Judge Me Not

Contents

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

Chapter 31

Chapter 32

Chapter 33

Chapter 34

Chapter 1

Crouched in the corner of the dark closet, the child could not keep her body from trembling; her sobs from making any kind of sound as she huddled, hugging her bended knees up to her chest to keep them from knocking, her teeth from chattering. Even lowering her head to place her hands over her ears could not drown out the sounds of lust and passion coming from her mother’s bedroom. She knew the sounds well; from the whispering moans, to the loud grunting, and then panting, then silence. She had watched this act preformed many times, and as a younger child she did not understand what was going on. In her childish mind she thought it was cruel; that one was hurting the other, and she wanted to run in and pull the horrible men off the women. Little by little she realized it was a game they were both playing, and that they were enjoying themselves. That made it easier to handle, but still to her, it was disgusting to see and hear. Big John was back; back in her mother’s bed, and she knew what that meant, He was out to get her for coming in the room when he was there with her mother. If only I could disappear, she thought. She had special places throughout this massive house to hide from the men; especially Big John.

She had been there all eight years of her life. If it wasn’t for the nine other women, and especially Amy, the house cleaner, she never would have survived those years. Her mother hated her. As she put it, it put her out of business for almost a year. If it wasn’t for the good nature of Joe, the owner, she would have been put out on the street while her belly was out of shape; for she couldn’t perform, and couldn’t earn money for herself or the business. But Joe knew a good thing when he had it; and Fe Fe was the best. Fe Fe had a way of moving her partially nude body on the stage and off that none of the other girls could copy. But what really kept the men coming back, and asking especially for her was her secret ways of satisfying a man. Joe knew that where Fe Fe worked is where the men and their money went; so he would have been foolish not to keep her on the payroll during her pregnancy. Fe Fe hated seeing her body get out of shape; and wouldn’t let any of the men see her that way. When it came time to give birth, she cursed the child as she heard her take her first breath.

Get her away from me, she screamed. Get that bastard away from me!

If it wasn’t for the other women there, the baby would not have lived. They took turns giving her, her bottle; even spent there own money on milk for her. Fe Fe wouldn’t even give her a name. All she ever called her was that Bastard Kid.

But the women gave her a beautiful name. Katherine, they decided on but it was shortened to Kat soon after.

Still barely breathing, afraid she would be heard, the child listened for when Big John would leave.

Three years earlier when she was five years old, she left her hiding place in the hall closet to go to the bathroom. When she was in the hall returning to her hiding place, she heard heavy footsteps. Knowing she could not be seen, she ran in to her mother’s room thinking she was in the lounge. Then she saw that Big John was in the bed with her mother. She turned and ran, leaving the door wide opened. Big John, with his quick temper, jumped out of the bed and ran after her. She had slipped away from him. Just then, he saw people coming in the hall. That’s when he realized he was completely naked. They tried their hardest not to laugh at him. They thought he was running after one of the women working there. With his head hanging down, he went back to Fe Fe’s room.

Where’s that brat of yours. Don’t think she is going to get away from me forever. And when she does, she’s gonna regret the ass she made of me running in this room.

Why does that still bother you? That was years ago. Just forget it. Besides, she thought the room was empty. You made an ass of yourself getting so angry; all you could think about was hurting her.

Well, I would have caught her, and beat the hell out of her if she wasn’t so fast. She wouldn’t come in the room again while I am here. Now all the men that was in the hall then is calling me, Little John. I’m still ashamed to even show my face in this joint, or anyplace in New Orleans, especially here on Bourbon Street.

When he was bending over to put on his shoes, Fe Fe planted both of her feet on his rear end; and pushed him to the floor. Get out of my bed! I have customers waiting! You’re costing me money yapping your mouth! Put you money on the table and get out! I don’t want to hear anymore about that bastard!

Straining to keep his temper under control, he said, O.K. Fe Fe, I’ll go; but look, I’m gonna be gone for a couple of years. I’m shipping out in a couple of hours. We’re hauling equipment to the Far East; and where from there, I don’t know. The company said for us to be prepared to be gone two or three years. Don’t forget me. I’m coming back to be with you, Honey, he said as he slammed the money down, and finished zipping up his pants. He was still red in the face mad at Kat as he slammed the door, even lost his balance as he leaned into the man waiting his turn.

Get out of my way you idiot, or I’ll knock your teeth down your throat! John’s quick temper was pulling on his nerves again. Where everyone laughed and joked about Big John’s small manhood, not anyone messed with him for any reason to his face. Being a longshoreman, Big John had arms big around enough to choke an alligator. He stood six feet- six inches of pure muscles, from head to toe--thick, curly, red hair on his head and on his chest. Even his face looked bulging with muscles. No, no one messed with this giant of a man to his face.

