A Journey Called Life

Table of Contents

Introduction

Chapter One

Childhood

1945-1963

Chapter Two

College Years

1963-1967

Chapter Three

Honeymoon Years

1967-1972

Chapter Four

Crisis Years

1972-1977

Chapter Five

Starting a Family

1977-1985

Chapter Six

Graduate School / Becoming a Teacher

1985-1990

Chapter Seven

Mom’s Death

1992

Chapter Eight

Parenting Teens - Part One -

1992-1993

Chapter Nine

Parenting Teens - Part Two - Shalom

1994

Chapter Ten

Parenting Teens - Part Three - Horizons

1994-1995

Chapter Eleven

Parenting Teens - Part Four - Crossroads

1995-2000

Chapter Twelve

Transition Years

2000-2007

Chapter Thirteen

Retirement Years

2007-2010

Conclusion

Introduction

April 29, 2006 I started the process of attempting to write my second book- my life journey. Why attempt to write a second book? I love to write; my writing makes me think and grow while giving me fulfillment and pleasure. My sister was my inspiration for starting this book. Years after writing my first book, I finally got the courage to share it with someone. My sister was the first one I let read my book. She offered to type it for me. Although I used a computer for 95% of my job as financial secretary of our church, I choose not to use a computer for my writing. I do all my writing the old fashion way by long hand. My sister really enjoyed reading my first book, Better Parenting Through A Better You; she was very complimentary to me about it. However, she thought I should expand it; she wanted to know more about my life especially my feelings. To me my first book was finished – done! I had accomplished my goal – to convey the message that you can not be a successful parent without taking care of yourself and growing as a person. However, I was willing to write more about my life journey. Therefore, I started thinking about writing a second book – my life journey- and this book unfolded.

My desire is for this book to challenge the readers to think about their own lives and to grow as individuals. Therefore, I have ended each chapter with life questions for the reader to ponder. I have tried to make these questions general enough to apply to most individuals’ lives. These questions are there only to inspire you to think or journal about your own life, how you got to where you are today, and where you might go from there. Use them as you feel appropriate for your own growth.

How does one start writing about her life journey? I have decided to start this one by writing about my parents – the two people who are responsible for my existence. My mother was an only child who grew up in Syracuse, New York. Her mother died from influenza when she was very young between one and two. Her father raised her with the help of her grandmother and housekeepers. After high school, she went to New York City to take a medical lab assistant course and then worked for a doctor. Before going to New York City, she met my father who was a forestry student at Syracuse University. She was only in New York City two years; life in New York City was not for her.

My father grew up in Cuba, New York on a farm. His father died when he was very young from pneumonia. He had two older brothers and an older sister. My father got interested in forestry through his 4 H work growing up. After running the farm for two years after high school, he decided to enter Forestry College at Syracuse University. He was only eighteen for he had graduated from high school at sixteen.

After graduating from Syracuse University in June 1942, he married my mother September, 1942. My parents’ first apartment was in Jamestown, New York where Dad worked at a lumber yard being in charge of their kilns. My brother, John, was born in Jamestown two days before their first anniversary. John was two and a half months premature and in the hospital for a month. When John was still an infant, they moved to Charlottesville, Virginia where Dad became a forester for Virginia Department of Forestry.

I think both of my parents are wonderful people. I give them most of the credit for who I am today. My father loved the outdoors; not only was he a forester, but he was active in Boy Scouts. I credit him for my love of God’s wonderful world. He has always been very active in church work – not only attending regularly, but holding many leadership positions such as Sunday School Superintendent and Chair of the Deacons. He is one of if not the nicest and kindest men I know. I only ever remember him getting mad once. That was when my brother and sister got into a fight because John, my brother, called Mildred, my sister, a monkey because she was eating a banana. When my father entered the scene, Mildred had banana all in her hair. John had bleeding scratches. I guess my Dad was justified in raising his voice.

My mother loved children especially babies. Although I am not a baby person, I give my mom the credit for my love of children. She was a very devoted wife and Mother – a good example for her two daughters. Both of my parents were always there for me.

Chapter One

Childhood

1945-1963

Although I do not remember, I was born June 23, 1945 in Charlottesville, Virginia at Maratha Jefferson Hospital. I came home from the hospital to my parents’ basement apartment in a stone house on Jefferson Park Circle. To be honest, my memories of my childhood are sketchy at the best. Sometimes I wonder why I do not remember more about my childhood. I have even wondered if I am unconsciously blocking out most of my childhood for some reason. However, what I do remember about my childhood is mostly pleasant.

After living just a short time on Jefferson Park Circle we moved to Cherry Avenue where my sister came home to after her birth. I was a month shy of three when she was born so needless to say I do not remember her birth or how I felt about getting a sister. Although I have always been jealous of my sister thinking she is the pretty one, I have always been close to Mildred. Today she is probably my closest friend.

Soon after Mildred’s birth, we moved to North Garden about ten miles outside of Charlottesville. My parents rented a house on a hill across a highway from a service station. It was a rural area and we had a large yard. As soon as I started talking, I had a speech defect which will be discussed later in this book. I attended kindergarten and first grade in North Garden. There are three incidents that I remember from North Garden. I am not sure how much of these are from actual memory and how much is from hearing the incidents discussed or told by my parents.

