Coping with Marital Infidelity: How to Catch Your Spouse Cheating

Contents

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

PROLOGUE

CHAPTER 1: WARNING SIGNS

CHAPTER 2: REFLECTIONS

CHAPTER 3: HIRING A PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR

CHAPTER 4: CONDUCTING YOUR OWN INVESTIGATION

CHAPTER 5: TECHNIQUES OF QUESTIONING YOUR SPOUSE

CHAPTER 6: SCIENTIFIC TESTING FOR EVIDENCE OF CHEATING, THAT YOU CAN DO YOURSELF

CHAPTER 7: OPTIONS TO CONSIDER

CHAPTER 8: ACTUAL CASE STUDIES

CHAPTER 9: SECRETS OF A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE

THOUGHTS

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

This book is dedicated to the following;

To my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, for if it were not for His everlasting love and saving grace, I would be lost. Through His wisdom of knowing all that I did, before I did it, and His gracious understanding and acceptance of me, a sinner, He yet spared my life in countless times throughout my life, so that I could make this book part of His ministry.

To my Mother, Helen M. Born, who brought me into this world and made every possible sacrifice, to care for me and raise me as a Christian. For her unselfish dedication to my father and our family, which I watched with great influence. Whose love, understanding and personal courage, despite cancer, illness and loss of loved ones, helped pave the way for me to understand God’s will, and to survive in this world, at whatever cost.

To my Father, James J. Born, without whom I would not have been born, whose personal bravery and sacrifices as a submarine crew member during World War II, then as a returning serviceman; who raised a family on so very little; who so greatly influenced me as a small boy and as a man, that I was encouraged throughout my life to respect, love and honor this wonderful Country we live in and to make whatever sacrifices were necessary for my own family, in the likeness of my Father. Whose counsel, wisdom and unselfish generosity has helped me through the most difficult times of my life; Who, while I served in Vietnam, went to church and prayed daily for my safe return.

To my Wife Becky, whom I love dearly. For her personal sacrifice, love, understanding and encouragement which helped to make this book possible; For her raising our family, while suffering from Multiple Sclerosis, and under most difficult times, in a Christian atmosphere. For the wonderful times we have had and for sharing her life with me. For all this and more I thank you.

PROLOGUE

During my ten years in law enforcement investigating domestic violence and my twenty seven plus years as a licensed Private Investigator, I have been exposed (as an investigator or through consultative disclosure) to an estimated 10,000 cases, involving the aftermath of marital infidelity. Exposure to so many of these cases leads me to believe that human beings are creatures of habit. That is to say that generally what one has successfully done in the past he or she will be likely to repeat it again. I have also found that some common characteristics in actions and reactions are manifested in a majority of these cases. It is for this reason that I have decided to write this book, to be used as a guide to help prepare others who may experience infidelity.

THE PROBLEM

America is facing a plague that is destroying the family unit. That’s right. I consider this problem so severe and devastating that I liken it to that of a plague or major overtaking of what we once considered a moral society. Chances are you, too, may be a victim of this terrible crisis, or if not, you may know someone who is a victim. No one is immune. As our society’s morals continue to degrade, it will only be a matter of time before marriage will fail as an institution. My friends the end times are near. The hurt and betrayal that is felt upon discovering that your spouse of many years, the person you trusted and shared your bed with, was secretly sleeping with a best friend, work associate, relative, or other partner, is likened to the same deep-seated emotions that one has when a loved one or beloved pet animal dies. Marital infidelity causes so much grief, which millions of people share every day, and indeed every minute of the day, that it further compelled me to write this book, in some effort to provide guidance and relief to those poor souls.

THE SOLUTION

There is however hope and there is light at the end of the tunnel. As you progress through this book you will see that you are not alone and if your spouse is cheating on you, you are not the one who has the problem. You need to know what to expect, and how to protect yourself and your family during this crisis. If you’re not experiencing this plague, you likely know someone who is and the advice and outlook found in this book may be the very seed that could change your life or the lives of those with whom you share this book with.

DISCLAIMER

Some guidelines need to be understood at the onset of my writings. First and foremost, I am not an attorney-at-law, psychologist, sociologist, minister of any faith, doctor of medicine, marriage counselor or any other licensed counselor or health practitioner. Therefore, what you read here is based upon my personal opinions and experiences which can be taken at face value as actions that I would consider taking in the matters presented for case study. I therefore advise you to always seek advice of a licensed attorney, counselor or other professional, before taking any of my opinionated advice. The aforementioned admonishment of any liability is a prime example of how our society has deteriorated into a litigious soup. It wasn’t so many years ago that one would only find such language in a contract, but not any more.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

(A short walk in my shoes and why this book was written)

It is sometimes strange the way significant events move in and out of our lives and cause changes that mold our very existence, changes which guide our paths as we move forward into the future and experience what life challenges are put before us.. For some, these events spell disaster and yet for others miraculous and wonderful challenges and rewards seem to frame our existence, making life interesting, meaningful and purposeful. In thinking back, one such event occurred to me one very late night on March 13, 1967. I was in the Navy, serving with Mobile Support Team 2, (a Navy Special Warfare unit comprised of Navy SEAL’s and Boat Support Unit One sailors), we were underway in a modified 50 foot long gunboat (Mike-6 landing craft), nicknamed Mighty Mo, after the battleship U.S.S. Missouri. The name stuck because of the many heavy and light machineguns, heavy mortars, grenade launchers and other assorted weapons on board. We were considered a formidable opponent for the enemy as later evidenced by a captured enemy document which indicated that Hanoi offered a $50,000.00 reward for our heads (it’s nice once in a while to be wanted by someone special). We were returning from a two day combat mission and heading up the brown water Bassic River (a branch of the Mekong River), deep in the Mekong Delta region of South Vietnam. We were exhausted and still coming down from the excitement we had just been through. It was very dark and the jungle was unusually quiet, too quiet. Occasionally far off in the distance the sky over the jungle and moon lit water would glow from explosions , a dim reminder that the war was still on. The glow was from heavy bombs, most likely being dropped on enemy positions from off shore naval ship guns located at Yankee Station and or Phantom Raiders (F-4 Jet Fighters).

