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    Parenting Secrets: What No One Told You...
    Parenting Secrets: What No One Told You...
    Parenting Secrets: What No One Told You...
    Ebook123 pages2 hours

    Parenting Secrets: What No One Told You...

    By Susan Monson

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    About this ebook

    This book is aPARENTING BOOKfor adults who want to do thebest possible parenting! The book covers parenting of: young children, teens and adult children. Itdescribes scenarios as well as solutions in dealing effectively with each age level. It's a great support for any adult involved with children!


    It is recommended reading for parents, grandparents, teachers, counselors and pediatricians. Parenting Secrets is also a great resource for school guidance counselors.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherAuthorHouse
    Release dateOct 17, 2008
    ISBN9781467848459
    Parenting Secrets: What No One Told You...
    Author

    Susan Monson

    Susan Monson, LPC, is a Licensed Professional Counselor, a Play Therapist and a Hypnotherapist. She has over 27 years of specialized training working with children and parents. She holds a B.S. from Indiana State University, a M.S. from Indiana University, and a M.Ed. in Counseling from the University of Arkansas. While working with children in the public schools, she was awarded the "Arkansas State Counselor of the Year" in 2002. "While working with children of all ages, several themes kept presenting themselves. They were common themes regardless of age, gender, ethnicity or economics." "How many times have you, as a parent or grandparent, heard these two words: I forgot?" The story, I Forgot! grew out of the common theme of forgetting. Too often we let children off the hook by giving them the excuse that they are just hyper or ADD. By rescuing them, we don't allow them to learn the skill of remembering! And understanding forgetting and rescuing is crucial to good parenting. This is what lead to my parenting book: Parenting Secrets..."What No One Told You..."

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      Book preview

      Parenting Secrets - Susan Monson

      PARENTING SECRETS

      What No One Told You…

      SUSAN MONSON

      US%26UKLogoB%26Wnew.ai

      AuthorHouse™

      1663 Liberty Drive, Suite 200

      Bloomington, IN 47403

      www.authorhouse.com

      Phone: 1-800-839-8640

      ©

      2008 Susan Monson. All rights reserved.

      No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

      First published by AuthorHouse 9/24/2008

      ISBN: 978-1-4343-8770-7 (sc)

      ISBN: 978-1-4678-4845-9 (ebook)

      CONTENTS

      CHAPTER ONE

      CHAPTER TWO

      CHAPTER THREE

      CHAPTER FOUR

      CHAPTER FIVE

      CHAPTER SIX

      CHAPTER SEVEN

      CHAPTER EIGHT

      CHAPTER NINE

      CHAPTER TEN

      CHAPTER ELEVEN

      CHAPTER TWELVE

      CHAPTER THIRTEEN

      CHAPTER FOURTEEN

      CHAPTER FIFTEEN

      Heartfelt thanks and appreciation to:

      Reggie for the encouragement,

      reflection, faith and mentoring.

      Image22320.JPG

      To Adlerian theory and Transactional Analysis

      for providing the framework.

      INTRODUCTION

      The Best Kept Secrets in this book will enable YOU to BECOME a Parenting Pro!

      It is my wish that you’ll find exactly what you and your children need.

      This parenting information is generally not available to parents. And, it can apply to any parenting situation such as:

      •   A single parent,

      •   A mom and dad parent,

      •   A step parent,

      •   An adoptive parent,

      •   A gay parent, or

      •   A grandparent.

      The chapters in this book are merely EXAMPLES of situations that you may have with your child.

      Please take the principles and apply them to your very UNIQUE family as needed.

      So, sit back, relax, and enjoy the read!!

      -Susan Monson

      CHAPTER ONE

      Passive Aggressive Behavior Parenting Model

      Raising Children

      I can show you what to do when your child chooses to:

      •   Ignore your request,

      •   Scheme,

      •   Annoy others,

      •   Become violent, or

      •   Act helpless.

      He’s using passive aggressive behavior. It’s a great parenting model that will help you UNDERSTAND your child’s behavior. You can then APPLY strategies that will work.

