The World According to YOU!: How Our Choices Create It All
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About this ebook
Would you like to understand your role in the events of your life and learn to make the kinds of choices that support your dreams? The World According to YOU! helps us understand how every relationship, event, and drama in our lives reflects back to us who we are being. We are essentially generating our reality, moment to moment, through our feelings of worthiness or unworthiness, and the thoughts, words, and actions that arise as a result. When we are capable of seeing ourselves clearly and recognizing that our choices create our lives, we can begin to understand that we actually have a role in creating our micro and macro world after all.
Carla L Picardi
CARLA L. PICARDI - a Harvard University Loeb Fellow - leads people to create a vision and make that vision a reality. Carla’s major projects include Canary Wharf and the Gherkin in London, UK. She has been a Vice President of Citibank, an adviser to the BBC and consults on architectural projects of all sizes, lectures on design, complex development projects, leadership, coaching and various other topics. Carla coaches MBA students and executives worldwide. visit the author online at www.carlapicardi.com
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The World According to YOU! - Carla L Picardi
Copyright © 2012, 2014 Carla L Picardi
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by
any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying,
recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system
without the written permission of the publisher except in the case
of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.
Balboa Press
A Division of Hay House
1663 Liberty Drive
Bloomington, IN 47403
www.balboapress.com
844-682-1282
ISBN: 978-1-4525-4558-5 (sc)
ISBN: 978-1-4525-4559-2 (hc)
ISBN: 978-1-4525-4557-8 (e)
Library of Congress Control Number: 2012900690
Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or
links contained in this book may have changed since publication and
may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those
of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher,
and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.
The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use
of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical
problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The
intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help
you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use
any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional
right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.
Cover image by KUMOdesign
Balboa Press rev. date: 01/22/2024
to Leo and Madeline
my parents
thank you for your undying love,
sacrifice and support
I am much of who I am because of you
to Goffredo
amore mio
my husband, friend and soul mate
thank you for holding the full-length mirror
—through you I am learning to love unconditionally
THE HERO’S ADVENTURE
We have not to risk the adventure alone, for the heroes of all time have gone before us. The labyrinth is thoroughly known. We have only to follow the thread of the hero path and where we had thought to find an abomination, we shall find a god. And where we had thought to slay another, we shall slay ourselves. Where we had thought to travel outward, we will come to the center of our own existence. And where we had thought to be alone, we will be with all the world.
JOSEPH CAMPBELL
CONTENTS
Foreword
Introduction
PART I: Being Positive
Chapter 1: Attracting Positive
Being Positive Creates More Positive
How We Create Our Lives
The Law of Attraction
The Discipline of Being Positive
Chapter 2: The Role of Happiness and Appreciation
Why is Choosing Happiness Important?
Our Stories and Their Role in Creating Our Lives
Resilience and Finding the Gift
Chapter 3: What’s Love Got to Do With It?
Love and Fear
Love, Fear and Leadership
We are All Things . . . We are That Too
PART II: Our Life is Our Illusion
Chapter 4: Exposing the Illusion
. . . and it is All an Illusion
How Does the Illusion Work?
Responsibility for Creating Our Lives
Chapter 5: It’s All About Perspective
Changing our Perspective
Remembering How to Dream
Fulfillment is a State of Being
PART III: Our Relationships are Our Mirror
Chapter 9: Seeing Ourselves Clearly
Seeing Ourselves in Relation to Others
It’s Not About Being Perfect
The Courage to See Our Reflection
Chapter 7: Being Who We Desire Others to Be
Finding the Love We Believe We Deserve
Listening as a Way to See Our Reflection
PART IV: Our Choices Create Our World
Chapter 8: Are You Part of the Problem or Part of the Solution?
Be the Change
The Buck Stops Here
Chapter 9: The Courage to Embrace Something New
Finding Balance
Choice 32605.png Change 32605.png Create
Acknowledgments
About the Author
My Book List
FOREWORD
by Arielle Ford
One of my favorite sayings is this:
Being realistic is socially acceptable pessimism.
Those who continually insist that we must manage our expectations and be realistic
(however well intentioned they may be) are simply unaware of the sheer power that we embody to create the life we want, once we have the understanding and tools to turn our desires into reality.
