Let My Soul Be Heard: Behind Everyface There Are Words to Be Spoken

© 2011, 2014 Darren Moxam. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 04/29/2014

ISBN: 978-1-4567-8164-4 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4918-8925-1 (e)

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Acknowledgement

God has presented me with this opportunity to express

my thoughts through literature, I’d like to thank

the Lord and all who stay supportive

and have inspired my life.

Moxam Family

Curnif Moxam my Granddad, Emily Victoria Moxam RIP Grandma, Junior Anthony Moxam my Father, Trevor Moxam, Janet Moxam love you loads, Brian Moxam thanks for asking for updates. Natasha Moxam my beautiful cousin, Adrian David, Leon Ray Moxam and not forgetting my sister Sabrina Cherie Moxam a star,

and to all my Moxam family that added me on Facebook from Sheffield England,

St Elizabeth Jamaica, Florida USA and the rest.

Emily Victoria Moxam you were the rock behind the Moxam family and I hope I am proof enough that your existence wasn’t in vain. We will meet again one day you mark my words Grandma. Timi my brother in law thx for your words of encouragement towards my writing.

Counsell Family

Malvine Counsell my Grandmother and soul, Kenith Counsell my loving Granddad.

The mother behind my work Veronica Pauline Counsell, Condol Everton Counsell my Uncle and support system, Aunty Greg stay cool. Keep the faith Uncle Astell. Adrian my cuz, Jonathon, Lorraine nuff respects.

Thank you mum and dad for raising Sabrina and I, through all your struggles you have triumphed and I am proud to have you guys as our parents.

Extended Family

Mandy Hall and the Hall family, thank you.

Gary Hall my cuz and his wife Rujni, thank you for being extremely supportive, without you guys I wouldn’t be where I am today.

Acknowledgement

Friends

Thank you Reean Samuda my life long friend, Philton Alfred my right arm, Spencer mad love, Lloyd my boy from around the way, Patrick, Dawn and family, Devon, my barber, our conversations always enlighten me. New friend Michael Kofi and his lovely wife.

Patrick Clair my mentor and friend you have taught me a lot on my path towards accomplishing my first book and have pushed me when I’ve needed to be pushed. Thank you.

Patrick, Lisa and family, Jason, Kay, Tracy and the little lady, Asha Varsani, my son’s mother, thanks for giving me my earth in the shape of a beautiful son, Tannia, Maureen, Iris and family, Daniel, Jonathan, Ryan Weekes much love and RIP; your family will be ok. Sherene take care, Renee Gladwell and Elisa I love you guys, Phynel Jane my sweet. Michelle Rodrigues, Sara Tidey, Sara Bavle my Latin Hispanic queen. Sabrina Sallan. Dhurga Ganesh.

Much love Dionne and Natasha Clarke, Chanelle Edwards thank you, Jermaine Barton keep writing the good work and Shyannco a picture of positives. Errol Hurlock keep your level head and keep striving, Micheal Kase and family, Jonathan Active and the firm.

Michelle Brown, Samuel Ghebreamlak keep focused on the creativity. Mary Daly. Natricia.

Leonna make sure you keep on going; you will always be my girl. Eleni Andrea, my new team member, thank you and your dad. Alliana, thank you, I love reading my work to you, the more you enjoy it the more I keep on going. Shereena my singing gem thanks for your input. Shakara Delis Watson you feel like a student of mine, but believe me, your purity and innocence is tutoring me. Thank you my young star. Hudson ‘Pesci’ Jean Pierre.

My leading women

Nisha Varsani you are a beautiful spirit and have given me inspiration in so many ways. Thank you for your input; you are a true Asian queen.

Katerina, you are truly a star baby, Thanks for the editorial help.

Chanel Coutain your pictures are truly art and have helped my book more than you could ever fathom. You are a friend of my sister therefore a friend of mine. Thank you so much.

Rebecca Burt the photographer behind the lens, you are simply wonderful and I cannot thank you enough. Mad love.

Sabrina Moxam thank you for doing the make-up. I knew I could count on you. You are art itself, my sister and strength all in one.

