The Procedure

© 2010 Denise Harlan. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

First published by AuthorHouse 10/6/2010

ISBN: 978-1-4490-9831-5 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4490-9833-9 (e)

ISBN: 978-1-4490-9832-2 (hc)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2010910959

Printed in the United States of America

This book is printed on acid-free paper.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any Web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

This book is dedicated

To My Wonderful Husband, John, My Prince Charming. Who is there for me, in good times and bad, Who loves me more every day and John, I love you, dearly. I am so proud of the Man of God that you have become. You are Amazing!! I am blessed that God chose me to be your wife! You are a wonderful husband and an amazing father! I pray that I can be the wife that God intended for me to be and when I am gone, you will be glad that I was the one you chose to marry.

And

To My Precious Daughter, Kelsey, You are My Heart! There are not enough words in this world to tell you, How much I love you and how so very Proud of you, that I am. I am truly blessed that God chose ME, to be your mom. I just hope that you will see how happy you have made me. I look forward to seeing the amazing life and remarkable blessings that God has planned for you. You are so Amazing! You are so Remarkable! You are so Beautiful! I am in Awe of you! I pray that you will always know, without a doubt, that YOU ARE LOVED!

And to my family and friends who love me in spite of all of my flaws.

And to Jesus, My LORD and Savior, who chose me to write this book. Thank you, for using me! I am humbled.

And last but certainly not least, to those young women, who have had the procedure. I pray that will you know that there is forgiveness, mercy, grace, life and most of all, PEACE! God Absolutely Loves You, More than you can ever Imagine.

Contents

Chapter 1

The Early Years

Chapter 2

The First Time

Chapter 3

On My Own

Chapter 4

No Happily Ever After

Chapter 5

It Happened

Chapter 6

Leading up to It

Chapter 7

I Can’t Believe I Did It

Chapter 8

Welcome Home, Ellie

Chapter 9

Life Does Go On

Chapter 10

Our Little Road Trip

Chapter 11

The Big Move

Chapter 12

An Embarrassing Moment

Chapter 13

Forgiven

Chapter 14

Life Does Go On

Chapter 15

This is Charlie

Chapter 1

The Early Years

Maggie Carmichael had been waiting for this day for two months. That was how long she and her best friend from high school had been planning their reunion. They had talked about it for a year before they were able to get it planned and today was the day Kim Witherspoon was coming to town. Maggie had some exciting news to share, and Kim was the first person she wanted to tell. They had shared so many of life’s special moments and this one was going to top them all.

Maggie was driving down the Beltway on her way to her favorite Mexican restaurant, Tia Maria’s Mexican Restaurant. As she turned into the parking lot, her cell phone rang. She parked the car and answered the phone.

Hello. Anyone could hear the happiness in her voice.

Maggie, hi it’s Karen Jackson, from church. Do you have a minute?

Sure, I was about to meet a friend for dinner, but I am a little early, so I have a minute. What’s up? Karen sounded stressed and Maggie was always there for everyone.

I need to ask you to pray for a friend’s daughter. I’m afraid she is about to make the biggest mistake of her life, and her mom is not even concerned.

What’s the matter? Maggie felt herself getting tense. Somehow she knew what Karen was about to say. She just knew. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath and braced herself.

She was dating some loser boy and she had lied to her mother and said they were just ‘friends’, but as her mom just found out, they were more than that and now, well stupid girl. Anyway, she’s only sixteen, and she is thinking about having a… You know… I can’t even say the word. Can you believe anyone with any sense in their head, raised by a good family, would consider such a stupid thing? Her mom isn’t concerned. I just don’t believe in that, even though it might be an inconvenience. Oh, by the way, as you might have guessed, the boy dumped her like yesterday’s trash. Would you keep her in your prayers? Her name is Amber. Oh, Honey I got to go. I have got to run to the grocery store before I can make dinner. See you Wednesday night, right? You are going to the training session? Right?

Yes.

Good, well, gotta run, bye. And she was gone.

Maggie wasn’t given the time to get a word in edgewise, not that she would have. She dropped her head and tears fell on her phone as she ended the call. She dropped the phone in the seat next to her. Maggie wished she could have ended the stream of tears as easily as she had ended the call. That call had come at such a horrible time. This was supposed to be an exciting evening, and shouldn’t have started like this. As her mind drifted back to darker moments, Maggie thought to herself, "How could I have committed such an atrocity?" She took the keys out of the ignition, put both hands on the steering wheel, leaned her head on her hands, and silently wept. That conversation brought up some long buried emotions to, once again, flood her thoughts. She couldn’t be late, so she took a deep breath and let out a sigh. She knew she had been through worse times than this. This was supposed to be a joyous occasion, and she wasn’t going to let that conversation change anything!

