Open Door Closed Closet: Sexual Purity and Freedom

© 2010 Mario Nocentelli. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

First published by AuthorHouse 3/12/2010

ISBN: 978-1-4389-8814-6 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4389-8815-3 (hc)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2009912336

Printed in the United States of America

Bloomington, Indiana

Contents

Foreword

Acknowledgments

Dedication

Prologue

Until Now…

It’s Not True

The Developmental Years

The Hurt of Revenge

Bad Behavior

Dallas Bound

The Thought of Change

The Sin of Vanity

The Sin of Lust

God Said, Enough!

A Walk to Remember

Stepping into Change

When Truth Comes

Mercy Said, No!

The Steps

Thank You, God

Healing

A Note to My Family

Foreword

One-step at a time is what I always tell Mario. It takes time to format, create, and most importantly reveal your innermost hurts, pain, and victories. I’m glad that you decided to purchase the book; that says a lot about your character and your pursuit for knowledge. It also shows that your mind is more open and that thinking outside the box can be a pleasant experience.

I have known Mario since I was a teen-ager; fourteen to be exact. I have seen a boy emerge from the fiery pit to become the man that you will come to know through his pen. I encouraged him to write this testament of faith not to gain people’s approval or to gain fame, but to show that you really can be an over comer through Christ. As we all know it is comfortable to stay behind the scenes and never tell your story, but what will that accomplish? Tests and trials come to make you stronger, not to destroy you. The fire in the furnace may leave the smell of smoke, however it does not have to burn you.

I can honestly say that this book will begin a movement among many in our lifetime, and I pray that Open Door, Closed Closet will lead you to be empowered to make a conscious decision about your life.

It only takes one word to bring someone to a place of hope. I have found that in each paragraph I believe there is enough passion to drive you to the edge. The edge of what you may ask? Well, I will leave that up to you to discover. As for me, I have found more than once in the midst of these pages that this life is not about me, but it is about what God wants to do through me. And for that reason, I can never afford to hold on to stuff nor man’s opinion or thoughts towards me. I have to wear this world and all it has to offer as a loose garment because what is life but a mere vapor, here today and gone tomorrow. No hour was promised, and no second is guaranteed in this life. If I choose to wallow, the God I serve is so merciful that He will allow me to make decisions in His permissive will, but His perfect will He extends with grace and patience, waiting for you and me to turn. I hope you are feeling me and pray you have the same or even greater experience. Allow yourself to be stimulated with the life that is represented on each page, and I promise the outcome will be life changing.

Anastasia

Acknowledgments

The past year and a half has just been, well, very hard to say the least, but I thank God for giving me the strength to finish this project. These words have been embedded in my soul for years. Now they no longer belong to me. I’m free! I don’t have to worry about anyone else telling my story anymore! I have found that other people do like to tell other peoples stories. My grandfather use to say if a dog will bring a bone they will drag a bone. So this is first hand information right from the horses mouth. I thank God first, who is the leader of my life. I have learned to put my trust in Him, and all things are possible through Christ my Lord and savior. To my wife, Anastasia Nocentelli, who has been with me through thick and thin, thank you,

Bai. Your love for me I will always treasure. You have always loved me unconditionally. I know deep in my heart God prepared you just for me. Thanks for waiting on me to come back to you. You are my angel on earth and God’s diamond child. I would also like to thank my mother, Gloria Jean Bowens of Jackson, Mississippi, and Mom, you helped my heart heal in so many ways. We have been through a lot, and together we have made it. I love you, Mom. To my mother-in-law Elaine Walker of Woodstock, Georgia, thanks for your support. I love you, Mom. To my grandmother Mary J. Lindsey of Richland, Mississippi; you are sweeter than a honeycomb. I love you, Momma. To my brother Johnnie Lee Smith Jr., thanks for being just a phone call away. You don’t say much, but I know you love me and I love you. To my dear God sister Lisa Perry of McKinney, Texas, I thank God for you both. You are extraordinary people in the Lord. To my Aunt Shirley Lindsey of Richland Mississippi, thanks for all the phone calls and words of encouragement. To Aunt Penny Cooper of Richland, Mississippi, thanks for all the good childhood memories. We had a lot of fun together. To my cousin Marilynn Harkless of Florence, Mississippi, thanks for all the letters and cards. You and Eddie are a good example of a Godly marriage, and you are a godsend. To Maurice Smith of Jackson, Mississippi, you have always been an inspiration to me; your whole family for that matter. I love you like a brother and Ms. Heloise like a mom. Thanks for creating a safe place for me when I needed it. To my Aunt Mary Ann Ball, I love you. To my friend Shelly Warren of Nashville, Tennessee, thanks for the advice on the book. You are a jewel, upfront and candid. Thank you for believing in me and in the marriage to your best girlfriend. My dear friend Alice Stowe of Garland, Texas, I love you, sis. To Stephen and Carla Clary, thanks for being good positive friends. To My best friend, Dr. Chris Rowland, we don’t always agree but you inspire me to be all I can be with the time God has given me on this earth. I will always treasure you asking me to be your best man in your wedding. You are a brother in Christ and a dear friend. To Shauna Rowland, thank you for embracing me as your brother in Christ. I view you both as my family. To Ivan Branch, you came into my life at a unique time and you taught me to be true to myself and my marriage. I love you and Nicole. You both are dear friends. To all my wife’s clients who have supported me in this effort, God bless you. Special thanks to Bishop T.D. Jakes, Bishop Eddie Long, Bishop J. Alvarado, Pastor Toni Alvarado, Pastor Jentezen Franklin, and Pastor Horace Hockett.

