to discover my ability to love. 

      Thanks must go to Liel Leibovitz who has offered his creative energy and talents to bring the book to an amazing completion. Without his enthusiasm for the project, we would not have been able to share our ideas with clarity and freshness. 

      Robert Astle provided direction and insight. He has helped us see the relevance of this book to our culture and economic times. He joined us on our mission, always acted selflessly, and believed in this project and in us.

      YOU CAN’T AFFORD TO IGNORE THIS BOOK

      In so many ways, these are the worst of times: banks are collapsing, insurance companies are crashing down, and mortgages are spiraling out of control. Call us crazy, but we believe that these are also the best of times: with no cash to spare and no disposable income to distract us, now is the perfect time to forget about our stock portfolio and instead take stock of our relationships with our partners. Whether you’re married or not, whether you’ve been together for five decades or five months, whether you and your partner live together or apart, the chances are that you bicker from time to time, occasionally want to strangle one another, and, on a few dark occasions, also contemplate breaking up. Hey, we all do. It’s perfectly normal. However, the good news is that—as the title of this book suggests—you can’t afford to break up.

      We don’t mean just in the economic sense, although, frankly, who can afford divorce lawyers nowadays? No, we’re talking about something much deeper. Call it the first principle of emotional economics: until you figure out who you are and what you want, until you find a way to communicate with your partner honestly and openly, until you both learn to treat your relationship as a blank canvas on which you two can paint your lives together as you’d like to live, you’re never going to make things work. Instead, you’ll be investing immense amounts of energy in failed relationship after failed relationship, throwing away money and time, and wondering why you can’t catch a break. And that, we’re sure you’ll agree, is just wasteful. We’re here to give you the tools to avoid these mistakes—now and in the future.

      Why are we qualified? Because one of us is a renowned therapist and the other a celebrated actress, and by now you probably know enough about relationships to know how much of it is psychology and how much theatre. Together, we’ll tell you everything you need to know about how to talk and listen better, how to act up and spice up your love life, and how to come to terms with wild and untamed things such as your sexuality.

      We’ll also be talking about money—who isn’t, nowadays?—and trying to convince you to see it as what it is, namely a sexy and thrilling source for fun and adventure rather than the source of all your anxieties and woes. When it comes to cash, it’s not about whether you have it or not, but how you think about it and what you do with it that matters.

      Ready to jumpstart your sex life, save your relationship, and save money? Read on. …

      Five Romantic Things to Do Under $5

      Nothing’s better than bubbles. Get naked and hop in the bath together.

      Forget wine: beer is cheaper, and it’ll take you back to the good ol’ lustful days of high school.

      Skip that meal and spend your cash on chocolate instead: buy two truffles, feed each other, and indulge.

      Most museums will let you pay what you wish at least one evening per week. Go. Art is hot. Ever noticed all those naked people in paintings?

      Get a bus ticket to some lovely bit of nature outside of town, lie on the grass, and make out. Nature can make you very randy. …

      Introduction

      Amy and Dan met in graduate school, married the week after graduation, and had their first child right away. Two years later, when their second daughter was born, they were finally ready to pack in their fun, carefree life in the city and move to a nearby suburb. They searched for a bigger house, a better school district, and a more kid-friendly atmosphere. As they shoved the last boxes into the packed U-Haul and drove toward their new home and their new life, they shared sentimental stories about their time as a young couple. They talked about the bars that they used to hang out in until the wee hours of the morning, the theatre tickets they spent every disposable dollar buying, and the ski trips to Vermont with friends. These were fun times, they agreed, but the times ahead looked even better: a family of their own, a place to grow old together, and building a life. It was what they’d always wanted.

      The suburbs, they soon learned, were nothing like the soul-crushing, numbingly boring wilderness that movies and television shows often portray them as. In fact, Dan and Amy loved everything about their new neighborhood: the people seemed genuinely friendly and many were in precisely the same spot in life—young couples adjusting to parenthood and moving up in their careers. Although evening outings would end earlier—there were kids to put to bed and babysitters to relieve—they found that social life away from the city was just as robust. They loved the space they suddenly had—especially after years of living in a shoebox of an apartment! Amy loved having a garden and planted tomatoes and radishes in the back yard. Dan turned the huge basement into the rec room of his dreams, buying a few used video game machines online and building his own personal arcade. Each of the girls had her own room, and the kitchen was large enough to allow both Amy and Dan, both amateur cooks, to experiment with roasts and stews and cakes.

      Slowly, however, their relationship—once warm and loving and energetic—began to wilt. Neither of them could explain it, but they both felt it happening. With demanding jobs and young kids and dozens of social obligations every week, all they usually wanted to do when they were finally in their bedroom was put on the comfiest pair of pajamas, snuggle under the blanket, and sleep for as long as their schedules would let them. Sex, once a daily activity, gradually decreased to a few times per month.

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