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    Dear Sweetness: (Dan Gleason's Greatest Hits, Vol. 3)
    Dear Sweetness: (Dan Gleason's Greatest Hits, Vol. 3)
    Dear Sweetness: (Dan Gleason's Greatest Hits, Vol. 3)
    Ebook70 pages1 hour

    Dear Sweetness: (Dan Gleason's Greatest Hits, Vol. 3)

    By Dan Gleason

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    About this ebook

    I met this lady at the bar last night and she was fffffine. I had just won a Pickle card sos I was feelin pretty good, sos I walk up to the woman and I tell her Ill take her out and Ill get us some steaks and some cigarettes, if shes a willin. Sos, thats what we do. Next thing you know were makin love on the beach- I mean rrrreally goin at it. And then all these Boy Scouts come along, and they start cheerin us on- I mean a hoopin and a hollerin! It was out of sight, man! But then suddenly, next thing you know, its over, right, and the woman, she done tells me shes only 16!

    Dan Gleason was born to live for a thousand years. He is guardian of the door, ruler of the triple universe, and lord of the mountain with blazing golden peaks that outshine the light of the sun. Dan Gleasons anger takes the form of a mighty, four-headed lion- he is slayer of the three-eyed buffalo demon and has ridden the horse swift as thought and the great king of serpents. His phallus is a dangerous weapon. All men have Dan Gleason as their soul. He bears the mark of the lotus and drinks sacred ambrosia. To put it plainly Dan Gleason is the shit.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisheriUniverse
    Release dateApr 15, 2011
    ISBN9781462005543
    Dear Sweetness: (Dan Gleason's Greatest Hits, Vol. 3)
    Author

    Dan Gleason

    Dan Gleason has resided and written in Chicago for over a decade now. For reasons you may better understand after reading his work, he is an intensely private person.

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      Book preview

      Dear Sweetness - Dan Gleason

      Dear Sweetness

      (Dan Gleason’s Greatest Hits, Vol. 3)

      Dan Gleason

      iUniverse, Inc.

      Bloomington

      Dear Sweetness

      (Dan Gleason’s Greatest Hits, Vol. 3)

      Copyright © 2011 Dan Gleason

      All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

      This is a work of fiction. All of the characters, names, incidents, organizations, and dialogue in this novel are either the products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.

      iUniverse books may be ordered through booksellers or by contacting:

      iUniverse

      1663 Liberty Drive

      Bloomington, IN 47403

      www.iuniverse.com

      1-800-Authors (1-800-288-4677)

      Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any Web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

      Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

      Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

      ISBN: 978-1-4620-0553-6 (pbk)

      ISBN: 978-1-4620-0554-3 (ebk)

      Printed in the United States of America

      iUniverse rev. date: 3/24/2011

      Cover Art by Luke Smarto (cleversaying@hotmail.com)

      Contents

      Introduction

      Acknowledgements

      What H1N1 Has Done For Me

      How Do They Make It?

      On Fathers

      White Eagle

      Fantasy Lover

      Open Letter To Chicago’s Law Enforcement Community

      Insinuendo

      On Old Men

      Those foul smelling alleys and the charming encounters I have while walking down them

      If I Had A Penis…

      ‘Boy Dies While LARPing’

      My Utopia

      The Class Fieldtrip To Outer Space

      The Sad Satanist

      Son Of Bing

      On Aging

      Our Leader

      Introduction

      Bueno reader, and thank you very much for picking up this book. It spans about four years and a dozen or so short storybooks- all sold at Quimby’s in enchanting Chicago, Illinois- and it is the follow-up to ‘It Ain’t Extra, It’s Sextra’ and ‘The Return Of Kebab.’ I had considered titling this one ‘The Return Of The Return Of Kebab’ or perhaps ‘Munroe Ficus,’ but I think the present designation will do. Writing to me is like liquor to a hobo or firing range practice to Colin Farrell in preparation for his groundbreaking role in the tour de force ‘S.W.A.T.’ It is essential. So an immeasurable thanks goes out to all of those who have supported me in this venture- to those who have come out to readings or events, who have bought my zines and/or inspired me. Know how good you have all made me feel. Now please, pretty please enjoy this collection of stories.

      Acknowledgements

      Thank you to the Great Luke Smarto (aka Bubba Zanetti), ‘The Crystal Ship’ Michael D. Wolf, Sheila Marie ‘Mamala’ Gleason, Sarahfina Peterson, Erin, Billy, Josie, Will and Ben Bemis, Jay Jay, Carrie and Maeve Gleason, Douglas Wayne ‘Pops’ Gleason, Dylan Gleason, Marc Arcuri, Jennifer Bastian, Ezra Claytan Daniels, Michelle Lee, Jeffrey Blankenship, Theresa Currie, James Decker, Donald Antrim, Eric Salus, Lulu Callier, Jeremy Vlcan, Anne Herman and Lil’ Aden, William, Jennifer and Lil’ Blaise Beaton, Mark, Sara, Maggie and Donovan Yoest, Philip K. Dick, Jenny Inzerillo, Ryan Brooks, Thomas Bernhard, Jennifer ‘Boogaloo’ Breckner, Melinda Fries, Becca Taylor, Jared Grabb, Al Johnson, Edgar Rice Burroughs, Bret Gottschall, Cormac McCarthy, Steve and Jill Johnson, Velcro Lewis, Georges Bataille, Gregory Jacobsen, Daniel Knox, iUniverse, Thax Douglas, James Schroeder, John Wanzel, Jennifer Fieber, Sam Lipsyte, Anna Harris, Raymond Roussel, Bill Talsma, Steve Lacy, Jamilee Polson, Minivania, Logan Bay-Voratanitkitkul, Edie Fake, Liz Mason, Quimby’s Bookstore, Mike and Rachel McPadden, Wilhelm Reich, David Markson, Philip von Zweck, Meg McCarville, Patrick Bertram, Gabriel Wallace, William S. Burroughs, Mess Hall, Marc Fischer, Jen Blair, Phyllis’ Musical Inn, Meg Duguid, Michael Thomas, Gregory Gillam, Frank Pollard, Dan Simmons, Jim Hurst, Steve Wille, Ed Marzewski, Co-Prosperity Sphere, Buddy Gallery, Grace LaPeruto, Vivian Yu, Brian Taylor, Rebecca Rothfus, The Hideout Inn, John Edwards, Frank Waters (‘The Book of Hopi’) for ‘White Eagle’, and to Donald Shepherd and Robert Slatzer (‘The Hollow Man’) and Gary Crosby and Ross Firestone (‘Going My Own Way’) for ‘Son Of Bing.’

      What H1N1 Has Done For Me

      H1N1, or the Swine Flu, is another in a long line of infectious diseases that have piqued national interest. When you think of AIDS, HIV, SARS, whooping cough, The Plague, that fever people catch from dogs. Polio, the clap- of course we all remember the Rhinoceros Flu outbreak of 1996- gout, jaundice, and oh so many others. But I think it is to this condition’s credit that for the first time in my life I have changed my behavior to suit the sickness. That’s right- and that is rather impressive when you think about it. It almost compels one

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