Addicted and Convicted
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ways that led me to deviance. I can only blame myself for my misfortunes and tremendous suffering. At the age f eight, I was placed in a juvenile facility for petty theft, for being incorrigible, for missing school, and yes, for drinking. I was released just long enough to drown my sorrows in booze or drugs. I used fictitious ids. I have had 22 drinking violations. My last grade of school was 5th Grade. I was expelled from Kindergarten. My third wife has seen it all and now stands behind me as she sees the spiritual side of me. I have actually experienced my own death at about the age of 26 from an overdose of heroin, secanol, and alcohol. And, at the present time I have hepatitis C. I had many chances and as I look back, I ask Him, "Why me, Lord?" Now, it is my responsibility to share my faith, strength, and gratitude in these few poems with you. It's your decision. We can suffer or we can rejoice.
Gregory McPhee
I have lived through all the experiences related in my writings. At the age of ten, I was into many illegal things that further caused me to abuse myself and end up in prison. I later realized that Jesus was the answer and I was born again. I now know that through all that I was going through, He had a plan for me. And, that plan was to write in prose and poetry my life experiences. I have an apartment on the north side of Sioux Falls where I live by myself and continue writing in the hope of a second book.
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Addicted and Convicted - Gregory McPhee
ADDICTED & CONVICTED
GREGORY MCPHEE
iUniverse, Inc.
Bloomington
ADDICTED AND CONVICTED
Copyright © 2011 by Gregory Mcphee
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.
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ISBN: 978-1-4620-1853-6 (sc)
ISBN: 978-1-4620-1854-3 (e)
Printed in the United States of America
iUniverse rev. date: 06/14/2011
Table of Contents
DEDICATION
ACKNOWLEDGEMENT
INTRODUCTION
NICOTINE VS. ALCOHOL
FINGER PRINTS
THE ALCOHOLIC FLY
WARNING FROM ALCOHOL
SNIPPETS
THE ALCOHOL DEATH
SEEMS TO ME
DON’T LET THAT DEVIL DANCE
THE PREACHER’S HAND
VIEWS OF A FRIEND
WHY ME, LORD?
DAY BY DAY
PEOPLE MOVE LIKE CLOUDS
CALIFORNIA NUMBER: 78015
SOUTH DAKOTA NUMBER: 25478
EXCUSE ME, WARDEN
ENDING A PRISON DAY
DEDICATED PERSONAL HYMN
AMAZING GRACE
RELATED MESSAGE
LOVER’S PRAYER
MAMA, I’L BE BACK
RIVER OF SNOW
CONFINED PRAYER
LETTER OF SINCERE
CONFINED PROMISES
D.A.K.O.T.A. SOUTH
D.A.K.O.T.A.
DEAR BEST FRIEND
SAME ‘O GAME
BACK BEHIND THESE PRISON WALLS AGAIN
SEATTLE COUNTY JAIL
SUMMER CITY JAIL
SIDE STREET AFFAIR
SAD BUT TRUE
WE WALKED TEN MILES IN OUR MOCCASINS
CLEAN AND SERENE
WHY WHAT WE DO
WHY MUST WE HURT?
LAST ADVICE
THOUGHTS OF A LOCKED WORLD
IS LOVING YOU WRONG?
