Next: Iran and the War That Wasn't...Yet

NEXT: Iran and the war that wasn’t…yet

by

Henry A Buchanan

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© 2009 Henry A Buchanan. All rights reserved.

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First published by AuthorHouse 12/21/2009

ISBN: 978-1-4343-5318-4 (sc)

Printed in the United States of America

Bloomington, Indiana

Contents

Part One

CHAPTER ONE

The Stage is Set

CHAPTER TWO

The Fourth of July

CHAPTER THREE

The London Bombing

CHAPTER FOUR

A Constitution for Iraq and Iran Looms on the Horizon

CHAPTER FIVE

France and Germany

Get into the Game

CHAPTER SIX

Enter Cindy Shehan

CHAPTER SEVEN

Cindy Shehan’s Revolt Spreads

CHAPTER EIGHT

The Dead Cry Out

CHAPTER NINE

North Korea and the Nukes

CHAPTER TEN

Earthquake in Pakistan and Constitution for Iraq and

Saving the Jews

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Rosa Parks, The Earthquake, and Bird Flu and Wedding Parties

CHAPTER TWELVE

Women of Power and Habeas Corpus

Part Two

CHAPTER ONE

Let Us Give Thanks! For What?

CHAPTER TWO

Wire Tapping

CHAPTER THREE

Iran! Iran! and Jill Carroll

CHAPTER FOUR

Presidential Troubles

CHAPTER 5

The Cartoons

CHAPTER SIX

Burning Churches

and Shooting Republicans

CHAPTER SEVEN

Ports! Ports! and Religious War!

CHAPTER EIGHT

The President Travels

and Jill Carroll Sits

CHAPTER NINE

The Ides of March

CHAPTER TEN

Jill is Free

The Gospel of Judas

CHAPTER ELEVEN

A Pre-emptive Strike?

or Gun Barrel Diplomacy

CHAPTER TWELVE

A Letter from Iran

and A Fence for Mexico

Part Three

CHAPTER ONE

Marriage Same and Other,

and Bags of Goodies

CHAPTER TWO

The Ayotollah Speaks, An Iraqi Girl is Raped, and A Jewish Boy is Taken

CHAPTER THREE

The Professor on Dinosaurs, Sling Shots, and Deacon on the Jews

CHAPTER FOUR

Dogs Fight in Lebanon

CHAPTER FIVE

Death in a Bottle, and a Woman

with a Screwdriver

CHAPTER SIX

Surprise! Surprise!

CHAPTER SEVEN

Protect the Children!

in a Three Way Street

CHAPTER EIGHT

The Pot Boils and Fingers are Burned

CHAPTER NINE

Holidays and Hangings

CHAPTER TEN

The Curtain Begins to Close

EPILOGUE

Part One

CHAPTER ONE

The Stage is Set

This new President of Iran – what’s his name? I can’t pronounce it – I reckon Tom Walker Two will make him wish he had never got into politics. Deacon was adding sugar and cream to his coffee, and reflecting on Iranian politics.

The Professor studied his friend’s face, then said Mahmoud Amadin Ejad. It is a hard one to pronounce. Harder to spell. And he may be even harder to deal with. But Mahmoud will become a household word, for the stage is already set for his overthrow.

You mean to say we are gonna take over Iran next? Abner Pea saw where the Professor was going. That would about wrap up our control of the Middle East oil fields. Except for the Saudis. And Tom Two has got a sleeping arrangement with them. For now.

John Arbuckle, the proprietor of the Sunrise Cafe, a folded towel draped over his left arm for effect, swept the three old men with a sickly smile. Well, the Old Curmudgeons Society is in session, I see. I reckon you are pickin’ the bones of the President.

Oh no, John. We ain’t pickin’ on the President. We are jest havin’ a look see at his next victim, for I reckon he has got his gun sights on the new President of Iran. Deacon stirred more cream and sugar into his coffee. John Arbuckle winced as his profit on the coffee went down the drain with sugar and cream.

