Holy Pride and Love of Self: The Untimely Death of a Son and the Unanticipated Revelation of Heaven
By Tom Steward and Ryan Bradlee Steward
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About this ebook
Discover a sons true beauty and how he impacted others, and also how this young man succumbed to the powers of addiction, losing his life to an unexpected drug overdose. The story does not end there; experience how heaven invaded a situation that could have left everyone hopeless. It was here that the love and grace of God began to shine through with a penetrating light. As in his two other books, Into Solitary PlacesOne Fathers Journey of Faith Through His Sons Struggle with Psychotic Mental Illness and True MindHow Truth Can Change What You Believe and How You Live, Tom Steward has written another revealing account of how lifes struggles do not have to defeat us or define us. We see once again how there is a way to transcend any human experience and emerge as victors. See how our affliction is eclipsed by glory, the eternal weight of glory that is far beyond comprehension. Toms ability to capture human experience, from the painful to the glorious, draws the reader into the many and varied experiences of life. He is not bashful to assert that God is always involved, no matter the circumstance, and that there is always a redemptive conclusion, although it may be difficult to see. This book will arouse the power of hope in you as you gain the courage to carry on, regardless of lifes challenges.
Tom Steward
Tom Steward is a Licensed Psychotherapist in Northern New Mexico who seeks to facilitate the healing of himself and others by using tools and practices from ages past and also the latest developments in energy healing. This book is his latest effort to provide practical tools so the reader is set on a course of discovery, recovery, and transformation.
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Holy Pride and Love of Self - Tom Steward
HOLY PRIDE AND
LOVE OF SELF
THE UNTIMELY DEATH OF A SON AND THE UNANTICIPATED REVELATION OF HEAVEN
TOM STEWARD AND
RYAN BRADLEE STEWARD
westbow.pngCopyright © 2013 Tom Steward.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.
Scripture quotations taken from the New American Standard Bible®,
Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. (www.Lockman.org)
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ISBN: 978-1-4497-9761-4 (sc)
ISBN: 978-1-4497-9762-1 (e)
Library of Congress Control Number: 2013910259
WestBow Press rev. date: 06/14/2013
Contents
Acknowledgements
1 What We Knew
2 A Tender Warrior For The Worlds
3 I’m Disintegrating
4 Death’s Unwelcomed Onslaught
5 In The Mirror At Dawn
6 The Party
7 Grief’s Tumultuous States
8 Sunset
9 Sunset’s Revisitation
10 Visions Of Eternity
11 Grace And Love
12 A Life Of Impact
13 Love’s Invasion
14 Healing Worship
15 A Father’s Heart
16 The Power Of Addiction
17 Caring For The Bereaved
18 Something Out Of Nothing
19 Getting By, Getting Through
20 The Heaven We Will All See
21 His Labored Smile
Postlude: In The End
Ryan’s Medley
Endnotes
For
Ryan’s Cali
cousins
Jessica, Justann, Billy, Tiffany, and Samuel
"I just have a strangely
good feeling about you,
to be honest;
like you have a beautifully deep soul
that I’d like to learn about and share with."¹
"If I have read
the Bible correctly,
I know many men
who never heard the name of Jesus Christ or have
even rejected the official interpretation of Christianity
who will, probably, if
Jesus came in our
midst today in the
flesh, be owned
by him more
than many of us."
Ghandi
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
I am so grateful for my son, Ryan, who was such a remarkable person and who lived life so well, yet who had his foibles, as we all do. I owe so much to you, and for now, you need nothing because you have it all. Because of you this book has been written. You are the sweet boy.
To my son Andrew, you are my hero, a true champion, who has triumphed over the greatest of odds, to realize the truth of who you were made to be. You are a kind heart and a gracious soul. I love you so much my son, my son. You are the special boy.
To my big boy Daniel, your proven influence is in your tenacious ability to carry on, to continue against all odds, to become the great individual you are with unique talent. Your music and spiritual song is a delight to the Holy One. I love you my son, my son. You are the joy boy.
To my lovely wife, Carole, who is a Mary above all women, holding many treasures in her heart. In this way you reveal to all women how to live and how to be. You are love, and I love you so much.
To all of my friends at Celebrate Recovery Los Alamos (www.thelightonthemountain.com) who are my true companions. You have been my fellow travelers in recovery and renewal and have shared my deepest secrets and my greatest pain. I love you with the Lord’s everlasting love.
To my friends at Spark of Life (www.sparkoflife.org), who have helped us in deep and meaningful ways. We consider you a great blessing for all who are called to endure the untimely loss of a child or loved one. To David and Debbie Matthews, and Rusty and Nancy Meadows, your loving service to those in profound grief will help build structures in the heaven of Eternity. I am grateful for our association.
To my friends at Grace Vineyard Fellowship in Los Alamos, New Mexico, who prayed for us and contended for us in the precise way the Body of Christ was meant to hold up those in crisis. I am grateful for you and I love you all so much.
To the community and town of Los Alamos, who were at our side in this most difficult loss and crisis. You loved us and supported us when we needed it the most. Thank you, from the bottom of our hearts to your beautiful hearts. May our town be all that we were destined to be, fulfilling the mandate and commission of our God, in Christ and by the Spirit.
1
WHAT WE KNEW
for David and Ryan
He left us
For good
He has gone to some far away destination
A place not easily seen
And certainly never known.
I am left with this reminder of his brief and fleeting existence
That life cut short
As I view the gliding of the green swallow floating just beneath the canyon rim.
And there is that crunching sound beneath our feet
The wind, now, picks up the leaves and throws them softly, gingerly, carelessly
Throughout the vehicle in which I am now found.
And the one not gone, but feared to be departed
Is there sitting next to me
Observing the falling and the swirling
As if he knows now what I know
The insurmountable fear of tomorrow’s destined plunge.
And we do not speak.
Silence gives way to anger’s cacophonous bleating
And I am less than what I was just a moment ago.
Farewell lower self
Farewell to the dearly departed
Farewell all.
I wrote the above somewhere in the latter part of 2003, I believe in the Fall, which was why there was comment about leaves. David, the young man I knew that was gone and I was grieving for, fell off a cliff near our home on May 7, 2003. Following this accident I visited that cliff edge numerous times to remember and grieve. There were many small birds; swallows I believe, green in color that flew just over the cliff edge during my visits. I have not seen these birds at any time since.
I have always had this premonition that my son Ryan would leave us early. One of the times I was clearly struck with this reality was while I was sitting with him in our GMC Jimmy, also known as The Beast.
This was also the Fall of 2003 and Ryan was 15. We sat there in that vehicle and I gained a sense of this leaving, which is what I alluded to in the above writing. Ryan was the one who was not gone at that time, but feared to be departed.
I knew that there was a good chance his passing would occur somehow, yet I also knew that there was a power to prevent this death. In the ensuing years I did all I could to avert it. And I did a lot.
My wife has four pictures on a shelf in her office at her work. One is of her mother who passed away in 2008. Another picture