Hadel Osman, my newfound friend, thank you for all your work towards the success of my publication. You reading my work and enjoying it gave me confidence and the belief that at times I was lacking. I am very critical of my work and you helped me to remain strong and believe. Thank you. Live magazine has a gem.

Acknowledgement

We are the children

Laquaan Darntae Moxam, my son, Daddy will always love you.

Kyan, Kane, Faith, Rhshaun, Andre, Reese one and two, Daevon, Dinetoe

Keenan and not forgetting little Kai, Tyrese and Dewayne, my two handsome younger cousins, stay strong. Amina and Aliyah Abdelmula Moxam, LeShay and the newest recruit, my beautiful niece.

Children are our future. We as adults should preserve their goodness, help guide and direct them through the correct channels. Remember, a child is born from purity and if we try to guide them straight the rest will fall into place.

Extended

Thanks to Facebook I would like to say a special big up to the class of 1989 - 94

Pimlico School now changed to Academy,

Acasha Duncan, Lisa Blenkinsop, Louise Brant, Jahmel Angel Watson Thomas,

Julian Nunez, David Tomaszko, Martyn Avery, Samantha Birch, Richard Palmer

Andrew and Darren Green.

Year of 1989 – 94

Emefa Owusu- Cole, Shakella Dedi keep up the writing and creativity, Jemila Macauley

and, although unfortunately I haven’t had the opportunity to speak to you as of yet and

you were in my high school class, Leonie Mills.

Big up to the Next Brent Cross Store Employers and Employee’s,

Next boasting over 99 staff members currently so I won’t even attempt to name you all

within a ten year period. Thanks for putting up with me between 1999 and 2009.

No more 4am sales for me lmao xxx

Alythia Brown from Milton Keynes, another poet, thank you for putting me in line with publication. I am so sorry I couldn’t put more, not being able to get in contact with you.

However, I wish you much success after publication of two poetic books.

Leanne Jones (Lea Lea aka Miss Jones) East London thanks for your support huni.

Dulcelinda Andrade, Vitalina Andrade and Mya McPherson much love, and a big thank you to all the members of Author House Publishing and

First Editing.

Damn this is just too much Thank you u u u u’s from one man oooops lol

If I’ve forgotten anyone sorry and I love you loads… . Not x

INTRODUCTION

In 1978 a writer was born into a family of three. His loving parents going by the names of Junior Anthony Moxam, his father, and his mother Veronica Pauline Counsell. Five years later Sabrina Moxam would be born, making them a family of four. He spent the first two years of his life in Kensal Green, North West London, before moving to Kilburn Park, where he’d stay in Gloucester House for a further sixteen years of his life. It was, at times, a quiet estate where he grew up around a lot of friends.

His first ever school was St Augustine’s Primary where he’d almost get laid, damn. He eventually left St Augustine’s in 1989 to attend Pimlico Secondary School, South London. This was to be a benchmark period in his life, because he had to battle against a lot of adolescent issues. In Pimlico Secondary School he’d develop a close friendship with two people in particular, Anthony Gibbons and Randy Cornwall. Unfortunately, when leaving Pimlico School these friendships would take different directions although he’d still hold fond memories.

This is a book containing real situations from my life, many of which persist. A lot of my work is written in the context form of explicit poetry. I wrote purely from the heart, leaving very little to the imagination of potential readers.

The material that I wrote comes from experience, reading and feelings, because I am extremely emotional at times. I believe this part of me is a blessing, because I am able to put myself in someone else’s position and feel their feelings as if they were my own.

I am very opinionated with my writing, and can be controversial at times. I have my own views and expressions, that others may agree or disagree with. I can only class this as a positive, because I feel that, with more than one opinion or theory, we create discussions that are intriguing and help us learn from different views. Sometimes there are no right or wrongs, just different opinions that are healthy.

Anyway, not to change the subject, but I would like to thank you for taking time out to enter Darren’s world, and I sincerely hope you find all of my work productive.

Darren Moxam

PRAYER

Words of loyalty as God loves me

As you read more in depth into my poetry I want

you to remember God and the love the higher power

brings to us all. Without God in our lives we wouldn’t achieve.

I thank you God for giving me the strength to realise my ambitions.

Without you, I wouldn’t be here writing with confidence

and love today. My words are brought to me through the

wisdom you’ve given to me and I am merciful and deeply

grateful for you in my life.

