Once, Twice, Three Times a Crazy

AuthorHouse™

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Bloomington, IN 47403

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Phone: 1-800-839-8640

© 2010 Chynah Doll. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

First published by AuthorHouse 10/7/2010

ISBN: 978-1-4520-6328-7 (e)

ISBN: 978-1-4520-6329-4 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4520-6330-0 (hc)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2010912437

Printed in the United States of America

This book is printed on acid-free paper.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any Web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

This book is dedicated to love,

May we meet someday

Contents

Foreword

Prologue

Man One

One

Two

Three

Four

Five

Six

Seven

Man Two

Eight

Nine

Ten

Eleven

Twelve

Thirteen

Fourteen

Man Three

Fifteen

Sixteen

Seventeen

Eighteen

Nineteen

Twenty

Twenty-One

Acknowledgements

Bibliography

Foreword

If ever there was a story about a woman that should be read as an example of determination, strength, and love of life, then this is the story you should read.

When it comes to knowing love, I can actually say that Chynah gave me the blueprint for my life (in a physical and spiritual sense).

She is a gift. Not just to me, but to anyone who meets her. She has LIGHT. Her spirit is as ferocious as a lion and as gentle as a lamb. It is LOVE that makes her who she is.

I would have to say that the most impressive thing about her after knowing her for over 25 years, is her determination.

She not only DREAMS...she moves towards those dreams.

So enjoy this true tale about love in its many facets and the determination it takes to journey towards it.

In the end, I promise you’ll fall in love with the woman I’ve been loving for over 25 Years and beyond...

Kenny Smoov,

Program Director

WQQK, 92Q

Prologue

"Crazy In Love could’ve just as well been the title of this book. I was deeply in love with all three of the men in these stories. I wanted to share my life with all three as well. They all made such an impact on my life for the better and for the worse to the point that I had to write about it. So many things happened while I was with them and I would say to them time and time again that I would someday be writing a book about it. I would talk to people about these three relationships and they would say, Wow! Girl you need to write a book! I was told several times that although there are women who go through the situations that I went through, it’s rare that you find a woman that went through all three. But I did. Although it is an autobiography, writing this book wasn’t about putting people on blast or anything like that therefore I chose to change the names and other exact information. More importantly it was about sharing these unforgettable experiences that occurred in my life. I was very careful about certain details and I purposely changed some things like names, cities, states etc. I also made sure not to give exact physical descriptions and there were plenty of other things that I left out. I have plenty of pictures and video as well but I chose not to include them either. Of course there were lots of people around me and my exes who know exactly who they are and who witnessed a lot of what I wrote in this book. It’s a part of my life that I chose to share and my main goal for writing this book is to let someone somewhere know that they are not alone. When I was going through those tough times in my relationships I would sometimes be ashamed to let anyone know what was going on and I still felt that way for a long time after. I no longer feel that way and today I understand that it is now my testimony. I started writing my book several times but I would repeatedly stop. It took me years to complete it because I knew I would have to go through all of those emotions and relive that life again and I was not ready to do that yet. When I finally did sit down to write it in its entirety, it took me less than a month to complete it. Within that month I experienced so many different emotions that I started eating like crazy and I gained fifteen pounds in just a few weeks. I also experienced a lot of sleepless nights as well as migraine headaches. But if that’s what I had to go through to get it out then it was worth it. There’s one thing that I would like to point out. At no time while I was with these men was I a victim. Nobody forced me to stay in these relationships and I could’ve left at any time. It was my choice to hang in there over and over, time and time again even after I knew it was dangerous to stay. I would stick around thinking, ‘It’s going to get better any day, yep any day now.’ I had a habit of trying to fix the men that I was with instead of realizing that I just needed to walk away. I’ve always known that I was a hopeless romantic. Even as a little girl I would sit with my mother and we would watch, Lady Sings The Blues and Sparkle and we would get up and sing the songs and do all of the dance moves. But my favorite parts were the love stories in these movies. Although I was very young at the time, I always knew that when I grew up I hoped to have love like that one day. As I got older I fell in love with movies like, Brown Sugar and Love Jones. I love being in love. Besides music love has always been the one thing that is near and dear to my heart. Even so, for awhile I would say that love don’t love me because of my track record. I don’t feel that way anymore though, I realize back then that I was just choosing badly. The title Once, Twice, Three Times a Crazy" refers to the men in this book of course but if you pay close attention to the stories you will realize that there is also a fourth crazy and that is me. I was just as crazy as they were for several reasons. I was crazy for dating them for so long even after the early drama started. For expecting them to change over and over again, and I also had a bit of my own crazy going on as well. Some of my tactics were kind of out there sometimes. I’m cool with that though, I was willing to go there and do whatever it took at the moment. Aside from that though, in reading my book you will leave knowing that I’m a pretty tough cookie. I know it has a lot to do with me being a city girl and also because I was in the military for some time. After experiencing plenty of trying times in my life I am happy to report that I’m still standing. As a successful singer and songwriter for several years now I am currently promoting my latest cd entitled, ‘Made In Chynah’. Today I am happy, I’m at peace and I am now an author!

