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    Rubinder Hood Prince of Chors
    Rubinder Hood Prince of Chors
    Rubinder Hood Prince of Chors
    Ebook126 pages1 hour

    Rubinder Hood Prince of Chors

    By Billy Babu

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    About this ebook

    The book is a sarcastic play on life and doesnt just come across as favouring one particular genre, including love, pathos, and tragedy, with other elements that make it a great emotional adventure.
    The plot is taken from a much loved mediaeval story and is a tale of righteousness over evil, triumph over adversity and, as always, the reader is left wondering whether the boy will get the girl.
    The beautiful illustrations in this book (East meeting the West) round out the storyline to make for a memorable and most entertaining reading experience.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherAuthorHouse UK
    Release dateSep 12, 2014
    ISBN9781496990747
    Rubinder Hood Prince of Chors
    Author

    Billy Babu

    Billy Babu was the first from his family to be born in the West. Billy is the seventh son of the late Mr. and Mrs. Babu. Billys life changed when he started to serve behind the bar at his fathers pub in Walsall. He would have to walk back from his school to serve at lunch times and stay up late into the early hours of the morning serving. Billy learnt all his impersonations and accents/telling jokes whilst working behind the bar. Billy loves to watch people interact and is never amazed at how one human can treat another. Billy has also acted playing a robber on BBCs crime watch, singer with a band and solo, radio presenter (breakfast and drive-time shows), stand-up , writer and raised funds for various charities over the last thirty years. (Also known as The Indian Robin Hood see BBC news clip.) Billy was the first Asian impressionist to appear on both ITV and BBC in the early eighties. Billy calls himself a QPR Quiet Private and Reserved. You can follow Billy Babu on Twitter: @BillyBabu7 Or email: Billybabu@live.co.uk

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      Book preview

      Rubinder Hood Prince of Chors - Billy Babu

      © 2014 Billy Babu. All Rights reserved.

      No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

      Published by AuthorHouse 09/09/2014

      ISBN: 978-1-4969-9073-0 (sc)

      ISBN: 978-1-4969-9074-7 (e)

      Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

      Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

      Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

      Contents

      Chapter One:     Rubinder Hood Prince of Chors (Thieves)

      Chapter Two:     Rubinder & Mere Merion

      Chapter Three:   Rubinder Hood & the Sóná (gold) Hockey Danda

      Chapter Four:     Rubinder Hood meets Nikka Johnu

      Chapter Five:     Rubinder Hood & the Meat Walla

      Chapter Six:       Rubinder Hood & Raja Resham

      Chapter Seven:   The Death of Rubinder Hood

      Dedicated to my late loving Mother and Father

      Chapter One

      Rubinder Hood Prince of Chors (Thieves)

      Long, long ago, there was a very kind dil (hearted) ruler of India. He was a Raja (King). He was named Resham the Sher Dil (Lion–heart). He was a very noble and approachable Raja with Nawabs (governors) whom he had personally appointed because he was often away on visits and fighting for the Holy Zameen (land/ground).

      These governors were all very arrogant and lalchi (greedy). They would fight and help the Raja because he had promised to give them rupees (money) and zameen as a reward. Because he was trusting and very busy, the Raja was not aware how lalchi his Nawabs were – so unlike royalty.

      The Nawabs were chors (thieves). They stole zameen, makaans (houses), rupees and pasu (cattle) from the pind waley (village people), which they gave to their gharwaley (house family). The pind waley themselves had very often become the servants of these proud Nawabs. Some of these pind waley would sadly sing in the pinds: Young bandey (men) won’t you come out and fight? I said young bandey won’t you please come out tonight? But this never happened. So, it came about that two castes lived in India (namely the high and low). Each Nawab had his own language and they hated one another. Sadly, this is still often the way of life in India, underlined with the ‘evil’ caste system and as they say: ‘More wants more!’ This is the only language that they seem to understand. Most bankers would bank on this and never lose interest. I would have been a banker, but I lost interest and I withdrew!

      Resham ‘The Sher Dil,’ as his name tells you, was a brave and noble banda (man). He loved danger, brave bandey and their deeds. He hated all mean, cruel acts and the cowards who carried them out. He was always ready to help the weak against the strong. His bodyguard was always around and he was rightly named Gol Gappa (Crispy, round and hollow like a crisp). Everyone could see him coming around and they were able to see straight through him!