LOVE IS REAL
BEDTIME EXCUSE
YOU AND I
HOT WOMAN
NOW THAT I KNOW YOU
WELFARE BABY
YOUR STORY – MY SONG
I’M READY TO DANCE
GOOD NIGHT REQUEST
SPARKS FROM MY FINGERTIPS
WHAT MONEY CAN’T BUY
LAST RIDE WITH THE DEVIL
THE CONCLUSIONS OF DEVIANCE
HOMELESS BONNEY’S TOMORROW
TERESA
GRAND - SON
GRANDDAUGHTER’S SONG
TRUE COUNTRY VIBES
ASPHALT JUNGLE
BLACK TRAIN (HEROIN)
MY DREAM OF HER
IF WE CARE
MY SISTER AND I
CALVERT WHISKEY
ME AND BEVERLY
GOOD BYE, MY GYPSY LOVE
WARDEN ANNIE
MY HIGHER POWER
VISION OF MYSTERY
THE DEVIL’S WEB
THE DAY THAT I LEFT YOU
DANCING MY WHITE CADILLAC
HE WALKED 10 MILES
BACK BEHIND THESE PRISON WALLS AGAIN
THESE SOUTH DAKOTA WALLS
MY CONFIDANT
BALLAD OF SOBRIETY
I ONLY KNEW HER BY HER NAME
GREYHOUND BOUND
OUR WEDDING INVITATION
REFLECTIONS
FAITH
A LETTER TO JESUS
HE CAME TO ME
O‘LORD, I‘VE GOT YOUR NUMBER
THE PRECIOUS GIFTS
THE TRAIN TO JESUS
HE IS COMING SOON IN A TWINKLE OF AN EYE
AWAKE, CHRISTIAN SOLDIERS
I NEVER KNEW JESUS
OUR LORD BROUGHT ME ABOUND
INSPIRING DREAMS
THE RISEN LORD
THE LORD’S SEED
DANCING MY WHITE CADILLAC
WHITE CADILLAC
I’LL KEEP MY PROMISE NEXT TIME
A WRITTEN PROMISE
A LETTER FROM JESUS
ECHOES OF ALCOHOLISM
FACES
EPILOGUE
DEDICATION
This book of poems is dedicated especially to the Lord, my personal Saviour. I must admit that I am grateful for my last duration of my imprisonment and for my wretched life that has been spared. For this period I may express my renditions. During this incarceration I met a real friend, Jeff White, as he encouraged my faith.
I am also grateful to my pastor, Elder Mack Henderson. He inspires my faith and the strength to be humble. He was there for me when I was about to give up. Also, my sister, Donna Marie, inspired me to continue in my writing and dedication to help others that suffer as we do.
My wife, Teresa, stood by me all the many years of my corruption and addiction. To her I dedicate this also.
Also, I am proud to praise a real friend that also helped me to complete this book with pride. This is Rose Sieverding who resides at Humboldt, SD. She is a very special lady and has been there for me.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENT
Self,
I believe my poems are self explanatory, and I have experienced them as real life situations. Raised in and around alcoholism, I chose the irresponsible ways that led me to deviance. For me to be responsible was to be obedient to parents and authority. I can only blame myself for my misfortunes and tremendous suffering. To start drinking at the early age it allowed me to suppress my feelings and emotions. I could be anybody I desired, but unfortunately I chose a life of deviance that today I dearly regret.
I allowed my alcoholism to cause me a lot of unnecessary grief. At the age of eight, I was placed in a juvenile facility for petty theft, for being incorrigible, for missing school, and, yes, for drinking. Looking back I expressed a lot of anger and blame; and, since that time, I’ve been incarcerated most of my life in foster homes, boys’ homes, group homes, juvenile halls, and jails. At the age of 14, I was placed in a reformatory where my escape failed. That’s where my resentments began and were practiced.
I’ve been through a few reformatories and then the penitentiary a couple of times. I was released just long enough to drown my sorrows in booze or drugs. I have moved to different places after failures and arrests: several fictitious Ids and 22 drinking convictions. I have completed programs in 11 inpatient alcohol treatment centers and five outpatient treatment centers all just to satisfy someone else or to win my freedom. Obviously that didn’t stop me as my conniving ways cost me my second prison sentence which I completed in 1992.
Needless to say, my last grade of school was in 5th grade which I failed. I was also expelled from kindergarten. Serving a lot of time, I have educated myself without ever taking a true personal inventory of my attitude and all the excuses that I can come up with. I am now 58 years old and just recently have found my spiritual self. It took a lot of suffering before