      Children learn early how to manipulate parents to get what they want. If one strategy doesn’t produce the desired effect, they simply try another. This doesn’t mean they’re bad kids. It does mean that ‘learning’ from birth to kindergarten is very powerful. And, children try to exercise their own authority.

      And, if the passive aggressive behavior isn’t dealt with when children are small, teenage and adult children continue using the same behavior patterns. The Parenting Model for Passive Aggressive Behavior is outlined below.

      I.   DOING NOTHING

      This is when your child chooses to ignore your request!

      You think you have your child’s attention. You then make your request of your child. She PRETENDS not to hear your request and CHOOSES not to act upon your request. When you become upset because she hasn’t done as you asked, she’s puzzled as to why you would be upset. Are you not aware that she was busy concentrating on something and didn’t hear your request? Learn how to gain back your parental control—how to not be controlled by your child’s avoidance, withdrawl, denial and misdirection!

      II.   OVER-ADAPTATION

      This is when your child schemes to get his way!

      You are asking your child to help with a chore that your child doesn’t like completing. He wants you off of his back! So, he deceives himself and you when he: says or does whatever he needs to say or do to get YOU to do or feel what he wants. (READ THIS AGAIN, very slowly!)

      III. AGITATION

      This is when your child annoys to take control!

      This level of behavior may take the annoying form of begging, whining, pencil tapping, constant talking, or asking the same question 10 different ways—always hoping for the desired answer. This behavior gets rid of feelings by passing them to you. You then feel distracted and out of control—which can lead to you feeling like giving in just to stop the agitation!

      IV. VIOLENCE

      This is when your child violates your personal space, verbally, physically or indirectly, i.e. slamming a door!

      Violent behavior includes screaming, slamming the door, throwing a temper tantrum, or throwing toys on the floor for small children. Teenagers and adults may also scream and slam the door. However, they may also curse you, threaten you physically, or physically harm you by hitting, kicking, choking, hair pulling, biting, etc.

      IV.   Or, INCAPACITATION

      This is when your child ACTS helpless!

      Incapacitation is the use of emotions or illness to control another person or situation. It’s when your child is seemingly OUT OF CONTROL, crying, throwing a fit, working up to making himself physically ill, or pretending to be ill to avoid responsibility. Many times the key to determining whether your child is actually ill is to look for a pattern of behavior: Is she always ill when it’s time to clear the table and help with dishes?

      *The above parenting model is based upon the passive aggressive model developed by Jackie Schiff, MSW.

      CHAPTER TWO

      Learning the Karpman Triangle

      Image22337.JPG

      Stay OUT of the triangle!!

      RESCUER

      The parent or the child may take any of the three positions on the triangle. None of the positions are helpful or healthy.

      The parent who Rescues will continually try to take care of the child to the child’s detriment. This is NOT a healthy taking care of the child. Healthy behavior would involve keeping the child safe, clothed, fed, showing love, etc.

      •   Rescuing would look like this: the parent who doesn’t let the child play outside because he might possibly get a cold, fall down, get dirty, etc,

      •   the parent who still brushes the child’s teeth at 6 years old because he might not get them clean,

      •   the parent who cooks only what the child wants to eat, even cooking a separate meal for the child because he doesn’t like the first meal that is prepared,

      •   the parent who is continually doing the child’s homework for him because he is having trouble understanding,

      •   the parent who still dresses the child for school in elementary school,

      •   the parent who wakes the middle schooler/junior high student because he just can’t hear the alarm.

      The Rescuing parent ROBS the child of the opportunity to:

      1.   do something for himself,

      2.   experience various kinds of learning situations, and

      3.   gather good feelings about himself.

      VICTIM

      The PARENT who plays the part of the Victim uses guilt to keep the child in line and doing what the parent wants. The Victim parent will use lines similar to:

      •   If you really loved me you would…(Making love very conditional.)

      •   After all I’ve done.

      •   You only love me when.

      The CHILD who plays the part of the Victim plays stupid and can’t seem to do things for himself. The Victim child will use lines similar to:

      •   I can’t do anything right. (What can you expect from someone who messes up?)

      •   I just didn’t hear you when you asked me to help with the dishes. (How could you be angry at someone who didn’t hear you?)

      •   I can’t solve this myself. (But, then he doesn’t want

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