At that moment the double doors flew open, and John Arbuckle looked at the newcomer and said Well, whatever, but here comes Otis, and he may have some mail for you, but I don’t promise you good news.

Professor Jay Jay McDougald, Deacon Harold Abernathy, and Abner Peabody knew that Otis Ledbetter, the walking mail carrier for Scarrsville, Kentucky, would not have good news for them. Bad news had begun for Professor McDougald when he was fired from his teaching position at the local university because of his outspoken opposition to the President’s wars. The bad news had become worse when he was called before a House Committee to testify, and his popularity in Scarrsville had plummeted with his Letters to the Editor.

All of this had pleased Otis, but the Deacon stood staunchly firm with his friend the Professor. And he had remained cautiously optimistic because God might have somethin’ up His sleeve that He ain’t tellin’ nobody about. ‘Speshly He ain’t tellin’ Tom Two.

And Abner Pea, a World War Two veteran, viewed all wars since The Big One as foolish escapades, "piddlin’ and meddlin’ ’’, by a misguided government.

And now Otis Ledbetter slammed into the Sunrise Cafe, dropped his heavy mail bag onto the floor, reached for a cigarette, and looked over the three grizzled old men at the table on the North wall, and delivered his first blow at them.

I reckon you three have heard about that terrorist they’ve elected over there in Iran. President! The bastard oughtta be hanged by his balls for what he done to the American hostages back when Jimmy Carter was President, and he was too namby pamby to do anything about it. If Tom Walker Two had been President back then we wouldha dropped some nukes on them bastards and settled their hash once for all.

That’s the risk we take, Otis, when we let people like that hold elections. They elect somebody who represents them insteadda us. Deacon was enjoying Otis’ discomfort. Now if we coulda controlled that election over there in Iran we woulda sent some of the leftovers from our own campaign here. But that’s Democracy at work.

And President Tom Walker Two is exporting Democracy to all them little countries over there by the gun barrel with a mixture of Freedom. Abner Pea was eager to add to Otis’ discomfort. So we got to take what we get, hostage takers and all.

Otis, the walking mail carrier for Scarrsville, Kentucky, was a small angry man who hated everybody who disagreed with him. In particular, he hated the three old men in the Sunrise Cafe. He was an ardent supporter of President Tom Walker Two. The critics of the President were the enemies of Otis. But the BIG ENEMY now was the man with the unpronounceable and unspellable name who had become the new leader of the Iranians, for one of the hostages had said he recognized the new leader as one of the hostage takers.

Otis was in high dudgeon, and ready to go to war to even an old score. The bastards took over our embassay there and kept our men in prison until the Gipper came to power and they saw we would invade, which is what we oughtta done anyway. Now they have made one of the bastards President, and they’ll make a nuclear bomb if we don’t nuke them first.

Now Otis, you may be jumping to conclusions too quick. Why not wait and see…?

Wait hell! You heard what the man they held hostage said. He recognized him and told what a mean son of a bitch he was to them.

It’s been a long time, and men’s faces change over time, Otis. Just take Abner Pea here. The newspaper ran a story about his fiftieth wedding anniversary just last Thursday. Showed him and May Dell when they married, young and good looking. And a picture of them now right beside it, but you’d never recognize ‘em for the same couple. It’s been how many years since the hostages…?

Hell, they don’t change that much. The man says he’s the bastard and he remembers ‘im.

The double doors of the Sunrise flew open, and a large, buxom, angry woman entered. Deacon stopped stirring his coffee, and he looked up at the woman. Here comes Missus Bulwinkle. She looks mad enough to bite off some ears, so I reckon she has heard about the Iranian President.

I have heard it! Missus Bulwinkle fixed the three old curmudgeons with a hostile stare, and ignored the mail carrier. And I’d do more than bite off the ears of a man who would hold innocent Americans hostage and mistreat them the way he did. And then run for public office. I’d send him straight to the devil where he belongs. Can you imagine a man like that elected to public office? Ain’t fit to be dog catcher, and they elect him President! But what can you expect of heathens like that?