Everyone that was around John enough knew of his quick rage that haunted him all his life. It all began in his youth. Everything he did, his father demanded it to be done to perfection. He had to bring A’s home from school. If he brought home even a B, he was beaten severely by his father. In the Boy Scouts, he had to earn medals. If not, his father was beating him again. If he used too much school paper, the beatings started again. He would hide his chewed pencils, (his way of trying to release his tension).

This demand for perfection kept John strung so tight that his nerves were shot. He felt like he was walking a tight rope, and if he slipped or fell, he had to suffer the consequences. He didn’t have any friends because of this. They knew of John’s fierce temper, and stayed away from him. This, to John, only made his life more unbearable.

Finally, he graduated from high school. He knew he had to find a perfect job to please his father. He was thinking of that while he was mowing the lawn. Nevertheless, his father found fault in his yard work, and after the severe beating he put him out of the house, yelling for him never to return.

Since John lived here in this port city, New Orleans, he finally found a job as longshoreman for a shipping company. It proved to be a good job for him; and he remained working for the same company for twelve years; but his rage never left him, but haunted him all his life. He always knew he was not perfect; no matter how hard he tried. It was his imperfections that he needed to keep secret. If anyone found out, he had to destroy them, or it would destroy him.

Kat knew he had gone, but she still had to stay hidden, only now she could relax a little. She felt such a release of tension that she dozed off for hours on top of clothes that was tossed on the bottom of the closet floor. Hours later when she woke, and peeped out of the closet door, she saw that her mother was sound asleep. Her red stockings and garter belt was twisted on her body. She had one spiked heel on, and one fallen to the floor. Heavy makeup smeared on her face--long black wavy hair tousled, with part hanging down on her face. She smelled of stale liquor and expensive perfume.

What a waste, Kat thought. Her mother at age twenty two was a natural beauty, and didn’t need any artificial color of any kind. But what she did for a living you would never know it by her appearance. She stood 5 foot 8 inches tall, and held her back straight, her head high, and dressed in high fashion when out on the street. Her makeup was toned down. She had the appearance of royalty, and in her own rights she was.

If only she could love me, Kat thought. She never felt loved by another human being. Sure the other women liked her. She wouldn’t even be alive today if it wasn’t for them, but they had limits when it came to a kid underfoot. After all, it was the men they wanted to spend their time with. They were all pretty and shapely; always laughing and joking among themselves. After Kat got old enough to walk and feed herself, the attention she was getting from them got less and less. The novelty of having a baby around was wearing off. They put up with her only because they knew she didn’t have any other family, and didn’t want to see her put in an orphanage. A few of them were raised in an orphanage. They knew how horrible they were treated.

Most of the time, Kat had to sneak down in the kitchen when the place was closed, and eat whatever leftovers she could find. Amy, the cleaning lady, looked after her most of the time. She would bring leftovers from her own meals she cooked at home for her family; her invalid husband and her five children. Where money was short here in the thirty’s in New Orleans as everyplace else, she always managed a little from her own kitchen. Even Kat’s clothes were hand-me-downs from Amy’s two daughters. She in no way approved of the situation Kat was living in, but was not one to interfere.

She needed her job. It was their only income. She couldn’t take the chance of losing her job. She was long gone from this place before the doors opened, and the music started, and the flashing neon lights came on. Her husband forbid her to be late in getting home.

Chapter 2

Wrought iron balconies overhung the shops and lounges lining the narrow, paved, streets. Dim, street lights were overshadowed by the string of flashing neon lights. Uneven brick sidewalks made walking treacherous, even if people were sober along this stretch of Strip Joints as they were called. Large pictures of the performers in exotic topless poses decorated the front of these lounges. A flower, star or any tiny piece of material covered the forbidden areas, leaving all areas exposed. Loud jazz music coming from each lounge was competing with each other for the customers. Each had a man standing outside in front, coaxing people to come in.

Show will start in 20 minutes! He’d yell marking the count down to the next show. Fe Fe Lamour will be performing in 20 minutes! He would be calling out to the people walking the streets.

Once inside a free drink was served as part of the cover charge. Mostly, it was men that came in alone. There were small booths, and tiny round tables with wrought iron chairs along with a bar that curved around the stage with matching bar stools. Even before the strip show began, the women were at work on the men. B drinks were slipped to them unknowingly. The men were already on a high, but the B drinks, alcohol and drugs mixed together pushed them over the edge. One of the girls dressed in her on stage outfit would slide up to one of the men, and kept ordering him drinks. By that time, he was handing over money he wasn’t even aware of until his wallet was completely empty. Sexual favors were granted right there at the booth as long as his money held out.

Then it was time for the show to begin. Jazz music changed to slow sleeky music. Colored spotlights beamed on the stage. Exotic dancing was an art form to bring the people to an all time high. The mood was sexual with the stripping of clothes, and the movement of body, the music, the strong drinks was giving everyone a devil may care attitude.

Sometimes Kat would peek to see what was taking place, but for the most part she would stay hidden afraid of the men. She vowed to herself, she would never be like anybody there. It’s the