The first is Mildred getting her head stuck in between the railing of the banister going up to our second floor while standing on the outside edge of the banister. My mother was scared. Not wanting to leave her, she sent John across the fields to our nearest neighbor for help. While John was gone, she stepped out on the front porch and waved a car down from the highway. The man from the highway and our next door neighbor managed together to pull Mildred’s head out of the banister. Mildred was the adventurous one of the two of us.

I also remember hearing the story about the ladder leaning up against the church building one Sunday. My father was talking to another man when he said: Oh- Look at your daughter up on top of the roof. I could not have been over six and my sister is three years younger than me. My father quickly got Mildred down from the roof and started to talk again. When he turned around and looked, she was climbing back up the ladder. This time he spanked her. I am sure there were other times, but this is the only time I remember either parent spanking any of us.

The third incident that I remember while living at North Garden was getting hit in the eye from a softball during recess in first grade. To this day I do not like playing softball or baseball. I am afraid of getting hit by the ball.

I made my profession of faith at the early age of six while attending a Methodist church in North Garden. We lived a mile from the elementary school. Although the school bus came right by our house, it would not pick us up because we lived just inside the dividing line for walkers. So, I walked to first grade with John who was eight at the time. In the spring of the year, John stopped at the church on our way home from school to attend discipleship classes. I tagged along and sat through the classes. At the end of the classes, I decided I wanted to accept Christ as my Savior and be baptized. Although the minister agreed I was young, he believed I understood as much as the other children and that I was ready. So, that Easter Sunday I was sprinkled in the Methodist Church. That summer we moved back into Charlottesville on Cabell Avenue and started attending University Baptist Church. Both Mom and Dad had grown up Baptist. When the minister started talking to John and me about being baptized by immersion is when I got confused. I had already been baptized; I did not understand why I needed to be baptized again. Today I understand the symbolism of immersion, but at seven years old, I did not. The minister finally convinced me to be immersed and on Easter Sunday just a year after I was sprinkled in the Methodist Church, I was baptized by immersion at University Baptist Church along with John.

I lived on Cabell Avenue from age seven until age twelve. I do not remember a lot about the house except it had two floors (first and second). It had a side apartment on the first floor and a basement apartment. However, I remember the yard well. It was a large yard with flowers in front and a gazebo on the side. All the children in the neighborhood used the gazebo as our clubhouse. I have many happy memories of activities in our yard and clubhouse. Our neighborhood club sold lemonade and koolade. One summer we put on a neighborhood circus. We played kick the can and many other games in our yard. I also remember having Easter Egg Hunts and school picnics there. We had a large climbing tree in the yard too. I remember the time I climbed up in it and could not get down. Since my father was out of town, my mother had to go get our neighbor to get me down. You see I was not the climber Mildred was.

Although most of my memories of playing at Cabell Avenue were happy ones, I do remember one incident when some older neighborhood boys locked some of us including my sister and me in a garage. My brother was not involved in this incident. Although no harm was done and we got out okay, it was scary at the time.

Besides our clubhouse and playing in our yard, I remember roller skating a lot both on the sidewalk and at the recreation center. I even remember having a roller skating birthday party at the recreation center. I also remember learning to ride a bike on Cabell Avenue. I remember one incident when I rode my bike to a friend’s house. From there we rode downtown which was over a mile. When my parents found out I rode my bike downtown, I was grounded for that was farther than I was allowed to ride. Although I am sure there were other times, this is the only time I remember getting in trouble at home. I remember one incident of having to sit on the steps during recess in either second or third grade for talking/misbehaving in class. However, there was a group of us involved in that incident. Generally I was a very obedient girl and behaved well.

We did not have a car until I was in high school so I did a lot of walking growing up. I walked to school. After school I walked to scouts and home again. However, walking was all I knew at that time of my life; I even enjoyed it. We walked as a family to University Baptist Church from Cabell Avenue. I remember one incident where I got knocked over by a Saint Bernard while walking home from church. I was not hurt, but was scared for the dog was bigger than I was.

The summer after sixth grade we moved from Cabell Avenue to Eton Road which is off from Jefferson Park Circle where my parents lived when I was born. The house on Eton Road is the first and only house my parents bought or owned. It was in a different elementary school area from the one I had attended since second grade. Since I was going into seventh grade – the last year of elementary school, my parents got permission for me to stay at Venable School for my last year. I had to take the city bus to University Baptist Church and walk from there. However, I was very glad to stay at Venable and finish elementary school with my friends. Mildred attended the elementary school in our new neighborhood, Johnson School.

Not long after we moved to Eton Road, my Mother went to work. It was the first job she had since their marriage. She definitely wanted to be an at home Mom and Dad wanted this too. I was in seventh grade and did not have a problem with Mom going to work. However, I think it was hard on Mildred. Mom went to work at the Children’s Rehabilitation Center as a nurse’s aide.

