The Delicate Balance: Weighing the Choices for a Marriage "Made in Heaven"

Contents

DEDICATION

FOREWORD

PREFACE

INTRODUCTION

CHAPTER 1

CHAPTER 2

CHAPTER 3

CHAPTER 4

CHAPTER 5

CHAPTER 6

CHAPTER 7

CHAPTER 8

CHAPTER 9

CHAPTER 10

CHAPTER 11

CHAPTER 12

ENDNOTES

DEDICATION

It is with sincere gratitude that I give thanks to my family and friends who prayed with me, encouraged me and shared with me their time and testimony. I am honored to be the carrier of their words onto these pages. I want desperately for others who read these writings to also be encouraged and moved towards a closer walk with the only One who made it all possible. To God be the glory.

Adrienne Evans Johnson

Author of Who Are You Sleeping with Now?

Get Dressed and Ready for the Husband God has for You

The

Delicate Balance

Weighing the Choices for a Marriage Made in Heaven

FOREWORD

This book is to and for all women whose fragile hearts no longer want to be deceived about the priority, purpose, and value of matrimony. It should be noted that all the stages of male/female relationships are important and can be improved for the enjoyment and desired results for both sides. However, The Delicate Balance focuses on the union of marriage and is committed to guiding a wife equipped with her God-given power - to create and experience a marriage made in Heaven.

Many years ago, I sought CPA advice from a Christian friend on how to become financially independent. As he listened to me explain why I needed to be rich, he smiled and calmly responded, No problem. We are glad to offer advice to you on wealth creation. However, let’s approach this in right order. We will begin with eternity…and work backward.

As we approach the subject of marriage, the value of applying an eternal perspective is this: The results of modern traditions and contemporary wisdom can be challenged or at least compared to a standard that is immoveable. Instinctively, we know this and crave the security of being able to confirm what is real and what is not. In social terms, this discernment is referred to as women’s intuition, and, like a muscle, it gets stronger and more defined the more we use it. And as we pursue truth, we learn that there really is nothing new under the sun. Our intuitions identify with timeless principles that existed long before we did, yet they can be trusted to navigate us through today’s issues! That is why we often discover our mothers, grandmothers, and aunts get wiser as we ourselves mature.

Also as women, we are gifted with dominion in two other areas – SOUL (mind, will, emotions) and SPIRIT. We have a tremendous responsibility here because we can mold or inspire an entire range of human reactions, from magnificent to melancholy, in those closest to us. An untrained, overly-emotional renegade soul leaves a woman vulnerable while a Spirit led soul is designed to guide AND protect her and her family from deception. Another definition of SOUL/SPIRIT is the heart.

Today our culture abounds with self-help knowledge on physical heart disease. Certain groups are statistically more susceptible to heart failure than others. We should follow proper dietary guidelines and get yearly exams to maintain proper heart health and correct problems before they jeopardize our quality and quantity of life. But what do we know about the spiritual heart? How should we care for it?

We are told to guard our heart with all diligence for it is not what happens to us, but how we respond that guarantees our victory in the challenges of life. Married or single, when you open your heart to The Delicate Balance, wisdom and truth that existed before any challenge you now face will come to strengthen and preserve you and your marriage. Adrienne is an imaginative and prolific author, captures the priority of matrimony and how a marriage made in Heaven can actually be built and enjoyed on earth. Readers are introduced to their own power and dominion in building satisfying, Godly marriages. But she doesn’t stop there. Adrienne takes those willing to go, on a spiritual journey –- an expose of the soul –- pointing them to timeless truths that can result in their ultimate wholeness – with or without marriage. The Delicate Balance compassionately — yet boldly inspires its readers to the worthy goal of emotional maturity.

If you are fortunate enough to attend one of Adrienne’s book signings, you will be encouraged by her personal testimony –an epistle in itself — of how God by His Grace made the Word become Flesh in her marriage. Hallelujah!

ENJOY THE JOURNEY!

Nina E. Donnell

PREFACE

Releasing the Delicate Balance has been like delivering a long overdue baby. It is a topic that I felt compelled to write about because marital crisis have overtaken marital bliss. While there are other books on the subject, I believe the Holy Spirit has imparted some wisdom through my own experience and by the witness of others who have shared their testimony. I hope to encourage those involved or seeking holy matrimony.