Much water had flowed through the Tigris River in the time since the American President Tom Walker Two had been reelected for a second term, and the insurgency in Iraq had reacted to his proud statement that he would spend the capital he had gained in the election. The reaction of the insurgency was a stepping up of the violence in both Iraq and Afghanistan. The U.S. efforts to rebuild Iraq and create a security force of Iraqis had resulted in civil war, with daily suicide bombings that killed both the Americans there and Iraqis, and even some of the elected leaders of Iraq attempting to govern the country under American aegis. The water in the Tigris was bloody.

Missus Bulwinkle’s distrust of all heathens had not been abated by time and events. The Iraqi people had gone to the polls and elected leaders, an event hailed as heroism in America. Now the Iranians had gone to the polls and elected a new leader, a man who had, according to the charge of one of the hostages held in Iran in 1979, this man, now President, had treated the Americans badly.

And in the years since he came to power, Tom Two had overthrown the Taliban in Afghanistan; he had overthrown Saddam in Iraq; and he had drawn the insurgents into Iraq to oppose the American occupation there, with the resultant deaths of over seventeen hundred Americans. And now Iran. Would the rivers now run red with Iranian blood? Missus Bulwinkle declared in tones audible to all the people in the Sunrise Cafe: Unless those heathens are washed in the blood of Jesus Christ, and unless they proclaim Him Lord, they are all hell bound … Now here comes the Baptist preacher. He is a man of God and a Bible scholar. He will tell you what is the fate of them that don’t believe in Jesus Christ. Tell them, Brother Hawkins. Tell them what I just said.

A man of middle years, mild in outward appearance, and carrying a black leather bound Bible in his hand, entered the Sunrise, and greeted the group Praise the Lord. What is the question?

The question, Brother Hawkins, the Professor answered, is whether anybody will be left alive to enjoy the blessings of Freedom and Democracy when Tom Walker Two gets done ramming these blessings down the throats of all the people of the Middle East in the hope of causing them to regurgitate the oil necessary to keep our military machine mobile so that we can dominate the whole world and push our American way of life on everybody? Or will the world rise up in revolt and destroy America in order to save the world from American power?

As the Baptist preacher pressed his Bible in first one hand and then the other, Professor McDougald continued his lecture in the form of questions. That is the question. Do you have an answer? Or have you discarded the teachings of the Good Book there for the words and actions of President Tom Walker Two?

Brother Hawkins stood with his mouth open, trying to take in the enormity of the question the Professor had raised. Finally, he said All signs now point to the return of Christ to the earth soon to judge the wicked, and to take those who are saved to heaven to live with Him forever.

It was now the Professor’s turn to stand amazed, and he was preparing to answer the Preacher by saying that what he had said sounded about as asinine as it was possible for a man to get, but at that moment Deacon laid down his stirring spoon, and said It would be God’s blessin’ if He would come and remove Missus Bulwinkle, but if He did, that would cut short that thirty minutes of silence in heaven by about twenty nine. Maybe cut it down to about thirty seconds.

Missus Bulwinkle grew very angry at Deacon because of this remark, and she responded by saying that Deacon would never know whether there was thirty minutes of silence in heaven because he would not be there to experience it. But there will be gnashing of teeth in hell where you will surely be because you are not a true believer, and there is a place in the flames of hell for you alongside of that heathen who tortured those poor innocent American hostages in Iran twenty five years ago.

Deacon thought this dire prospect held out for him by Missus Bulwinkle called for more cream and sugar in his coffee, and he studied the TV screen over the cash register as he stirred his coffee, and prepared to answer her. There is the face of the man who was elected, and it is so covered over with beard, I don’t know how anybody could say it was the same man who held the hostages. But I am of the opinion that he is gonna get blamed and be found guilty whether or not, and he can look forward to havin’ Saddam for a cellmate because Tom Two is gonna hafta get a new war to cover his ass in Iraq and Afghanistan.

