Golden Strangers: An Adoption Memoir

Golden Strangers

An Adoption Memoir

MARIA KELMIS

AuthorHouse™

1663 Liberty Drive

Bloomington, IN 47403

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Phone: 1-800-839-8640

© 2012 by Maria Kelmis. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

First published by AuthorHouse 02/17/2012

ISBN: 978-1-4685-4570-8 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4685-4572-2 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4685-4571-5 (ebk)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2012901173

Printed in the United States of America

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

This book is printed on acid-free paper.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

CONTENTS

Foreword

Acknowledgments

All the Marias in this Book

Family

Timeline

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Epilogue

Epilogue

Golden Strangers

I met a Golden Stranger,

across a Rainbow Bridge.

They told me how special life is,

and how worthwhile it is to live.

This book is dedicated to my biological mother, Anna Xenakis, for her unconditional and selfless love. This book and even more so, my wonderful life, would not have been possible if it was not for you.

To my mom and dad, Irene and Kyreakos Kelmis, for being the best parents I could ever have prayed for, this book is also dedicated to you.

To all of you out there who have a story like mine, a story of loss or a story of finding, a reunion after many years of searching or happening upon, this book is dedicated to you as well. Every time I shared my story, I received even a better story in return, so this is for all of you who have touched me with your stories.

Foreword

I am honored and proud to have been asked to write the foreword for Maria and thank her with great respect and reverence for the opportunity.

For me it is important for you, the reader, to understand that I am an adoptee, not just Maria’s friend, and I have a unique perspective of what she has gone through. Like Maria, I grew up always knowing that I was adopted, and as an adoptee, I always wondered what my biological parents were like or whether I had brothers and sisters. In this book, you will find yourself submerged in Maria’s life experiences and her pivotal moment when she finally meets her biological mother and sister. When thinking of my own experience, I found myself in tears when I reached that point in her story. Obviously, no two adoption stories are the same, but each has an insightful, heart-warming story on both sides of the adoption, and Maria’s story is as special, unique, and loving as any other. This book can be read by anyone with a sense of awe and love, but especially by those related to adoption stories.

I hope you will enjoy Maria’s story as much as I did.

Ronald S. Bostick

Acknowledgments

I would like to thank my mentor and friend, Elise Sargent, who believed in me and my work more than I did myself. I am also grateful to my friend, Leon Gellineau, a.k.a. Jah-son, who kept pushing me to write my story, and to Nancy Newman, who encouraged me to pursue my search to find my biological mother.

To the people who led me to the business that led me to finding my biological mother: the DeVos and Van Andel families, Bill and Peggy Britt, Rex and Betty Jo Renfrow, Angelo and Claudia Nardone, Vic and Debbie Golat, Ken and Liz Reilly, Lou and Julie Burtoff, Bob and Kay Lozier, Matt and Claire Murray, John and Lori Devlin, and Steve and Denise Schedra; thank you for keeping the dream alive long enough to get to me.

To my good friends, Eleni Raptis and Mary Wilhelm, who are always there for me. To my new friend, Simeon Tobby, for leading me to my publisher and encouraging me along the way. To Brenda Canaris, who came up with the idea for the Timeline and the Family pages, and always has an encouraging word for me.

My deepest gratitude to the following people who read the first draft and gave me their feedback: Elise Sargent, Edwin Mwanza, Mary Wilhelm, Matt Murray, and of course Ron Bostwick, who wrote the Foreword to this book.

I would also like to express my appreciation to the following people, who helped me translate the Greek words in my story: Fotoula Kanes, Maryelen Horeftis, Ritsa Horeftis, Akrive Stathakis, Anthony Petroulias, Takis and Anthoula Gryparis, and most of all to Evangelia Gryparis, who spent countless hours helping me. Finally, I would like to thank my priest, Father Andrew Scordalakis, for checking the Eastern Orthodox messages in my book.

Without all of you, this dream of mine would not have come to fruition.

On This Day of Salvation

Salvation to the world has come today.

Let us sing to Him who is risen from the dead;

and the author of our lives.

For He has conquered death by death.

This victory He has given us, and His great mercy.

The information about the Greek Orthodox faith in this book is not meant to be a teaching tool. It was my experiences growing up and my opinions mixed in with facts.

To learn more about the Greek Orthodox Church referred to in this book, go to www.goarch.org for information and to find a church in your area.