My passion to write on marriage is certainly not because my marriage is perfect. Far from it! It is certainly not because I think I have all the answers. Through my own experience, I have witnessed the power, observed the transformation and continue to manifest evidence as the two of us live out the mystery of the two becoming one under God’s rule. Some of my highest and lowest moments have been in marriage. While marriage is challenging, it is one of the primary areas where our faith is tested, and perfected to make us complete. The more I understand about the role of women and our purpose in marriage, the more motivated I am to follow God’s plan. In order for your marriage to prosper, you must create an atmosphere where God has access. With His guidance and power, your marriage can be an amazing experience for you and a powerful testimony for others.

My husband and I have been together for ten years. While it has only been ten years, I have been blessed to experience the fulfillment of God’s promises in my marriage. There were times early in our marriage when I was ready to give up and questioned my own sanity for deciding to stay. I soon realized that if there was any possibility for my marriage to survive, I had to trust God. It was clear that there was no other way. I fell down often, I’ve been stubborn and rebellious, I still try to do it my way at times, I’ve complained to God, and I have tried to negotiate and make certain sacrifices for my desired outcome. With each obstacle, God proved that trusting Him is better. I’ve learned to cling more to God’s word, striving to walk in obedience and trusting Him for His promises. Every time, He has been faithful.

INTRODUCTION

It is hard to conceive a happy marriage when the rate of divorce is so high, even among church folk. It is hard to consider being a Proverbs 31 woman because her image seems impossible to achieve or at least unrealistic. It is hard to be a woman who submits to her husband because that role looks like a woman who is weak and mousy.

How do we become women of honor and strength in the face of a society that mocks women who choose to be devoted to family? How do we encourage, support, and esteem husbands without letting our own esteem plummet into the toilet? How do we follow the headship and vision of spouses without losing our own vision and sense of self?

We want to be good examples for younger women, but they are not encouraged to strive in that direction when, according to society, the godly character of woman lacks strength, power, and high regard. We have the impression that a strong woman is one who doesn’t take any stuff; she lets everyone know that she is in charge; she is outspoken and aggressive. Yet, from a spiritual perspective, these characteristics are not indicators of strength or power.

Many women know the characteristics that a woman of God should possess, but we struggle to find examples that we can relate to and talk to. We are divided between society’s image and the biblical image of a strong woman. Even our young girls struggle to be girls when the example seems weak, whiney, and defeated. We need to see a female who has all the finesse and feminine characteristics of a woman, combined with the potency of Superman. Where do we find such a woman? How do we ourselves achieve this status?

Society’s Image

When considering the societal standards of a woman of power, we often turn to women in corporate America. So as a starting place, I reviewed the list of powerful women according to the Forbes list. Just as they are known for creating a list of the top fortune 500 companies, they have also created a list of the most powerful women. When I compared the list from one year to the next, it was quite apparent that the view of power is transitory. I thought that power had to do with strength and stamina. Yet a woman viewed as powerful one year is quickly dismissed from the list the next year based simply on her job status. She demonstrated the power to achieve this recognition, but by the next year, someone else had topped the list.

Perhaps making Forbes list is like the notion that everyone wants fifteen minutes of fame. Is it the momentary recognition that we desire or a lifetime achievement award? Is it the short burst of high that we want or a steady stream of triumph? It is interesting that we don’t like it when someone abuses power, yet it is the flexing of one’s muscles that we often look for in determining power.

Evidently, women have made progress in the corporate world for there are more women in executive positions than ever before. This, I applaud. Women have always had the intelligence and capacity to be powerful contributors in the work force, in government, and on the home front. Each of these is equally important to the stability of society. Why then do we give one area more significance than the other? We should not devalue the worth and dignity of a woman whose family is her priority.

We are living in an era when, for the first time in history, children are likely to do worse than their parents socially and economically. For generations, children have progressed beyond the achievements and status of their parents, mostly because their parents have paved a way for such progression. Yet we are now faced with the possibility that children will under achieve their parents.

Could it be because we place more importance on women having powerful positions in corporate America than on women who have powerful positions in the home? Could this be the result of feminism gone wrong or too far? As a result of this mindset, we have given limited attention to marriage and parenting. What are the consequences? Both the divorce rate and the high school dropout rate average 40 to 50 percent.

The high rate of failure in our homes and families is directly connected to the value we place on the role of women. While women may be gaining ground in politics, the media, technology, and other industries, they are losing ground in the home. They are gaining ground on the reputation front, but they are losing ground on the character front.