CHAPTER TWO

The Fourth of July

The Fourth of July, 2005:

Well, Perfesser, I reckon you are flyin’ the Flag today like our President said for you to do, and communin’ with your loved ones, seein’ as how me and Abner Pea are your only friends in Scarrsville. Deacon paused for these words to sink in. He didn’t say nothin’ about puttin’ duck tape on your windows this time. I reckon it’s too hot for that anyway. But if the terrorists are gonna strike us, the Fourth of July would he the day for them to do it.

Missus Bulwinkle glared at the three old curmudgeons. Him fly the Flag!? It would be a desecration of the Flag for him to fly it! It oughtta be against the law for him to fly the Flag. He don’t love this country and he don’t honor the Flag!

Oh no, Missus Bulwinkle. The Perfesser ain’t no Flag-Waver, but he loves his country. You just don’t understand…

Well, let the Perfesser tell us what he does believe. If he believes anything. Otis and the Baptist Preacher had now joined the discussion. Otis was sneering through a cloud of smoke. Brother Hawkins was gripping his Bible with both hands.

Tell ‘em, Perfesser. Tell ‘em what you said to me and Abner Pea before they barged in here shootin’ off their mouths like Fourth of July firecrackers. Tell ‘em what you said about patriotism bein’ the courage to stand up in the face of ever’body and say you are the only one sayin’ it’s all wrong, and the country oughtta turn around and git on the right path again, and let other countries work out their own salvation while we mind our own business and keep things honest here at home. Tell ‘em that Perfesser.

I believe you have already said it very well, Deacon. The only thing missing is the willingness to accept it.

The Baptist Preacher said We had special Patriots Day services at my church yesterday. We had representatives of all the branches of the Armed Services there in uniform, and one Vietnam veteran made a very moving speech. And we sang the patriotic hymns. You should have been there, Professor. It would warm your heart.

I was there, and it made my blood boil, Abner Pea said. All you needed was a prayer to the god of war. What did you say his name was, Perfesser, back when the Romans useta worship him?"

Mars was the Roman name. The Greeks called him Ares. It amounts to about the same thing. Fact is, the old Jews who took the Promised Land in the name of Yahweh of Hosts had it dead to rights themselves. I guess Brother Hawkins’ congregation got a big bang out of it. But I don’t worship the god of war. I honor the Prince of Peace.

5 July, 2005: The three old curmudgeons came together at the Sunrise Cafe to share their experiences of Independence Day. The Professor had been with friends who had been flying the Flag. Flags everywhere! he reported. One big one got wrapped around my head. It was hanging over the front walk, and the wind was blowing, and when I started for the house, it got me.

Well, I see you survived. Just consider yourself lucky, Perfesser. Deacon had been fascinated by the shot that hit the comet three hundred million miles away. Now that was real fireworks, but Abner Pea tells me he watched the news on TV. Now what did you tell me about them four young men who ain’t in Iraq no more?

They all served there and came back alive, but they were about evenly divided on the question whether we are doin’ any good over there in Iraq. Way them young men talked, it’ll be a long trainin’ period for the Iraqis. One of ‘em said they had a trainin’ class with forty men in it and just one man showed up for graduation. The other thirty nine got the word from the insurgents that their family members were in danger…and their selves too, I reckon.

And that’s about the way the American people are now. About fifty/fifty. For a President who was going to unify the nation, it’s a bad score. And if he now plans to take on Iran, I think he will further divide, maybe even shatter the country’s people.

He’s not said any more about Iran. Does that mean he has forgotten about that new President they’ve elected?

It means he is not going to attack him today. Maybe not until he gets back home from Denmark and Scotland.

I reckon the trip to Denmark will give him time to shove his plans around on his desk. But if the new President of Iran wants that nuclear power he better get it in a hurry and announce it AFTER he gets it. That was North Korea’s salvation.