All the Marias in this Book

Theotokos, Mary the Mother of God

who has been a guiding force in my life

Maria Kelmis, the author of this book

Mary (Maria), the cook at St. Nicholas Ranch in Dunlap, California Ch. 1

Mary (Maria) Wilhelm, best friend in California Ch. 4

Marias at the bank in Greece, three of them Ch. 5

Mary, the travel agent who connected me to Stelios in Santorini Ch. 5

Maria Mantikas, friend in New York from Hios, Greece Ch. 6

Maria Babe on mission to Uganda, Africa Ch. 7

Mama Maria on mission to Uganda, Africa Ch. 7

Maria, Father Demetrios’s baby daughter in Uganda, Africa Ch. 7

Maria Nakibuule, my goddaughter in Uganda, Africa Ch. 7

Maria, Nalugo Irene’s stepsister in Uganda, Africa Ch. 7

Maria, Fotini’s baby granddaughter in Greece Ch. 9

Maria, Tina’s baby daughter Ch. 10

Maria, my biological sister in Greece Ch. 11

Maria, my grandmother (Yiayia Maria), whom I was named after Ch. 12

Family

Adoptive Family in America

Kyreakos (Ken) Kelmis: Dad (adoptive father to Maria and Kathy)

Irene Kelmis: Mom (adoptive mother to Maria and Kathy)

Kathy: Sister (adoptive sister to Maria, not biological sister, three months younger, grew up together)

Biological Family in Greece

Nikos Haretakis: Biological father to Maria Kelmis

Anna Xenakis: Biological mother to Maria Kelmis

Maria: Biological sister to Maria Kelmis

Takis: Maria’s husband

Nancy (Anastasia): Maria’s oldest daughter

Anna: Maria’s youngest daughter

Foster Family in Greece

Evdokia: Foster mother who took care of Maria Kelmis from thirty days old to fifteen months old, until she went to America

Anastasia: Daughter to Evdokia, she was about eighteen years old when Maria Kelmis was in her house

Fotini: Daughter to Evdokia, she was five years old when Maria Kelmis was in her house

Timeline

1961 Maria Kelmis born in Greece

1961 Kathy, my sister, born in Greece

1980 First trip back to Greece

1981 Graduated with an AS in computer science from Nassau Community College

1981 Moved to San Diego, California, to finish my college degree

1984 Participated in the 1984 Olympics in Los Angeles

1984 My sister, Kathy, is married in New York

1985 Graduated with a BA in cognitive science from UCSD

1986 My niece and goddaughter, Diana, is born in New York

1987 Painting in Santorini, Greece, for three months

1988 Received the adoption papers from my parents

1990 Mission to Uganda, Africa

1991 My niece Kerri is born in New York

1996 March: Met Tina and Vangelis on plane to Greece

1996 November: met foster family in Greece

1997 June: met my biological mother, Anna, and biological sister, Maria, in Greece

1998 March: my biological mother, Anna, passed away

2007 January: my dad, Kyreakos, passed away

2007 July: my mom, Irene, passed away

Chapter 1

A Writer’s Retreat

Everyone has a story—this one is mine. I was kind of apprehensive when packing for my trip to the ranch on the second Saturday in April 2011. Whenever I do something major in my life, I ask myself, Why am I doing this?—and when the time actually comes, I get anxious and nervous and wish I had never planned it. Well, this writer’s retreat to St. Nicholas Ranch was no different. I was looking forward to it up until the day I started packing, then I got uneasy and just wanted to stay home. It was a three-hundred-mile drive up to Dunlap, California, from San Diego, where I currently live. I got up to the ranch on Monday morning about 9:30 and met Amber, who had taken my reservation over the phone. She said she still had to clean a room for me since there were more people staying there last week than she expected. She asked me to wait about twenty minutes for her to clean a room. About thirty minutes later, the New York in me kicked in; I was already disturbed by the solitude. It was a beautiful, sunny day after the morning clouds burned off. The birds were chirping, and it was so quiet it could drive a city girl crazy—and it was. I was already stressing that the day was getting away from me. I went to the dining hall to wait.