If I had spent my life being realistic,
today I would be living in a trailer park in Dania, Florida working as a dental hygienist. Not that there is anything wrong with that lifestyle, it’s just what my parents had predicted for me. I was a lousy and uninterested student, without much of a work ethic, and no vision for my future. Fortunately I was clear that I wanted something much more and I trusted that eventually I would discover my calling. Along the way I searched for clues by studying successful people, attending human potential workshops, and reading hundreds of books. I learned how to consciously take responsibility for my thoughts, actions, and emotions and ultimately I manifested my heart’s desires in every area of my life. And you can do it too!
While the majority of us were never taught these important life skills in grade school or University . . . it’s not too late!
If you are ready to lead a joyful, successful, productive life then congratulations, the book you now hold in your hands is an expert guide that will show you the way.
This genuinely useful book, by my dear friend Carla Picardi, provides clear, simple, step-by-step information on how to create the life of your dreams. It’s not magic, but rather age-old science combined with the latest in positive psychology and other research that allows us to become the highest and best versions of ourselves.
Carla has the best possible credentials to write a book such as this: as a highly successful architectural and design consultant, she has worked on massive, prize-winning projects that have changed the skyline of London as well as numerous other impressive projects, large and small. A respected mentor and coach she lectures around the world on a variety of topics, always guiding people with her wit and wisdom. She has spent a lifetime studying, reading and practicing these life-enhancing modalities and has a proven track record of success with them. She now reveals the best of the best, what has worked for her and so many others to create a life filled with love, laughter, prosperity, success and good health.
And, isn’t that what all of us truly strive for in our lives?
Imagine waking up each day excited, enthusiastic and filled with energy to run, jump, play and create! This is what’s possible when you choose to rewrite the story of your life and begin to manage your thoughts, beliefs and desires for the future.
So many of us live our lives with unresolved hurts, persistent unease and unmet goals wondering why things never quite seem to work out the way we would like them to. We were raised to believe that success only comes as a result of hard work and luck. While that can be true for some, what is more true is this:
Using the techniques and embracing the concepts shared in this book, along with dedicating yourself to the application of these great ideas, will quickly bring you satisfying results.
Whether you are 18 or 80, the pages you are about to read offer a brilliant formula for tapping into our highest potential. I predict this book will change many people’s lives for the better.
Including yours.
Arielle Ford, author of The Soulmate Secret and Wabi Sabi Love: The Ancient Art of Finding Perfect Love in Imperfect Relationships
INTRODUCTION
Things do not change; we change
HENRY DAVID THOREAU
One of my great mentors used to say, "In your 20s you know not you know not, in your 30s you know you know not, in your 40s you know not you know, and in your 50s you know you know but by then it is too late!" It was my first year in London and I had just turned 30 when I realized how very little I knew about my role in the world I was creating, the waves my actions set into motion, and the damage I was leaving behind in my wake. I was not prepared for the impact of realizing that my own behavior was actually creating my discomfort. What I saw about myself was not so flattering . . . and that was only the tip of the iceberg! Fortunately, many great teachers, mentors, books and seminars found their way to me, each one providing a piece of the foundation that enabled me to create the extraordinarily rich life I have today.
If I had the book you are now holding in your hands when I was first starting out in my career, I might have understood sooner that it was always all about me . . . who I was being in every moment of my life was literally creating my life. This change of perspective might have helped me take full responsibility for my role in the creation of everything unfolding around me, and it might have prevented some unnecessary pain and drama for me and the people whose lives were interwoven with mine.
I was raised in a middle class home, went to local Catholic schools, played sports, was a high school cheerleader, and in many ways, had a typical American upbringing. I was brought up to believe that if I worked hard, did well and was respectful and tolerant of others, I would be rewarded with success. This belief system functioned well for an ambitious over-achiever in her 20s. By the time I entered my 30s, however, I realized that while shoving a square peg into a round hole
produces results through sheer force and determination, it is extremely exhausting.
From the time I graduated from university in 1977, I worked like a crazy woman for 25 years, building the career of my dreams as an architectural designer, facilities director, project executive and property developer. I helped to create some of London’s most remarkable buildings and places, which altered the skyline, changed the way large developments are managed, and enhanced London’s status as a world financial center. Along the way I traveled extensively to exotic lands and socialized with all kinds of people, from street vendors to ministers of state. I studied with ancient masters, gurus, esteemed university professors and self-help authors—all the while soaking in architecture, art, design, music and culture of every kind. Funny enough, I believe my biggest achievements came from developing an understanding of my role in the events of my life and learning to make the kinds of choices that support my dreams.
