I'm Gonna Tell: ...An Offbeat Tale of Survival
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About this ebook
Lori Cardille, actress, relates the impact of surfacing memories of her childhood abuse that could not be held back any longer. A poingnant account delivered with humor, this book hopes to offer compassion for others who are surviving.
Lori Cardille
Lori lives at home with her husband Jim Rogal and her two children Jake and Kate and more pets than they are allowed.
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I'm Gonna Tell - Lori Cardille
I’m Gonna Tell
…an offbeat tale of survival
Lori Cardille
Writer’s Showcase
San Jose New York Lincoln Shanghai
I’m Gonna Tell …
an offbeat tale of survival
All Rights Reserved
© 2001 by Lori Cardille
No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping, or by any information storage retrieval system, without the permission in writing from the publisher.
Writer’s Showcase
an imprint of iUniverse.com, Inc.
For information address:
iUniverse.com, Inc.
5220 S 16th, Ste. 200
Lincoln, NE 68512
www.iuniverse.com
ISBN: 0-595-14203-6
ISBN: 978-1-475-90476-5 (eBook)
Contents
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
PREFACE
PERFECTION
TRAPPED
CHILLY BILLY’S DAUGHTER
THE GOOD YEARS IN SUBURBIA
WHAT SHOULD I BE WHEN I GROW UP???
GIVING BIRTH
THE EDGE…OF NIGHT
THE EDGE…OF SANITY
AWARDS…NOMINATIONS FOR AWARDS…NOMINATIONS FOR NOMINATIONS
THE AWARDS THAT MAKES ME FEEL PRIDE…
LOVERS AND OTHER VICTIMS
LOVERS
A LETTER OF LOVE TO MY HUSBAND OF 18 YEARS
I’VE DECIDED TO BE NOBODY
THE SUBURBAN CULT FIGURE
MY GURU: MOHAWK THE TURTLE
DEEP SEA DIVING
MEMORY AND KNOWING: PURGING UNCLE BOB
LOST LOVE
IF SHE WOULD ONLY TAKE OFF HER RING
BINGO AND GRANDMA
SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT
TO MOM AND DAD
FEAR…STILL
A LETTER OF LOVE AND RESPECT TO MY FELLOW SURVIVORS
PUT ON YOUR TAP SHOES
HATRED
THE MEMORY OF RECIPE
RECIPE
MAJOR POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION
NOT SO BLACK AND WHITE
TRULY, SIMPLY, PROFOUNDLY… MR. ROGERS
MR. ROGERS II
THE ENDENDUM
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Image266.JPGALL OF THE ILLUSTRATIONS in this book were drawn by the author, Lori Cardille. She calls her cartoons Humoroons, or Philosophical Thoughts in a Box. Lori also thinks that they would make terrific postcards.
THE PHOTOGRAPHS were taken by the author as well, with the exception of the picture of Lori on page 69, which was taken by Diane from a photography class and Lori would thank her if she knew her last name. The First Communion pictures were beyond Lori’s control.
The blank pages throughout this book are intended for your own writings and drawings.
Acknowledgments
I WANT TO THANK…
My parents for believing me when I finally told. My husband, Jim Rogal, who rode the roller coaster from hell with me. My children, Kate and Jake, my brother, Bill, my sister, Marea, my in-laws, Ann and Alvin Rogal, and the other Rogals, my cousin, Cynthia Barr, for sharing herself and her memories so lovingly, Margaret Nunberg, who taught me how to love, Dr. Ruth Eissler, Dr. Ted Becker, Dr. John Hitchcock, Dr. Bolonovitch, Dr. Mitzle, Nancy Hile, Grace Martin, Dr. Al Corcoran and Pittsburgh Action Against Rape. My best friends, Mary Beth Davis-Rogers, Jill Fine, Mary Ann Hepp-Basilone, Karen Meyers, Nina Gram-Humphrey, Amy Uriah, Sue Falvey, Michael Jacobs, Barry & Lois Zwibel, Sharona Fae, Susan Prothroe, Chris Potocki, Marina Posvar Green, Roberta Farkas, Robert Telleria, Rabecca Einhorn, Dr. Robert Einhorn, Sally Miles, Dave Nixon, all of my friends of Bill’s. To the investigators who understood my fear of being killed. Thanks to my Hospice family, all of you, especially Mary Friday, Jean Robinson, Carrol Mackey…my mentors, my protectors.
A very special thanks to Gail Hunter for encouraging me to write it all down and to Dr. Jerry Rabinowitz for sticking with me.
A prayer of thanks to all the angels who stroked my hair and gave words of encouragement, who shared their stories, who cried with me, you know who you are.
And—believe or not—thank you, Uncle Bob, for without your abuse I wouldn’t have become the me
I am today.
Preface
THE REASON
The fact that my life would make me a good guest on a talk show makes me feel shame. Yet I have come to the point that I have suffered greatly. I have laughed like a hyena through my life’s sorrows. I have cried so hard and long, I never thought I would stop. I have been a sinner and a saint.
I have written this book for the love of myself