      Resham taught the proud Nawabs, in a quote, that true nobility rests in: The fruits of the Spirit are; pyaar (love), joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self–control against such things there is no law, not in fierceness and cruelty. This sadly had fallen on deaf kann (ears) because they only had delle (eyes) for themselves and their delle were never satisfied! Delle larger than their dhidd (bellies), now there’s sight for saw delle (eyes) or sight for sore eyes?

      Yet Resham himself was neither meek nor gentle. He was indeed very courageous and ruthless in battle. Whenever he had a hockey danda (stick), he was very dangerous. He would never back down from fighting with anyone who was stronger or better armed than himself. To Resham, it would have been shameful to show that you were weak and feeble. You could always tell when he was going in to battle because he would ask for his bright lal (red) turban, which he wore with pride. Don’t forget what the community may say. Never looking at themselves, but being more than happy to judge! Look around and judge for yourself or not, as the case maybe?

      (This could be a case in question or a case to answer, just in-case you are feeling confused by my case, it may be best to drop the case or you may end up being one; a case and that’s it in a nut-case.)

      Now Resham didn’t stay in India. For there was far over the seas a zameen (land/ground) called Valaait (England), Southhall–on–Sea. There our Lord was born, lived and died. Pind waley (village people), of all ages, did think affectionately of that far–off zameen. It was very difficult to get a visa. However, help was on hath (hand) from Mr. Bhisky (Whisky) – friend of professor thōdī (chin) from the kāḷi zameen (Black Country). For two cases of whisky, he could get you a visa. You would be moved by the CSA (Commuting South Asians), if you wanted to get out, then you would pay for one case of whisky. He had a dost (friend) known as Star. For a Euro, there was a tunnel under the Valaaiti (English) Channel. You would end up in a place called France. The French never liked the Indian; they only liked frog’s legs and snails. PS: Remember, that no scarves are allowed and leaders can have as many mistresses as they like! It’s a banda’s (man’s) world but nothing without a teemi or a kuri (woman/girl), as Jarnail Brown used to sing.

      Sadly, the Valaaiti zameen (English land) at this time had fallen into the hath (hands) of the heathen (known as Cockneys). It seemed to the pind waley (village people) in those days that it would be a terrible sin to allow the wicked heathen to live in the Holy Zameen. So, they gathered together up great armies of brave bandey (men) from every zameen (land) in the world and sent them to try and win back the zameen (Ya na what I mean?). Many brave deeds were carried out, many dreadful battles fought, but still the heathen kept possession. This was due to the fact, once they had been captured, no one could decipher their language. It transpired that for stairs they’d say: Apples and pears. Apple bobbing means: robbing. To top it off, Robin Hood means: good, whoever he was? The list goes on! Just like a long–running play that they called Currynation Street. Starring Khan Baba–low.

      Brave Raja Resham of India said: I will fight for the zameen Valaait of our Lord. So, he gathered together as many rupees as he could muster (you have to muste muste must), as many brave bandey (men) that would follow him and set out for the Holy Zameen (Holy Land). Someone had said there was a tunnel that had been built by the Iron Lady and some French banda (man). If this was true then they could use the tunnel, rather than risk landing by ships. (It was common knowledge that the French were always on strike and no one would ask for any ID because there was no one there! By the way, ID stands for Indian dowry). Even the border officers didn’t check everybody’s paper work. The Thoriyan de teemi (Tory woman) said that this was fine by her. (Also, you can eat toriyan make friends with a Punjabi and invite yourself around for a meal). This will not be the case if the UKIPP (United Kingdom Indian Partying People) take control. It will be all hands up in the air please. (Just check out any Indian party.)

      Before the Raja went away, he called two night temple waley (Men who worked in the temple at night). He knew they were good and wise bandey. (The Raja knew he might be away for some time and he couldn’t trust many bandey). He said to them: Take care of India while I am gone. Rule the pind waley (village people) wisely and well. I will reward you on my return.

      The night temple waley promised to do as the Raja asked. He then said farewell and sailed away down the River Ganges.

      Now, Raja Resham had a half vera (brother) named Prince Javed. (He was good looking from a distance – just like his daughter – ugly Beti). Prince Javed

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