One of the most profound things I came to understand, both from my life experiences and from managing teams of people working together on complex projects, is how difficult it is for most of us to see the role we play in the events of our lives. Time and time again I have seen hardworking, intelligent, creative, well-intentioned people (myself included) sabotage some area of our lives simply because most of us do not see ourselves clearly, nor do we understand that we actually have a role in creating our micro and macro world. The problem, I came to realize, rarely lies in how we go about performing the tasks of our professional and personal lives—what I call the doing. It is who we are being while we are performing those tasks and the choices that unfold from our state of being that really count.
The recognition that our choices create our lives is a concept most find difficult to grasp, and I understand not everyone is attracted to or ready for this level of self-inquiry. It takes fierce courage and great discipline to observe what our role has been and continues to be in the dramas that unfold around us. Usually it is not until we reach the point that we are inconsolable and desperate for things to change: a spouse walks out for no apparent reason, a life-threatening disease is diagnosed, a job is lost or a career is shattered; any number of personal crises may send us tumbling into a pit of despair. We hit rock bottom—the proverbial dark night of the soul—and are driven to uncover the answers for this overwhelmingly sad place in which we find ourselves. We may ask ourselves what we have done to deserve this tragic event, but too often in our search for answers we are blinded by shadows and illusions. Then, in an attempt to render the incident digestible, we make up stories in which someone or something else is the villain and the cause of our suffering.
Some, like me, may cling to being right (even when we are not); others lash out in blame, or become ensconced in playing the role of victim. These are all forms of self-inflicted suffering that leave us feeling frustrated and powerless. We pretend that we have no part in what is unfolding around us, and in so doing, we lose the ability to see the role we played in creating the unwanted situation in the first place. Of even greater consequence is that we give away our power to create the fulfilling lives we truly desire. There comes a moment, however, when somewhere deep within we can no longer ignore that we have a role in the chaos around us. This recognition enables us to surrender, to embrace our vulnerability, and to say—Ok! Ok! I give up. I need help. Once we realize that we create it all—the good, the bad and the ugly—and that we are not victims of the fickle finger of fate or an angry, punishing God, we can consciously make the choices that serve us most.
Once I actually realized my role in creating the outcomes in my life, I did not feel shame, frustration or even hopelessness; I had a genuine feeling of empowerment. Even though initially I did not see the full magnitude of how I was creating the events of my life, I finally accepted that I had a role in creating them, and this meant that I could also have a role in creating something different. I began to comprehend that the more I could let go of my need to be right and to be seen as perfect (two of my greatest challenges), the more easily and authentically I could accept myself, others, and situations—without painful and unrealistic expectations or rigid, perfectionist-driven behaviors. Over the years, I have become skilled in the art of personal happiness, peace and fulfillment. I have learned some simple yet profound concepts that help me perform at a higher level, and allow me not only to take back my power but to use it to live more fully and lead more wisely. With this I understood that if it was possible for me to have learned these skills, then it is possible for me to teach them to others as well.
The first and most important concept I learned and will share with you here is the understanding that every relationship, event, and drama in our lives reflects back to us who we are being, moment by moment. The relationships and circumstances in which we find ourselves serve as a huge full-length mirror constantly reflecting back to us who we are being. Sometimes we like what we see, especially if we have had time to adjust ourselves into the perfect pose, stand up straight, hold in the stomach, lift up the chin and smile. Most of the time however, we are living our lives on autopilot and what gets reflected back is not quite so pleasing. On the pages that follow, we will explore this concept in much greater detail, and for now, consider this: If we do not change the image in front of the mirror, what gets reflected back will be the same image that we do not like. We are creating it all—the peaceful beauty and the daily upheaval. It is not just happening to us as poor innocent victims, we are generating it, moment to moment, through our feelings of worthiness or unworthiness, and the thoughts, words and actions that arise as a result.
Thoughts, feelings, words and actions are energy, and each one is like tossing a boomerang very far away from ourselves. We may forget that we threw it, but that does not stop it from coming back to us. It may even hit us upside the head when we least expect it. Most of us are unaware of the energetic boomerangs we hurl into the universe on a daily basis, and are mystified when one comes back to us in a hurtful way. Yet if we are totally honest with ourselves, we will admit that we, in fact, are the ones who threw it. We still may not comprehend the degree to which we create the net result—joy or pain; satisfaction or frustration—and, once we are willing to acknowledge the part we play in the circumstances of our lives, we can begin to adjust what we are sending out in order to ensure