To Pastor Ocie Reese and Co- Pastor Paula Reese, Bishop John and Dr. Janice Crenshaw. I can never describe what affect your words have had on my life. Thank you all for ministering to me. It has truly changed my life. I thank God because I have been blessed over the years to have wonderful people speak into my life. I love you and will always treasure each relationship individually. My friends and family have and always will mean a lot to me. They have shaped and have been a big part in who I am as a person. You all have been pillars in my life, and you are a part of my life’s story.

Dedication

I would like to dedicate this book to grandfather James Lindsey Jr. Your words will and have always stuck with me.

You are not a cow unless you say you are a cow.

You taught me that despite what others may think of me to just keep on living.

You can outlive a lie.

Thanks, Deddy, for all you did for me as a child. Your memory will be with me all the days of my life. You were not only a grandfather to me; you were my daddy and I thank God for the years that I had with you. May your soul be with God and may you forever rest in peace. You instilled in me that I should never give up. I love the story of you and momma coming to get me from New Orleans when I was just six weeks old, and you brought me home with you in a shoebox. I loved all the years of going with you to the juke joints to get money out of the pool tables and jukeboxes. You taught me how to be self-employed and to treat others the way you want to be treated. I love you, daddy, and I miss you terribly. However, your voice will forever live inside me. Thank you for everything.

Prologue

In January of 1999, I rededicated my life to God; I was not living completely saved when I dedicated my life to Christ. To say the least, I was still in a gay relationship with a man. Confused, I was not sure how God was going to help me clean my life up. I was given a promise that God had a plan for my life that was much bigger than I could have ever dreamed. A move to a new city is what some would call the gay capital of the south. Why would God move me to a place like that if he wanted me to change my life? To complicate matters, he allowed a woman from my past to come back into my life. God doesn’t put any more than you can bare on you. I’m Mario Nocentelli and this is my story.

Until Now…

Walking out your deliverance to find salvation.

Mario Nocentelli

When I decided to start this project, I knew that I would be up against many obstacles, including some personal and spiritual attacks and financial pitfalls as well. There have been times when all I could do was ask God, Where are you in all this? Why, God? I questioned and he always let me know.

Mario, it’s not about you, however, what I want to do through you.

I guess you could say the only thing that gives me peace about my painful past and sometimes uncomfortable present, is that my issues have not been for me. My experiences are for the millions of others that will read this book. My fellow church peers who are entangled in their religious fog, often forget to look at people through God’s eyes and never being honest vessels that God can really use. I guess to some degree it is a normal thing to have fears, like if you tell people the truth, you just might not be a popular person. Then that raises the question, What’s more important? Being a people pleaser or a God vessel? We are to walk in truth, honesty and integrity and allow God to use us no matter what the cost. Boy, little did I know, when I decided to become a God vessel how that would change my life, my marriage and my relationship with God.

For some of us, that is just too much to pay. Well, I decided that I am going to become the man God wants me to be—a God vessel. What I am hearing from God is, We are in a season where God is in need of more true God vessels; men and women of God that will allow him to use them no matter what the cost.

Provoking the world to pursue Him in such a way that our churches will be overflowing with souls. God is clearly speaking to us; we just have to be in a place where we can hear him. Instead, we are bogged down in stuff that really is not his heart’s desire for our lives. Our faith is placed in our jobs and our bank accounts. All those things are important, but they do not come before God. So that would explain why, when the job is gone, we cry out to God for help. This is an emotional cry to God. Just remember if God delivered us from it, and if you keep his voice close to your heart, you will never return to your vomit. No matter what your sins are. It is my testimony that God delivered me from sexual sin as well as some other evils that existed in my life. I had to cry out to the Lord for help. I was deep in sin and headed to hell. Oh! I know some of you think that sounds religious and spooky. I know that hell is a real place and I was determined not to go there. I wanted to live my life in a way that pleased God. I had an honest desire to break all the curses off my life. I am not a bitter person, but a better person because of all that God has brought me through.

It’s Not True

I’m writing this book to dispel the myths that men and women are born homosexual. It’s not true. I want to free some of you from your flesh demons as well. Over the years, I have had many friends tell me that they were not born homosexual. They experimented out of