I am not suggesting that we should give up our progress in any of these areas. Additionally, we should not assume that having a corporate position means giving up on the home front. This is an individual assessment based on each woman’s capacity. For one woman, focus on a career may be the greatest use of her talents and gifts; therefore, she decides to defer marriage and family. For another woman, her decision may be to transition from a career to home or to defer her career for family life. More often, a woman must work to help support her family and doesn’t have the luxury to choose.

Biblical View

Too often in today’s society, the spouse and children become sacrificial lambs to the woman’s career. If marriage is the choice, nothing should come before the spouse, except God. The wife’s relationship with Him should be an intimate component of her marriage.

According to the biblical view, marriage is the foundation that supports the family, then the community, then society at large. When the foundation deteriorates, the domino effect begins. Over time, as more families tear apart, we see a ripple effect in society.

Evidence of the failing family leads me to this conclusion: Women must carefully consider the choices made in marriage, for a delicate balance is essential for their progress to be fulfilling. This delicate balance can only be achieved by following God’s plan for marriage.

CHAPTER 1

What Happened to the Dignity of Woman?

What happened to the well-respected, highly-esteemed woman of distinction? I’m not referring to the occasional woman who achieves such status; I’m referring to the norm, not the exception. We seem to have forgotten about the overall view of woman as the crowning jewel of creation. We need to see the character of women as elevated rather than denigrated. We need to see women who cherish their femininity and embrace their divine design. Today, however, women have more rights but less respect. They are more outspoken, successful, and progressive, but society views them as less valuable and less worthy of appreciation and esteem. The women’s liberation movement produced more freedom and rights for women, but in spite of the improved economic and social relations, the happiness of women has declined over the past three decades.¹

Freedom of choice is more widespread, but the choices have not led to more happiness. Some women endure daily struggles to maintain their dignity in the face of extreme poverty, human trafficking and other inhuman conditions that many of us can’t even imagine, while other women chose to give away their dignity by living a life of promiscuity, deceitfulness and moral depravity; choosing to live apart from God. These perplexing thoughts led me to research the progress of women and their happiness.

Studies of Women and Happiness

In my quest, I discovered that many governments, including the United States and Britain, have been conducting studies on the economics of happiness. Instead of just focusing on the gross national product, they are also looking at the gross national well-being.

Unfortunately, many politicians will say things that make us feel that they are looking after our well-being, but this accomplishment is really beyond their capacity. They want to use the measurement of the happiness of people as a barometer for the public policies they develop. Yet because most data measuring happiness shows that it is fleeting, as is the measurement of power, it is difficult if not impossible for them to affect such an issue. However,

there is a body of research on happiness which is, from a scientific perspective, much more securely grounded. This is based upon the analysis, not of aggregate happiness data over time, but of so-called panel, or longitudinal data, which track specific individuals over time. It shows that family life, being married, good health, having religious faith, feelings of living in a cohesive community where people can be trusted, and good governance contribute to happiness. Chronic pain, divorce and bereavement detract from happiness.²

While government studies produce interesting insights, I would lobby against policies intended to legislate happiness or well-being. Governments don’t have the capacity or the wherewithal to manage such complex, personal issues. We should consider the stance of a politician on important moral issues such as abortion and same sex marriage, but modifying the guidelines and laws that were established long ago only serves to cater to the degrading morals of men. God established the law to make us aware of sin. Therefore, when the laws on moral issues such as same sex marriage are relaxed or changed, it reinforces the deception that same sex marriage is okay, even though the Bible speaks against it.

Assessing happiness

Though we cannot control happiness with policies or laws, I found the research of happiness intriguing and worthwhile. Most would agree that politicians lack the skills to assess the well-being of people, but individual people have also demonstrated a limited ability to assess their own well-being. People tend to overestimate the amount of satisfaction they will get from material things and underestimate the satisfaction derived from human connections. Consider the evidence of divorce. When it comes to matters of pain, divorce is the number one depressant. The happiness study confirms that divorce is the single greatest cause of depression, yet the divorce rate continues to climb with alarming speed.

People tend to believe that money buys happiness. Yet it is clear from the evidence that happiness is impacted more by personal values and dispositions. For example, the evidence supports that a person may have a reasonable increase in happiness with increased income. However, this must be kept in perspective because doubling their income had less impact than life issues such as marriage. Ecclesiastes 5:10 tells us that it is meaningless to think that wealth brings true happiness because those who have money will never have enough (NLT).