I reckon he will have time to get a face lift so nobody can recognize ‘im while Tom Two is moppin’ up the insurgency in Iraq. I hear tell they have kidnapped that Egyptian and maybe killed him by now. They want to make the oven too hot for foreigners of any stripe, and not just Americans. They are still killin’ in Afghanistan too.

Missus Bulwinkle stood up suddenly overturning her coffee cup. I have heard enough treason from you old infidels, and I won’t stay and listen to no more of it. She looked at the overturned coffee cup, then said to the waitress Here, give me some coffee in a cup that I can carry out with me. It will make my stomach turn to drink it in the presence of these heathen who don’t love their own country, and they glory in the death of their country’s friends.

6 July, 2005

Deacon was in a teasing mood. They tell me, Perfesser, that on July the fourth, 1776, King George of England wrote in his diary that nothing important happened that day.

That’s the story that’s told, and I wonder if Tom Two put anything in his diary this year, or if he just turned over plans in his head for overthrowing Iran.

He can’t do it without a draft, and he has said that he won’t have a draft.

That means he will have a draft because he wants Iran.

7 July, 2005: The terrorists struck in London this morning while the G-8 nations’ representatives met in Gleneagle in Scotland. Three explosions on trains in the subway, and one double decker bus. Fifty two people killed. Over seven hundred injured. The world is shocked by this act.

The three old curmudgeons met at the Sunrise, and Deacon spoke. All hell is breakin’ loose in London to let Tony Blair know how the Arab world feels about the British intervention in Iraq.

And Professor Jay Jay McDougald replied The big powerful leaders are talking with one another, but they are not talking with the people they ought to be talking with. The violence will go on and the killing will continue as long as the powerful people continue to refuse to talk with the terrorists. Their only response to what these people are saying and doing, is to shoot and kill them, or worse, put them in cages. Nobody seems to get the point that it isn’t working. Killing somebody who wants to die anyway is not going to convince him that we are right in the way we exercise power in the world.

Deacon and Abner Pea had heard the Professor say this before. They were the only people in Scarrsville, maybe in America, possibly in the world, who believed what the Professor said. And they did not expect the leaders of the nation to do what the Professor was saying. But then Otis came, redfaced and ready for a smoke and a fight. Deacon looked up into Otis’ face, and said Well, Otis, I reckon you will want to nuke London today because they have got terrorists there who are blowin’ up buses and subway trains.

Otis was stymied for a moment, but replied angrily I’d nuke their buses in Syria and Iran. Don’t reckon they have subways over there, but I’d kill ‘em all. They ain’t civilized.

The Baptist Preacher came, Bible in hand. Missus Bulwinkle, scowling terribly, was close on his heels. Brother Hawkins approached the men at the table. He thumped his Bible, and was speechless, as if thumping the Bible said what he wanted to say. But Missus Bulwinkle spoke in a loud voice. You old heathens and infidels are sitting here safe and smug while the good people of London are being attacked and killed by terrorists.

But Deacon replied sharply. The good people of London are getting what Tony Blair’s brought on them, Missus Bulwinkle. And if the terrorists hit here again, it will be what Tom Walker Two has brought on us.

CHAPTER THREE

The London Bombing

8 July, 2005: The Professor was preparing to fly to Chicago to visit his son and to get acquainted with a new grandson there. He was having a quick cup of coffee at the Sunrise when the Deacon warned him Now see here, Perfesser. You can’t get on a plane with that walkin’ stick you are usin’. It’s made outta metal, and they’ll take it apart to see if explosives in it. You better just take your old wooden cane on the plane. You’ll have enough trouble with it.

Otis came in, snorted at Deacon’s remark about the cane, and said The country’d be better off if they take his walkin’ stick and let ‘im fall on his ass off the plane.

9 July, 2005: "That heathen President of Iran is behind the