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    No Window for Me
    No Window for Me
    No Window for Me
    Ebook104 pages1 hour

    No Window for Me

    By D.C. Abernathy

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    About this ebook

    No Window for Me is for all intensive purposes, a mistake. This was not an intentional writing. This came from writings that was intended for personal therapy from the realization that Yvette was in a relationship with someone else, while only separated from the author. Obviously Donald had intentions on at least trying to work things out, at least for the children. After realizing he has lost his wife and children as he knew it to be, the pain and anger was too much to bear. Donald had to find a way to express his feelings He began to walk two miles per day, and write down his feelings. From Day One to Day Eighteen, he witnessed his life transform from asking many questions to receiving some answers. In the beginning, Donald was sure his life was over. However, what has happened by days Seventeen and Eighteen,was the miracle of acceptance, after two consecutive weks of pain and despair.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherAuthorHouse
    Release dateOct 18, 2011
    ISBN9781456717629
    No Window for Me

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      Book preview

      No Window for Me - D.C. Abernathy

      Contents

      ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

      INTRODUCTION

      DAY ONE

      DAY TWO

      DAY THREE

      DAY FOUR

      DAY FIVE

      DAY SIX

      DAY SEVEN

      DAY EIGHT

      DAY NINE

      DAY TEN

      DAY ELEVEN

      DAY TWELVE

      DAY THIRTEEN

      DAY FOURTEEN

      DAY FIFTEEN

      DAY SIXTEEN

      DAY SEVENTEEN

      On a Pedestal

      No Window for Me

      To all, reach your higher self.

      —Donald Abernathy

      My crown is in my heart, not on my head;

      Nor decked with diamonds or Indian stones,

      Nor to be seen:

      My crown is called content:

      A crown it is that seldom kings enjoy

      —William Shakespeare, King Henry V1, Part 111, Act 111

      ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

      Anyone who chooses to read this actual account of my life should be advised of several things. First, this is not written by a professional author or writer. These are the actual events in my life as I experience them. These daily accounts are happening at this moment, including details of my feelings that have been withheld for many years and have surfaced because of what I consider at this time to be catastrophic for me.

      Second, it is not my intention to harm anyone mentioned in this writing. However, there may be some comments that will cause certain people some discomfort. Once again, this is not my intention. This was written solely for therapeutic purposes. Everything that is written is done so with all the pain and anger as well as the depression that I am experiencing at this time.

      Third, during the time of this writing I became involved in a program called Attacking Anxiety and Depression from the Midwest Center for Anxiety.[1] I will refer to this as the Program. The Program is geared toward helping individuals cope with stress-related incidents causing anxiety and depression. It also deals with the unrealistic expectations we have of others, especially those we are involved with intimately. This program has been very helpful thus far in helping me to accept the things I cannot change and to take responsibility for the decisions I have made in the past that have contributed to this very confusing and painful time in my life, but it is my family that has truly helped me come through with an unwavering support—most notably my sister Karen. Had she not have been there, my life story would have a different ending. The purpose of this acknowledgments section is also to apologize to my mother, whom I tried to shield from my obvious meltdown. To her I say, I am sorry.

      To my son Kemet and my daughters Nikki and Ayanah, I thank you for your constant reminders during this time of feeling betrayed and that I could not be replaced by anyone. The patience and concern extended to me by my sisters Michele and Angela, my nieces Ashley and Carmelita, my nephew Dorian, and my brother-in-law Charles have been priceless. My life is made richer because of you. And last but certainly not least, I thank my brother and sister-in-law, the Reverends William and Monica Abernathy, for their continued prayers without cease for my pain to end and my prosperity to increase. I can never thank you enough. And to all the friends and associates mentioned in my writings who remain nameless, I love you all, more than you know. At the end of these writings, I pray that you are witness to my healing process as well as the love. No Window for Me is an exposé of a man’s journey through the creation of love, fear, anger, and grief. As you come along with me on this journey, please remain open-minded as well as open-hearted. Although this book has an ending, my journey continues.

      INTRODUCTION

      At the time of this writing, in the beginning of my separation from my wife and children, my life was, in my mind, in turmoil. Six years before the events that brought about this catastrophic period, I know now that I started to experience some depression and anxiety. My job, my low self-esteem, and my wife’s behavior contributed to my depression. I realize, in writing my day-to-day experience, that such experiences are typically very private times in one’s life. At the time my writing was intended to be just that, as well as therapeutic. Upon writing Day One, I did not know that there would be a Day Two, and so on. I believed that I would write forever, because I thought the pain would last forever. At that time in my life I needed something that would channel my pain and anger in a different direction. The only thing I could think of was to write it down.

      Also understand that I consider myself to be a person of slightly above average intelligence, yet I feel completely ignorant for thinking that my wife and I would grow old together. With this thinking, I became naïve to my wife’s growing selfishness and very irrational behavior. I thought that with time, maturity, and spiritual growth, our marriage would get better. In my seeking relief from the anguish and despair also came an awakening. In that awakening, I accepted responsibility for my part in the demise of the relationship. However, she has adamantly stated that she is not and has never been at fault.

      When you read these writings, you will see that there is nothing romantic or sexy about what is taking place. There is no boy-gets-girl happy ending. My only reason for making this time in my life public is because others convinced me that as I am writing Day Fifteen, there is a man on Day One, a husband who may find that he is not alone in his experience. Also, there may be a wife contemplating leaving her husband without considering others and what the collateral damage could be. There may also be someone who has not thought of their spouse as someone more than a vehicle for reproduction and lifting heavy objects. We are loving and emotional beings who are deserving of more consideration and respect.

      What is also unusual about these writings is that after deep reflection, I wrote this introduction at the end of my current session in life. I have no intentions of any writings in the future. So, in reading this, please do it in the spirit of love and understanding. This is my way of extending myself for someone else’s spiritual growth, because it has been told to me many times that when one door closes, God opens a window.

      DAY ONE

      MAY 20, 2010

      I’ve just finished talking to Yvette. We talked about our failed marriage. I called to let her know that I knew she was dating someone. The pain of knowing this is unbearable. I am begging God to please help me, to please take this pain away. I am asking God to please forgive me for everything I have done and to please take this pain away. I’ve never had this much pain before. I am asking him what I did to deserve this. I am so very sorry. Why and how could she throw me away like this? She finally confessed to me that she is dating someone. When I asked if they were sleeping together, she would not answer. I know that means they are. I don’t know if I can make it through this.

      We’ve been married seventeen years. We have two wonderful children. I thought we were a beautiful black family. Now we are a statistic. She said she likes nice things and I couldn’t give her what she wanted and needed. I thought I was close with her family, and I feel they threw me away also. I am unemployed and have not seen my children but three times this year since our separation on July 19, 2009, and this is May 20, 2010. I don’t believe they even miss me.

      I know I made mistakes in my marriage, but I was always there. I don’t understand how anyone could just throw someone away because of the lack of material things. We’ve been separated for less than one year. Well, we went back and forth living together at the beginning of the children’s school year. Some people said we had the weirdest separation they had seen. Others said it was irresponsible on Yvette’s part if she had no intention of us ever getting back together. There were times when she would say for me not to get my hopes up of us ever being together again. Then there were times when she would tell the children that we were trying to work things out. The whole time, I was emotionally numb, not knowing how to respond. In the beginning of that separation, I was technically living with my sister. All of my personal belongings were at my sister’s home, with

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