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    I'd Rather Roll Than Rattle: A Collection of Humorous Stories.
    I'd Rather Roll Than Rattle: A Collection of Humorous Stories.
    I'd Rather Roll Than Rattle: A Collection of Humorous Stories.
    Ebook86 pages46 minutes

    I'd Rather Roll Than Rattle: A Collection of Humorous Stories.

    By Liz Kingston Bettle

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    I'd Rather Roll Than Rattle



    Way back in the day, words like fat and obese were not used to describe a lady who was overweight. The usual adjectives of choice were: stout, portly, or rotund. My grandma Kingston was most definitely in that category.


    She would get a bit miffed when someone would call her status to her attention. But she would really react when she saw a woman who was inordinately thin. It would flat make her mad.


    Just look at her: a bag of bones! When she walks you can hear her rattle. I'll tell you this for sure I'd rather roll than rattle!


    She lived to be 92 and never did rattle!



    Hence, the books title.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherAuthorHouse
    Release dateJul 16, 2010
    ISBN9781452051444
    I'd Rather Roll Than Rattle: A Collection of Humorous Stories.
    Author

    Liz Kingston Bettle

    Liz Kingston Bettle was born in Pecos, Texas, and grew up on a ranch west of Balmorhea. She graduated from Howard Payne University and is certified as a chef, floral designer, and secondary school teacher. Mrs. Bettles husband of forty-seven years was a pilot in the Marine Corps. Since his retirement, they have lived in Lampasas, Texas. They adopted two children and have three grandchildren and one great-granddaughter.

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      Book preview

      I'd Rather Roll Than Rattle - Liz Kingston Bettle

      I’d Rather Roll Than Rattle

      Liz Kingston Bettle

      A collection of humorous stories.

      39330.png

      AuthorHouse™ LLC

      1663 Liberty Drive

      Bloomington, IN 47403

      www.authorhouse.com

      Phone: 1-800-839-8640

      ©

      2010, 2014 Liz Kingston Bettle. All rights reserved.

      No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

      Published by AuthorHouse 06/12/2014

      ISBN: 978-1-4520-5144-4 (e)

      ISBN: 978-1-4520-5143-7 (sc)

      ISBN: 978-1-4520-5142-0 (hc)

      Library of Congress Control Number: 2010909838

      Contents

      Some of Us Can’t Sing

      The Preacher’s Kids Again

      The Local Train

      Evangelical Fervor

      Love on the Farm

      Use of a Cane

      Social Services via Social Security

      When the Road Gets Slick

      Hail the Gin

      Don’t Judge a Book by Its Cover

      And if You Believe That

      How Cold Did It Get?

      The Chewing Gum Saga

      Sí, Hablo Español

      Wham! Bam! No … No Slam!

      The Party That Never Ended

      Strike Two

      You Better Not Go In There

      Round Up Time

      The War of the Garden Plots

      Not Quite the Right Word

      Cowboys and Indians

      On a Hot Day

      What’s in a Name?

      The Surprise Brownies

      Some People’s Opinion You Don’t Want

      Some Things Just Don’t Work

      Bless You

      Name It What You Want To

      Read the Signs

      Fat’s Where It’s At

      The Splitgarber Square

      Oh No! A Snake!

      A Sale You Couldn’t Beat

      Snapping Turtles Really Do Snap

      It Got Boring At The Park

      Watch Your Mouth

      Always a Wild Streak

      The Good Stuff Didn’t Work

      Just Like the Ad

      Hooray for Brazil Nuts

      International Food

      Why Would You Lie To Your Children?

      Three Is Too Many

      Pulling Rank

      Looks Don’t Deceive

      Andrew’s Friend Chester

      I Don’t Think So

      Misguided Gift Selection

      Sooner or Later

      All Fish Don’t Come From the Tank

      Extra Cleanup

      Love of the First Vehicle

      Which One?

      The Infamous Hand Prints

      It’s a Coat and Tie Affair

      Minus Two Birds

      When Your Ears Get Cold

      Worth a Whistle

      The Corral Vegetables

      Happy Birthday

      Uh-oh

      A Trip into the Unknown

      Where Does That Thing Go?

      Too Much Organization

      Description of Mother

      Swat!

      An Unusual Medicine

      The Magnificent Magnolia

      Senior Sneak

      So You Don’t Believe

      Meeting George

      The Eye Exam

      Revising an Old Tune

      Acknowledgments

      I extend my thanks to all who reminded me of stories I had omitted from my first book. There were also a number of helpful individuals who supplied some details I needed to complete some of the stories that make up this book.

      Also, I appreciate the many words of encouragement and an overall enthusiasm for my writing efforts.

      Introduction

      If you note the back cover page of this book, you will discover how it got its title. It all came from a common expression by my paternal grandmother, Annie Kingston, and an attitude she had her entire adult life.

      In truth, this is not actually a second book; it is a completion of the first book. This one does have a separate cover, and its own title, but the format is pretty much the same. It is a collection of humorous stories about friends and family members. It is non-fiction. There is nothing sad, and nothing bad. It is not written as a family memoir and is in no chronological order. The book was written to have a record for posterity of the humorous things that took place. By writing the stories down, I preserve them to be shared with many others. It seems worthwhile to brighten people’s days with a chuckle.

      Dedication

      This book is lovingly dedicated to:

      my son Andrew,

      my three grandchildren Colleen, Andrea, and Andrew Junior,

      and to my great grandchild Emma Soo.

      Some of Us Can’t Sing

      I like music, and I very much enjoy group singing and such. But the truth is I am sadly lacking in natural vocal ability. I once lamented this fact to a

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