A year after we moved, I started high school. Our high school consisted of eighth through twelfth grade. Because of the integration issue, our public high school did not open that September. The town arranged for high school classes to be conducted at churches, etc. The way it worked; classes were held 8 A.M. to 1 P.M. Monday through Saturday. First period met on Monday, second on Tuesday and etc. with sixth period meeting on Saturday. If you had study hall, you did not go that day. I had Friday off but had Saturday classes. I had classes at three different churches and had physical education at Frye Springs Beach Club which I could walk to. It was a weird way to begin high school. However, I adjusted well. It was that year that I met Carolyn- my best friend all through high school. We spent a lot of time together the first couple years of high school, but then spent less time together as I took college preparatory classes and she took business courses. However, we were in each other’s weddings and remain friends today.

January of eighth grade, Lane High School reopened and I attended there. The issue of integration started a private school in Charlottesville, but none of my close friends went there. When classes returned to Lane, they tried a two hour block schedule where classes met every other day. However, that only lasted for the rest of that school year.

I had only been an average student in elementary school. Studying had not been that important to me. However, things changed in eighth grade. I found out I could make A’s and B’s; I even enjoyed studying. I mentioned earlier that as soon as I started talking, I had a speech defect. In elementary school, I received speech therapy the few times a year that a speech therapist would make it to my school. During high school, I took speech therapy for several years at the University of Virginia Speech and Hearing Clinic. I made some progress but it was very slow. The therapy was interfering with after school activities which I preferred and was just as important for me so I stopped the therapy.

I had neurological testing done; they did not determine a cause for the problem. My parents were told to treat me as any other child and that is what they did. However, I was different; I talked different. My family and people who spent a lot of time with me learned to understand me without any problem. However, people meeting me for the first time would have trouble understanding me. They could if they were willing to put forth extra effort and really listen. Some were willing to put forth the extra effort; some were not. Those who did not understand either asked me to repeat, said they could not understand, just ignored me or pretended they understood me when they did not. Some children teased and laughed at me. My books did not laugh at me. The A’s and B’s I made when I studied made me feel good and smart.

Church has always been an important part of my life. As a girl, I was active in G.A (Girls’ Auxiliary). G.A. had different steps/ranks. I worked my way from Maiden to Queen. When you became a Queen, you were recognized in a coronation. It was the only time until my Junior Ring Dance in college that I wore a formal for I never attended proms, etc. in high school. It was a lot of work to become Queen, but I enjoyed it. The recognition made me feel important and proud. I also remember going to G.A. Summer Camp for a week one summer.

Also, I remember attending revivals at church especially as a teen. I remember rededicating my life to Christ at one revival. You see a relationship with God has always been important to me and I did not remember my baptism.

Girl Scouts was another important part of my life as a child and teen. I was very active in Girl Scouts and loved it. There are two incidents in Scouts that stand out in my memories – one was a success and one a big disappointment. Both occurred during high school. One was our trip to Canada. I was one of the two patrol leaders during that trip. We drove/rode in cars and camped/spent the nights in Girl Scout Camps, churches, and scouts’ homes. I do not remember a lot of details of what we did and saw. I think we went to Montreal and Toronto. I remember visiting churches in Canada. Also, I remember going on a boat trip around Thousand Islands in New York and visiting Watkins Glen in Pennsylvania on the way home.

My biggest disappointment in Scouts was not being chosen as a representative from Charlottesville to attend Roundup. Each area got to send so many scouts. I think eight got to go from Charlottesville. Scouts from all over the nation as well as scouts from other countries attended. Most of the girls chosen to represent Charlottesville were from our troop; a lot of them were less active than I was. You see I always thought I was not good enough or maybe popular enough to be chosen.

I always attended Girl Scout Day Camp during the summer. I worked there my last several years of high school. I enjoyed being both a camper and a counselor.

Another important part of my summer was swimming. We lived close to Frye Springs Beach Club and belonged there. Although I never was a fast swimmer, I was a decent swimmer and loved swimming. I passed Junior Life Saving. To this day one of my favorite parts of the summer is going to the pool.

Another sport I have always enjoyed is basketball. I played briefly on class teams in sixth or seventh grade and again briefly in high school. I remember shooting baskets a lot just for fun when I lived on Eton Road. After I married and had children, we put a basketball hoop and cement area to play on in our back yard. I would play with Joe; I would also go out and shoot baskets by myself.

I also remember playing in both our Junior and Senior Powder Puff football games. This was when the junior girls played the senior girls. I was pretty good on defense. However, one play the coach sent me in on offense; I did not know what to do. I never went in on offense again.

When we lived on Eton Road, we got a ping pong table one Christmas. I became a pretty good ping pong player and enjoyed it. Of course, I never could beat my brother. Later, it became a challenge if not impossible to beat my son, Joe.

Soon after we moved to Eton Road, my granddad moved from Syracuse, New York to our house. I really enjoyed Granddad living with us. Mom worked then; Granddad would do a lot around the house. I remember him baking cookies and cakes especially Boston Cream pies. Since my father traveled a lot for his job, several times my Granddad took my father’s place at school or scout activities.

My junior year in high school my grandfather died in our living room sitting in his favorite chair watching his favorite show- College Bowl – on a Sunday afternoon.