I was wondering what I had gotten myself into. I was stressing about all the information I needed to parse through to write my story. I have all I need to write the book, I just need to get it done, which is why I scheduled this trip. I needed to focus and get this done once and for all. I thought coming up to the mountains in Dunlap was just the ticket. There were no televisions in the room, no cell phone reception, and no Internet, just peace and quiet, which gave me anxiety for the first hour after I got up here. Amber put me in a room all the way down the hall—the very last room. It took about four trips to unload my car. You would never know that I was only staying for one week by all the stuff I brought up here. I had to bring all my food since I was the only one staying on the ranch this week (they cook for you if you come up with a group). It was Great and Holy Lent, which meant I was limited to what I could eat; no meat or dairy. On top of that, I only had the use of a microwave, so I brought utensils, bowls, and a can opener. Oh, my goodness! I was frustrated already. A control freak like me could not be comfortable in this situation. Before unloading my car, I saw Michael Pappas, who is the director of St. Nicholas Ranch. We used to work together in the Youth Office at the Greek Orthodox Archdiocese in New York. I haven’t seen him in over ten years. He hasn’t changed much except for maybe a little extra gray hair. It felt really good to see him.

After I unloaded my car, I was hungry; by now it was after eleven o’clock. I ate leftover steamed vegetables from the night before and an orange with some peach tea. Then I went to the chapel they made out of a barn to venerate the icons and pray for inspiration and strength in completing my task, which is writing the story of finding my biological mother in Greece. I went back to the room and arranged the desk. I tried setting up my laptop to see if the broadband card would pick up a signal, but no luck. I looked through the desk and opened a book with information about the ranch. It had a map inside and I was amazed when I saw what the name of the pool was: Haretakis Swimming Pool. Haretakis is the last name of my biological father! What a coincidence, but as I learned throughout the search for my biological mother, there are no coincidences.

After writing for a few hours, I took a break for dinner. I went to the dining hall to microwave my pasta and make a tomato and onion salad, which is a Greek favorite. When I was in the dining hall, I met one of the cooks, Mary. She was organizing a surprise party for Michael, the director, since it was his birthday the next day. She asked me what I was doing up here at the ranch all alone. I told her I was writing the story of finding my biological mother. She was intrigued.

Wow, how did you do that? she said.

Well, it’s a long story, I said, but if you have some time, I could start telling it to you. It is a very special story to me—I feel like I am sharing a piece of my heart every time I tell it.

Sure, I have time, she said.

Chapter 2

Growing Up in America

I’ve always known I was adopted, I started. "My parents told my sister and me right from the beginning that we were both adopted from Greece. In fact, they told us in such a loving way that we have always had a great self-image about being adopted. They surrounded the word ‘adopted’ with loving and special words—as a result, adoption became a positive concept for both of us. For this reason I was inspired to write a children’s book called Rainbow Bridge: An Adoption Story, which is already published and available on the Amazon and Barnes & Noble websites. I have a copy in the car if you’d like to see it later."

Yes, I would love to see it! Mary said.

My parents were the best parents any child could ever have, I continued. "So my search for finding my biological mother was not because I lacked a good mother or father. I think people who adopt children have to understand this. If your child decides to search for their biological parents, it could be because of any number of reasons. Thankfully, my parents supported me in my search.

Growing up with my sister, Kathy, we were kind of like twins, I said.

Mary asked, "Is she your real sister?"

"She is not my biological sister, if that’s what you mean by real, but she is the only sister I knew growing up, so yes, she is my real sister," I responded.

I continued, "Kathy is three months younger than me. We were in the same grade all through school, but we were intentionally put into two different classrooms. When my friends would meet her, or I would meet her friends, they would always ask questions about our age difference and the fact that we looked nothing alike. We would hold out as long as possible to see how many ways they could come up with on how we could possibly be three months apart. Some would ask, ‘Are you half sisters?’ Others would ask, ‘Did one come out first, and the other one stayed in for another three months?’ After all, we looked nothing alike. I was dark skinned and she was light skinned. I have brown eyes, and she had blue eyes that later became hazel. I had curly dark brown hair, and she had straight light brown hair. After they struggled for a while, we would let them off the hook and tell them that we were adopted from Greece. Would you believe some of them would still ask us if we had the same mother? They must have really wanted the reason to be that one of us stayed inside our mother’s womb three months longer than the other one.

"Our looks were not the only things that made my sister and me different. Our personalities were completely different. I was shy, while she was outgoing. I was artistic, while she was athletic. Mom and Dad always tried to make everything even between us. They never compared my strengths to her weaknesses or vice versa. They were educated, and before we came from Greece, they must have read every child rearing book there was. They were married in 1956 and had prayerfully tried for many years to have children. My mom and dad loved each other very much. She waited for him for nine years. They were the best example of unconditional love that I have ever seen in my life. She was twenty-nine when she got married, and he was thirty-five—which was kind of an old age for getting married during that time period. When a couple loves each other that much, the next step is to create