She looked in her rear view, wiped the mascara from under her eyes, reapplied her eye make-up and lipstick then took another deep breath. She closed her eyes and said a silent prayer. The alarm beeped as she pushed the lock button on her key chain remote and walked up to the front of the restaurant. She tried to shake it off but she still felt the burden on her shoulders weighing her down like a concrete block on each side.

She walked up to the oversized, ornate wooden doors of Tia Maria’s. As she walked through the front courtyard, she could smell the familiar aroma of the mamacita’s cooking in the kitchen. The hostess sat her end next to the fountain, in the back courtyard. The sound of water from the fountain was soothing to her as the waiter set her iced tea in front of her.

Maggie sipped her unsweetened iced tea as she organized the sugar packs and the artificial sweeteners then she moved the salt and pepper shakers to this side then the next. She pushed them to the other side, again, just as the waiter brought the chips and salsa. Eating the chips and salsa at Tia Marias was like therapy for her, and with the first bite it was an immediate release of her nervousness. Although slight, any release of stress was better than none. She had been afraid of being late, but she wasn’t the one who was running behind.

The wind softly blew Maggie’s hair and she brushed it back with her perfectly manicured hands. She waited nervously and excitedly for Kim and she was going to be there soon. She couldn’t wait to see her and hear what had been going on in her life. Kim was one of Maggie’s most treasured friends. Even though they were great friends Maggie struggled with sharing her deepest secrets with anyone, even Kim. Maggie was a good girl, but she had made some mistakes that she had deeply regretted, and the last thing she ever wanted to do was to discuss those mistakes. She was never able to discuss her childhood for fear of being judged for things that happened to her that were not her fault. Besides, when she thought about discussing anything like that she couldn’t. She didn’t know how, so she didn’t.

On the plane, Kim thought about their friendship as she rested her head on the back of the seat. She smiled as those fond memories flooded her mind. Her first memory was how she had met Maggie on the beach on Sullivan’s Island. She wanted to remember every single one so she and Maggie could talk about old times. This is your captain speaking. We will be landing at Houston Hobby Airport in about ten minutes. The temperature is a mild 72 degrees... He finished his talk to prepare the passengers for landing. By that time Kim was ready to get her rental car. She was more than excited to see Maggie.

Meanwhile, while Maggie waited, she thought about the conversation she’d had with Karen. She understood the girl’s situation all too well.

My parents would die if they knew, she thought to herself. Her parents could never understand her emotions. Even now, at thirty years old, they probably still wouldn’t understand, but she never wanted to find out. Tears welled up in her eyes as she thought about the moment that changed her life. She never thought she would ever tell Kim, but today might be the right time. She didn’t know how she would take it or if it would change their friendship. Will Kim ever look at me the same way again? Maggie wondered to herself. She wasn’t sure she was ready to talk about it. She looked around and motioned for the waiter, Can I have an order of queso? Thank you.

As Kim was putting her bags in the trunk of the rental car, she sighed as she thought about what on earth had been so important to dear friend. She sounded happy, more so than usual. She thought about Maggie once again. Maggie had told her she had a surprise, what was it? Was it a move? Or, did she get that promotion she was hoping for? Was that it? Or maybe she met someone. Kim couldn’t wait to get there. She pulled into the restaurant parking lot, and found a space across from the front door. She was anxious to see Maggie. It had been too long since they had really had a heart to heart conversation. She had a feeling that this was going to be one of those long talks, and she was more than excited to be able to catch up with her. They had history together and there was just a very special bond between them. This was going to be a very special visit.

Sitting there Maggie moved the salt and pepper shakers and sweetener container to the other corner of the table and straightened them once again. She thought about her childhood. She moved from city to city, state to state with her dad’s job. She never stayed in one house more than a couple of years, keeping her from forging lifelong friendships, which always left Maggie feeling a bit insecure and a bit out of place. But, when she moved to Sullivan’s Island, in high school, she felt like she was home. This is where she met Kim, whom became one of her dearest friends in the world, making Sullivan’s Island one of her most favorite places in the world to be, next to Houston.

In Houston, she felt more comfortable than anywhere in her life, even on Sullivan’s Island. The moment she first touched Texas soil, she had a sense of familiarity. Then, a voice jolted her back to reality.

Maggie? Kim said in that sweet, southern drawl, standing there with a huge grin.

Kim Witherspoon! WOW! Maggie was thrilled to see her old friend and jumped up to hug her. She stepped back and held onto Kim’s hands. Look at you, you look fantastic! She hugged her friend once again and they sat down. How are you? How long has it been?

Kim was just as thrilled to see Maggie. Three years, at least, she answered almost in disbelief. How are you, Maggie? Kim and Maggie were always friends, regardless of where they had been in their life.

Good, really, but… yeah, good. Wow, Kim, it is so good to see you.