We were fast approaching a small canal inlet, one of many tributaries and back water ways, which emptied into the Bassic River, known to us as Check Point Jouliet. It was a landmark to help find your way through the jungle region of the Delta. In essence, it was an old French fort which was built at that junction when the French first occupied the area during the last war, which was then known as French Indochina. The Fort, as it is officially known on old military maps of the region, strongly resembles the fort in the old Gary Cooper movie Beau Geste, it too was built by the French Foreign Legion. As we approached the inlet we received a distress call from the South Vietnamese Army, then occupying the fort. As our lieutenant was answering the distress call, we heard intense automatic weapons fire and observed small munitions explosions all along the river’s edge, bright flashes and red bullet tracers streamed out of the tree line in all directions.

By now the caller was quite excited, articulating in broken English that the enemy was coming through the Constantine barbed wire and was too large to repel. We were told later that they were being overtaken by a North Vietnamese force of regular hardcore troops and a contingent of Viet Cong (VC) guerrillas, which must have dropped down from the Cambodian border through the infamous Ho Chi Min Trail. As a foot note this particular area was a stronghold for the very same insurgents that were responsible for the mass murder of over a million people in Cambodia, the infamous Killing Fields, an area that I classified as a rough neighborhood.

AN EVENT THAT CHANGED MY LIFE

Our lieutenant immediately sounded the boats alarm buzzer and committed us to the fight. Every man was silent and moved to his designated battle station double racking our eight machineguns and making silent peace with his maker. The tide was out and the water was sufficiently deep enough for our vessel to lay within feet of the shore and for our machineguns to easily train just above the ground cover. As it turned out this one battle went down in naval history as the heaviest battle action ever fought in the Mekong Delta.

Years later other SEAL members would write about this fight in books of their own. It was however significant to me in a very special way. I had seen combat 39 times, but nothing like this. Tracer bullets streamed over our heads, struck our boat, turned the water around us into spray; grenades exploded, men screamed, men could be seen falling while silhouetted (backlit) by explosions and star flares falling from the sky. I was firing a 50 caliber machinegun until I ran out of ammunition. Seeing that our 81 mm mortar needed a loader, I immediately moved to that position. Through all the excitement and raw fear, I forgot that to drop load rounds into the mortar, which at the moment was firing straight up, that it required my having to completely expose myself to enemy fire in order to drop the round down the muzzle. Because of my training I acted without thinking and stood up, dropping one round after another. It wasn’t until I loaded five rounds that I came to realize that I had forgot to pull the metal safety wire off of the round. Leaving it on meant that the round would not detonate. I started pulling the wires and dropping the rounds down the tube and tried to listen for their explosions, in all that mayhem. My fear factor had peaked out.

As if having a sudden hot flash, I felt like I was going to die at any moment. I knew that one of these bullets moving about me had my name on it. Some of the team members exited the boat and engaged in hand-to-hand combat. Others (LT. Richard Marcinko, the famous author of Rogue Warrior and who later Commanded a special Presidential commando unit called SEAL Team 6) bravely took the small 14 foot Boston Whaler insertion boat, with one other man, which had been tied alongside, and moved up the Ap Tu canal suppressing enemy fire while flanking the enemy. We were now at a skeleton crew and seemed to have gained the attention of the enemy. As the fighting intensified my thought of being killed was magnified and I was overtaken by a strong sense of reality. I had reached the most vulnerable point of my existence. I was mentally preparing myself for death. It’s a true saying that those who are about to die will turn to God. I silently prayed as I continued to drop mortar rounds down the tube. I admitted to being a sinner and asked Jesus Christ to come into my heart and save me. At that very moment a strong feeling of calm came over me and I felt warm all over. At that moment I gave my life to Jesus. Within minutes the enemy gun fire slowed and the enemy retreated back into the jungle. We gathered up our men and returned to our fire support base in Vinh Long.

MY PROMISE

I was so grateful I vowed that when I returned to the states I would find a job where I could help others in need. That one significant event, accepting Jesus Christ as my personal savior, changed my life forever. Soon after returning to the states, I completed my active duty obligation and entered the Los Angeles Police Academy, where I began my career. It was with the LAPD that I first began working in the lives of families which have been disrupted or destroyed by marital infidelity on the part of one or both of the spouses. During my estimated ten year career in law enforcement I served as a Police Officer and Deputy Sheriff. My highest rank held was Sheriff’s Captain, in charge of the Forensics Laboratory and Detective Bureau. I worked in four separate jurisdictions, all of which suffered the same domestic problems. There are no boundaries. As time passed I decided to enter the private sector and became licensed as a Private Investigator. I have as of this writing, completed some 83 law enforcement related schools (mostly investigative in nature), comprising over 3,110 hours of formal training, seven years of college. I have been licensed as a Private Investigator in the State of California (California Investigative Services License #7195) for 27 years. I may be contacted through my e-mail address as jtbornpi@earthlink.net.

In 1992, I appeared on the Jenny Jones Talk Show in a segment entitled Sex Lies and Private Eyes and have appeared on talk shows such as Edmond Cortez talk Show, six segments of ABC’s Case Closed and in special commentary segments with KTNV Channel 13 News. In 1993, I was the SWAT Team technical advisor in the motion picture Sword of Honor. After leaving active duty I entered the