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A Soldier's Understanding: Inside the Mind of a Veteran
A Soldier's Understanding: Inside the Mind of a Veteran
A Soldier's Understanding: Inside the Mind of a Veteran
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A Soldier's Understanding: Inside the Mind of a Veteran

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About this ebook

A Soldiers Understanding is a book to help veterans gain a sense of Normalcy within their lives; assuring them that they are not alone. These poems and short stories convey the deepest thoughts, feelings, and struggles of a combat veteran. It also expresses the importance of digging in and coping with these symptoms; living life and fi nding a new mission and purpose in life.

LanguageEnglish
PublisherAuthorHouse
Release dateMar 21, 2011
ISBN9781456749590
A Soldier's Understanding: Inside the Mind of a Veteran
Author

Tiffany E. Belongia

Tiffany Belongia served 11 years in the Army National Guard. She deployed in 2006 and again in 2009 in support of Operation Iraqi Freedom. Life became much different for the accomplished SSG following her 2nd deployment. PTSD was not an easy diagnosis to accept, let alone manage. However, strength and resilience were found through expression - through writing. Writing not only became an outlet to express herself but also developed into a journey to acceptance.

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    Book preview

    A Soldier's Understanding - Tiffany E. Belongia

    THE WELL-OILED MACHINE

    Assembled and manufactured in Fort Jackson, South Carolina. Every nut, bolt, and screw fine-tuned to perfection throughout a nine-week testing period. Every machine programmed to meet the company’s criteria; specific values, beliefs, and characteristics that are universal to each and every machine.

    Be, Know, Do – that is one of the companies principles. Be a machine, know the mission and its objectives, and then complete the task. There are no grey areas in this process, no time for hesitation or reflection. Loyalty, Duty, Respect, Self-less service, Honor, Integrity, and Personal Courage are the company’s values. These values help the company and its products function in unison.

    The testing period is complete. It is time to put the machine into full operation-to send it to a more specialized branch within the company. The process is never-ending! New, improved skills and tools are always being inserted into the machines hard drive, making it more efficient. But the company is made of many; a society of well-oiled machines. We are an elite and focused driving force-always mission ready!

    Like any machine there comes a time for replacement and maintenance. The mechanic comes from a completely different environment; its programs are hardly compatible with the machines systems, but a necessary component to adapting in this new environment.

    To feel – how do you program a machine to feel? Love, Hate, Happiness, Guilt, frustration, excitement, surprise, etc. These emotions are foreign; it’s like a virus that cripples the machines hard drive. What used to be smooth and efficient is now hesitant and shaky. Something is missing? But what?

    What happens to those skills, values, and beliefs that were previously programmed? They can’t be replaced or removed; one merely adds these new foreign programs to the old ones!

    OVERLOAD!

    Something is not right; the machine can’t process everything that has been programmed!

    SHUTDOWN!

    BALL AND CHAIN

    The weight feels overwhelming, but step-by-step I drag my ball and chains.

    I am completely exhausted; my heart’s beating so hard that it could bust through my chest and I’m sweating from the constant pull of the weight.

    The monotonous struggle keeps me in a state of emptiness, a loss of purpose. Damn this ball and chain!

    I need to take a moment; a rest as I let these feelings subside; feelings of guilt, shame, hopelessness, insignificance, and fear. I continue my journey.

    I drag my ball and chains through all kinds of tribulations; I’ve made it through hills, valleys, rains, and deserts, through death, destruction, and the very depths of hell.

    On one occasion I came across a cliff. I was very tired. It felt as though I was carrying the world behind me and all of its evils. I told myself, I could push this ball over that cliff and rid myself of this burden I carry. I draw nearer to the

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