It’s good to see you, too. It’s just so good to actually be here.

Maggie was just as taken with not only listening to Kim, but also just seeing her made her feel at ease.

After the shock of seeing each other, they started talking and time stood still. The waiter stood there for a few seconds trying to get Kim’s drink order before they even noticed him. Oh, I’m sorry, yes, um, just give me an iced tea, please. Then, she looked back at Maggie, I’m so excited to be here. Did I tell you that I got a promotion?

Yes, you did. I am so proud of you. How’s it going?

Good, really, really good. She brushed her hair behind her shoulder. Maggie, what’s this training you told me about?

I am volunteering at our church’s new Crisis Pregnancy Center. Well, I haven’t actually started yet. I was on the schedule but I fell and ended up in the hospital, by ambulance. She looked at Kim out of the corner of her eye. Her mouth flew open.

Maggie, oh my goodness. What happened?

Oh Kim, it wasn’t any big deal, really. I was at the mall and the ambulance was only as a precaution. I will fill you in, later. Kim was still sitting there, staring at her. Really Kim, it was no big deal.

Then you will not leave out one detail. Promise?

Promise!

They laughed and went right back to their own little world. Finally, the waiter was able to take their orders and brought their food. When they had finished, Kim asked Maggie what was on her mind. Maggie was still bubbly but she could tell that something was bothering her.

Maggie, it sure is good to see you, and it’s been fun catching up, but I know something is bothering you. What’s going on? Kim always knew her too well.

You have to wait just a little while longer. Trust me. I think you will be happy for me. But Maggie’s smile wasn’t exactly radiant.

Maggie, is something wrong? Kim saw something sad in Maggie’s usually sparkling eyes. Maggie dropped her head and started rubbing her fingers around her glass. She wasn’t sure how to talk about this. After all, she had trouble just thinking about it.

Maggie, it’s okay, Kim said, but Maggie still couldn’t look at her. Kim smiled. You can say anything and it will stay with me. Haven’t we always kept each other’s secrets? Kim’s voice was calm and Maggie knew that it wasn’t just Kim’s voice, but it was also God’s because she had known for a really long time that, at some point, Kim was going to find out. She just never wanted her to. But, maybe this was the beginning of healing her heart. She looked up at Kim with a renewed strength, took a deep breath and began to tell her story.

Kim, I feel like I have to tell you something, even though I don’t want to talk about it. She knew she had to tell the only person she could trust with this kind of a secret. It had been eating at her and she just had to talk to someone, about it and Kim was the only choice to her. Maggie, now more confident, looked straight into Kim’s eyes, knowing, this was the right thing to do. She was determined to get the secret out and to start her healing process. She just never could completely forgive herself.

Kim was shocked with the thought that Maggie could have had such a big secret that she couldn’t have shared until now. She sat there, speechless for a moment, cleared her throat and asked Maggie the million dollar question. Well, what is it? You know I am not going to judge you. We have been too good of friends for too long. I am just surprised you have kept a secret from me. We always told each other everything, since we met at that clambake on Sullivan’s Island, when we were in high school. I know you never wanted to discuss your childhood because you said it was not ‘meaningful conversation’. But what in the world could be so bad?

Maggie smiled, looked up and said, Well, I am going to fill you in on some of that childhood I could never discuss. I just wanted to pretend it never happened. Part of it happened in Charleston, when I lived on Sullivan’s Island.

Kim flinched. What?

"Anyway, as you know, I am the baby of the family. Griffin, my brother, is eleven years older than me and was pretty much out the house by the time I started school. But, he always made me feel like I was important, which was something that I struggled with most of my entire life.

When I was ten, we moved to Lexington, Kentucky and Griffin stayed in Knoxville, where I was born, to finish his degree at UT. But, he promised he would visit often and would even come get me and take me back to Knoxville during school breaks. We moved two more times, but when I got to eighth grade, Dad finally told us, this was going to be it. ‘No more moving, he said and needless to say, we were all excited.

We had moved this time, to Versailles, Kentucky. It was so beautiful, there. The green rolling hills and the centuries old rock fences that lined the roadsides and the horse farms were incredible. Some had the white plank fences around the entire farm with the same white fencing dividing the pastures, some had black plank fencing. The horse barns were massive with green roofs with a weather vane sitting on the center of the roof. The horses would stand with their heads over the outside stall doors as if they were ready for a stunning portrait for a coffee table book on horses. Some of the horse barns were nicer than a lot of houses I have seen and especially some that I had lived in. All of the horses, Kim, they were so beautiful. They would stand next to the white plank fences with their heads over the top and they looked so regal. I was amazed by their grace and poise. There were a lot of old homes, some built over a hundred years ago. It was the perfect small town, with a cute little Main Street and the streets that went off in all opposite directions. The corner drugstore sat, literally on the corner of Main and Elm. It had a soda fountain, lunch counter and all of the same nostalgic charm as if it were right out of the 1940’s. Versailles was by all accounts, a perfect setting to grow up.