Chynah Doll, 2010

Man One

Demarco

One

D-Day

Rinnngggg The sound of the phone ringing at 9am was annoying to me as I sat in front of the computer working on my latest resume. I was job hunting yet again and wanted to focus. Bill collectors were constantly calling every morning lately and it really got on my nerves. Especially since for the past few weeks someone kept hanging up on me without even saying a word. I figured it was the bill collectors getting back at me because I would hang up on them whenever they called. I answered the phone Hello? Click! Jerk! I said to myself then went back to my resume. A few minutes later, the phone rang again. This time when I answered a male voice said, Yes can I speak to Demarco? I said, He’s not here can I take a message? Well do you know when he will be back? I thought to myself, this bill collector sure is pushy and he’s got the nerve to be asking personal questions. No I don’t can I take a message, who’s calling? I heard this long irritated sigh and then he hung up. I was still on the computer two hours later when I heard the loud motor of Demarco’s work van outside the bedroom window. I couldn’t believe he was home during his lunchtime because I had been asking him to come home for two years and he never did. I laughed to myself thinking about how I had asked him to come home for a nooner sometimes but that never happened. Maybe he’s in the mood today, I thought. I greeted him as he came in the door, Hey babe, what are you doing home? You get off early or something? Looking a little agitated he said, No I just came by for a minute. I said, Oh for real? Well it must be because you missed me so much while you were at work. I smiled at him teasingly. He didn’t crack a smile; he just walked past me into the bedroom. Well excuuuse me, I thought. I followed him into the room and got back on the computer. He sat down on the edge of the bed, silent. I turned to him, Are you hungry? Would you like for me to fix you a sandwich or something? He shook his head no. I said, Are you ok? He shook his head yes. I shrugged my shoulders and went back to working on my resume. I started yapping about miscellaneous things then remembered the strange bill collector who hung up on me earlier. I told him about that then went on to other subjects. He just sat there for about 10 minutes listening to me talk but I could tell his mind was elsewhere. He would respond with an occasional Uh huh but he wasn’t really listening. It was almost like he was waiting for something. Next thing you know, I hear a car pull up outside the building. All of a sudden Demarco snapped out of it and jumped up and went to the window. As he peered through the blinds I heard a car door slam. Demarco immediately headed out of the room toward the front door. I got up and looked out of the window. I saw a guy get out of a Black BMW and walk towards our apartment building. I then heard our front door open and close though no one had knocked on it. I got up and went into the living room. To my surprise, no one was there. I went to the door and looked out of the peephole, as I could hear muffled voices and whispering coming through the door. After a few minutes, I got tired of wondering what was going on so I opened the door. Demarco was standing there with the guy that I saw out of the window. They both stopped the frantic whispering and turned to look at me. I asked Demarco, What’s going on, is everything alright? He said Yeah, yeah everything’s fine. But he didn’t look like everything was fine. The guy just stood there looking annoyed and if I wasn’t mistaken, he was glaring at me. I asked Demarco, Who is he, a friend of yours? Yes, he said. I asked, Well why are you guys out here in the hallway instead of inside? Demarco turned to the guy and said hesitantly, Uhh, you can come in. Once inside, they both stood in the middle of the living room in an awkward silence. Nobody sat down. My sixth sense said something definitely was not right. I didn’t know if Demarco was in some sort of trouble or what but I was about to investigate. I said to the guy, Hi, I’m Chynah. He gave me a snappy and short Hi! like I had just pissed him off even more by introducing myself to him. And that’s when I saw it, he rolled his eyes at me and kind of twisted his neck with attitude, you know like women do? I stood there, my mind racing with a million thoughts. I looked at how angry he was and how nervous Demarco was. I thought about the guy who I’d assumed was a bill collector that had recently been calling and asking for Demarco then hanging up on me. I thought about me and Demarco and how the intimacy part of our love life had been non-existent for years now. Still, not wanting to completely jump to conclusions about the situation in front of me without concrete proof, I decided to feel it out a little more. My heart was saying Nooooooo this can’t be happening, this is not taking place right now. But my brain was saying, Oh yes this is happening for real girlfriend, and you knew for years that this day would probably come. They continued to stand there in the middle