I have been through a lot in recent years,

feeling a low I thought I’d never break free of, but through prayer

I have not only surpassed my low point in life, I have also realised

a gift I’d like to share with others.

I have started to read more and grown as an individual with admiration

for strong women such as Maya Angelou, Oprah Winphrey,

Iyanla Vansant, as these three women alone

are empowering souls who are extremely inspiring and

deserve to be mentioned in my book.

I love their work, as God’s loyal servants, so thank you and God bless.

Amen

PRAISE

Praise God as the higher spirit and those

who preach the Lord’s work,

although I am not extremely religious

I acknowledge and love.

Praise singers who spread love through music,

life through music and knowledge of empowerment

through music.

Praise artists for their good work, painters,

photographers etc. From their imagination

they are able to create images

of deeper meanings.

Praise poets and writers for inspiring others,

through the work of poetry

music and other creative forms exist.

Praise all those who live for the good of others

and spread nothing but peace and love.

Praise those who struggle and do what’s necessary to

survive. We should not be here to judge, we should all

pull together and lend a hand.

Why do I praise? Because of these inspirations

in my life I have the belief in creative writing as an art.

I would like to carry on their work in growth

and not attempt in vain.

Darren Moxam

Table of Contents

THE BEGINNING

A beautiful display of poetry, uplifting words that are powerful and moving.

MIND TRIX SHE WAS HIS FIRST EVER FREAK

An erotic lesson: let’s all live in the sexual fantasy.

DEDICATED TO R & B AND HIP HOP

What does R & B and Hip Hop mean to you? These are my words.

LIVING IN DARKNESS

A man’s struggle with depression. Who does he turn to in the end?

D_NERO’S EROTIC STORIES

Erotic short stories of a graphic and explicit nature. Beware of what you’re about to read.

THE ART OF PHOTOGRAPHY

A stunning display of photography both captivating and imaginative. What do you see in them?

LETTERS FROM THE HEART

Soulful letters that are heart felt, its all about the thank you.

COMMENTS

From the voices that matter

THE BEGINNING

What is Love?

Is Love eye contact without a blink?

When two souls become one and link

Needing her heart to live

Close to you forever hearing two throbbing beats

Joyful breath of life every time your lips meet

I ask a question: Is this love?

Is love when you exhale from your partner’s touch?

Chills shiver down your spine knowing you are loved

She mentions the words I love you as your insides rise up

Feeling so beautiful, I ask: Is this love?

Is love heartaches the minute you separate,

Or hearing your companion’s voice

As you curl up with nothing to say?

Words not being able to explain how you feel in many ways

But a smile like sunset that brightens up days

I ask a question: Is this love?

Darren Moxam

Capturing the beauty

A lot of us are able to love

And feel loved, but find this

Feeling hard to describe. We have difficulty

Putting our thoughts into words.

This is why I decided to write this

Poem asking, what is love?

Hopefully my description enables

Most of us, if not all, to define our

Feelings and relate.

Never ending pain

Imagine giving up everything,

your heart, your soul,

your worth of being,

trying to hold onto

the only future you can see.

Is it worth pain and misery?

All you have are beliefs,

hope and many dreams,

but unhappiness is becoming reality

and nightmares become your means.

I believe you can get through anything

if it’s truly meant to be,

but once you’ve given up hope

your fight becomes wasted dreams.

Be a fighter

and with hope conquer

all your fears,

no more unhappiness

relieved of wasted tears.

Darren Moxam

Fight for what you believe in.

Lost in the deep blue sea

Always crying inside

still only fifteen,

feeling like the only

person hearing me

is the deep blue Sea.

Sometimes I go under water

until someone saves me

so I can relive my father’s

footsteps before he left me.

Seeing different counsellors

but none seem to make me happy,

only the sounds of waves

and sea shells whistling at me.

One day I may feel peace of mind

but temptation still weakens me.

That’s why my family are moving

away from the deep blue Sea.

Mother says he’s gone

to a place where he can be happy.

That’s why I want to join him,

but no one else can see

my wanting to be lost

in the deep blue Sea.

Darren Moxam

It’s hard losing a loved one

but try to remain strong.

