It Was Only a Dream

Copyright © 2011 Denise M Smith

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ISBN: 978-1-4497-1872-5 (sc)

ISBN : 978-1-4497-1873-2 (hc)

ISBN : 978-1-4497-1871-8 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2011930696

Printed in the United States of America

WestBow Press rev. date: 6/23/2011

This is dedicated to my Lord and Savior

I’m surrendering myself to you, dear Lord,

For the completion and the fullness of life

That’s provided from you to me,

To take me and see me through

My purpose and destiny

Here on earth

Until that final time

When I’m with you

My Everlasting Home

Acknowledgments

My late parents, Azella (MY Madear) and Joe Watson—thanks for coming into my dream and inspiring me.

Your spirit still lives in me, and Daddy, your strength is still a part of me.

Siblings: Tommy, Beatrice—awesome writer, Sandra, James, Deborah, Rodney, Gary: always in my heart.

My sisters- and brothers-in-law, nephews, and nieces—you’re special to me, Watson (Rena Mills), Evans (Oliver).

Daughter, Anictra Lacal—the writer that’s also in you, the force and faith that you portray.

Son, Samuel LaMar—the strength, push, talent, and insights that come from you.

Son, DeNard LaRon—the inspiration, motivation, and the drive, strive, and the ideas that you give.

Son and daughter, Vernard and Tasha, who I have been blessed with since the ages of four and five.

Calyn—a granddaughter who keeps me feeling young and on my feet, caring and attentive of me.

Grandkids—Calemore sing Cal, Cariahn, my miracle baby, Jaden, Vernard, Anthony, and Nyah.

In-laws John and Lynn Grover—the many days of drinking coffee and listening to me go on and on.

My pastors Leon K. Shipman Sr. and Elect Lady Dian—Walk in the Spirit COGIC, Detroit.

Spiritual parents Rev. Homer and Pastor Royal Jamison—Jamison Temple MBC, Detroit.

Pastor Lenzy E. and Lori Ann Bell—First United BC, Kalamazoo, Michigan.

Pastor Dr. Patricia Ann Butler—St. Luke Tabernacle, Detroit.

Pastor Elton and Sabrina Branch—Greater Mt. Huron BC, Detroit.

Beautician Phyllis Smith—while in your chair, I can hear you saying to me, Will you just do it? Thanks!

Evelyn (Evie), my sister, friend, and ministry partner—what a blessing to have you as a part of my life.

Penney—a true friend, you are a part of my anchor, through the years your words to me have always kept me strong and motivated. You have been an unconditional friend for over thirty-four years, and I thank you.

Denise Larsosa—my friend, ever since 1978, in conversations you said, Denise, just pick one and do it. Thanks!

Mia Miller, my niece—you have been in my ear for a long time, encouraging me in many ways, Thanks!

Sister-in-law Mary Watson—thanks for always being there for me, especially when I need it the most.

Thanks for all the prophecies, encouragements, and listening ears through the years and my Church Family.

Although the Lord Jesus is my solid rock who helps me keep going in life, he has blessed me here on earth with an amazing, wonderful, loving, and caring man of God. Thanks, my husband and confidant, for the many nights that I put you to sleep by talking about my dreams and visions all night long and the many years of listening just like it was the first time. Thanks for pushing me to never give up. You truly make my life easier by just being a part of it and loving me in the way you do. Thanks for your support and encouragement in everything I do and making this all possible for me to complete; blessings to you, my dear husband.

Minister Rev. Bernard Smith, you are my rock here on earth. I love you!

Contents

Acknowledgments

In Touch with Reality

We Began to Breathe Slowly

My Everlasting Home

1. HEAVEN’S HOME

{A Vision of Heaven}

2. A SWOOP OF FIRE

{Under the Shadow of the Almighty}

3. BRINGING ME BACK, WHERE I BELONG

{A Touch of Reality}

YESTERDAY’S LOVE

{Unprofitable Compromise}

Don’t Go So Fast

4. SATAN’S DEN

{It Was Only a Dream}

5. LIFE AT A GLANCE

{Memories}

Missing Piece of the Puzzle

6. BELIEVERS HEARETH

{Then the Rain Came}

Life’s Mystery

7. JOY COMETH

{When the Morning Comes} A personal story

Be Still

8. THE WAGES OF SIN IS DEATH

{Payment in Full}

It’s Not about a Million Dollar Buck

In Touch with Reality

When I was a little girl around the age of seven, I would stare out of my bedroom window, wishing and hoping that someone would come and take my hand and carry me to a place where all my dreams would come true. Almost every night, I would stare out of that same window until I fell asleep. Sleeping was always a safe place for me because when I was asleep, I would go to places where I could laugh, sing, dance, run, shout, and write. No one else could go with me. The safe places where I was when I slept were always surrounded by water. Whether it was a lake, ocean, waterfall, or a small pond, the sound of the flowing water would relax and soothe me. The places I went to while dreaming were also surrounded with pretty green grass and colorful flowers. The birds would sing to me, and I to them. The swans would swim. The fish would glide to and fro in a motion with the melody that I sang. The ducks would move back and forth as though they were actually dancing. When I was there, I was able to express myself in a way that I couldn’t when I was awake. I’d write songs, poems, and notes to God, myself, and other people. Whatever I had in my heart at the time I would write. Sometimes in my dreams, I’d just walk around singing, laughing, or crying until I became exhausted. When I was there, my heart was overwhelmed with joy. I could share my thoughts and feelings and be myself. There would be no pretense. This was my secret place.

Every day when I awoke from this dream, I found myself sighing and feeling lonely all over again with a sickness in the pit of my stomach, whispering to myself, It was only a dream. Every day, no matter what I was doing or where I was, I could not wait to get home so that I could fall asleep. Excitement would stir in me as I began to think about where my dream would take me. I wondered, what songs will I sing? What poems will I write? Even though I thought about the dreams all the time, because they were what got me through each day, I would never write them down because the dreams were for me only. I kept them close to my heart. These dreams lasted all throughout my childhood. I know some of you may wonder what was going on with me that caused me to feel this way. I can only tell you at this point that things were indeed happening, situations and circumstances that I did not understand at the time.

As I went through life and experienced several difficulties such as bad relationships, situations with my children, trouble on the job, family illness, and the loss of my parents, whatever the disruptions were, I still found myself sleeping a lot and never sharing this with anyone. Yes, even in my early adulthood, my dreams would always help me to relax and temporarily forget about what was going on. My dreams would still bring me joy. When reading this, some of you may say that this behavior was a sign of my codependency. Others may compare my actions to a weak person who runs and grabs a bottle of alcohol or takes drugs when