of the floor, seemingly talking to one another with their eyes, yet not a sound came from their mouths. At this time I took a good look at Demarco’s friend. He was about 5’10, light-skinned and kind of chunky. He also had an S-Curl in his low cut do. He was well-dressed in a button-down dress shirt, sharply-creased slacks and some very shiny, expensive looking shoes. His manicured finger nails had a fresh coat of shiny clear polish on them. As he stood there with his arms folded, he looked as if he wanted to knock Demarco straight on his behind. Demarco stood there looking like a combination of things. He appeared to be afraid, sorrowful, and nervous all at once. I realized that if I didn’t say or do something we would all be standing there until we were ninety years old. So I said, Demarco who is this? What’s his name and how do you know him? Demarco seemed to suddenly snap back into himself and said, Oh, this is a friend that I knew while I was in the military. This is Jeremy. It’s nice to meet you Jeremy, I said. No response, he just continued to stare at Demarco. Demarco then starts to tell this long story about how they knew one another in the military way back. With a nervous chuckle he kept saying Hey man do you remember this, do you remember that? Again, Jeremy just stared at him in silence, with his whole face now tight. Since Demarco and I had been stationed at the same duty station at the same time, I tried to recall hearing Demarco mention the name Jeremy. No such luck. I had met a lot of his military friends yet this one did not ring a bell at all. Demarco was still rambling when Jeremy put one hand up in his face in the gesture of ‘talk to the hand’ and said sharply, Look! I am so tired of this whole scene right now. Are you going to tell her who I really am or do I need to tell her myself? Demarco instantly fell silent, his eyes big as saucers as he looked pleadingly at Jeremy. Hearing Jeremy’s nasally voice and seeing his suddenly magnified feminine gestures really woke me up with a jolt. Whatever denial I had been experiencing the last few minutes was now gone. I was immediately very aware of the situation that was before me. I looked at Jeremy, then Demarco. I felt my chest start to tighten and my breathing became short and sporadic. I started to back away from them both saying, Nooooo, noooo this can’t be, this is not happening! As I repeatedly shook my head no, I could feel the tears falling down my face. I screamed at Demarco, You lied! You lied to me! I asked you if you were gay. You swore to me that you weren’t, you promised! He didn’t say anything he just lowered his head and looked at the floor. I had to get out of there. As I turned to run into the bathroom because I felt the nausea coming on, I got a look at Jeremy’s face. He was the only one in the room who looked relieved, content, and triumphant even. I ran in the bathroom and splashed cold water on my face. I was trying to hold back the sobs but they kept coming. I wiped my face with a towel and looked at myself in the mirror. I looked like I felt, pitiful. I could hear hushed tones coming from the living room. Then I heard Jeremy say loudly, Well that is on you honey, that is oonnnn you! I told you to handle it or I would. Obviously you thought I was to be played with just like you’ve been playing with her. Uh uh, I am not the one Boo Boo! I heard his fingers snap. I then heard the front door open and close. I opened the bathroom door and went into the bedroom to look out of the window. I saw the two of them standing by Jeremy’s car arguing. Then Jeremy put two fingers to his lips and then to Demarco’s lips. He then sashayed to his car door and drove away. As he sped away I noticed his license plate, it said Dimples1. I sat down on the bed, reality taking a hold of me and suffocating me. I heard Demarco come back into the apartment. He walked into the bedroom, grabbed his keys and said hesitantly, I have to get back to work, I’m running late. I sat there, glaring at him. Overwhelmed with sudden anger, hurt, and feelings of betrayal I jumped up and yelled in his face, You lied to me! You lied! I asked you if you were gay, you said no! A million times, NO! I even told you that you were gay, you still denied it! How could you do this to me? How could you play with my life like this?! I trusted you! He said stuttering and sputtering, That, that guy was not…….he was just……no, no that was my friend from….. Shut the hell up!! I screamed. I am so tired of your lies! Five years! Five years Demarco! You played with my life for five years! Oh we’re getting married, next year, next year, it was always next year! Oh I’m not in the mood for sex tonight, five fuckin’ years! Are you serious?! He just stood there with his hands outstretched in an ‘I’m trying to explain’ pose. I grabbed my suitcase and started snatching my clothes out of the closet and drawers. This time I would stay gone for real. There would definitely not be any coming back after what I’d just witnessed. Demarco said, I’m so sorry but I’m telling you that you have it all wrong." I just kept packing and