Written for Darren

Darren, your smile has so much meaning, I just want to thank you for being so good to me throughout this pregnancy, you have been the best and I just want you to know I love you, u are a true friend, my best friend, and I am very proud of u.

This letter is for you to read when I am moody or moan. Hopefully it’ll help maintain all the love you have for me.

I have trust in you and I am very proud of you once again. You are a blessing from God, you have trusted me and taught me things I never knew.

I thank God for sending me you, you are one in a billion, he has truly answered my prayers and no one can ever take u away from me or your place, u are what they call a true friend and I’m glad you are all mine.

Anyway, thanks again my sweet Angel. I love you, and don’t you ever forget that.

Yours truly,

Asha Varsani

18.05.01

True Love

You help me get up in the mornings

set out to face another day

so to you my shining sweetheart

this poem I dedicate.

You are my breath of fresh air,

my sun up in the sky

and with our special love

our spirits will never die.

Never give up on us,

say you’ll always be mine,

and together we will age

always taking centre stage

with class and quality,

divine like the sweetest wine.

Beautiful, a treasure to behold,

wrap me in your arms,

never ever letting go.

Dedicated to my first love

Asha Varsani

Thank you for opening my heart to

a magical feeling

Darren Moxam

Undying Love

Let’s stop arguing,

wipe your tears dry.

When our love’s so real

for you I’ll die.

Life’s so dark,

the sky’s so bright,

sitting here wondering

what to do next,

our love do we have to sacrifice?

All I want is happiness,

children who are blessed,

accomplish all our dreams

lying together peace of mind

in God’s heavenly nest,

yet I see our love slipping

trying to hold on to what’s left.

Lets start working together

and forever we will rest,

with love, faith and happiness.

Darren Moxam

Showing love and hope.

If you have hope, faith and the love of God,

you can work through anything.

Life’s Darkest Hour

As I wake up to another day that goes by,

hair looking foul, face bumpy, blood-shot eyes.

Birds are tweeting, so I know the sky is bright,

cabinet beside me, half-full tablets from last night,

feeling my heart, realising I’m alive,

knowingly facing the darkest hour of my life.

Day-dreaming now, spreading my wings

I can fly,

going up, seeing a dark tunnel in the sky.

Fulfilling all my dreams if I reach the light,

hearing voices, Don’t let him go, he’s a good guy.

Something compressing against my chest,

waking up to a face I don’t recognise.

My cheeks are experiencing a warm breath,

above me a person dressed in white.

Vision blurry, voice saying, "Are you all right?

A friend found you; you’re lucky to be alive."

Now it is just another day, a dark hour in my life.

This poem

is about a young man who tried to give

up on life but thankfully got saved.

He has been given a second chance and

although times may still be hard

he has been saved for a reason. Make

the best of what you’ve got and keep your

will to succeed. Many of us struggle

but if you remain strong you’ll progress. Taking

your life is cowardly. A young man I once knew

read this poem and it touched him. He felt this way

before about himself so my words he felt deeply. I thank you

whereever you are.

Darren Moxam

My First, My Everything

You were my first so I’d bless this day,

stole my virginity, took my breath away.

Who would have thought sex would be pleasurable pain?

Giving me hard thrusts as I’d contract whilst you penetrate.

On my face a red blush as you’d ejaculate,

you are my dreams, my soul mate

you are everything.

This poem is from a woman’s perspective

of virginity in a poetic explicit form.

Love at first sight is a beautiful thing,

experiencing each other is a blessing.

Darren Moxam

Keep Your Heads up

Life is a mess,

life is hard,

life is what you make it

so keep your heads up.

When it comes to difficulties

a lot of people give up,

eventually left stuck

in an never ending rut.

Set examples,

do what you believe in

and in the end

what you make would be breathtaking:

never-ending dreams and ambitions.

Darren Moxam

Waiting for someone to rescue me

Why is it when I’m in pain

no one rescues me?

Am I so hard to love?

Forever wondering if it’s me,

inhaling fumes to help me breathe,

when really I need someone to rescue me.

The devil in the smoke

comforts and relaxes me,

because deep down I’m very needy.

Wanting someone to run and save me

as I run to make everyone else happy.

Giving up hope in life

just needing to see

the only way