Our house was just at the edge of town and set back off the road on several acres, lined by one of those old rock fences and the other part by a white plank fence that was in dire need of a coat of paint. The driveway was lined with hundred year old oak trees down each side all the way to the front of the century old house where we lived. The key to our house was a skeleton key and the locks had never been changed in all those years. That was a bit eerie, in itself and it was almost like I was living in a haunted house mystery. The front door was a huge wooden door with beveled glass in the top half and carvings on the bottom half. It was beautiful but it creaked every time it was opened or closed.

The foyer was magnificent with old wood floors and a grand staircase with a carved banister. The chandelier hung over the staircase from the tin, ornate ceiling tiles of the second floor. The house, having been built in the mid 1800’s, had back passage ways, trap doors and very high ceilings. It also had fireplaces in the living room, dining room, sitting room and the downstairs bedroom, all with massive carved mantles. The kitchen was at the back of the house and had not been updated in many years. But it did have a passage way that went from the kitchen to the dining room, then on around to the parlor or sitting room as we called it. This was built for the servants. Apparently they were not allowed in the main part of the house. As you walked up the first flight of the stairs, you came to a landing as wide as the large foyer, and then you turned to go up another shorter flight to the other bedrooms. Then finally another flight that went up the third floor with an open room and a walk in attic, complete with leftover items from previous residents. (I would play in there for hours, pulling out every piece of treasure from every trunk and case that had been left there.) There were five bedrooms in all and even though I initially thought it was cool to have the entire second floor to myself, at night the floors squeaked and things moved on their own. I was totally convinced that house was haunted. No one ever confirmed this to me, but then again, they didn’t have to. I lived there.

I rode the bus to an old brick school that only had been built in the 1930’s. One of my teachers was nice but seemed like she was constantly looking at me like she was trying to figure something out. I never knew why, but my mind ran rampant about the possibilities. My science teacher, Mrs. Vonn was amazing. She really seemed to like me and encouraged me and praised me every time I did well, which made me excel in her class.

I was having a hard time making friends. People were nice, but they had their own groups and cliques that made me feel isolated. I tried to fit in, to belong somewhere, so I joined the school band. There were only about twenty students in the band but I wanted to do something. I wanted to play the flute, but the band teacher didn’t think I had the lips for the flute and somehow, stuck me with the French horn. I had to walk to my mom’s office after school which was over a half mile from school. She was a secretary at an insurance company. Maggie smiled. Can you just see me walking, all that way carrying that thing? I didn’t even weigh ninety five pounds and that thing weighed almost as much as I did and the case was heavier than the French horn. I called it the monster. Oh, well, anyway, the good thing is, I was finally part of something.

"I still never really felt like I belonged, anywhere. I don’t know why, but I never felt like I fit in. A couple of months into the school year, there were these three girls, who loved to bully and intimidate anyone they could. They looked for girls who were easy targets and I was just that. Tina Smith was the leader; Diane Sanderson and Cindy Morgan, completed their little ‘group’. On this one particular day, they had gotten suspended for three days for fighting on school grounds. They were angry and wanted to get even. They couldn’t do anything to the girl who ratted on them, because they would go to juvenile detention in Lexington if they had retaliated. So they decided to pick on someone, who couldn’t defend herself, someone who didn’t seem to matter and someone who was a loner. Me.

Those girls were not the kind of girls any nice girl, would want to be friends with, but I tried to be friendly and even be friends with them. I thought that if I were their friend, they wouldn’t pick on me. But, they didn’t want to be my friend. They just wanted someone to pick on and that was me...I was insecure, meek and walked to Mom’s office carrying this huge monstrosity. Needless to say, I was an easy target.

The old red brick school building and had those big wide steps going up to the door, which widen at the bottom. I was walking down the steps at an angle to get over to the side so that I could go down the side street towards Elm Street which was the way I walked to Mom’s office. Versailles was this small town, with tree-lined streets and Elm Street looked like a street out of a Norman Rockwell picture with massive trees lining each side of the street and people walking their dogs and pushing strollers. As I got to the edge of the school yard, by Elm Street, I looked up and saw Tina, glaring at me. I had no idea what was going through her head, if I had I probably would have ran back up to the school and begged a teacher to drive me home. But, I didn’t know.

I started walking down Elm Street, and unbeknownst to me, they had gotten ahead of me and hid in the bushes, next to Dr. Miller’s house. Dr. Miller was the town’s family doctor, who had semi-retired and only worked a few hours a day. There weren’t a lot of sick people in town so he didn’t have to work much. As I got close to the bushes in front of his house, they jumped out and started to bully and belittle me. One